2002. Slashdot publishes 1,000,000th rumor passed off as actual story. The story generates 480 comments, 263 of which agree with the article, and 107 of which point out its a rumor and are modded down as redundant. The remaining comments are all first posts.
2002. CmdrTaco married to Kathleen Fent. Many geeks believe Kathleen, a purported transvestite, outmeasures CmdrTaco.
2002. Slashdot parent corporation VA Research^W Linux^W Software stock worth 35 cents. Rumors that AOL, Microsoft, or even Jimmy the hobo who lives under the Longfellow Bridge may buy it.
2003. VA Software bought by Microsoft for a cup of coffee and a donut. All Microsoft-critical articles mysteriously disappear from Slashdot. Bill Gates as Borg logo replaced with Bill Gates as God.
2003. Papperatzi videos of Miguel de Icaza caught going down on Bill Gates in his private yacht spread across Usenet. Miguel swears that recent decisions to rename the Gnome desktop to Windows NT 6.0 have nothing to do with it.
2004. CmdrTaco loses virginity.
2004. The WIPO Troll returns again, showering Slashdot in 45,000 copies of the same post: Lick my crotch hairs. Slashdot, despite running on 18 redundant IIS/8.0 servers, buckles under the load. The term Slashdotted is replaced with WIPO-Trolled.
2004. Slashdot officially shut down. Millions of screaming, unwashed geeks invade Redmond campus and lynch Bill Gates.
2005. Linus Torvalds and Anal Cox found dead along with six penguins, an empty tub of crisco and several used condoms. Millions of screaming, unwashed geeks invade Redmond campus and lynch Steve Ballmer.
2005. CmdrTaco rumored to have had sex again.
2006. CowboiKneel found dead in hotel room with 56 pizza boxes covering his bloated corpse. Three suffocated gay prostitutes are extracted from beneath his body as police remove it with a backhoe.
2007. CmdrTaco actually has sex again. With a woman.
2007. BSD is still officially dying. No word on when its demise will take place.
2007. CmdrTaco starts new weblog to replace Slashdot, creatively named Dotslash. Remainder of Linux users flock to the site and immediate WIPO-Troll it out of existence.
2008. CmdrTaco has sex with his wife for the first time.
2009. After years of living under the heel of his domineering wife, and being deprived of the homosexual orgies of the past, CmdrTaco commits suicide. Another sweaty geek mob gathers and tears Kathleen Fent to shreds. Geeks discover Ms. Fent was indeed a woman, but dont exactly know what that means. Driven by their sexually-repressed rage, they subsequently invade Redmond again and lynch the current CEO of Microsoft, Miguel de Icaza.
2010. Microsoft is blamed for the assassination of Richard Stallman. Redmond invasions by geek hordes become commonplace.
2011. Microsoft campus burnt to the ground by screaming, unwashed geek mob after Microsoft is blamed when a Linux hacker in Cambridge, Massachusetts spills his coffee on his pants.
Of course. His name isn't ALAN COCK, now is it...?
He invites little boys into his basement to see his "kernel patch" or his "-ac branch." Then he sodomizes them, castrates them, and keeps their COCKS!!
2002. Slashdot publishes 1,000,000th rumor passed off as actual story. The story generates 480 comments, 263 of which agree with the article, and 107 of which point out its a rumor and are modded down as redundant. The remaining comments are all first posts.
2002. CmdrTaco married to Kathleen Fent. Many geeks believe Kathleen, a purported transvestite, outmeasures CmdrTaco.
2002. Slashdot parent corporation VA Research^W Linux^W Software stock worth 35 cents. Rumors that AOL, Microsoft, or even Jimmy the hobo who lives under the Longfellow Bridge may buy it.
2003. VA Software bought by Microsoft for a cup of coffee and a donut. All Microsoft-critical articles mysteriously disappear from Slashdot. Bill Gates as Borg logo replaced with Bill Gates as God.
2003. Papperatzi videos of Miguel de Icaza caught going down on Bill Gates in his private yacht spread across Usenet. Miguel swears that recent decisions to rename the Gnome desktop to Windows NT 6.0 have nothing to do with it.
2004. CmdrTaco loses virginity.
2004. The WIPO Troll returns again, showering Slashdot in 45,000 copies of the same post: Lick my crotch hairs. Slashdot, despite running on 18 redundant IIS/8.0 servers, buckles under the load. The term Slashdotted is replaced with WIPO-Trolled.
