Well it's me. Rob Malda. Again. Admin of Slashdot: News for..., well, you know the drill. If I don't seem my chirpy, normal self, it's because I'm in a state of shock. I can't believe what happened yesterday. I got in in the morning only to find the place in uproar. There was this e-mail from Michael:
"Dear All,"
"Included below is the response that I started writing, and choked down, a few weeks ago. I think I had the thought that I ought not to escalate, perhaps the trolls would come to their senses and realize how utterly and totally offensive it was to be constantly reminded of my shabby and shameful Censorware.org BASTARDry. "
"In any case, since Taco has so kindly provided the trolls with platform for the cruelest criticism I've ever received, I shall never hear the end of it. Thanks, Rob. You're a real friend."
"Slashdot.org is now closed."
"If I am to be continuously accused of evil deeds, I might as well do them. Certainly there is no perceptible downside to doing them; I shall be punished as I have been, by constant attack from trolls. And doing them provides a certain measure of satisfaction."
"I believe there are lessons learned by first-year law students which involve human behavior in the face of over-zealous punishments - specifically, the concept that since the punishment for minor crimes was death, if a serf were to be accused of a such a crime, he would go on a rampage, settling old debts with violence while the opportunity existed. "
"Michael Sims - Formerly of the Censorware Project - http://censorware.org"
"Formerly of Your Rights Online - http://yro.slashdot.org/""
Well, you can imagine. I was bloody livid. Michael had kindly offered to renew our domain registration in his name when it came up and I just let him get on with it. I forgot all about his past form. So anyway, I tracked the little bastard down to the stationary cupboard, which he had locked himself in. I told him through the keyhole: Slashdot is a collective and we all have an interest in it's work product, the domain and the goodwill and page hits it had achieved. The decision to shut us down was not his to make. At this point he began muttering to himself about deja vu and then hysterically accused me of being Seth Finklestein in disguise.
Anyway, the crisis was averted when some corporate oddbods from VA Software came whizzing down in the Slashdot PT Cruiser and began slapping people around. Michael has refused to come out his cupboard for three days straight, surviving by licking the glue off post-it notes. The local fire department refused to free him, citing "safety concerns". Michael continues to alternate between bouts of crying, hysterical laughter, moaning and sucking his trousers. The worst of it is, he's got my stapler in there with him and I need it.
Thank fuck I got Jamie to make up that emergency Slashdot imitator last Autumn, which automatically creates a new story about porting Linux to something, then dupes it three or four times in a two hour period. We managed to run the bugs out when we turned it on for all of December '03- February '04. Having it on for just the 6 hours Slashdot was down was easy.
Thank goodness I can work off all this stress and aggro at the gym. I've been going to the local YMCA to use the facilities for almost 3 years now. It's amazing really, looking at all the pale European tourist back-packer guys around me. Limp white bodies, junkie thin. Christ, they'd probably do anything for a few dollars. Lucky I'm such a rich guy, in that I don't have to do that sort of stuff to keep my head above water. I like to contribute a few dollars to those charity hostels. I do shit like that because I'm a giver, not a taker.
Anyway, I'll let you know when that crazy little shit comes out of his cupboard. He better not have shat on my new stapler.
Logging off, it's Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda! later, dudes!
It's only me, fully hetero Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda, main admin 'dude' *high 5!!* at Slashdot.org [slashdort.org][slashdot.org]: News for Nerds, Stuff that matters. And once more, I'm here to keep you abreast of the work that most of us (excl. Michael) get up to "behind the green curtain" in the backroom of Slashdot. All work to make your browsing experience as hassle free and easy as possible.
Now you may have read recently about radical changes I aim to make to the karma system in my fantasticjournal. I said I was thinking of scrapping the whole -1 to +5 karma score system in favour of a vaguely defined alternative. I couldn't give more details then and there, because I was making it up as I go along, but at last I can finally unveil the basics of the new system, the better system to replace karma.
It was while I was recieving a soothing massage from my Shorinji Kempo partner (In case you're interested, it's a type of martial arts that focuses on massage as well as fighting. It's surprisingly good at toning and building muscles - my partner Curt is a particularly muscular and well developed and oiled man.) that I first came up with the idea I'm about to relate.
