So if you're on probation, continue stealing, etc. jails are expensive. Apparently not if you throw a party for your underage kid:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6747807.stm - and thats two and a quarter years. Welcome to the United States of Absurdistan.
It is called Pioneer Anomaly: there is a small but systematic departure from the expected motion of the spacecraft. Both of them move as if they were subject to a new, unknown force pointing towards the Sun. This force imparts the same constant acceleration, of about 10^-7 cm / s^-2.
Read more: http://physicsweb.org/article/world/12/1/5 and http://physicsweb.org/article/world/17/9/3.
1. I don't think so. I find file management more flexible and quicker through my/dev/pts/* than through konq. I admit that *sh has a somewhat steep learning curve. 2. I use it all the time. I have just glanced through their doc and it looks like they stuffed all the executables in a single directory. There are plenty of reasons behind having/bin and/usr/bin...
Im surpised: ext3 as a default fs!? Is there an option to use ReiserFS instead of ext3? I've converted all but / and/boot to reiserfs more than a year ago and never had any problems with it. I think that ext3 has not been tested by public as much as reiserfs.
Factor Prefix Symbol Factor Prefix Symbol ------------------------------------------------ -- 10^24 yotta Y | 10^-1 deci d 10^21 zetta Z | 10^-2 centi c 10^18 exa E | 10^-3 milli m 10^15 peta P | 10^-6 micro* ì 10^12 tera T | 10^-9 nano n 10^9 giga G | 10^-12 pico p 10^6 mega M | 10^-15 femto f 10^3 kilo k | 10^-18 atto a 10^2 hecto h | 10^-21 zepto z 10^1 deca da | 10^-24 yocto y ------------------------------------------------ --
* Change your browser's charset to Greek ISO 8859-7
You can find Tesla on an old Yugoslavian 500 dinar bill and maybe couple or more FRY bills. At an inflation rate of more than 1000% (one thousand) I lost count. Although born in Croatia Tesla is serbian and as far as I know he is not featured on any fascist money bills.
I would like to use them! My G400 serves my new 21' while olde 17' sits on my server showing: tail -f/var/log/apache_access. Its quite likely that more than 50% of/. readers have more than one monitor.
So where are they? I've been trying to download it without any success for past 4 hours. Maybe somebody else left a copy in his or her/home/ftp/pub dir? Cable modem / ADSL users where are you?
Hello Uxbridge, Ontario!
on
Dumb Laws
·
· Score: 1
Can't believe this:
Uxbridge
Residents are not allowed to have an Internet connection faster than 56k.
That's interesting. I live in Toronto and have rogers@home. I run sshd, http, imap, ftp... Nowhere did I find anything about rogers forbidding these kind of activities. If I did, ADSL is a phone call away...
It seems that poor ol' segfault.org is completely fucked up by the slashdot effect. Next time you're about to feature an article on some poor site you migh as well post a temporary mirror and spare them a little bit. At least the *.org sites.
Zen VorlagenNate writes " you is probably familiarly with the BabelFish translation page, in you comes into the cliche and into it also to the box, or some translated languages has. Fast. Inaccurately. This page draws automatically the results back in the machine and the results in the exponentially false translations ", in the I it for lines of the American drawn pie chart, into the asterisk wars and within its area of displaying. I should go out more.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the South Park cartoon series were to do any shows involving computers? Wonder no more.
[[South Park intro animation]]
[[Scene: Mr. Garrison's classroom.]]
MR. GARRISON: OK, class, now I want to say a few things about computers. They're expensive, powerful machines that can be used for all kinds of important things, like allowing Sandra Bullock to star in "The Net." They can also turn you into a raving homicidal maniac who wears trench coats and carries dangerous objects like the Bill of Rights into schools, especially if you ever use the Internet at all. Mr Hat, will you do the honors?
[[Mr. Hat slips "Net Watchdog" CD into drive of old Pentium-90.]]
[[All kids give a collective gasp of disbelief.]]
WENDY: Will this interfere with research for our class projects?
CARTMAN: What about mah AOL?
STAN: We never had AOL in this school, dumbass.
CARTMAN: Screw you, I want mah AOL!
MR. GARRISON: Now you might as well get used to this, because it's for your own good. The American Association of Pediatricians recently said that using computers is bad for kids, anyway.
KYLE: How are we going to be successful in a wired society if we can't use computers?
MR. GARRISON: Come on, Kyle. Everybody knows you become successful by imitating what's popular, hating anyone who's different, and sleeping with the right people. Work and talent don't matter at all--haven't you been paying attention to our "Melrose Place" social studies unit?
STAN: Oh, brother.
[[Close-up of classroom computer, which switches from "Installing..." to a Blue Screen of Death.]]
MR. GARRISON: Darn it all to heck, I'm going to have to fix this. Watch out, kids, Mr. Flying Plastic Shrapnel is not your friend. (Garrison readies hammer and is about to swing.)
WENDY: Wait! I think you put the options in wrong when you started it up. You have to enter a password that's at least 8 characters long, put in a list of browsers, make the install directory read-only.... (Garrison does all this, looking very puzzled.)
STAN: How can a girl know so much about computers?
KENNY: Mmbm shmm rrmm r mrm. Mvr fmm z "Krmm Grm"?
STAN: "The Crying Game"? What?
KENNY: Lmm mm hmm pmms n fmm f shm hmm n pmmm.
STAN: Dude, that's sick!
CARTMAN: She throws like a girl.
STAN: So do you, fatass!
CARTMAN: Stan wants to kiss... Wendy the transsexual...
WENDY: What are you guys talking about?
KYLE: Cartman's just being a f**k, like usual.
WENDY: I heard. But, Stan, the reason I know so much about computers is that while you guys were on IRC and playing Duke Quakem, I read the manuals and the FAQ lists.
[[Stan pukes.]]
CARTMAN: That doesn't make any sense. You're really a man, admit it!
WENDY: I don't think you have any room to talk. Isn't your mother a hermaphrodite?
[[A general brawl starts in the classroom as others join in.]]
MR. GARRISON: Settle down, people. I mean it, settle down. Oh, Christ, these kids are unmanageable. Only one thing to do... (Mr. Garrison pulls the Ethernet cable out from the back of the room's computer. The fight continues. Garrison looks flustered for a second, but then the lunch bell rings, and the fight tapers off.)
[[Scene: the cafeteria.]]
CHEF: Hello there, children.
KIDS: Hey, Chef.
CHEF: Why the long faces?
STAN: They're messing around with the school's Internet access. It sucks, hardcore.
