NOTE: The Japanese text that was produced for Mickey's dialogue seems to have been stripped out. Sigh...
Gunter the seed guard: Mayday! Mayday! A giant meteor is about to hit our base and ruin the seed collection! We don't know what to do! All we have is three fire extinguishers and a Super Soaker!
Ishmael the Norwegian Ship Captain: I beg your pardon, but being Norwegian, I don't understand German. Or is that Hindi? Perhaps French?
Ramiswami the French fighter pilot:Hey, you guys! Did somebody say French? We surrender!
Mickey Futz, the Maltese Plumber: Can the chatter, all you degenerates! I'm trying to fix the toilets on this freighter here and you're screwing up my satellite radio with this nonsense!
Ramiswami: Well, that was just rude. I'm going to fire an airstrike!
Mickey: Don't make me come up there, Frenchie!
Ramiswami: Oh, my God! We surrender! We surrender! Would you like some brie?
Gunter: I'm so terribly sorry, chaps, but you DO realize we're ALL GOING TO DIE!!!
Ishmael: God, Gunter, you're such a drama queen. Lay off the coffee... Oh, hey, is that a meteor?
Gunter: YES!
Ishmael: Oh, dear. You really are screwed, aren't you? Oh, well, you're in our thoughts.
Gunter: Mayday! Mayday! Ein riesiger MeteorIST im Begriff, unsere Unterseite zu schlagen und die Samenansammlung zu ruinieren! Wir wissen nicht was zu tun! Aller, den wir haben, ist drei Feuerlöscher und ein Supereinweicher!
Ishmael, a Norwegian Ship Captain who happens to be in the vicinity: Eu imploro seu pardon, mas sendo norueguês, eu não compreendo o alemão. Ou é esse Hindi? Talvez Francês?
Ramaswami, a French Fighter Pilot passing by: Hé, vous types! Est-ce que quelqu'un a dit le français? Nous nous rendons!
Mickey Futz, a Maltese plumber who vacations in Brooklyn: , ! I'm you're !
Ramaswami: Bien, c'était simplement grossier. Je vais mettre le feu à un airstrike!
Mickey Futz: Don't Frenchie !
Ramaswami: Ah, mon Dieu! Nous nous rendons! Nous nous rendons! vous aiment un certain brie?
Gunter: Ich bin, Mäuler so schrecklich traurig, aber Sie verwirklichen, daß ALLE wir sind, die GEHEN ZU STERBEN!!!
Ishmael: Deus, Gunter, você é tal rainha do drama. Coloque fora o café... O Oh, hey, é que um meteoro?
Gunter: JA!
Ishmael: Oh, caro. Você são realmente parafusam, não são você? Oh, bem, você está em nossos pensamentos.
NOTE: Google's translation may have been iffy. Here's the English version:
Oh, you silly man! If this were an invasion, we would already be skull-FSCKing you. No., No., No., All this is, is an extremely low-budget porno flick. We tried to cast some Norwegians but had to settle for what we had on hand.
It sounded much funnier the first time I typed it. Now I wish I'd plied myself with alcohol first (that usually improves the humor). I ran it through Google to turn it into German, then out of curiosity, ran it back into English, and got this:
It stupid man! If this were an invasion, we would already be bumsend Skull you. No., No., No., everything is it, is a Niedrigetatpornoleichter impact. We tried to throw some Norwegians but had to agree for, what we had existing.
GOOD LORD. So much for international relations...;P
Sie dummer Mann! Wenn dieses eine Invasion war, würden wir Skull Sie bereits bumsend sein. Nr., Nr., Nr., alles ist es, ist ein Niedrigetatpornoleichter Schlag. Wir versuchten, einige Norweger zu werfen, aber mußten vereinbaren für, was wir vorhandenes hatten.
Pardon me, but we were unable to cast any Norwegians for this skit. There are apparently none here in the sticks of Upstate New York. The only candidates were two Germans, three Japanese tourists, an Italian from Malta, and a Scotsman. Consequently, we felt that the Germans were our best shot.