My aim in all of this would be to take the aggro out of the system. At the moment, people are always whining about this karma loss, or this unfair moderation, or this persons smoking crack, or this person needs more crack that I'm totally sick of the lot of you.
OK, from now on, instead of assigning a bullshit phrase that is poorly understood like "Insightful", Slashdot will let mods say "I don't like this" or "I like this". Simple is good. And so there's no abuse, you will be able to see on each comment who modded you down so you can discuss amicably where or why your post was unlikable.
This is obviously a recipe for good success and cheer! Everyone will be happy to see why they are modded down, and will probably remember next time they post or get mod points who it was who did so. The last thing we want is the status quo, with the vicious backbiting, infighting and stupid cliques.
Anyway, let me know what you think. We really value your feedback. The new system starts next Tuesday though, so make sure your messages are short and to the point. You can feedback in my fantasticjournal, as long as you are on my friend list i.e. one of the other admin staff. (Michael, I'll put you back on friend when you put my stapler back. I *bought* that stapler with *my* money.)
Til next Tuesday: Taco out!!
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda.(Right click and select "Save Image". Then right click on your desktop, and select "properties". In the "background" tab select "browse", find the file and click OK, then "Tile" in the dialog box, then OK again.)
Addendum: Owing to unforeseen difficulties, we are forced to withdraw our Open Source Slashdot Google Alternative. Sadly, users looking for pages on aardvark were directed to an all to familiar gaping rectal cavity. Ironically the "Arsehole" term was stuffed with URLs of aardvark pictures. Curse you trolls. Is nothing sacred? AND I AM NOT GAY.
Howza Slarshbots!
It's Robo "CmdrTaco(01) Madla here again. You know, I think about improving Slashdort all the time. Even when I'm asleep, I'm always thinking. And yesterday, when I was artfully arranging Chrysantheums in a vase for the rest of the admin boys at slashdort [slashdot.org], I was struck by a sudden worry. Not about my heterosexuality - that is not in question.
Google is good at the moment, but what if it became evil? What if it started redirecting people away from my beloved Open Source, and towards propriety software such as Micro$haft Winblows(!!)? The time is ripe to start an open source search engine.
After this penetrating insight, I realised I already possessed all the tools at my disposal to make an open source search engine in Slashdot. Here's how I envisage it would work. I'm hazy about the details, but at its heart, Google is just a collection of text files, am I right? When you type in a term, Google looks up the terms text file, which contains all the websites that contain that term. So if you look up "aardvark" Google opens aardvark.txt and displays the information. That's how it is so fast.
Slashdot is a huge text displaying resource! If I was to create a public, unpassworded account called "Aardvark", then with the help of you, our loyal Slarshborts, we could write the URL in a list in the account everytime we find the word aardvark in a page. Then just reading "aardvark"s journal will give you up to the minute search results for aardvark instantly! Let's face it, slashdot readers could be considered the largest spidering engine out there!
I've already skimmed through Webster's Dictionary, and I've created accounts from "Aardvark" to "Arsehole" for starters. I've also had to eject some squatters who were already using those names, but who cares? So get going! We'll keep an eye on people entering the URLs, and for every ten thousand we confirm as accurate via Google, we'll add a point to your karma!
In 4 weeks, I estimate Slashdot will be THE premier search engine for the masses. I'm getting jamie to hack together a simple interface for searches, even simpler i.e. better, than googles. It's just a grey box for text input on a white page. He's having a bit of trouble.
Note to moderators: If a troll with mod points succeeds into moderating this to -1, please use what mod points you have to rectify the situation. I will be keeping a close eye on mod and meta mod to identify "team players". For every "Interesting" or "Insightful" mod, you can make one (1) post to my fantasticjournal
__________________________________________________
You know, in my free time I think a lot about neat stuff I could talk to you guys about. Just the other day I was at my arts hobby class, putting the final touches on the male model's shiny left buttock, when I again had a great and simple thought. I could use this space to answer some of my mailbag! I get asked a lot of questions about myself in my role as admin of such a popular bookmark website. To answer 80% of them - NO, I am NOT gay. I have no idea why the trolls say I am. THEY WRITE THOSE STORIES THEMSELVES.
