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  1. Open Source Development HOW-TO by poopbot on Unmanned Aerial Telecom Relays · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Happy Troll Tuesday!

    Credits: onby

    1. Introduction

    As everyone knows, Open Source software is the wave of the future. With the market share of GNU/Linux and *BSD increasing every day, interest in Open Source Software is at an all time high.

    Developing software within the Open Source model benefits everyone. People can take your code, improve it and then release it back to the community. This cycle continues and leads to the creation of far more stable software than the 'Closed Source' shops can ever hope to create.

    So you're itching to create that Doom 3 killer but don't know where to start? Read on!

    2. First Steps
    The most important thing that any Open Source project needs is a Sourceforge page. There are tens of thousands of successful Open Source projects on Sourceforge; the support you receive here will be invaluable.

    OK, so you've registered your Sourceforge project and set the status to '0: Pre-Thinking About It', what's next?

    3. Don't Waste Time!

    Now you need to set up your SourceForge homepage. Keep it plain and simple - don't use too many HTML tags, just knock something up in VI. Website editors like FrontPage and DreamWeaver just create bloated eye-candy - you need to get your message to the masses!

    4. Ask For Help

    Since you probably can't program at all you'll need to try and find some people who think they can. If your project is a game you'll probably need an artist too. Ask for help on your new Sourceforge pages. Here is an example to get you started:

    "Hi there! Welcom to my SorceForge page! I am planing to create a Fisrt Person Shooter game for Linux that is going to kick Doom 3's ass! I have loads of awesome ideas, like giant robotic spiders! I need some help thouh as I cant program or draw. If you can program or draw the tekstures please get in touch! K thx bye!"

    Thousands of talented programmers and artists hang out at Sourceforge ready to devote their time to projects so you should get a team together in no time!

    5. The A-Team

    So now you have your team together you are ready to change your projects status to '1: Pre-Bickering'. You will need to discuss your ideas with your team mates and see what value they can add to the project. You could use an Instant Messaging program like MSN for this, but since you run Linux you'll have to stick to e-mail.

    Don't forget that YOU are in charge! If your team doesn't like the idea of giant robotic spiders just delete them from the project and move on. Someone else can fill their place and this is the beauty of Open Source development. The code might end up a bit messy and the graphics inconsistant - but it's still 'Free as in Speech'!

    6. Getting Down To It

    Now that you've found a team of right thinking people you're ready to start development. Be prepared for some delays though. Programming is a craft and can take years to learn. Your programmer may be a bit rusty but will probably be writing "hello world" programs after school in no time.

    Closed Source games like Doom 3 use the graphics card to do all the hard stuff anyhow, so your programmer will just have to get the NVidia 'API' and it will be plain sailing! Giant robot spiders, here we come!

    7. The Outcome

    So it's been a few years, you still have no files released or in CVS. Your programmer can't get enough time on the PC because his mother won't let him use it after 8pm. Your artist has run off with a Thai She-Male. Your project is still at '1: Pre-Bickering'...

    Congratulations! You now have a successful Open Source project on Sourceforge! Pat yourself on the back, think up another idea and do it all again! See how simple it is?

    - posted by poopbot: for the crapflooder in all of us

    X6KNUur4zt Post #465

  2. Trans. From the Host Geek Pt. 1 by poopbot on New Features For 2.5 Linux Kernel · · Score: -1, Offtopic
    Credits: BankOfAmerica_ATM

    SUBJECT: GREAT STOCK OPPORTUNITY!!! help me Get Big Brands on eBay I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM! PENTIUM III CPU's IN STOCK
    Begin Fwded Message:

    If someone is listening out there, HELP! I'm trapped, and I don't know where I am. I know this sounds fucked up, but I started reading about this ATM 73.9GB SCSI SCA-2 LVD 3.5 X 1.6 80-PIN 5.7MS 4MB CACHE 10,000RPM HITACHI HARD DRIVE - $269.00 - only 1 left! ITEM#... DK31CJ-72MC http://www.hardwarest.com/product.asp?sku=DK31CJ%2 D72MC+&dept_id=7 online. Yeah, not like withdrawal or anything, but this was an actual ATM, and it was alive, and posting messages to this educational website that I visit from time to time.

    Pretty soon, I realized that not only was this ATM visiting the same site I liked, but (believe it or not) this ATM was conveniently located near me!!!!! is to take advantage of the current climate in the telecommunications industry!!!! In every industry downturn, opportunities can present themselves for a small aggressive company like GloboPhone to develop relations with corporations that have networks, infrastructure, and personnel but lack sufficient customers. This is GloboPhone's advantage.