2004. Slashdot officially shut down. Millions of screaming, unwashed geeks invade Redmond campus and lynch Bill Gates.
2005. Linus Torvalds and Anal Cox found dead along with six penguins, an empty tub of crisco and several used condoms. Millions of screaming, unwashed geeks invade Redmond campus and lynch Steve Ballmer.
2005. CmdrTaco rumored to have had sex again.
2006. CowboiKneel found dead in hotel room with 56 pizza boxes covering his bloated corpse. Three suffocated gay prostitutes are extracted from beneath his body as police remove it with a backhoe.
2007. CmdrTaco actually has sex again. With a woman.
2007. BSD is still officially dying. No word on when its demise will take place.
2007. CmdrTaco starts new weblog to replace Slashdot, creatively named Dotslash. Remainder of Linux users flock to the site and immediate WIPO-Troll it out of existence.
2008. CmdrTaco has sex with his wife for the first time.
2009. After years of living under the heel of his domineering wife, and being deprived of the homosexual orgies of the past, CmdrTaco commits suicide. Another sweaty geek mob gathers and tears Kathleen Fent to shreds. Geeks discover Ms. Fent was indeed a woman, but dont exactly know what that means. Driven by their sexually-repressed rage, they subsequently invade Redmond again and lynch the current CEO of Microsoft, Miguel de Icaza.
2010. Microsoft is blamed for the assassination of Richard Stallman. Redmond invasions by geek hordes become commonplace.
2011. Microsoft campus burnt to the ground by screaming, unwashed geek mob after Microsoft is blamed when a Linux hacker in Cambridge, Massachusetts spills his coffee on his pants.
Yeah, these PATRIOTIC SLOBS of his are the FUCKTURDS that lap up the PROLE-FEED that Hollywood EXCRETES FROM ITS ASS, anyway. $8 for 75 minutes of "entertainment"!? Why, CERTAINLY! PLEASE --- RAPE MY ASS WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW WHILE I WATCH!!
Slashdot Mirror
Poast, the SIXTEENTH.
You hit the cap? What to do now!? KARMA SUICIDE! I've been doing it with my other accounts. Each time I hit 50 I APESHIT until I'm down to 40 or so.
Sun... about to go down in history alongside NETSCAPE.
Why is this not linked on the GOATSE.CX HOMEPAGE!? Why!?
Hoser!? HOSE THIS!! *whips out his hose and soaks you in urine*
Your first-posting powers are no match for my ability to make fun of ANAL COX in BOLD BLACK TEXT! I laugh at thee! Ha! I deride you!
Jolly good. On with it, then!
Cheerio!
RedHat OOPSED all over my computer and EXPLODED. I think ANAL COX cummed on the kernel while it was compiling. FUCKING FAGGOTTY LINUX HACK.
Anal Cox.
.
.
.
...That's all. Bye now.
Of course. His name isn't ALAN COCK, now is it...?
He invites little boys into his basement to see his "kernel patch" or his "-ac branch." Then he sodomizes them, castrates them, and keeps their COCKS!!
FUCK you, Alan. Wow! Did I ever -- er, you -- get modded down quick!
ANAL COCKS only likes to put his cock(s) up other people's ANUSES. He does not suck.
What the hell kind of FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL FAGGOT has a name like "ANAL COCKS"!? I mean... c'mon!!! TWINK!!
I thought that was GOATSE but then I realized it was his WIFE'S BLOATED HEAD. Hey, ANAL COX, man... I feel sorry for you...
See other ANAL COX interviews here and here.
Wow, it's ANAL COX! Cool! Does he still like COX in his ANAL regions?
What does ANAL COX think about this artic oh, wait...
I'm British? Hmm, OK.
LOOSE!? The word is LOSE, you LOSER. THIS is LOOSE.
What the BLOODY HELL are you talking about?! You take that back!! I'VE NEVER POSTED A SERIOUS POST IN MY LIFE!
Can I put my THROBBING, GIGANTIC PHALLUS up your butt? I promise I won't hemorrage anything...
Yeah, these PATRIOTIC SLOBS of his are the FUCKTURDS that lap up the PROLE-FEED that Hollywood EXCRETES FROM ITS ASS, anyway. $8 for 75 minutes of "entertainment"!? Why, CERTAINLY! PLEASE --- RAPE MY ASS WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW WHILE I WATCH!!
Michael's off his meds. Taco was too busy today WANKING IN PUBLIC to remember to give ol' Mikey his prozac.