Of the other 20% the most popular question asked by any surviving old timers is "Do you ever regret selling out to VA Software?" Now, this was answered in the FAQ, but I think I can give you a much more satisfying reply here.
Basically, the answer is yes. I do regret selling out to VA Software. But not because we've all become corporate whores and I have to wear a tie to work, or that the whole attitude of the site has been commercialised, or because we've done our best to stamp out (with your invaluable sheepmod help) anything amusing, innovative or fresh on Slashdot. No, I should have accepted the better offer we got.
As most of you know, this site used to be called Chips and Dips. At around the same time as we got the offer from the OSDN we had a cast iron offer from Doritos. After mulling over the terms, I decided to take the site down the Open Source/ IT route, rather than snack news. As well as the hardware that VA Software included in the offer, I just saw the whole sector as more promising of growth than corn based snacks. How wrong was I?
As more and more IT jobs get outsourced, basically all I'm left with is a website full of sore, imbittered losers with no money. It's beginning to look like I'll have to learn Bengali, Tamil and Hindi just to keep my job. I've already registered Slashraj.org just in case.
Basically, the whole open source scene is losing steam. I'm getting very depressed. We're having to stuff our main pages with nonsense about porting Linux on anything, X boxes, sewing machines, jesus even those shitty iPod things. Thank god for the excruciating annoyingness of Michael, who can turn the simplest article into a full on 1000 post flamefest via inept editorialism. Hiring him was a stroke of genius.
P.S. This post is released under the "copyleft" system, like those other Open Source big shots do. I am not being pretentious and self important to release it as such, whatever Michael says.
Once again I have the opportunity to tell you all about another great idea I had for improving your slarshdot experiences. I was rereading some troll posted gay porn, to try to discern clues as to its origin, when I germinated the seed of an idea that spurted forth from my mind. Reading gay porn doesn't mean you are gay. It was for research, and the fact I am not ashamed in reading such things underlines the fact that I have nothing to hide on the heterosexuality front.
Many of you are frankly zealots. You have a particular OS, which you rigorously defend against any slurs, justified or not. I'm not complaining. It's the constant repetition and pointless bickering that has made me such a rich man. But I noticed that this is also seen in your moderation.
An opposing viewpoint is modded down and meta-modded down too just because you don't agree with it. Hell, you even seem to alert your other zealot friends so they get in on the act and mod the post down too! This led to my idea.
I'm basically adding another box to your preferences - "Zealotry". It will have 3 options - Linux, Apple, and BSD. After clicking an option in the box, a customised lameness filter will kick in whenever an opposing viewpoint to yours is identified. It will change whatever the "troll" said to "Yeah, Linux/Apple/BSD kicks ass! Anyone who says different is an idiot!!;-)".
I tested this out on our "subscriber pioneer" accounts and it worked wonderfully, except the new comment got moderated up to +5 insightful too much. We're working on toning it down a bit, or adding in something controversial or off topic such as "And also I hate cats" to make mods a bit more unsure.
Anyway, let me know how this grabs you. I think it'll be very popular. You can let me know what you think in my fantasticjournal, where you can post anything you like, as long as you have shown in the past you agree with absolutely everything I say.
Note - to the person who keeps modding my comments offtopic. Watch it pal. I am the bad ass and will not tolerate dissent on my site. If it's you again Michael, FOAD.
I normally post in the quiet haven of my journal, where I can block out unfriendly voices and just listen to the ass kissers, so you may be surprised to find me posting here, in the rough and tumble world of Slarshdot! Well, let me just say, it's not by choice! I avoid this awful place like the plague!! And by the way -I'm not gay.
But I need to tell you, the widest possible audience, about an exciting new opportunity opening up. Many of you have been around here a long time, as you can see from your low UID. (Those, that is, that survived the "Night of The Long Bitchslaps", that is!!). Some of you are new. Many of you haven't found that special someone, like I have. In fact most of you. But there are some, out there who have families, families who do not read Slashdort.
