The Bistromathic Drive is a wonderful new method of crossing vast interstellar distances without all that dangerous mucking about with Improbability Factors.
Bistromathics itself is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the behavior of numbers. Just as Einstein observed that time was not an absolute but depended on the observerâ(TM)s movement in space, and that space was not an absolute, but depended on the observerâ(TM)s movement in time, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observerâ(TM)s movement in restaurants.
The first non-absolute number is the number of people for whom the table is reserved. This will vary during the course of the first three telephone calls to the restaurant, and then bear no apparent relation to the number of people who actually turn up, or to the number of people who subsequently join them after the show/match/party/gig, or to the number of people who leave when they see who else has turned up.
The second non-absolute number is the given time of arrival, which is now known to be one of those most bizarre of mathematical concepts, a recipriversexcluson, a number whose existence can only be defined as being anything other than itself. In other words, the given time of arrival is the one moment of time at which it is impossible that any member of the party will arrive. Recipriversexclusons now play a vital part in many branches of maths, including statistics and accountancy and also form the basic equations used to engineer the Somebody Elseâ(TM)s Problem field.
The third and most mysterious piece of non-absoluteness of all lies in the relationship between the number of items on the bill, the cost of each item, the number of people at the table, and what they are each prepared to pay for. (The number of people who have actually brought any money is only a sub-phenomenon in this field.)
The baffling discrepancies which used to occur at this point remained uninvestigated for centuries simply because no one took them seriously. They were at the time put down to such things as politeness, rudeness, meanness, flashness, tiredness, emotionality, or the lateness of the hour, and completely forgotten about on the following morning. They were never tested under laboratory conditions, of course, because they never occurred in laboratories - not in reputable laboratories at least.
And so it was only with the advent of pocket computers that the startling truth became finally apparent, and it was this:
Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe.
This single fact took the scientific world by storm. It completely revolutionized it. So many mathematical conferences got held in such good restaurants that many of the finest minds of a generation died of obesity and heart failure and the science of maths was put back by years.
Slowly, however, the implications of the idea began to be understood. To begin with it had been too stark, too crazy, too much what the man in the street would have said, âoeOh yes, I could have told you that,â about. Then some phrases like âoeInteractive Subjectivity Frameworksâ were invented, and everybody was able to relax and get on with it.
The small groups of monks who had taken up hanging around the major research institutes singing strange chants to the effect that the Universe was only a figment of its own imagination were eventually given a street theatre grant and went away.
In PayPals opinion I still live with polar bears, barbarians and blood feud. In post Soviet Russia, paypal uses one way money transfers only. Once you transferred money to paypal account, you can only spend it, no transferring back:D
I for once welcome our money grabbing overlords:-D
Some people don't like microsoft's way... news at eleven. After that new year's speech by "In soviet Russia software validates you" and "We welcome our new validating overlords":D
Not that I did any RTFA, but my steps would be
5. Pray (brief summary scanning revealed church and neighbourhood) to Ctulhu, Satan, Christ, Jahve, Allah... You could try to pray to all of them simultaneously or set up community service hours. E.g. 13.00-14.00 Satan, 14.00-15.00 Christ etc.
6. Spray their working computer with holy water. That should do the trick.
Steps to install for known partners(RedHat,Suse) etc. will be shortened from 20 steps to 15. Glibc strict requirement will have to wait until next big announcement.
That Fedora would die. My bad, back to dependency hell:) And to think that Oracle, cherished partner, only needs 20 steps to get that god awful java installer going... Well, you can't blame me for hoping.
And about the article, pfft, I'm on slashdot, I don't RTFA:D
Slashdot Mirror
Douglas Adams:
The Bistromathic Drive is a wonderful new method of crossing vast interstellar distances without all that dangerous mucking about with Improbability Factors.
Bistromathics itself is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the behavior of numbers. Just as Einstein observed that time was not an absolute but depended on the observerâ(TM)s movement in space, and that space was not an absolute, but depended on the observerâ(TM)s movement in time, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observerâ(TM)s movement in restaurants.