CHEF: Aw, c'mon. There's so many other things you can do in school besides hangin' ten on the Web or usin' that "G-mail." I have a little song...
CARTMAN: We don't want it unless it's on an MP3.
[[The boys leave and sit down. Wendy comes up to Chef.]]
WENDY: Chef, I have a problem.
CHEF: What is it, Wendy?
WENDY: They're teasing me because I know more than they do about computers and I'm a girl. It's so unfair.
CHEF: Oh, baby, I know exactly what you're talkin' about. In fact...
[[BEGIN FLASHBACK SEQUENCE]]
[[Chef, thinner and with hair, is sitting at an actual vt400 terminal. A beautiful woman walks up.]]
YOUNG CHEF: Hey, baby. I just finished a cool Lisp hack--wanna see?
WOMAN: Oh, a black guy who can program? That's just so totally outrageous. I mean, I'd believe you if you said you could sing or dance or act, but programming? Ha! Bye.
[[END FLASHBACK SEQUENCE]]
CHEF: And so I taught myself to sing and I've hardly touched a computer since then. People can be real stupid sometimes, but you can't let them get you down. You've gotta follow your hopes and dreams, and trust in yourself, and....
VOICE FROM BACK OF LINE: Move your bitch ass, willya? We're hungry!
WENDY: OK. Thanks, Chef. I don't think it'll work, though.
CHEF: (aside) There's gotta be a way to fix all this up. What about that skinny weasel I knew in college who dropped out and now owns Macrosoft? Yeah!
[[COMMERCIAL BREAK]]
[[Scene: South Park Mayor's Office]]
CHEF: So you see, Ms. Mayor, we should get some information straight from the pros before messin' with the schools' computer policies. My old friend Bull Gates, who owns Macrosoft, generously agreed to take the school staff and the kids on a field trip to his facilities and give a talk about technology.
MAYOR: Is this going to cost the town any money?
CHEF: Well, no, but he did say somethin' about "all of our immortal souls" and promised a free pack of beta-test product to everybody.
MAYOR: Well, OK. While you're there, could you try and find out why BlimpDOS NT won't work on this thing? (Cut to shot of an "iWhack", "grape" color, sitting on the Mayor's desk.)
CHEF: Mmm... yeah, I'll do that.
[[Scene: Outside the school, kids lined up by a school bus.]]
KYLE: This is sweet. A field trip to Macrosoft headquarters!
KENNY: Mmphm mm frm fftvr n stff?
CARTMAN: Oh, like you could use free software anyway. You're too poor to afford a computer!
KENNY: Sht p, ftss! M gt Lnx rnng n ths ld thrgghtysx.
STAN: Dude, what's "Linux"? And what's a "386"?
KENNY: Thrgghtysx z vht Crtmms mm dz fr frrr.
CARTMAN: My mom does not ninety-six three guys!
KENNY: (http://www.cartmansmom.com/crackwhore)
ALL EXCEPT CARTMAN: Heh heh heh heh!
CARTMAN: Oh, is that it? Well, screw you guys, Ah'm goin' home.
MRS. CRABTREE: (poking head out of bus) Shut up and sit down! C'mon, we're runnin' late!
[[Montage: bus goes through mountains, forests, fields, highways...]]
[[Scene: bus, outside Macrosoft HQ, a huge building with "BlimpDOS 2001" flags around it and heroic-looking pictures of Bull Gates all over.]]
SECURITY GOON: Ah, welcome... South Park Elementary School? We'll give you a tour of our facilities before a brief question and answer session with The Leader. First, we'll go through the security checkpoints. Follow me, please.
[[Everyone enters the building and walks through an eerily glowing corridor.]]
CHEF: Damn, looks like my old buddy did pretty well for himself.
[[Chef, Kenny, and Wendy are the last to enter the corridor. As they do, alarms go off, and panels open in the walls, revealing vicious dogs. The dogs descend upon Kenny and savage him.]]
CHEF: Hey, what the *hell* is goin' on here?!
GOON: Terribly sorry, sir. Our scanners determined some of you may have been contaminated by products not in the True Way of Macrosoft. But you're too old to be dangerous, she's a girl, and this young man's obviously too poor to even own a computer. Sorry about the dogs ripping his guts out, but...
KENNY: M nnt dmd, vmass.
GOON: Oh, good. And don't call me a dumbass; I'm a Certified Macrosoft Network Engineer!
GOON: This is our experimental chip manufacturing facility. We wish to bring hardware under our domination, too, you know. You can look in, but don't touch anything, as microscopic amounts of contamination can mess up a chip.
[[Everyone looks through the window and sees cleanroom-suited techs doing highly technical stuff--drawing circuit diagrams, messing with chip curing ovens, playing Quake3, drinking Scotch....]]
STAN: Cool! So where do they put in the Internet and the neat MMX stuff?
GOON: That's classified, so we send it out to Indonesia where we can pay the workers $3/day and shoot them if they talk.
CARTMAN: Mah mom says there's a lot of black people in Indonesia.
KYLE: Your mom's even dumber than you are, you fat sweaty cretinous morphodite.
CARTMAN: Oh yeah? Well take this! Ergggh... (Cartman farts thunderously.)
GOON: Um, we should leave now. This is a sensitive area, and I think that may have overloaded something. Come on, question-and-answer this way....
[[Scene: inside the cleanroom.]]
TECH 1: Did something just happen? I'm reading organic contaminents off the scale here. The baked bean coefficient is 50 times higher than I've ever seen it.
TECH 2: Probably just a faulty sensor. Keep an eye on these experimental Pimpium 3.5s, would you?
TECH 1: Sure.
[[Closeup on the tray of Pimpium 3.5s, which are moving and growing and reassembling, unbeknownst to the techs but knownst to the viewers.]]
[[Scene: a small auditorium.]]
GOON: OK, everybody, we're going to watch a short video, and then The Leader will answer questions.
VIDEO CLIP: In the future, technology will empower us instead of dehumanizing us. We will do more, see more, learn more, and have more fun. Macrosoft is leading the way into this glorious future. You can even now run your toaster with BitDOS CH, and InsecureX lets you surf the Web faster and more easily.
With this power comes the need for control. Computers and the Web are so complex that it is too easy to get in trouble--too easy for kids to find violent, obscene material, too easy for bloated applications to crash a vital machine with memory leaks. We here at Macrosoft have anticipated this, and we have developed applications that do so little there is no chance of them ever crashing. Our Exploiter 6.9 Web browser will refuse to display any image that even resembles anything obscene.
STAN: Whoa, this is starting to freak me out.