Maybe it's the foul language. Maybe it's because of those offensive trolls. (I am NOT gay). But probably they are driven away by the inane babbling of the mob, and appallingly poor moderation by halfwits. Anyway, that doesn't matter. The other day, when I was baking a sponge cake, I came up with a promising proposal. I've thought it through, and with the almost unanimous approval of the editorial staff (stfu Michael) and the posters to my journal, I've decided to implement "SlashTot - For the little ones". The slogan will be "News for Tots.Stuff about rabbits."
Basically it's a Slashdot for kids! It looks a bit like normal Slashdot, but has a big smiley sun with rays coming out of it permanently stuck up in the top right hand corner of the screen. And we've had years of experience of talking down to our audience, so we think we'll be able to make things understandable for the 12-16 age range we're aiming at. 12-16 year olds love rabbits, so we're replacing all the usual icons with pictures of them. We'll keep the normal technology news though, it's all we can do to keep up as it is, trawling through the user submissions and cut and pasting across, so it would be just too hard to have dedicated SlashTot articles, at least until the 12-14 year olds start writing their own we can just cut and paste across. Everything will be filtered at +5 so there's no worry about your darlings reading words like fuckass, bitchpus or bumcunt.
Imagine the whole family being able to have conversations about their Slash(d/t)ot experience of the day! The playful banter. Little Johnny asking why there is still a BSD section. Young Britney wants to talk about the SCO group. The whole family can LOL together.
Yes, this will be a significant step forward. You can now sign up your little ones for a subscriber account, just look for the new option in your preferences. Well, check it out, at $1 a month, it's very reasonable. Anyway, thanks for taking the time, catch you later!!
Hi, Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda here, admin of slashdort "News for Nerds - Stuff that matters." I'm writing to you today to let you, our loyal Slashborts, know about an exciting opportunity. You might have noticed one or two messages recently which represented our testing phase of our new product, codenamed BTf, the Baysian Troll Filter. It's become increasingly clear to us admins at Slashdot that the level of trolling, posting flamebait and other offtopic nonsense is detracting from the quality of the site for far too many people. And, just for the record - I'm not gay. The BTf easily and accurately identifies those Troll posts and has the ability to moderate them down. In our testing phase, it was shown to moderate 127% more accurately than Michael.
Fast forward to now, and after this neat bit of coding (if I should say so myself LOL!:) )we are positioned to offer you this fantastic new product. As we are forced to clawback some of the money we spent developing BTf, we are offering it as part of a new "subscriber pioneer" account. For an extra $1 a month, you can now implement our Btf, gain even earlier access to our stories and configure even more esoterically your slashbort experience (i.e. want to +1 those mods who metamodded underrated on redundant mods to BSOD jokes? - Now you can! Want to make the slashdort backdrop change colour after the third nested comment moderated as +3, unless the article story mentions the word "paradoxically" and was posted by Hemos, Cowboy Neel or myself? At last - No sweat!)
Microbes evolve and slashdort [slashdot.org] is no different. We plan to test radical changes to our moderation system on our new "subscriber pioneer" account. At some point in the future, Subscriber Pioneer Accounts will get karma capped at 100 instead of 50! Imagine how significant that will be! Keep an eye on my fantasticjournal for more information. And watch out for further exciting news, posted in some random article under "CmdrTaco (01)". Frankly, sometimes even I get sick of the kissasses in my fantastic journal [journarl]. So buy a "subscriber pioneer" account now and join the bleeding edge.
I'll see you there!!,
Rab "Cmdr Taco" Maldo
Note: I am regularly the target of various imposters posing as me. Check on official announcements that the username is CmdrTaco(1). Please report any imposter posts to admin@slashdot.org, so we can bitchslap them (but not $rbtl - that doesn't exist). Do not trust journals. Often a clever troll will post airy fairy nonsense in a journal in an attempt to discredit my good name. Remember, I am the bad ass and my posts are unmistakable.
