Company policy at the survey place I worked was that if their end of the line was dead for three minutes, they had pulled this trick. Hang up and mark as refusal, and go to next computer-dialed random number.
That is indeed completely bogus. I worked for a survey company, and we maintained an internal Do Not Call list that was filtered out of our randoms after they were generated.
when talking to a girl, show no interest in her other than as friends.
One thing I ran into when attempting to date geeks was the "Just Friends" syndrome.
I don't know how it is for most women, but before I am comfortable enough to date a guy, I want to be friends with him, so I'll know he's not a total freak and I'll be comfortable out on a date with him. Also, a lot of my attraction to guys depends not on the body, but on sense of humor, and so forth...
Problem was, by the time I got to know guys enough to admit that I was attracted to them, they'd settled me as A Friend in their worldview, and couldn't think of me as someone they'd be willing to date. One guy freaked out a little and told me it would be like dating his sister.
Allow me to just scream in frustration here.
And don't, for the love of gods, say you just want to be friends with a girl when paying attention to her in a friendly way when you really do want to get with her. Unless a girl's extremely persistent, that's a clear signal to her to give up with the flirting.
The best course of attack for geek girls like myself is two-pointed.
First, acknowledge the mushiness of the holiday with flowers, candy, or some of the usual bull involving red/pink/white/hearts. This demonstrates sensitivity and actual awareness of a world besides Diablo II. Avoid anything that could be construed by the utterly paranoid as an attack on appearance. (Makeup, for example. If you don't know for damn sure that she would appreciate lipstick, don't get it. It implies that the way she looks at the moment is not utterly perfect. Which it is.) My boyfriend gave me a fluffy white teddy bear holding a zippered heart that contained a heart pencil and a gift certificate to Trader Joe's. Gift certificates are useful, especially when presented in the correct fashion. Style is everything.
Second, get her something actually useful that she will appreciate, such as a mousepad. Make sure it is something that she likes and will use. Giving me a computer game other than Bejeweled would be worse than useless. I do not play them and I do not like them. A man giving me that would be labelled 'insensitive moron', because he had not picked up on my attitude. My boyfriend gave me a hat bearing the words "Azz 1337". I will wear this, and it is personalized! A gift certificate to geek store of choice would also be excellent.
Neglecting the holiday-fluffy category leaves you looking insensitive and unaware of romance. Neglecting the geek category leaves you looking insensitive because you don't pay enough attention to her.
I would respectfully disagree. Assimilting the unwritten rules of dating is part of the socialization process. If you somehow managed to skip the part about love, or how to get along with most 'normal' humans, you're royally screwed, because everyone else is following a protocol, and you can't find the FAQ.
If, however, you're the sort of geek who can follow instructions when they're given, and the instructions are written well enough, this is good.
My best friend had never learned that an appropriate way to express his feelings on a birthday or Valentine's Day was to give flowers. When I told him that this worked, he was doubtful, but he gave his girlfriend roses. It worked. His girlfriend was delighted. He has now added the action 'give flowers' to his list of acceptable demonstrations of love.
The hopeless ones are the people who just do not get that something is not socially acceptable, or do not get that something is socially expected, even after they've been told.
I've suspected I've had a low-level variety of ADHD for the longest time. I forget to do routine household tasks, because I'm distracted by the next shiny thing. Unless I have something written down for me to do, I'll forget to do it.
I have programmed my PDA to remind me to do dishes, vacuum, clean the kitchen, do my laundry, take my vitamins, go to class, and other regularly recurring tasks. They follow me from day to day, and don't go away until I delete them, or check them off as done.
I don't tend to remember non-recurring or long-cycle events either. I have yearly doctor's appointment reminders, holidays, birthdays, et cetera, as well as deviations from routine (such as when I'm supposed to pick up the kid).
In the past year, my room, and indeed entire household, have progressed from extreme untidiness and mass confusion into something that actually has places to walk, no risk of mice, and everything done with at least a semblance of timeliness. For the first time in my life, I'm setting aside time to do my homework.
For that alone, I could love the thing. The idea that it has an address book, games, e-books, et cetera, is just plain cool, even though I don't rely on those.
I use mine every day, because I need it. If I didn't have that, I'd be using a whiteboard, sticky-tabs, notes on the back of my hand, and innumerable lists.