VIDEO CLIP: Some people have called this a step backwards. We believe it is a step forward, and we ask with pride, "Where do you want to go yesterday?"
CARTMAN: I do believe that sucked ass.
GATES: (appearing from behind a curtain) So, are there any questions?
CARTMAN: Yeah, if you're so rich, why's your wife so ugly?
KYLE, STAN, KENNY: Heh heh heh.
GATES: Let's try to keep this on topic, OK? Anybody else?
CARTMAN: Is it true you only have a 3.5 inch floppy?
KYLE, STAN, KENNY: Heh heh heh.
GATES: (flustered) Does anyone have any questions about computer hardware and/or software?
WENDY: Are you using monopolistic, anticompetitive practices to corner the OS market for desktops and laptops?
GATES: (pissed) Get these @#$!ing disruptive kids out of here and teach them some manners!
[[Several SECURITY GOONS frog-march everyone except Chef, Wendy, and Kenny into a small room. A bit later, GATES shows up carrying a whip and wearing a torturer's hood.]]
GATES: Didn't anyone ever teach you how to behave when you're speaking to a captain of industry?
CARTMAN: Oh, is that what you are? I thought you were Captain of the Butt Pirates.
GROUP OFFSCREEN: heh heh heh!
GATES: What was that?
GOON: Focus group, sir. (Pan to show a group of "ordinary folks" behind glass.) Marketing insisted--the public's perception of us has sunken so low that we're having a focus group watch everything we do in hopes of discovering the key to a PR turnaround.
GATES: What?! Well, they were right about that Internet thing. So, you fat kid, are you going to apologize?
CARTMAN: I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!
FOCUS GROUP: heh heh heh!
[[Gates cracks whip at Cartman.]]
CARTMAN: OW! Respect mah authoritai, biatch!
FOCUS GROUP: heh heh heh!
GOON: I think we might have something here, sir... remember we still need some nifty advertising campaign to sell BlimpDOS 2001. I think this kid might be a perfect mascot. Sure, he's bloated and useless, but the public seems to love him.....
GATES: Hmmm... (grins evilly)
[[Scene: inside the cleanroom.]]
TECH 1: Say, what's with those Pimpium 3.5s?
TECH 2: Um, I left them right here. How could...
[[A huge replica of "Terrence" from "Terrence and Phillip", made entirely out of computer chips, rises behind the techs.]]
CYBERTERRENCE: Kill, kill, kill, kill, fart!
TECH 1: AAARGH!
TECH 2: How could this have happened?
TECH 3: I was playing Quake--didn't realize what effect it might have on impressionable young chips...
[[All techs fall writhing to the floor.]]
[[Scene: outside the cleanroom]]
CHEF: I'm sorry about gettin' you into this mess, children. Should've known from the beginning that my old friend had gone bad. Now we've gotta get out of here and try to get everybody else out too.
KENNY: Rrf frrf srkffk mrr frg srbgr rm?
CHEF: No, I'm *not* gonna sacrifice myself to save your sorry white ass! You been watchin' too many bad movies.
WENDY: Come on, guys. What we need to do here is think, not bitch at each other. We probably don't have too much time.
[[Cyberterrence stomps towards the cleanroom door, making a beeline for Chef, Kenny, and Wendy....]]
[[COMMERCIAL BREAK]]
CHEF: The other children probably got dragged off somewhere... gives me the hoopajoos just thinkin' about what my old buddy might be doin' with them.
[[Cyberterrence smashes through the wall, heading straight for Chef, Kenny, and Wendy.]]
CHEF, KENNY, WENDY: AAAAH!
CYBERTERRENCE: Crush. Kill. Destroy. Respect Mah Authoritai! (swings at Kenny, who flies through the air, strikes the wall, and lands in a heap. Cyberterrence then lurches through another wall and out of sight.)
WENDY: Oh my God! They've....
KENNY: Rrrrm.
CHEF: Oh, man. We're gonna have to get him some help, or he will be dead. Come on, I think that security post was back this way.
[[Scene: the torture chamber/Focus Group Room. The kids are still chained]]
STAN: Excuse me, Mr. Gates?
GATES: Yes?
STAN: Isn't this a little pointless, punishing us all because of what Cartman did? Sure, he may be a fat smelly rude piece of sh*t, but why put the rest of us in here because of him?
KYLE: Yeah, doing this to us is kinda like condemming the entire Internet because there are some places on it where you can see women *******ing horses and men with b**** d**** m********ing with sixteen-year-old ****** and cheese graters.
STAN: Dude??!
GATES: You know, you might be right. What does the focus group think?
FOCUS GROUPIE 1: He's right. Free the Net and free the kids!
FOCUS GROUPIE 2: Come on, there's too much porn and dangerous stuff out there.
FOCUS GROUPIE 3: Censorship is positively un-American!
FOCUS GROUPIE 2: Don't make me get insanely violent.
FOCUS GROUPIE 3: Hey, kid... what was the URL for those places you mentioned?
FOCUS GROUPIE 4: I wanna see Natalie Portman, naked and paralyzed!
GATES: Oh sh*t. Well, can't expect people to be rational about much of anything... guess I'll have to give in to my megalomaniacal impulses and try to control everything.
SECURITY GOON: Very good, sir. By the way, I think the fat kid would be the perfect mascot for BlimpDOS 2001. He exemplifies the product beautifully. You just need a contract, so we can satisfy the legal department, and....
GATES: Fine. I'll take care of that. (to Cartman) So, little boy, would you like to sign this contract? All we want are the rights to your image, voice, body, genetic material, and all derivative works thereof... I'll even let you and your friends go if you sign!
KYLE: Sign it, you dumbass! Being chained up here sucks!
CARTMAN: Oh, is that it? Say, how about if you let me go and leave those bitches chained up?
GATES: But aren't they your friends...?
CARTMAN: F**k them, Ah'm goin' home.
GATES: (aside) A cruel bastard who knows exactly what he wants... I think I like this kid. (to Cartman) OK! Sign here.
[[Cyberterrence bashes through wall, wreaking havoc and killing people just as Cartman signs the contract.]]
EVERYONE: AAAAAAH!!
STAN: Whoa! A huge version of Terrence crashing around committing mass murder... it's like something totally cool that's gotten way out of control and now completely sucks.
FOCUS GROUPIES: This is related to that Y2K thing, isn't it?
GATES: Oh f**k.
[[Scene: Chef and Wendy rush down the hall, carrying Kenny. Pandemonium reigns in the wake of Cyberterrence's wrath.]]
CHEF: Damn, everything's gone to hell. (to Security Goon) Hey, could you help us out? We got an injured kid here.