Slashdot Mirror
Hey there Slashbots,
Well it's me. Rob Malda. Again. Admin of Slashdot: News for..., well, you know the drill. If I don't seem my chirpy, normal self, it's because I'm in a state of shock. I can't believe what happened yesterday. I got in in the morning only to find the place in uproar. There was this e-mail from Michael:
"Dear All,"
"Included below is the response that I started writing, and choked down, a few weeks ago. I think I had the thought that I ought not to escalate, perhaps the trolls would come to their senses and realize how utterly and totally offensive it was to be constantly reminded of my shabby and shameful Censorware.org BASTARDry. "
"In any case, since Taco has so kindly provided the trolls with platform for the cruelest criticism I've ever received, I shall never hear the end of it. Thanks, Rob. You're a real friend."
"Slashdot.org is now closed."
"If I am to be continuously accused of evil deeds, I might as well do them. Certainly there is no perceptible downside to doing them; I shall be punished as I have been, by constant attack from trolls. And doing them provides a certain measure of satisfaction."
"I believe there are lessons learned by first-year law students which involve human behavior in the face of over-zealous punishments - specifically, the concept that since the punishment for minor crimes was death, if a serf were to be accused of a such a crime, he would go on a rampage, settling old debts with violence while the opportunity existed. "
"Michael Sims - Formerly of the Censorware Project - http://censorware.org"
"Formerly of Your Rights Online - http://yro.slashdot.org/""
Well, you can imagine. I was bloody livid. Michael had kindly offered to renew our domain registration in his name when it came up and I just let him get on with it. I forgot all about his past form. So anyway, I tracked the little bastard down to the stationary cupboard, which he had locked himself in. I told him through the keyhole: Slashdot is a collective and we all have an interest in it's work product, the domain and the goodwill and page hits it had achieved. The decision to shut us down was not his to make. At this point he began muttering to himself about deja vu and then hysterically accused me of being Seth Finklestein in disguise.
Anyway, the crisis was averted when some corporate oddbods from VA Software came whizzing down in the Slashdot PT Cruiser and began slapping people around. Michael has refused to come out his cupboard for three days straight, surviving by licking the glue off post-it notes. The local fire department refused to free him, citing "safety concerns". Michael continues to alternate between bouts of crying, hysterical laughter, moaning and sucking his trousers. The worst of it is, he's got my stapler in there with him and I need it.
Thank fuck I got Jamie to make up that emergency Slashdot imitator last Autumn, which automatically creates a new story about porting Linux to something, then dupes it three or four times in a two hour period. We managed to run the bugs out when we turned it on for all of December '03- February '04. Having it on for just the 6 hours Slashdot was down was easy.
Thank goodness I can work off all this stress and aggro at the gym. I've been going to the local YMCA to use the facilities for almost 3 years now. It's amazing really, looking at all the pale European tourist back-packer guys around me. Limp white bodies, junkie thin. Christ, they'd probably do anything for a few dollars. Lucky I'm such a rich guy, in that I don't have to do that sort of stuff to keep my head above water. I like to contribute a few dollars to those charity hostels. I do shit like that because I'm a giver, not a taker.
Anyway, I'll let you know when that crazy little shit comes out of his cupboard. He better not have shat on my new stapler.
Logging off, it's Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda! later, dudes!
Dear Slashbots
It's only me, fully hetero Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda, main admin 'dude' *high 5!!* at Slashdot.org [slashdort.org] [slashdot.org]: News for Nerds, Stuff that matters. And once more, I'm here to keep you abreast of the work that most of us (excl. Michael) get up to "behind the green curtain" in the backroom of Slashdot. All work to make your browsing experience as hassle free and easy as possible.
Now you may have read recently about radical changes I aim to make to the karma system in my fantastic journal. I said I was thinking of scrapping the whole -1 to +5 karma score system in favour of a vaguely defined alternative. I couldn't give more details then and there, because I was making it up as I go along, but at last I can finally unveil the basics of the new system, the better system to replace karma.
It was while I was recieving a soothing massage from my Shorinji Kempo partner (In case you're interested, it's a type of martial arts that focuses on massage as well as fighting. It's surprisingly good at toning and building muscles - my partner Curt is a particularly muscular and well developed and oiled man.) that I first came up with the idea I'm about to relate.
