Profiling the IT 'worker'
on
The New IT Crisis
·
· Score: -1, Flamebait
IT workers really are the scum of the earth; I express this in the most sincere tone
possible. This urethral discharge known as the "Information Technology Specialist" is
truly a burden on the world.
Some habits of an average IT worker:
Usage of company bandwidth for activities which are not related to work. This is called
personal bandwidth piracy. On the same token, they carry out personal bandwidth
piracy and are paid to do the task by hapless managerial staffers.
Terrible hygiene. System administrators and PC technicians are often so unkept that
passers-by would prefer a homeless man's asscheeks on their face to the reeking
stench of this sub-species. Most of the time, the males will sport greasy and filthy
beards which contribute significantly to an overwhelming total stench. Make no
mistake, the females stink probably as badly, since they never douche.
Terrible manners. They're never reprimanded for breaking company dress code.
Birkenstocks, shorts and t-shirt are the standard uniform of the IT 'Professional'. The
IT 'Professional' considers himself mentally superior to members in every other working
caste. Because the natural 'skill' of manipulating user interfaces is clearly beyond the
capability of even physicists, their services are required everywhere the PC is present.
They prefer to chew with their mouths open when they talk; smacking their lips and
spewing particles of food all over their own keyboards makes the food taste better.
They become pissy when asked by management to 'work' ( yeah, whatever that
means). Blessed by a still-emerging field, they recieve substantial salaries for what
minimal work they actually do.
So, the main point of this informal chat is to discuss what is quite simply a phrase
which describes the pure opposite of a boon: The IT 'Professional'
Like most successful trollers, I have found that choosing
the best target is the first step towards creating a good
trollerism. This may include singling out an OSS freak,
someone who plays Everquest any other eccentric. Pretty
much anyone with 'geek' tendencies will suffice.
Section Two: Analysing Your Target
If you plan to troller your target, you need to define his
or her weaknesses. The first step of this process was
already taken care of when you chose your target based on
being a 'geek'. You must now investigate the target of your
trollerism in more depth. If your target has a username on
a forum, there's a good chance a bio or homepage link is
available to the troller (you) to read and be more
comfortable. In a way, this is like "getting to know your
enemy", except this schmuck is just a target of a
trollerism, not your enemy LOLZ. Previous posts of the
trollerism target are also a good reference; they provide
valuable insight into the trollerism target. If there is no
extra research to be done on a target, and unless the
trollerism target is of exceptional magnitude
characteristically in posts, it would be wise to resign
efforts against the trollerism target.
Section Three: Troller The Fool
So you've got a lot of information on your target. It's time
to proceed with the festivities. Compose your reply to the
target in a manner which appears benign; your target begins
reading your reply post. He or she doesn't realise you're
going to be trollering them in a paragraph or so, because
your reply is composed largely of relevant and pertinent
information. When drawing near to the conclusion of the
paragraph, try to work an insult to something which the
trollering target finds dear. For example, if part of the
post is about "Star Trek", call it Star Wars mid-way
through and mention some studies you've heard before about
science fiction fans. You'll be well into the task of really
trollering this sucker by now. Continue to troller him or
her by subtly attacking other favourite topics of the
trolleree throught the reply.
Section Four: Wait for it.......
Ah, the big payoff of your trollering efforts. This sucker
replies with a point-by-point rebuttal which at least
doubles the length of your reply. If you obtain similar or
smaller reply-to-rebuttal ratios, you're doing very well!
Section Five: The Classic Troller Final
So your trollerism target has replied, you've won the game.
Submit yet another reply with "YHBT HAND" or an encoded
variant; e.g. "Young Hens Bleed Thoroughly, Hold A Necklace
Dear". This adds extra wit to your troller, because the
trollerism target will be very upset after deciphering the
riddle! Good luck trollering!
Slashdot Mirror
Some habits of an average IT worker:
Usage of company bandwidth for activities which are not related to work. This is called personal bandwidth piracy. On the same token, they carry out personal bandwidth piracy and are paid to do the task by hapless managerial staffers.
Terrible hygiene. System administrators and PC technicians are often so unkept that passers-by would prefer a homeless man's asscheeks on their face to the reeking stench of this sub-species. Most of the time, the males will sport greasy and filthy beards which contribute significantly to an overwhelming total stench. Make no mistake, the females stink probably as badly, since they never douche.
Terrible manners. They're never reprimanded for breaking company dress code. Birkenstocks, shorts and t-shirt are the standard uniform of the IT 'Professional'. The IT 'Professional' considers himself mentally superior to members in every other working caste. Because the natural 'skill' of manipulating user interfaces is clearly beyond the capability of even physicists, their services are required everywhere the PC is present. They prefer to chew with their mouths open when they talk; smacking their lips and spewing particles of food all over their own keyboards makes the food taste better. They become pissy when asked by management to 'work' ( yeah, whatever that means). Blessed by a still-emerging field, they recieve substantial salaries for what minimal work they actually do.
So, the main point of this informal chat is to discuss what is quite simply a phrase which describes the pure opposite of a boon: The IT 'Professional'
Reply Trollers and Their Art
Section One: Choosing Your Target
Like most successful trollers, I have found that choosing the best target is the first step towards creating a good trollerism. This may include singling out an OSS freak, someone who plays Everquest any other eccentric. Pretty much anyone with 'geek' tendencies will suffice.
Section Two: Analysing Your Target
If you plan to troller your target, you need to define his or her weaknesses. The first step of this process was already taken care of when you chose your target based on being a 'geek'. You must now investigate the target of your trollerism in more depth. If your target has a username on a forum, there's a good chance a bio or homepage link is available to the troller (you) to read and be more comfortable. In a way, this is like "getting to know your enemy", except this schmuck is just a target of a trollerism, not your enemy LOLZ. Previous posts of the trollerism target are also a good reference; they provide valuable insight into the trollerism target. If there is no extra research to be done on a target, and unless the trollerism target is of exceptional magnitude characteristically in posts, it would be wise to resign efforts against the trollerism target.
Section Three: Troller The Fool
So you've got a lot of information on your target. It's time to proceed with the festivities. Compose your reply to the target in a manner which appears benign; your target begins reading your reply post. He or she doesn't realise you're going to be trollering them in a paragraph or so, because your reply is composed largely of relevant and pertinent information. When drawing near to the conclusion of the paragraph, try to work an insult to something which the trollering target finds dear. For example, if part of the post is about "Star Trek", call it Star Wars mid-way through and mention some studies you've heard before about science fiction fans. You'll be well into the task of really trollering this sucker by now. Continue to troller him or her by subtly attacking other favourite topics of the trolleree throught the reply.
Section Four: Wait for it.......
Ah, the big payoff of your trollering efforts. This sucker replies with a point-by-point rebuttal which at least doubles the length of your reply. If you obtain similar or smaller reply-to-rebuttal ratios, you're doing very well!
Section Five: The Classic Troller Final
So your trollerism target has replied, you've won the game. Submit yet another reply with "YHBT HAND" or an encoded variant; e.g. "Young Hens Bleed Thoroughly, Hold A Necklace Dear". This adds extra wit to your troller, because the trollerism target will be very upset after deciphering the riddle! Good luck trollering!