SECURITY GOON: Oh? Here, follow me... we have a completely automated care facility here. (Puts Kenny into a bed; automated devices under control of a nearby computer begin poking at Kenny.)
CHEF: What the...
GOON: It's the latest thing! All running BlimpDOS NT, solid as a rock, the most secure and safe thing Macrosoft makes and perfect for performance- critical medical applications like this one. Now excuse me, I have to...
[[SECURITY GOON bumps computer case ever so slightly. Computer monitor switches to a Blue Screen of Death. Kenny's heart monitor goes flatline; Kenny dies.]]
WENDY: Oh no! BlimpDOS NT killed Kenny! You bastards!
CHEF: Aw, fudge! Seems like everythin' I did just wasn't enough... and that big cyberwhatchamacallit is still runnin' around killin' folks. I just don't know what I can do. How's a guy whose only programmin' experience is 20 years old gonna make it in this high-tech world?
GOON: Well, we've been trying to hack into that horrible creature's systems remotely and not having any luck...
CHEF: Oh come on! All this newfangled junk, point-and-click, Internet whooziz, wireless this-n-that... an old dog can't learn new tricks, especially this late in the game!
WENDY: Chef, would this help? (Wendy brings out an old vt100 terminal and keyboard.)
CHEF: (grins) Oh, baby, you know how to light my fire. Stand back.
(CHEF sings as his fingers fly over the keys:)
Well, I may be an old dog Can't hack no brand new code Them Java servlet data mines Are the best thing 'round, I'm told But I don't need no fancy menus No mouse-click G.U.I. Just gimme a prompt and a Unix shell And kiss your problems good-bye!
An old-school hack, just an old-school hack Man, sometimes y'all gotta get back An old-school hack, just an old-school hack Man, sometimes y'all gotta get back
So open up them terminals Bad problems, they won't stick (around) 'Cause I'm a pure-bred hacker dog Who knows how to use his (.......) one good trick!
[[Chef presses Return. The screen displays lines like "gcc -O2 -c net3.o net3.c" and "Warning: assignment of pointer to variable foo lacks a cast." Finally, Chef enters, "./hackcyberterrence -kill9" and hits Return again.]]
[[Scene: the Focus Group Room/torture chamber. Cyberterrence is advancing on Bull Gates.]]
CYBERTERRENCE: Chirp. Resistance is futile. You will be farted upon.
GATES: Ulp. All my money, my empire, my OS monopoly cannot save me now. What have I done?
CARTMAN: Told ya you were a dumbass Butt Pirate, but no...
STAN: Cartman, shut the f**k up!
KYLE: C'mon, Terrence, we're your biggest fans! Please don't turn your horrible death-dealing flatulence upon us.
CYBERTERRENCE: Eep. Click. Gas buildup reaching... reaching... ffark... zzgh... @#!... WRITE ERROR IN BUTT_DEVICE 0x000A: STOP.
[[Cyberterrence freezes in mid-fart, falls over, and breaks into several pieces.]]
STAN: Whoa!
GATES: How did that happen? I know our experimental hardware is buggy, but this seems like...
CHEF: (climbing through hole in wall) Hey hey, old pal.
GATES: Chef? You stopped this creature? How....
CHEF: Ain't nothin' but a C thang, baby.
[[Subtitle at bottom of screen displays, "Geek In-Joke--don't worry if you don't get it!"]]
GATES: How can I ever repay you?
CHEF: First, let these children go. Second, could you please stop tryin' to take over everything? I mean, you got more money than anybody, and everybody uses your products, and now you wanna own the whole Internet and make everybody's hardware too? When's enough gonna be enough?
GATES: (unchaining Kyle, Cartman, and Stan) I guess I just got caught up in the spirit of the business... if you don't move ahead, you die. I'm sorry, everybody. But I hope you see that even if they are right, and I am a money-grubbing megalomaniac, I still don't forget my old friends. Goodbye, Chef... and thanks!
KYLE: Oh man... I thought we'd be seeing cool stuff about the future of technology and the Net, but instead we saw a dumbass video, and got tied up and attacked by things we didn't understand and couldn't control.
STAN: Maybe that *is* the future of technology.
WENDY: It'll be better than that, Stan. We just have to learn how to use it correctly and not panic when new things we don't understand come along.
[[Stan pukes.]]
CARTMAN: Ah, what do you know?
CHEF: C'mon, children. Let's get out of here before something even worse happens.
[[Scene: South Park residential sidewalk; Kyle, Cartman, and Stan are walking along.]]
STAN: The teachers are still being bastards about classroom Net access. Good thing we still have dialup from home.
CARTMAN: You still have a dialup? Ha ha, I got ALDS and I get 8 megagigabits.
KYLE: It's "ADSL," and you do not have it, you liar.
STAN: Come on. Maybe we can get on IRC and meet cute girls.
[[Scene: upstairs, Stan's house. The kids are sitting at the house computer, looking entranced.]]
KYLE: Dude, she sounds cute! And she says she lives in this town... go for it, Stan!
CARTMAN: Aw man, hurry up! I wanna try to get a first post on segfault.org!
STAN: Shut up, Cartman! I'm tryin' to get the mack on here. (types) "meet u tomorrow at 4?"
[[Scene: Wendy, sitting at another computer, sees what Stan just typed appear on her screen.]]
WENDY: Oh, he didn't even puke this time! Isn't technology great?
[[South Park closing credits]]
This was a parody. South Park and all its characters are trademarks of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Any resemblance of anything else contained in this story to anything in actual reality is coincidental and your own problem. Peace.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, if you're interested, look at http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mhgraham/Angband/so uthpark.html and send e-mail to mhgraham@umich.edu....:-)
Posted on Wed 25 Aug 12:11:47 1999 BST Written by CJ Hooknose
Slashdot Mirror
"I reboot every night -- why should I reboot at that time?"
Why would you reboot at all? Of course, with your head in your ass you don't get to see what else is out there.
So if you're on probation, continue stealing, etc. jails are expensive. Apparently not if you throw a party for your underage kid :http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6747807.stm - and thats two and a quarter years. Welcome to the United States of Absurdistan.
It is called Pioneer Anomaly: there is a small but systematic departure from the expected motion of the spacecraft. Both of them move as if they were subject to a new, unknown force pointing towards the Sun. This force imparts the same constant acceleration, of about 10^-7 cm / s^-2. Read more: http://physicsweb.org/article/world/12/1/5 and http://physicsweb.org/article/world/17/9/3.
1. I don't think so. I find file management more flexible and quicker through my /dev/pts/* than through konq. I admit that *sh has a somewhat steep learning curve. /bin and /usr/bin ...