My aim in all of this would be to take the aggro out of the system. At the moment, people are always whining about this karma loss, or this unfair moderation, or this persons smoking crack, or this person needs more crack that I'm totally sick of the lot of you.
OK, from now on, instead of assigning a bullshit phrase that is poorly understood like "Insightful", Slashdot will let mods say "I don't like this" or "I like this". Simple is good. And so there's no abuse, you will be able to see on each comment who modded you down so you can discuss amicably where or why your post was unlikable.
This is obviously a recipe for good success and cheer! Everyone will be happy to see why they are modded down, and will probably remember next time they post or get mod points who it was who did so. The last thing we want is the status quo, with the vicious backbiting, infighting and stupid cliques.
Anyway, let me know what you think. We really value your feedback. The new system starts next Tuesday though, so make sure your messages are short and to the point. You can feedback in my fantastic journal, as long as you are on my friend list i.e. one of the other admin staff. (Michael, I'll put you back on friend when you put my stapler back. I *bought* that stapler with *my* money.)
Til next Tuesday: Taco out!!
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda. (Right click and select "Save Image". Then right click on your desktop, and select "properties". In the "background" tab select "browse", find the file and click OK, then "Tile" in the dialog box, then OK again.)
Addendum:
Owing to unforeseen difficulties, we are forced to withdraw our Open Source Slashdot Google Alternative. Sadly, users looking for pages on aardvark were directed to an all to familiar gaping rectal cavity. Ironically the "Arsehole" term was stuffed with URLs of aardvark pictures. Curse you trolls. Is nothing sacred? AND I AM NOT GAY.
P.P.S. Shorinji Kempo IN ACTION!!!
Howza Slarshbots!
_
It's Robo "CmdrTaco(01) Madla here again. You know, I think about improving Slashdort all the time. Even when I'm asleep, I'm always thinking. And yesterday, when I was artfully arranging Chrysantheums in a vase for the rest of the admin boys at slashdort [slashdot.org], I was struck by a sudden worry. Not about my heterosexuality - that is not in question.
Google is good at the moment, but what if it became evil? What if it started redirecting people away from my beloved Open Source, and towards propriety software such as Micro$haft Winblows(!!)? The time is ripe to start an open source search engine.
After this penetrating insight, I realised I already possessed all the tools at my disposal to make an open source search engine in Slashdot. Here's how I envisage it would work. I'm hazy about the details, but at its heart, Google is just a collection of text files, am I right? When you type in a term, Google looks up the terms text file, which contains all the websites that contain that term. So if you look up "aardvark" Google opens aardvark.txt and displays the information. That's how it is so fast.
Slashdot is a huge text displaying resource! If I was to create a public, unpassworded account called "Aardvark", then with the help of you, our loyal Slarshborts, we could write the URL in a list in the account everytime we find the word aardvark in a page. Then just reading "aardvark"s journal will give you up to the minute search results for aardvark instantly! Let's face it, slashdot readers could be considered the largest spidering engine out there!
I've already skimmed through Webster's Dictionary, and I've created accounts from "Aardvark" to "Arsehole" for starters. I've also had to eject some squatters who were already using those names, but who cares? So get going! We'll keep an eye on people entering the URLs, and for every ten thousand we confirm as accurate via Google, we'll add a point to your karma!
In 4 weeks, I estimate Slashdot will be THE premier search engine for the masses. I'm getting jamie to hack together a simple interface for searches, even simpler i.e. better, than googles. It's just a grey box for text input on a white page. He's having a bit of trouble.
Til next time, remember to add URLs to journals,
Your friendly overseer,
Rab "CmdrTaco(01)" Maldo
Note to moderators: If a troll with mod points succeeds into moderating this to -1, please use what mod points you have to rectify the situation. I will be keeping a close eye on mod and meta mod to identify "team players". For every "Interesting" or "Insightful" mod, you can make one (1) post to my fantastic journal _________________________________________________
Hi folks! Rob "CmdrTaco (01)" Malda here, admin of Slashdot: News for Nerds, Struff that matters.
