From the "advice for employees" page. We were all laughing (along with the COO of the company) ________________________________________________
Advice to employees on the proper use of the System Administrator's valuable time (In following examples, we will substitute the name "Ted" as the System Administrator)
Make sure to save all your MP3 files on your network drive. No sense in wasting valuable space on your local drive! Plus, Ted loves browsing through 100+ GB of music files while he backs up the servers. Play with all the wires you can find. If you can't find enough, open something up to expose them. After you have finished, and nothing works anymore, put it all back together and call Ted. Deny that you touched anything and that it was working perfectly only five minutes ago. Ted just loves a good mystery. For added effect you can keep looking over his shoulder and ask what each wire is for. Never write down error messages. Just click OK, or restart your computer. Ted likes to guess what the error message was. When talking about your computer, use terms like "Thingy" and "Big Connector." If you get an EXE file in an email attachment, open it immediately. Ted likes to make sure the anti-virus software is working properly. When Ted says he coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for him to remember your password. When you call Ted to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under a year-old pile of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, unpaid bills, bowling trophies and Popsicle sticks. Ted doesn't have a life, and he finds it deeply moving to catch a glimpse of yours. When Ted sends you an email marked as "Highly Important" or "Action Required", delete it at once. He's probably just testing some new-fangled email software. When Ted's eating lunch at his desk or in the lunchroom, walk right in, grab a few of his fries, then spill your guts and expect him to respond immediately. Ted lives to serve, and he's always ready to think about fixing computers, especially yours. When Ted's at the water cooler or outside taking a breath of fresh air, find him and ask him a computer question. The only reason he takes breaks at all is to ferret out all those employees who don't have email or a telephone. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery. When the photocopier doesn't work, call Ted. There's electronics in it, so it should be right up his alley. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at your home computer, call Ted. He enjoys fixing telephone problems from remote locations. Especially on weekends. When something goes wrong with your home PC, dump it on Ted's chair the next morning with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. Ted just loves a good mystery. When you have Ted on the phone walking you through changing a setting on your PC, read the newspaper. Ted doesn't actually mean for you to DO anything. He just loves to hear himself talk. When your company offers training on an upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother to sign up. Ted will be there to hold your hand when the time comes. When the printer won't print, re-send the job 20 times in rapid succession. That should do the trick. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all the printers in the office. One of them is bound to work. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps. Don't read the operator's manual. Manuals are for wussies. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to demonstrate your fledgling expertise by updating the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. Ted will be grateful for the overtime when he has to stay until 2:30am fixing all of them. When Ted's fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your Whopper with cheese in his face. He functions better when he's slightly dizzy from hunger. When Ted asks you whether you've installed any new software on your computer, LIE. It's n
This is why we are re-doing the software on all of our servers. We had 2 bozos building servers that were really bad at documentation. Policys scattered everywhere. We are also having to configure all of our switched from scratch, too.
Write it down and when you are gone we will speak nicely of you.
Slashdot Mirror
From the "advice for employees" page. We were all laughing (along with the COO of the company)
________________________________________________
Advice to employees on the proper use
of the System Administrator's valuable time
(In following examples, we will substitute the name "Ted" as the System Administrator)
Make sure to save all your MP3 files on your network drive. No sense in wasting valuable space on your local drive! Plus, Ted loves browsing through 100+ GB of music files while he backs up the servers.
Play with all the wires you can find. If you can't find enough, open something up to expose them. After you have finished, and nothing works anymore, put it all back together and call Ted. Deny that you touched anything and that it was working perfectly only five minutes ago. Ted just loves a good mystery. For added effect you can keep looking over his shoulder and ask what each wire is for.
Never write down error messages. Just click OK, or restart your computer. Ted likes to guess what the error message was.
When talking about your computer, use terms like "Thingy" and "Big Connector."
If you get an EXE file in an email attachment, open it immediately. Ted likes to make sure the anti-virus software is working properly.
When Ted says he coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for him to remember your password.
When you call Ted to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under a year-old pile of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, unpaid bills, bowling trophies and Popsicle sticks. Ted doesn't have a life, and he finds it deeply moving to catch a glimpse of yours.
When Ted sends you an email marked as "Highly Important" or "Action Required", delete it at once. He's probably just testing some new-fangled email software.
When Ted's eating lunch at his desk or in the lunchroom, walk right in, grab a few of his fries, then spill your guts and expect him to respond immediately. Ted lives to serve, and he's always ready to think about fixing computers, especially yours.
When Ted's at the water cooler or outside taking a breath of fresh air, find him and ask him a computer question. The only reason he takes breaks at all is to ferret out all those employees who don't have email or a telephone.
Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call Ted. There's electronics in it, so it should be right up his alley.
When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at your home computer, call Ted. He enjoys fixing telephone problems from remote locations. Especially on weekends.
When something goes wrong with your home PC, dump it on Ted's chair the next morning with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. Ted just loves a good mystery.
When you have Ted on the phone walking you through changing a setting on your PC, read the newspaper. Ted doesn't actually mean for you to DO anything. He just loves to hear himself talk.
When your company offers training on an upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother to sign up. Ted will be there to hold your hand when the time comes.
When the printer won't print, re-send the job 20 times in rapid succession. That should do the trick.
When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all the printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
Don't read the operator's manual. Manuals are for wussies.
If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to demonstrate your fledgling expertise by updating the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. Ted will be grateful for the overtime when he has to stay until 2:30am fixing all of them.
When Ted's fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your Whopper with cheese in his face. He functions better when he's slightly dizzy from hunger.
When Ted asks you whether you've installed any new software on your computer, LIE. It's n
Careful what you ask for. Look around at the people you work with... Do you really want Naked Fridays? - Tiki
oh, man. I'm a dork.
This is why we are re-doing the software on all of our servers. We had 2 bozos building servers that were really bad at documentation. Policys scattered everywhere. We are also having to configure all of our switched from scratch, too.
Write it down and when you are gone we will speak nicely of you.
here
Does it worry anyone that the Google Copernicus "A brave new frontier in search science" graphic looks like a DeathStar?