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Company policy at the survey place I worked was that if their end of the line was dead for three minutes, they had pulled this trick. Hang up and mark as refusal, and go to next computer-dialed random number.
That is indeed completely bogus. I worked for a survey company, and we maintained an internal Do Not Call list that was filtered out of our randoms after they were generated.
Why don't they just shove us down the stairs and get it over with?
One thing I ran into when attempting to date geeks was the "Just Friends" syndrome.
I don't know how it is for most women, but before I am comfortable enough to date a guy, I want to be friends with him, so I'll know he's not a total freak and I'll be comfortable out on a date with him. Also, a lot of my attraction to guys depends not on the body, but on sense of humor, and so forth...
Problem was, by the time I got to know guys enough to admit that I was attracted to them, they'd settled me as A Friend in their worldview, and couldn't think of me as someone they'd be willing to date. One guy freaked out a little and told me it would be like dating his sister.
Allow me to just scream in frustration here.
And don't, for the love of gods, say you just want to be friends with a girl when paying attention to her in a friendly way when you really do want to get with her. Unless a girl's extremely persistent, that's a clear signal to her to give up with the flirting.
First, acknowledge the mushiness of the holiday with flowers, candy, or some of the usual bull involving red/pink/white/hearts. This demonstrates sensitivity and actual awareness of a world besides Diablo II. Avoid anything that could be construed by the utterly paranoid as an attack on appearance. (Makeup, for example. If you don't know for damn sure that she would appreciate lipstick, don't get it. It implies that the way she looks at the moment is not utterly perfect. Which it is.) My boyfriend gave me a fluffy white teddy bear holding a zippered heart that contained a heart pencil and a gift certificate to Trader Joe's. Gift certificates are useful, especially when presented in the correct fashion. Style is everything.
Second, get her something actually useful that she will appreciate, such as a mousepad. Make sure it is something that she likes and will use. Giving me a computer game other than Bejeweled would be worse than useless. I do not play them and I do not like them. A man giving me that would be labelled 'insensitive moron', because he had not picked up on my attitude. My boyfriend gave me a hat bearing the words "Azz 1337". I will wear this, and it is personalized! A gift certificate to geek store of choice would also be excellent.
Neglecting the holiday-fluffy category leaves you looking insensitive and unaware of romance. Neglecting the geek category leaves you looking insensitive because you don't pay enough attention to her.
Good luck, gentlemen.
I would respectfully disagree. Assimilting the unwritten rules of dating is part of the socialization process. If you somehow managed to skip the part about love, or how to get along with most 'normal' humans, you're royally screwed, because everyone else is following a protocol, and you can't find the FAQ. If, however, you're the sort of geek who can follow instructions when they're given, and the instructions are written well enough, this is good. My best friend had never learned that an appropriate way to express his feelings on a birthday or Valentine's Day was to give flowers. When I told him that this worked, he was doubtful, but he gave his girlfriend roses. It worked. His girlfriend was delighted. He has now added the action 'give flowers' to his list of acceptable demonstrations of love. The hopeless ones are the people who just do not get that something is not socially acceptable, or do not get that something is socially expected, even after they've been told.
I've suspected I've had a low-level variety of ADHD for the longest time. I forget to do routine household tasks, because I'm distracted by the next shiny thing. Unless I have something written down for me to do, I'll forget to do it.
I have programmed my PDA to remind me to do dishes, vacuum, clean the kitchen, do my laundry, take my vitamins, go to class, and other regularly recurring tasks. They follow me from day to day, and don't go away until I delete them, or check them off as done.
I don't tend to remember non-recurring or long-cycle events either. I have yearly doctor's appointment reminders, holidays, birthdays, et cetera, as well as deviations from routine (such as when I'm supposed to pick up the kid).
In the past year, my room, and indeed entire household, have progressed from extreme untidiness and mass confusion into something that actually has places to walk, no risk of mice, and everything done with at least a semblance of timeliness. For the first time in my life, I'm setting aside time to do my homework.
For that alone, I could love the thing. The idea that it has an address book, games, e-books, et cetera, is just plain cool, even though I don't rely on those.
I use mine every day, because I need it. If I didn't have that, I'd be using a whiteboard, sticky-tabs, notes on the back of my hand, and innumerable lists.