You know, in my free time I think a lot about neat stuff I could talk to you guys about. Just the other day I was at my arts hobby class, putting the final touches on the male model's shiny left buttock, when I again had a great and simple thought. I could use this space to answer some of my mailbag! I get asked a lot of questions about myself in my role as admin of such a popular bookmark website. To answer 80% of them - NO, I am NOT gay. I have no idea why the trolls say I am. THEY WRITE THOSE STORIES THEMSELVES.
Of the other 20% the most popular question asked by any surviving old timers is "Do you ever regret selling out to VA Software?" Now, this was answered in the FAQ, but I think I can give you a much more satisfying reply here.
Basically, the answer is yes. I do regret selling out to VA Software. But not because we've all become corporate whores and I have to wear a tie to work, or that the whole attitude of the site has been commercialised, or because we've done our best to stamp out (with your invaluable sheepmod help) anything amusing, innovative or fresh on Slashdot. No, I should have accepted the better offer we got.
As most of you know, this site used to be called Chips and Dips. At around the same time as we got the offer from the OSDN we had a cast iron offer from Doritos. After mulling over the terms, I decided to take the site down the Open Source/ IT route, rather than snack news. As well as the hardware that VA Software included in the offer, I just saw the whole sector as more promising of growth than corn based snacks. How wrong was I?
As more and more IT jobs get outsourced, basically all I'm left with is a website full of sore, imbittered losers with no money. It's beginning to look like I'll have to learn Bengali, Tamil and Hindi just to keep my job. I've already registered Slashraj.org just in case.
Basically, the whole open source scene is losing steam. I'm getting very depressed. We're having to stuff our main pages with nonsense about porting Linux on anything, X boxes, sewing machines, jesus even those shitty iPod things. Thank god for the excruciating annoyingness of Michael, who can turn the simplest article into a full on 1000 post flamefest via inept editorialism. Hiring him was a stroke of genius.
Anyway, catch you later, Slashbots!
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda.
P.S. This post is released under the "copyleft" system, like those other Open Source big shots do. I am not being pretentious and self important to release it as such, whatever Michael says.
Hi, it's me, Rob "CmdrTaco (01)" Malda, admin of popular bookmark Slashdort: News for Nerds. Stuff that matters.
Once again I have the opportunity to tell you all about another great idea I had for improving your slarshdot experiences. I was rereading some troll posted gay porn, to try to discern clues as to its origin, when I germinated the seed of an idea that spurted forth from my mind. Reading gay porn doesn't mean you are gay. It was for research, and the fact I am not ashamed in reading such things underlines the fact that I have nothing to hide on the heterosexuality front.
Many of you are frankly zealots. You have a particular OS, which you rigorously defend against any slurs, justified or not. I'm not complaining. It's the constant repetition and pointless bickering that has made me such a rich man. But I noticed that this is also seen in your moderation.
An opposing viewpoint is modded down and meta-modded down too just because you don't agree with it. Hell, you even seem to alert your other zealot friends so they get in on the act and mod the post down too! This led to my idea.
I'm basically adding another box to your preferences - "Zealotry". It will have 3 options - Linux, Apple, and BSD. After clicking an option in the box, a customised lameness filter will kick in whenever an opposing viewpoint to yours is identified. It will change whatever the "troll" said to "Yeah, Linux/Apple/BSD kicks ass! Anyone who says different is an idiot!!
I tested this out on our "subscriber pioneer" accounts and it worked wonderfully, except the new comment got moderated up to +5 insightful too much. We're working on toning it down a bit, or adding in something controversial or off topic such as "And also I hate cats" to make mods a bit more unsure.
Anyway, let me know how this grabs you. I think it'll be very popular. You can let me know what you think in my fantastic journal, where you can post anything you like, as long as you have shown in the past you agree with absolutely everything I say.
Til then, slashbots,
Rob "CmdrTarco (01)" Malda, signing out!
Note - to the person who keeps modding my comments offtopic. Watch it pal. I am the bad ass and will not tolerate dissent on my site. If it's you again Michael, FOAD.
Hi, Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda here, admin of slashdort "News for Nerds - Stuff that matters."