2. I use it all the time. I have just glanced through their doc and it looks like they stuffed all the executables in a single directory. There are plenty of reasons behind having
Have you heard of berlin? There's also an article on linuxtoday...
whats going on with kernel.org!? Its down since yesterday.
Im surpised: ext3 as a default fs!? Is there an option to use ReiserFS instead of ext3? I've converted all but / and /boot to reiserfs more than a year ago and never had any problems with it. I think that ext3 has not been tested by public as much as reiserfs.
Sun's j2sdk 1.3.0 won't work with glibc-2.2.2-x but you can rpm -Uvh --oldpackage to 2.2.1 if u can find it.
I belive this is what you are looking for:
- -- - --
Standard SI prefixes:
Factor Prefix Symbol Factor Prefix Symbol
-----------------------------------------------
10^24 yotta Y | 10^-1 deci d
10^21 zetta Z | 10^-2 centi c
10^18 exa E | 10^-3 milli m
10^15 peta P | 10^-6 micro* ì
10^12 tera T | 10^-9 nano n
10^9 giga G | 10^-12 pico p
10^6 mega M | 10^-15 femto f
10^3 kilo k | 10^-18 atto a
10^2 hecto h | 10^-21 zepto z
10^1 deca da | 10^-24 yocto y
-----------------------------------------------
* Change your browser's charset to Greek ISO 8859-7
Thank You!
Sure I do. Open your mouth now.
Rockport Capella sells for around $60.000 I belive. Go get some stereophile and see for yourself how can you spend 1/2 mil on a hi-fi system.
You can find Tesla on an old Yugoslavian 500 dinar bill and maybe couple or more FRY bills. At an inflation rate of more than 1000% (one thousand) I lost count. Although born in Croatia Tesla is serbian and as far as I know he is not featured on any fascist money bills.
I would like to use them! My G400 serves my new 21' while olde 17' sits on my server showing: tail -f /var/log/apache_access. Its quite likely that more than 50% of /. readers have more than one monitor.
will anyone mirror this thing while they /.ed !? Please!
are being
So where are they? I've been trying to download it /home/ftp/pub dir? Cable modem / ADSL users where are you?
without any success for past 4 hours.
Maybe somebody else left a copy in his or her
Uxbridge
Residents are not allowed to have an Internet connection faster than 56k.
What a shame!
That's interesting. I live in Toronto and have rogers@home. I run sshd, http, imap, ftp... Nowhere did I find anything about rogers forbidding these kind of activities. If I did, ADSL is a phone call away...
It seems that poor ol' segfault.org is completely fucked up by the slashdot effect.
Next time you're about to feature an article on some poor site you migh as well post a temporary mirror and spare them a little bit. At least the *.org sites.
Zen VorlagenNate writes " you is probably familiarly with the BabelFish translation page, in you comes into the cliche and into it also to the box, or some translated languages has. Fast. Inaccurately. This page draws automatically the results back in the machine and the results in the exponentially false translations ", in the I it for lines of the American drawn pie chart, into the asterisk wars and within its area of displaying. I should go out more.
South Park: The Computer Episode
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the South Park cartoon series
were to do any shows involving computers? Wonder no more.
[[South Park intro animation]]
[[Scene: Mr. Garrison's classroom.]]
MR. GARRISON: OK, class, now I want to say a few things about computers.
They're expensive, powerful machines that can be used for all kinds of important
things, like allowing Sandra Bullock to star in "The Net." They can also turn you
into a raving homicidal maniac who wears trench coats and carries dangerous
objects like the Bill of Rights into schools, especially if you ever use the Internet at
all. Mr Hat, will you do the honors?
[[Mr. Hat slips "Net Watchdog" CD into drive of old Pentium-90.]]
[[All kids give a collective gasp of disbelief.]]
WENDY: Will this interfere with research for our class projects?
CARTMAN: What about mah AOL?
STAN: We never had AOL in this school, dumbass.
CARTMAN: Screw you, I want mah AOL!
MR. GARRISON: Now you might as well get used to this, because it's for your
own good. The American Association of Pediatricians recently said that using
computers is bad for kids, anyway.
KYLE: How are we going to be successful in a wired society if we can't use
computers?
MR. GARRISON: Come on, Kyle. Everybody knows you become successful by
imitating what's popular, hating anyone who's different, and sleeping with the right
people. Work and talent don't matter at all--haven't you been paying attention to
our "Melrose Place" social studies unit?
STAN: Oh, brother.
[[Close-up of classroom computer, which switches from "Installing..." to a Blue
Screen of Death.]]
MR. GARRISON: Darn it all to heck, I'm going to have to fix this. Watch out,
kids, Mr. Flying Plastic Shrapnel is not your friend. (Garrison readies hammer and
is about to swing.)
WENDY: Wait! I think you put the options in wrong when you started it up. You
have to enter a password that's at least 8 characters long, put in a list of browsers,
make the install directory read-only.... (Garrison does all this, looking very
puzzled.)
STAN: How can a girl know so much about computers?
KENNY: Mmbm shmm rrmm r mrm. Mvr fmm z "Krmm Grm"?
STAN: "The Crying Game"? What?
KENNY: Lmm mm hmm pmms n fmm f shm hmm n pmmm.
STAN: Dude, that's sick!
CARTMAN: She throws like a girl.
STAN: So do you, fatass!
CARTMAN: Stan wants to kiss... Wendy the transsexual...
WENDY: What are you guys talking about?
KYLE: Cartman's just being a f**k, like usual.
WENDY: I heard. But, Stan, the reason I know so much about computers is that
while you guys were on IRC and playing Duke Quakem, I read the manuals and the
FAQ lists.
[[Stan pukes.]]
CARTMAN: That doesn't make any sense. You're really a man, admit it!
WENDY: I don't think you have any room to talk. Isn't your mother a
hermaphrodite?
CARTMAN: F***ING HELL STUPID P***Y BIATCH AH'M GONNA KILL
YOU!!
[[A general brawl starts in the classroom as others join in.]]
MR. GARRISON: Settle down, people. I mean it, settle down. Oh, Christ, these
kids are unmanageable. Only one thing to do... (Mr. Garrison pulls the Ethernet
cable out from the back of the room's computer. The fight continues. Garrison
looks flustered for a second, but then the lunch bell rings, and the fight tapers off.)
[[Scene: the cafeteria.]]
CHEF: Hello there, children.
KIDS: Hey, Chef.
CHEF: Why the long faces?
STAN: They're messing around with the school's Internet access. It sucks,
hardcore.