The first non-absolute number is the number of people for whom the table is reserved. This will vary during the course of the first three telephone calls to the restaurant, and then bear no apparent relation to the number of people who actually turn up, or to the number of people who subsequently join them after the show/match/party/gig, or to the number of people who leave when they see who else has turned up.
The second non-absolute number is the given time of arrival, which is now known to be one of those most bizarre of mathematical concepts, a recipriversexcluson, a number whose existence can only be defined as being anything other than itself. In other words, the given time of arrival is the one moment of time at which it is impossible that any member of the party will arrive. Recipriversexclusons now play a vital part in many branches of maths, including statistics and accountancy and also form the basic equations used to engineer the Somebody Elseâ(TM)s Problem field.
The third and most mysterious piece of non-absoluteness of all lies in the relationship between the number of items on the bill, the cost of each item, the number of people at the table, and what they are each prepared to pay for. (The number of people who have actually brought any money is only a sub-phenomenon in this field.)
The baffling discrepancies which used to occur at this point remained uninvestigated for centuries simply because no one took them seriously. They were at the time put down to such things as politeness, rudeness, meanness, flashness, tiredness, emotionality, or the lateness of the hour, and completely forgotten about on the following morning. They were never tested under laboratory conditions, of course, because they never occurred in laboratories - not in reputable laboratories at least.
And so it was only with the advent of pocket computers that the startling truth became finally apparent, and it was this:
Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe.
This single fact took the scientific world by storm. It completely revolutionized it. So many mathematical conferences got held in such good restaurants that many of the finest minds of a generation died of obesity and heart failure and the science of maths was put back by years.
Slowly, however, the implications of the idea began to be understood. To begin with it had been too stark, too crazy, too much what the man in the street would have said, âoeOh yes, I could have told you that,â about. Then some phrases like âoeInteractive Subjectivity Frameworksâ were invented, and everybody was able to relax and get on with it.
The small groups of monks who had taken up hanging around the major research institutes singing strange chants to the effect that the Universe was only a figment of its own imagination were eventually given a street theatre grant and went away.
Read from http://www.tudy.ro/2007/07/10/the-bistromathic-drive/
Who cares, bomb Iraq :D
http://www.lap.ttu.ee/~muhw/lyrics.php?action=show&id=93334
In PayPals opinion I still live with polar bears, barbarians and blood feud. In post Soviet Russia, paypal uses one way money transfers only. Once you transferred money to paypal account, you can only spend it, no transferring back :D
I for once welcome our money grabbing overlords :-D
Obligatory fortune quote: A radioactive cat has 18 half-lives :P
Some people don't like microsoft's way ... news at eleven. After that new year's speech by "In soviet Russia software validates you" and "We welcome our new validating overlords" :D
Not that I did any RTFA, but my steps would be 5. Pray (brief summary scanning revealed church and neighbourhood) to Ctulhu, Satan, Christ, Jahve, Allah... You could try to pray to all of them simultaneously or set up community service hours. E.g. 13.00-14.00 Satan, 14.00-15.00 Christ etc. 6. Spray their working computer with holy water. That should do the trick.
ATI linux drivers for AMD?
Hm, how about new game named "Under the Hood of toilet seat" ?
Dang, and I read "Inflatable Pirate Space Station Launched". D'oh, no news, move along :P
Nobody mentioned that golf is a sport, where men play with their balls. Next news: curling has got wide acceptance by masses.
Steps to install for known partners(RedHat,Suse) etc. will be shortened from 20 steps to 15. Glibc strict requirement will have to wait until next big announcement.
That Fedora would die. My bad, back to dependency hell :) And to think that Oracle, cherished partner, only needs 20 steps to get that god awful java installer going... Well, you can't blame me for hoping.
And about the article, pfft, I'm on slashdot, I don't RTFA :D
I see they want to make the hole tight.
Flying pigs put bacon makers out of business.