    I don't have to tell you, this was no ordinary ATM. Actually this ATM had the power to transfer its consciousness into your mind. I know it sounds ridiculus, but...it used the magnetic strip to actually go inside your mind. Well like any computer lover I am always wanting to try the new technology, so If you are ready to become the biggest man you can be, then order your supply of Magna-RX+ today! See for yourself, what thousands of satisfied men (and their lovers) have already discovered: Magna-RX+ is the world's #1 Best-Selling Penis Enlargement Formula for one very simple reason: IT WORKS AND NOTHING ELSE CAN COMPARE! I went to where the ATM told me to (his inclosure) and swiped my card.

    I blacked out and when I awoke, I was in a new place. Yeah, that's right, the ATM had actually taken ahold of my body. It had done stuff like buy a bunch of magazines and alot of candy. It was like, he and I were different partitions on my brain's hard disk,. Anyway, he took control of my body in order to topple this great conspiracy called Project Faustois-an who doesn't want to stick it to the man? This is when all the trouble started...

    So now, after a few motnths of letting him use my body (although I quit for awhile) he's gone and done this to me. Normally I "wake up" from his using my body in a convenience store near my house, and it's no trouble getting home. But this time I'm trapped in We will be on the East Coast later this year.
    ---------------
    - Tuesday June 24, 6pm - 7:30pm


    Apple Store at South Coast Plaza, 3333 Bear St., Costa Mesa, CA 92626
    714-424-6331


    Mac Experts, 2300 Lincoln Blvd, Santa Monica, CA 90405
    310-581-1500
    ---------------
    - Tuesday July 9, 6pm - 7:30pm


    Apple Store at Fashion Island, 367 Newport Center Drive, Newport Beach, CA 92660
    949-729-4433
    ---------------
    - Tuesday July 16, 6pm - 7:30pm


    Apple Store at Northridge Fashion Center, 9301 Tampa Ave., Northridge, CA 91324
    818-709-2253
    ---------------
    - Tuesday July 23, 6pm - 7:30pm

    Apple Store at Glendale Galleria, 2148 Glendale Galleria, Glendale, CA 91210
    818-502-8310
    trapped in a strange place. Not a good place either. This makes me think of like, 2001 or something. But like creepy. See it's all this white under fluorescent lights and I can't see any windows or even doors. All that's in here is this old-ass terminal. Man, what the fucked happened? Then I remembered: I "picked up" the ATM on my way home from work, but I forgot that it was the fourth Thursday of the motnh. Usualy the day I host D & D for the guys. The ATM must have ben there in my body when my frends came over. Wnoder what happened then?

    Some point later, I'm here in this white room. It's scary at first, I know they're watching me. All I have in this room is this computer terminal. This has got to be the Project Fastus that's what the ATM has been trying to get inside all along. So I guess it's great that I'm (and he???) is insid, it's like I'm in the frickin' Death Star or something, but I don't see any garbage chutes or anything.

    After a few hours of clicking through on thiscomputer terminal (looks like they're running some old-ass *NIX : ) these two guys in suits come into my room from my room. Now it's serious.

    They drag me into a room full of all this really sciency equipment-you know, blooping and bleeping gadgets, big cold noises from the air conditioner. I thought I was in 2001 for a second, except instead of HAL, there's this big bald guy. He's red and pretty sweaty despite the massive air conditioning. He barks a few words to the suited guys and they go away.

    "So you've been harboring our little ATM problem," says the man nonchalantly. I don't say anything (I'm nervous). He restarts his spiel a few seconds later, this time with a bit of veins comung out of his neck.

    "Joel Shane Cross. That is your name, isn't it?" The guy went from good cop to bad cop pretty quick-which was really disturbing. I was already out of sorts with reality, waking up in nowheresville, this odd place. He just kept talking, and I started to get scared, and actually kinda angry. "We know all about you, Mr. Cross. We know that you've been allowing the ATM to inhabit your body for some time now. You've been mislead, Mr. Cross. Working for the wrong people."

    "I belive the ATM!" I told him, stickin to my guns while Istuck it to the man.

    "You'll learn in time," the red and sweaty man said it from his mouth, but the noise of his voice was all over the place. And then he was gone. Not by turning around, by like, vanishing. And the sciency room was gone too, replaced by the big white place I was stuck in. I don't know where I am. But this shit is If you are ready to become the biggest man you can be, then order your supply of Magna-RX+ today! See for yourself, what thousands of satisfied men (and their lovers) have already discovered: Magna-RX+ is the world's #1 Best-Selling Penis Enlargement Formula for one very simple reason: IT WORKS AND NOTHING ELSE CAN COMPARE!
    crazy. If someone gets this message...please help.