CHEF: Aw, c'mon. There's so many other things you can do in school besides
hangin' ten on the Web or usin' that "G-mail." I have a little song...
CARTMAN: We don't want it unless it's on an MP3.
[[The boys leave and sit down. Wendy comes up to Chef.]]
WENDY: Chef, I have a problem.
CHEF: What is it, Wendy?
WENDY: They're teasing me because I know more than they do about computers
and I'm a girl. It's so unfair.
CHEF: Oh, baby, I know exactly what you're talkin' about. In fact...
[[BEGIN FLASHBACK SEQUENCE]]
[[Chef, thinner and with hair, is sitting at an actual vt400 terminal. A beautiful
woman walks up.]]
YOUNG CHEF: Hey, baby. I just finished a cool Lisp hack--wanna see?
WOMAN: Oh, a black guy who can program? That's just so totally outrageous. I
mean, I'd believe you if you said you could sing or dance or act, but programming?
Ha! Bye.
[[END FLASHBACK SEQUENCE]]
CHEF: And so I taught myself to sing and I've hardly touched a computer since
then. People can be real stupid sometimes, but you can't let them get you down.
You've gotta follow your hopes and dreams, and trust in yourself, and....
VOICE FROM BACK OF LINE: Move your bitch ass, willya? We're hungry!
WENDY: OK. Thanks, Chef. I don't think it'll work, though.
CHEF: (aside) There's gotta be a way to fix all this up. What about that skinny
weasel I knew in college who dropped out and now owns Macrosoft? Yeah!
[[COMMERCIAL BREAK]]
[[Scene: South Park Mayor's Office]]
CHEF: So you see, Ms. Mayor, we should get some information straight from the
pros before messin' with the schools' computer policies. My old friend Bull Gates,
who owns Macrosoft, generously agreed to take the school staff and the kids on a
field trip to his facilities and give a talk about technology.
MAYOR: Is this going to cost the town any money?
CHEF: Well, no, but he did say somethin' about "all of our immortal souls" and
promised a free pack of beta-test product to everybody.
MAYOR: Well, OK. While you're there, could you try and find out why BlimpDOS
NT won't work on this thing? (Cut to shot of an "iWhack", "grape" color, sitting on
the Mayor's desk.)
CHEF: Mmm... yeah, I'll do that.
[[Scene: Outside the school, kids lined up by a school bus.]]
KYLE: This is sweet. A field trip to Macrosoft headquarters!
KENNY: Mmphm mm frm fftvr n stff?
CARTMAN: Oh, like you could use free software anyway. You're too poor to
afford a computer!
KENNY: Sht p, ftss! M gt Lnx rnng n ths ld thrgghtysx.
STAN: Dude, what's "Linux"? And what's a "386"?
KENNY: Thrgghtysx z vht Crtmms mm dz fr frrr.
CARTMAN: My mom does not ninety-six three guys!
KENNY: (http://www.cartmansmom.com/crackwhore)
ALL EXCEPT CARTMAN: Heh heh heh heh!
CARTMAN: Oh, is that it? Well, screw you guys, Ah'm goin' home.
MRS. CRABTREE: (poking head out of bus) Shut up and sit down! C'mon, we're
runnin' late!
[[Montage: bus goes through mountains, forests, fields, highways...]]
[[Scene: bus, outside Macrosoft HQ, a huge building with "BlimpDOS 2001" flags
around it and heroic-looking pictures of Bull Gates all over.]]
SECURITY GOON: Ah, welcome... South Park Elementary School? We'll give
you a tour of our facilities before a brief question and answer session with The
Leader. First, we'll go through the security checkpoints. Follow me, please.
[[Everyone enters the building and walks through an eerily glowing corridor.]]
CHEF: Damn, looks like my old buddy did pretty well for himself.
[[Chef, Kenny, and Wendy are the last to enter the corridor. As they do, alarms go
off, and panels open in the walls, revealing vicious dogs. The dogs descend upon
Kenny and savage him.]]
CHEF: Hey, what the *hell* is goin' on here?!
GOON: Terribly sorry, sir. Our scanners determined some of you may have been
contaminated by products not in the True Way of Macrosoft. But you're too old to
be dangerous, she's a girl, and this young man's obviously too poor to even own a
computer. Sorry about the dogs ripping his guts out, but...
KENNY: M nnt dmd, vmass.
GOON: Oh, good. And don't call me a dumbass; I'm a Certified Macrosoft
Network Engineer!
CHEF: (pissed) Whatever. C'mon, children, let's catch up.
[[Scene: entrance to a cleanroom.]]
GOON: This is our experimental chip manufacturing facility. We wish to bring
hardware under our domination, too, you know. You can look in, but don't touch
anything, as microscopic amounts of contamination can mess up a chip.
[[Everyone looks through the window and sees cleanroom-suited techs doing
highly technical stuff--drawing circuit diagrams, messing with chip curing ovens,
playing Quake3, drinking Scotch....]]
STAN: Cool! So where do they put in the Internet and the neat MMX stuff?
GOON: That's classified, so we send it out to Indonesia where we can pay the
workers $3/day and shoot them if they talk.
CARTMAN: Mah mom says there's a lot of black people in Indonesia.
KYLE: Your mom's even dumber than you are, you fat sweaty cretinous
morphodite.
CARTMAN: Oh yeah? Well take this! Ergggh... (Cartman farts thunderously.)
GOON: Um, we should leave now. This is a sensitive area, and I think that may
have overloaded something. Come on, question-and-answer this way....
[[Scene: inside the cleanroom.]]
TECH 1: Did something just happen? I'm reading organic contaminents off the
scale here. The baked bean coefficient is 50 times higher than I've ever seen it.
TECH 2: Probably just a faulty sensor. Keep an eye on these experimental
Pimpium 3.5s, would you?
TECH 1: Sure.
[[Closeup on the tray of Pimpium 3.5s, which are moving and growing and
reassembling, unbeknownst to the techs but knownst to the viewers.]]
[[Scene: a small auditorium.]]
GOON: OK, everybody, we're going to watch a short video, and then The Leader
will answer questions.
VIDEO CLIP: In the future, technology will empower us instead of dehumanizing
us. We will do more, see more, learn more, and have more fun. Macrosoft is leading
the way into this glorious future. You can even now run your toaster with BitDOS
CH, and InsecureX lets you surf the Web faster and more easily.
With this power comes the need for control. Computers and the Web are so
complex that it is too easy to get in trouble--too easy for kids to find violent,
obscene material, too easy for bloated applications to crash a vital machine with
memory leaks. We here at Macrosoft have anticipated this, and we have developed
applications that do so little there is no chance of them ever crashing. Our
Exploiter 6.9 Web browser will refuse to display any image that even resembles
anything obscene.