I normally post in the quiet haven of my journal, where I can block out unfriendly voices and just listen to the ass kissers, so you may be surprised to find me posting here, in the rough and tumble world of Slarshdot! Well, let me just say, it's not by choice! I avoid this awful place like the plague!! And by the way -I'm not gay.
But I need to tell you, the widest possible audience, about an exciting new opportunity opening up. Many of you have been around here a long time, as you can see from your low UID. (Those, that is, that survived the "Night of The Long Bitchslaps", that is!!). Some of you are new. Many of you haven't found that special someone, like I have. In fact most of you. But there are some, out there who have families, families who do not read Slashdort.
Maybe it's the foul language. Maybe it's because of those offensive trolls. (I am NOT gay). But probably they are driven away by the inane babbling of the mob, and appallingly poor moderation by halfwits. Anyway, that doesn't matter. The other day, when I was baking a sponge cake, I came up with a promising proposal. I've thought it through, and with the almost unanimous approval of the editorial staff (stfu Michael) and the posters to my journal, I've decided to implement "SlashTot - For the little ones". The slogan will be "News for Tots. Stuff about rabbits."
Basically it's a Slashdot for kids! It looks a bit like normal Slashdot, but has a big smiley sun with rays coming out of it permanently stuck up in the top right hand corner of the screen. And we've had years of experience of talking down to our audience, so we think we'll be able to make things understandable for the 12-16 age range we're aiming at. 12-16 year olds love rabbits, so we're replacing all the usual icons with pictures of them. We'll keep the normal technology news though, it's all we can do to keep up as it is, trawling through the user submissions and cut and pasting across, so it would be just too hard to have dedicated SlashTot articles, at least until the 12-14 year olds start writing their own we can just cut and paste across. Everything will be filtered at +5 so there's no worry about your darlings reading words like fuckass, bitchpus or bumcunt.
Imagine the whole family being able to have conversations about their Slash(d/t)ot experience of the day! The playful banter. Little Johnny asking why there is still a BSD section. Young Britney wants to talk about the SCO group. The whole family can LOL together.
Yes, this will be a significant step forward. You can now sign up your little ones for a subscriber account, just look for the new option in your preferences. Well, check it out, at $1 a month, it's very reasonable. Anyway, thanks for taking the time, catch you later!!
Rab "CmdrTaco(01)" Maldo.
Tip: Open link, right click and select "save as" to keep a local copy.
Hi, Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda here, admin of slashdort "News for Nerds - Stuff that matters." I'm writing to you today to let you, our loyal Slashborts, know about an exciting opportunity. You might have noticed one or two messages recently which represented our testing phase of our new product, codenamed BTf, the Baysian Troll Filter. It's become increasingly clear to us admins at Slashdot that the level of trolling, posting flamebait and other offtopic nonsense is detracting from the quality of the site for far too many people. And, just for the record - I'm not gay. The BTf easily and accurately identifies those Troll posts and has the ability to moderate them down. In our testing phase, it was shown to moderate 127% more accurately than Michael.
Fast forward to now, and after this neat bit of coding (if I should say so myself LOL!
Microbes evolve and slashdort [slashdot.org] is no different. We plan to test radical changes to our moderation system on our new "subscriber pioneer" account. At some point in the future, Subscriber Pioneer Accounts will get karma capped at 100 instead of 50! Imagine how significant that will be! Keep an eye on my fantastic journal for more information. And watch out for further exciting news, posted in some random article under "CmdrTaco (01)". Frankly, sometimes even I get sick of the kissasses in my fantastic journal [journarl]. So buy a "subscriber pioneer" account now and join the bleeding edge.
I'll see you there!!,
Rab "Cmdr Taco" Maldo
Note: I am regularly the target of various imposters posing as me. Check on official announcements that the username is CmdrTaco(1). Please report any imposter posts to admin@slashdot.org, so we can bitchslap them (but not $rbtl - that doesn't exist). Do not trust journals. Often a clever troll will post airy fairy nonsense in a journal in an attempt to discredit my good name. Remember, I am the bad ass and my posts are unmistakable.