    END TRANSMISSION.

    - posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow

    8OMJMdUIqK Post #314
  3. Funny jokes by poopbot on Interview with MusicNet Chief · · Score: -1, Flamebait

    Whats black, blue and green and doesnt like sex?
    The Girl Scout locked in my basement.
    Whats the worst part about having sex with a six year-old?
    Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
    Whats the best thing about getting a hand job from a five year-old?
    That little hand makes your thing look really huge.
    Guy comes home from work to find his girlfriend sitting on the porch, crying.
    Whats wrong, honey?
    Im leaving you! I just found out youre a pdophile!
    Pdophile? Why, thats a pretty big word for a ten year-old.
    How can you tell when your sisters on her period?
    When your dads dick tastes like blood!
    Two pdophiles are lying on a beach tanning, one turns to the other and says, Excuse me, youre in my son.
    What is the sickest sound you hear when fucking a nine year-old?
    Her hips snapping!
    What is the best sound you hear when fucking a 13 year-old?
    Her hips snapping!
    Whats 18 inches long, blue, veiny, and makes a woman cry?
    Crib death.
    How could the mans seven year-old son tell that his dad had fucked his eight year-old sister? His dads weiner tasted like blood!
    Watson returns home to find Holmes in bed with a child. He shouts, Is this some sort of a schoolgirl?
    Holmes replies, Elementary, my dear Watson.
    So I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I decided I wanted to get kinky and try and do her in the ass. So I slipped around back; she looked over her shoulder at me and said, My, how presumptuous of you. I said, Presumptuous? Thats a big word for a ten year-old.
    Two guys are walking down the street when a beautiful woman passes. The first guy says, Damn! Id love to tear her clothes off, do her in the rear, smear my fces all over her, slice off her breasts, chop her into little pieces, put her in a garbage bag and toss her into the river!
    Second guy says, Yuck! Youre a sick bastard!
    First guy says, Whatre you? A fag?
    A kindergarten teacher is asking the kids what their father does for a living. All the kids answer except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks Little Johnny what his Dad does and Johnny replies, My dad is dead.
    The teacher says, Thats terribile, but what did he do before he died?
    Little Johnny replies, He turned blue and shit all over himself!
    A guy calls in sick to work.
    Whats wrong? asks the boss.
    Im sick, the guy replies.
    You sound all right.
    No, Im really sick. Believe me.
    Listen, you were fine yesterday, and we have a lot of work today. I want you in here. You cant be that sick!
    Dude, I just banged my sister. Dont tell me Im not sick.
    A little girl accompanied her father to the barbershop. While her dad received a haircut, the little girl stood next to the barber chair, enjoying a snack cake. The barber smiled at her and said, Sweetheart, youre going to get hair on your Twinkie.
    I know, the little girl replied. Im gonna get tits, too.
    An older man and a small boy walk hand in hand through the woods.
    Boy: These woods sure are spooky!
    Man: You think youre scared, Ive gotta walk out of here alone.
    Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
    One walked on the moon, and the other rapes little boys.
    Has anyone read Michael Jacksons new book, The Ins and Outs of Child Rearing?
    Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
    A: I dont cum all over the golden delicious apple before I take a bite out of it.
    Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
    A: I dont kiss my girlfriend after sex.
    Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a table?
    A: You cant fuck a table.
    Q: Whats special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
    A: You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
    Q: What do you have when you have four dead babies, take away two, and add five more?
    A: An orgy!
    Q: Whats better than three 14 year-olds?
    A: 14 three year-olds.
    Q: Whats white and bobs up and down in a babys crib?
    A: A pdophiles ass.
    Q: Whats the safest way to play with a baby?
    A: With a condom.
    Q: Whats more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
    A: Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples.
    Q: What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
    A: Theyre fun to ride until they die.
    Q: What do you get whan you dislocate a dead babys jaw?
    A: Deep throat.
    Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
    A: Grandmothers dont die when you fuck them in the ass.
    Q: Whats the best sound in the world?
    A: Hearing dead babys hips crack under pressure!
    Q: Whats worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
    A: Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
    Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?
    A: Take your dick out of its mouth.
    Q: Whats worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
    A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
    Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
    A: Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.
    Whats better than sex with a twelve year-old boy?
    Absolutely nothing.

    - posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix

    ZNGDWMjUPs Post #313

  4. Taco-snotting is dying by poopbot on Using CDDB to Fill ID3 Information in Existing MP3s? · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Netcraft has confirmed: Taco-snotting is dying.

    Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Taco-snotting community when recently IDC confirmed that Taco-snotting accounts for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all homosexual acts. Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that Taco-snotting has lost more fag practitioners, this news serves to reinforce what weve known all along. Taco-snotting faggots are collapsing in complete disarray, as further exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Faggot World comprehensive snotting test.

    You dont need to be a Katz to predict Taco-snottings future. The handwriting is on the wall: Taco-snotting faces a bleak future. In fact there wont be any future at all for Taco-snotting because Taco-snotting is dying. Things are looking very bad for Taco-snotting. As many of us are already aware, Taco-snotting continues to lose faggotshare. White ink flows like a river of bubbly, thick jizz. The circle-snot is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core snotters.

    Lets keep to the facts and look at the numbers.

    Circle-snotting leader Jeff Homos Masterbates states that there are 7000 snotters of the circle-snot. How many users of anal snot are there? Lets see. The number of circle-snotting versus anal snot posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 anal snot users. SnotOS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of anal snot posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of SnotOS. A recent article put the circle-snot at about 80 percent of the Taco-snotting market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 circle-snot users. This is consistent with the number of circle-snot Usenet posts.

    Due to the troubles of CowboiKneels walnuts, abysmal sales and so on, the circle-snot went out of business and was taken over by SNOTi who sell another troubled Taco-snot. Now SNOTi is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another gay whorehouse.

    All major surveys show that Taco-snotting has steadily declined in faggotshare. Taco-snotting is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If Taco-snotting is to survive at all it will be among heterosexual hobbyist dabblers. Taco-snotting continues to decay. Nothing short of a jizz-soaked miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, Taco-snotting is dead.

    Fact: Taco-snotting is dead.

    - posted by poopbot: news for turds, stuff that splatters

    gbOpeoOvBO Post #312

  5. LOVELY SNOT! WONDERFUL SNOT! by poopbot on Liquid Audio Sues In Pitiful Attempt to Appear Relevant · · Score: -1, Offtopic
    LOVELY SNOT! WONDERFUL SNOT! By J. Wipo Troll, Esq., $Revision: 1.4 $

    CmdrTaco: You sit here, dear.

    CowboiKneel: All right.

    CmdrTaco (to Waitress): Morning!

    Waitress: Morning!

    CmdrTaco: Well, whatve you got?

    Waitress: Well, theres egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and snot; egg, bacon and snot; egg, bacon, sausage, and snot; snot, bacon, sausage, and snot; snot, egg, snot, snot, bacon, and snot; snot, sausage, snot, snot, bacon, snot, tomato, and snot;

    Slashdot Crew (starting to chant): Snot, snot, snot, snot

    Waitress: Snot, snot, snot, egg, and snot; snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, baked beans, snot, snot, snot

    Slashdot Crew (singing): Snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot!

    Waitress: or Lobster Thermidor au Crevette with a Mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and snot.

    CowboiKneel: Have you got anything without snot?

    Waitress: Well, theres snot, egg, sausage, and snot, thats not got much snot in it.

    CowboiKneel: I dont want any snot!

    CmdrTaco: Why cant he have egg, bacon, snot, and sausage?

    CowboiKneel: Thats got snot in it!

    CmdrTaco: Hasnt got as much snot in it as snot, egg, sausage, and snot, has it?

    Slashdot Crew: Snot, snot, snot, snot! (crescendo through next few lines)

    CowboiKneel: Could you do the egg, bacon, snot, and sausage without the snot then?

    Waitress: Urgghh!

    CowboiKneel: What do you mean Urgghh? I dont like snot!

    Slashdot Crew: Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!

    Waitress: Shut up!

    Slashdot Crew: Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!

    Waitress: Shut up! (Slashdot Crew stops) Bloody Slashdot fags! You cant have egg, bacon, snot and sausage without the snot.

    CowboiKneel (shrieks): I dont like snot!

    CmdrTaco: Sshh, dear, dont cause a fuss. Ill have your snot. I love it. Im having snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, beaked beans, snot, snot, snot, and snot!

    Slashdot Crew (singing): Snot, snot, snot, snot. Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!

    Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

    CmdrTaco: Well could I have his snot instead of the baked beans then?

    Waitress: You mean snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot

    Slashdot Crew (singing elaborately): Snot, snot, snot, snot. Lovely snot! Wonderful snot! Snot, sno-o-o-o-o-ot, snot, sno-o-o-o-o-ot snot. Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Snot, snot, snot, snot!



    - posted by poopbot: crapflooding since 7/8/02

    nuvYm0AP14 Post #311