STAN: Whoa, this is starting to freak me out.
VIDEO CLIP: Some people have called this a step backwards. We believe it is a
step forward, and we ask with pride, "Where do you want to go yesterday?"
CARTMAN: I do believe that sucked ass.
GATES: (appearing from behind a curtain) So, are there any questions?
CARTMAN: Yeah, if you're so rich, why's your wife so ugly?
KYLE, STAN, KENNY: Heh heh heh.
GATES: Let's try to keep this on topic, OK? Anybody else?
CARTMAN: Is it true you only have a 3.5 inch floppy?
KYLE, STAN, KENNY: Heh heh heh.
GATES: (flustered) Does anyone have any questions about computer hardware
and/or software?
WENDY: Are you using monopolistic, anticompetitive practices to corner the OS
market for desktops and laptops?
GATES: (pissed) Get these @#$!ing disruptive kids out of here and teach them
some manners!
CHEF: Oh man, this ain't good. Quick, Wendy, Kenny, follow me!
[[Several SECURITY GOONS frog-march everyone except Chef, Wendy, and
Kenny into a small room. A bit later, GATES shows up carrying a whip and wearing
a torturer's hood.]]
GATES: Didn't anyone ever teach you how to behave when you're speaking to a
captain of industry?
CARTMAN: Oh, is that what you are? I thought you were Captain of the Butt
Pirates.
GROUP OFFSCREEN: heh heh heh!
GATES: What was that?
GOON: Focus group, sir. (Pan to show a group of "ordinary folks" behind glass.)
Marketing insisted--the public's perception of us has sunken so low that we're
having a focus group watch everything we do in hopes of discovering the key to a
PR turnaround.
GATES: What?! Well, they were right about that Internet thing. So, you fat kid, are
you going to apologize?
CARTMAN: I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!
FOCUS GROUP: heh heh heh!
[[Gates cracks whip at Cartman.]]
CARTMAN: OW! Respect mah authoritai, biatch!
FOCUS GROUP: heh heh heh!
GOON: I think we might have something here, sir... remember we still need some
nifty advertising campaign to sell BlimpDOS 2001. I think this kid might be a
perfect mascot. Sure, he's bloated and useless, but the public seems to love him.....
GATES: Hmmm... (grins evilly)
[[Scene: inside the cleanroom.]]
TECH 1: Say, what's with those Pimpium 3.5s?
TECH 2: Um, I left them right here. How could...
[[A huge replica of "Terrence" from "Terrence and Phillip", made entirely out of
computer chips, rises behind the techs.]]
CYBERTERRENCE: Kill, kill, kill, kill, fart!
TECH 1: AAARGH!
TECH 2: How could this have happened?
TECH 3: I was playing Quake--didn't realize what effect it might have on
impressionable young chips...
[[All techs fall writhing to the floor.]]
[[Scene: outside the cleanroom]]
CHEF: I'm sorry about gettin' you into this mess, children. Should've known from
the beginning that my old friend had gone bad. Now we've gotta get out of here and
try to get everybody else out too.
KENNY: Rrf frrf srkffk mrr frg srbgr rm?
CHEF: No, I'm *not* gonna sacrifice myself to save your sorry white ass! You
been watchin' too many bad movies.
WENDY: Come on, guys. What we need to do here is think, not bitch at each
other. We probably don't have too much time.
[[Cyberterrence stomps towards the cleanroom door, making a beeline for Chef,
Kenny, and Wendy....]]
[[COMMERCIAL BREAK]]
CHEF: The other children probably got dragged off somewhere... gives me the
hoopajoos just thinkin' about what my old buddy might be doin' with them.
[[Cyberterrence smashes through the wall, heading straight for Chef, Kenny, and
Wendy.]]
CHEF, KENNY, WENDY: AAAAH!
CYBERTERRENCE: Crush. Kill. Destroy. Respect Mah Authoritai! (swings at
Kenny, who flies through the air, strikes the wall, and lands in a heap.
Cyberterrence then lurches through another wall and out of sight.)
WENDY: Oh my God! They've....
KENNY: Rrrrm.
CHEF: Oh, man. We're gonna have to get him some help, or he will be dead. Come
on, I think that security post was back this way.
[[Scene: the torture chamber/Focus Group Room. The kids are still chained]]
STAN: Excuse me, Mr. Gates?
GATES: Yes?
STAN: Isn't this a little pointless, punishing us all because of what Cartman did?
Sure, he may be a fat smelly rude piece of sh*t, but why put the rest of us in here
because of him?
KYLE: Yeah, doing this to us is kinda like condemming the entire Internet because
there are some places on it where you can see women *******ing horses and men
with b**** d**** m********ing with sixteen-year-old ****** and cheese graters.
STAN: Dude??!
GATES: You know, you might be right. What does the focus group think?
FOCUS GROUPIE 1: He's right. Free the Net and free the kids!
FOCUS GROUPIE 2: Come on, there's too much porn and dangerous stuff out
there.
FOCUS GROUPIE 3: Censorship is positively un-American!
FOCUS GROUPIE 2: Don't make me get insanely violent.
FOCUS GROUPIE 3: Hey, kid... what was the URL for those places you
mentioned?
FOCUS GROUPIE 4: I wanna see Natalie Portman, naked and paralyzed!
FOCUS GROUPIE 5: Filth is everywhere! Oh my God!
[[the FOCUS GROUPIES start fighting amongst themselves.]]
GATES: Oh sh*t. Well, can't expect people to be rational about much of
anything... guess I'll have to give in to my megalomaniacal impulses and try to
control everything.
SECURITY GOON: Very good, sir. By the way, I think the fat kid would be the
perfect mascot for BlimpDOS 2001. He exemplifies the product beautifully. You
just need a contract, so we can satisfy the legal department, and....
GATES: Fine. I'll take care of that. (to Cartman) So, little boy, would you like to
sign this contract? All we want are the rights to your image, voice, body, genetic
material, and all derivative works thereof... I'll even let you and your friends go if
you sign!
KYLE: Sign it, you dumbass! Being chained up here sucks!
CARTMAN: Oh, is that it? Say, how about if you let me go and leave those
bitches chained up?
GATES: But aren't they your friends...?
CARTMAN: F**k them, Ah'm goin' home.
GATES: (aside) A cruel bastard who knows exactly what he wants... I think I like
this kid. (to Cartman) OK! Sign here.
[[Cyberterrence bashes through wall, wreaking havoc and killing people just as
Cartman signs the contract.]]
