I, too, have my own domain and accompanying sites, but haven't been able to locate long lost friends until using MySpace. It may not be perfect, but it still gets a hell of a lot of people in one place, and if you're looking for old friends, isn't that the key?
I appreciate all those who responded with support, advice, humor or insight.
I've thought about therapy. I still feel a rare pang of hurt or rage bubbling up from the past, but overall, I've learned to deal with my anger and use it as my drive, rather than my destruction. I've also realized that the ordeal I've survived has helped shape my personality into one I'm happier with: I'll never be shallow, and I'll never treat others the way those demons from my past treated me.
If they tested the kids that shoot up their schools, they would probably find they are sociopathic or mentally ill in some other way. Perhaps violence in media inspired them to commit their crimes while young, but it was probably bound to happen at some point in their lives.
And now for my story. I apologize in advance if it's tedious, but as someone who almost chose to commit these same acts, I feel it's applicable.
I believe I may have mild sociopathic tendencies, which were aggravated by parents that, though decent, didn't pay much attention to anything I did, and by the "popular" students, who picked on me incessantly through my junior high years. I first fantasized about humiliating them. The longer it went on, the more it escalated. I planned to kill myself to escape the daily misery. A single thought kept me from trying: "They'll win." Then I fantasized about killing them, by many gruesome means.
Mind you, while all this was happening, I wasn't a gamer, and my prior gaming experiences consisted of "Pitfall" and "Breakout" for the Atari 2600. I can't say for certain whether violent gaming (which was available, I just didn't have any new gaming systems) would have changed any of that. Knowing my personality at the time, it would have been more a release valve than anything.
I had access to guns and knives. I had the rage, and probably the tendency to commit what would have been the first such incident (and by a female, no less!). What stopped me from carrying out these deeds I plotted? It wasn't my parents. It wasn't lack of exposure to violence, since I'd seen my fair share of violent movies. It was that same thought that kept me from taking my own life. "They'll win." I would have been villified, they would have been cherished. Those cruel bastards certainly didn't deserve glowing memorial praise. So I did my best to ignore them. Luckily, I moved to a distant town right before high school.
We can't point the finger at any one cause of these crimes. In my case, a combination of factors contributed to a possible outburst, but there was just enough elements lacking that I kept my common sense and was able to overcome the impulse to act. Maybe I wasn't ill enough, maybe my parents were just good enough, maybe the torment didn't go far enough, or maybe I was just too afraid. I know for certain that the emotional torture I'd been put through all those years ago has permanently affected my mental state.
I lay most of the blame for what I almost did on two parties: myself, for taking so much stock in what others thought of me, and all the ignorant adults and peers that saw the problem, but chose to ignore it for whatever reason.
A postscript: shortly after I moved from that town, I saw in a local news broadcast that one of my harassers had been killed in a car accident. I smiled. Does that make me a bad person?
Slashdot Mirror
Does this mean for underwear manufacturer's websites? Is fruitoftheloom.com now considered a porn site?
I, too, have my own domain and accompanying sites, but haven't been able to locate long lost friends until using MySpace. It may not be perfect, but it still gets a hell of a lot of people in one place, and if you're looking for old friends, isn't that the key?
Just make sure that Dr. Hathaway gets his comeuppance when he gives your laser to the government for Crossbow.
I've thought about therapy. I still feel a rare pang of hurt or rage bubbling up from the past, but overall, I've learned to deal with my anger and use it as my drive, rather than my destruction. I've also realized that the ordeal I've survived has helped shape my personality into one I'm happier with: I'll never be shallow, and I'll never treat others the way those demons from my past treated me.
If they tested the kids that shoot up their schools, they would probably find they are sociopathic or mentally ill in some other way. Perhaps violence in media inspired them to commit their crimes while young, but it was probably bound to happen at some point in their lives.
And now for my story. I apologize in advance if it's tedious, but as someone who almost chose to commit these same acts, I feel it's applicable.
I believe I may have mild sociopathic tendencies, which were aggravated by parents that, though decent, didn't pay much attention to anything I did, and by the "popular" students, who picked on me incessantly through my junior high years. I first fantasized about humiliating them. The longer it went on, the more it escalated. I planned to kill myself to escape the daily misery. A single thought kept me from trying: "They'll win." Then I fantasized about killing them, by many gruesome means.
Mind you, while all this was happening, I wasn't a gamer, and my prior gaming experiences consisted of "Pitfall" and "Breakout" for the Atari 2600. I can't say for certain whether violent gaming (which was available, I just didn't have any new gaming systems) would have changed any of that. Knowing my personality at the time, it would have been more a release valve than anything.
I had access to guns and knives. I had the rage, and probably the tendency to commit what would have been the first such incident (and by a female, no less!). What stopped me from carrying out these deeds I plotted? It wasn't my parents. It wasn't lack of exposure to violence, since I'd seen my fair share of violent movies. It was that same thought that kept me from taking my own life. "They'll win." I would have been villified, they would have been cherished. Those cruel bastards certainly didn't deserve glowing memorial praise. So I did my best to ignore them. Luckily, I moved to a distant town right before high school.
We can't point the finger at any one cause of these crimes. In my case, a combination of factors contributed to a possible outburst, but there was just enough elements lacking that I kept my common sense and was able to overcome the impulse to act. Maybe I wasn't ill enough, maybe my parents were just good enough, maybe the torment didn't go far enough, or maybe I was just too afraid. I know for certain that the emotional torture I'd been put through all those years ago has permanently affected my mental state.
I lay most of the blame for what I almost did on two parties: myself, for taking so much stock in what others thought of me, and all the ignorant adults and peers that saw the problem, but chose to ignore it for whatever reason.
A postscript: shortly after I moved from that town, I saw in a local news broadcast that one of my harassers had been killed in a car accident. I smiled. Does that make me a bad person?
With all these replies to "boxen" I really thought I would find more Brian Regan fans here.