EVERYONE: AAAAAAH!!
STAN: Whoa! A huge version of Terrence crashing around committing mass
murder... it's like something totally cool that's gotten way out of control and now
completely sucks.
FOCUS GROUPIES: This is related to that Y2K thing, isn't it?
GATES: Oh f**k.
[[Scene: Chef and Wendy rush down the hall, carrying Kenny. Pandemonium reigns
in the wake of Cyberterrence's wrath.]]
CHEF: Damn, everything's gone to hell. (to Security Goon) Hey, could you help us
out? We got an injured kid here.
SECURITY GOON: Oh? Here, follow me... we have a completely automated care
facility here. (Puts Kenny into a bed; automated devices under control of a nearby
computer begin poking at Kenny.)
CHEF: What the...
GOON: It's the latest thing! All running BlimpDOS NT, solid as a rock, the most
secure and safe thing Macrosoft makes and perfect for performance- critical
medical applications like this one. Now excuse me, I have to...
[[SECURITY GOON bumps computer case ever so slightly. Computer monitor
switches to a Blue Screen of Death. Kenny's heart monitor goes flatline; Kenny
dies.]]
WENDY: Oh no! BlimpDOS NT killed Kenny! You bastards!
CHEF: Aw, fudge! Seems like everythin' I did just wasn't enough... and that big
cyberwhatchamacallit is still runnin' around killin' folks. I just don't know what I
can do. How's a guy whose only programmin' experience is 20 years old gonna
make it in this high-tech world?
GOON: Well, we've been trying to hack into that horrible creature's systems
remotely and not having any luck...
CHEF: Oh come on! All this newfangled junk, point-and-click, Internet whooziz,
wireless this-n-that... an old dog can't learn new tricks, especially this late in the
game!
WENDY: Chef, would this help? (Wendy brings out an old vt100 terminal and
keyboard.)
CHEF: (grins) Oh, baby, you know how to light my fire. Stand back.
(CHEF sings as his fingers fly over the keys:)
Well, I may be an old dog
Can't hack no brand new code
Them Java servlet data mines
Are the best thing 'round, I'm told
But I don't need no fancy menus
No mouse-click G.U.I.
Just gimme a prompt and a Unix shell
And kiss your problems good-bye!
An old-school hack, just an old-school hack
Man, sometimes y'all gotta get back
An old-school hack, just an old-school hack
Man, sometimes y'all gotta get back
So open up them terminals
Bad problems, they won't stick (around)
'Cause I'm a pure-bred hacker dog
Who knows how to use his (.......) one good trick!
[[Chef presses Return. The screen displays lines like "gcc -O2 -c net3.o net3.c"
and "Warning: assignment of pointer to variable foo lacks a cast." Finally, Chef
enters, "./hackcyberterrence -kill9" and hits Return again.]]
[[Scene: the Focus Group Room/torture chamber. Cyberterrence is advancing on
Bull Gates.]]
CYBERTERRENCE: Chirp. Resistance is futile. You will be farted upon.
GATES: Ulp. All my money, my empire, my OS monopoly cannot save me now.
What have I done?
CARTMAN: Told ya you were a dumbass Butt Pirate, but no...
STAN: Cartman, shut the f**k up!
KYLE: C'mon, Terrence, we're your biggest fans! Please don't turn your horrible
death-dealing flatulence upon us.
CYBERTERRENCE: Eep. Click. Gas buildup reaching... reaching... ffark... zzgh...
@#!... WRITE ERROR IN BUTT_DEVICE 0x000A: STOP.
[[Cyberterrence freezes in mid-fart, falls over, and breaks into several pieces.]]
STAN: Whoa!
GATES: How did that happen? I know our experimental hardware is buggy, but
this seems like...
CHEF: (climbing through hole in wall) Hey hey, old pal.
GATES: Chef? You stopped this creature? How....
CHEF: Ain't nothin' but a C thang, baby.
[[Subtitle at bottom of screen displays, "Geek In-Joke--don't worry if you don't
get it!"]]
GATES: How can I ever repay you?
CHEF: First, let these children go. Second, could you please stop tryin' to take
over everything? I mean, you got more money than anybody, and everybody uses
your products, and now you wanna own the whole Internet and make everybody's
hardware too? When's enough gonna be enough?
GATES: (unchaining Kyle, Cartman, and Stan) I guess I just got caught up in the
spirit of the business... if you don't move ahead, you die. I'm sorry, everybody. But
I hope you see that even if they are right, and I am a money-grubbing
megalomaniac, I still don't forget my old friends. Goodbye, Chef... and thanks!
KYLE: Oh man... I thought we'd be seeing cool stuff about the future of
technology and the Net, but instead we saw a dumbass video, and got tied up and
attacked by things we didn't understand and couldn't control.
STAN: Maybe that *is* the future of technology.
WENDY: It'll be better than that, Stan. We just have to learn how to use it
correctly and not panic when new things we don't understand come along.
[[Stan pukes.]]
CARTMAN: Ah, what do you know?
CHEF: C'mon, children. Let's get out of here before something even worse
happens.
[[Scene: South Park residential sidewalk; Kyle, Cartman, and Stan are walking
along.]]
STAN: The teachers are still being bastards about classroom Net access. Good
thing we still have dialup from home.
CARTMAN: You still have a dialup? Ha ha, I got ALDS and I get 8 megagigabits.
KYLE: It's "ADSL," and you do not have it, you liar.
STAN: Come on. Maybe we can get on IRC and meet cute girls.
[[Scene: upstairs, Stan's house. The kids are sitting at the house computer, looking
entranced.]]
KYLE: Dude, she sounds cute! And she says she lives in this town... go for it,
Stan!
CARTMAN: Aw man, hurry up! I wanna try to get a first post on segfault.org!
STAN: Shut up, Cartman! I'm tryin' to get the mack on here. (types) "meet u
tomorrow at 4?"
[[Scene: Wendy, sitting at another computer, sees what Stan just typed appear on
her screen.]]
WENDY: Oh, he didn't even puke this time! Isn't technology great?
[[South Park closing credits]]
This was a parody. South Park and all its characters are trademarks of Trey Parker
and Matt Stone. Any resemblance of anything else contained in this story to
anything in actual reality is coincidental and your own problem. Peace.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, if you're interested, look at
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mhgraham/Angband/s
e-mail to mhgraham@umich.edu....
Posted on Wed 25 Aug 12:11:47 1999 BST
Written by CJ Hooknose
copyright © 1998,1999 editor@segfault.org
How come that this jewel got rated -1 ?