We knew reviews would be mixed, but hey, it was either that or give up and make a porno flick.;)
Having not taken Murphy's Law seriously enough, the brave Norwegian seed guardians first notice Doom as a distant whistling noise.
Say, Gunter, vot is zat zound? Asks Olaf.
Vhy, I dunno! Says Gunter. It sounds almost like a vhistle!
They ponder the problem for a few seconds, and look out the window of the seed bank guard tower where they were having lunch a minute earlier. Gunter speaks first.
Olaf, there is a very strange circular shadow on the ground. It covers ze whole base!
Yes, I see, Gunter, what can zis mean?
Both men look up. The meteor Doom hangs over their heads for an instant, just like the big evil sphere in The Fifth Element, improbably rotating with a very slight cant, and then descends. Unfortunately there is no Wild Hottie available to save them... All the models are in New York for "Fashion Week". The meteor falls directly on them, squashing them all as flat as a day-old tostada.
The resulting release of energy wipes out all the plants on Earth, and the survivors think, "yeah, we should have seen it coming... Doesn't it always happen that way?"
Ah, but not everyone RUNS Wine. It's not even installed on my system.
I'd recommend Java for several reasons.
on
JSF vs ASP.net
·
· Score: 5, Informative
In terms of being able to create and serve a web page, either one would probably WORK, but I think Java is a much better platform. Let me share with you my reasons why, keeping in mind that I'm a professional developer with eight years of production experience. Also, I've developed on Apache (straight HTML and some CGI), JSP (on Red Hat servers with Apache Jakarta), ASP3 (IIS with COM+ middleware and Oracle backend), ASP.Net with web services AND some COM+ middleware and oracle backend, and now, Oracle 10G with Java everything (basically).
First of all, every platform in use supports Java, and you can download almost anything you might want to use for free. This is going to save you a bundle. YES, I know that technically Mono is sort of.Net-ish, and it's free, but I don't think Mono matches the sheer breadth of Java offerings you can acquire at zero to no cost. Java buys you almost complete freedom from vendor lock-in, if you play your cards right..Net, in comparison, is vendor lock-in INCARNATE.
Second, Java has an amazingly rich class library. If you can think of something you might want to do with a computer, there's a java library in there somewhere which will let you do it -- usually relatively easily, too. Although C# is approaching this level of functionality, I don't think it's exactly equal with Java yet. Close, maybe, but I think Java still has a little edge. Which makes sense, when you think about it -- Java's been around for several years longer.
Third, most major vendors are now completely behind Java. Sun, IBM, Novell, and Oracle, for instance, are all putting their collective might behind the platform. That's pretty significant. It means that new innovations from these companies are going to be available in Java FIRST. Also, when you're ready to ramp up to big iron, you're more likely to be able to do so with Java, because all the big players there are Java shops.
Fourth, you can download Oracle Express for free, and use it with Oracle's Java developer's tools to build a rather interesting type of system. Oracle's considering an interesting approach here; give away the low-end database so that as companies grow they think about going with Oracle first. That's pretty good business; be generous first, so you'll be thought of when it's time to purchase something big. And this can work for you.
Fifth, the same skill set your developers use to create Java-based apps on your web server can be used to program just about anything from a Microwave to a PDA to cars and trucks (believe it or not, yes Java's finding its way into some vehicle systems). Java's everywhere these days; the language is the same, only the API changes. That makes your Java skillset very portable.
Finally, I think JDBC is a little nicer than Microsoft's database approach. I've programmed both ways, and I like the Java approach better. It's easier, for one thing; I write less code working with Java (YES, I know, it's astounding, but nontheless true).
I could go on, but you see where I'm going. Java's the nicer of the two platforms, and you can't really go wrong choosing it.
How to comment your project and thoroughly preserve your sanity:
1. Ignore any standards anyone tries to force on you. Mostly such people are full of hot air, playing a role instead of just BEING a programmer. Things don't have to be buttoned-down. So, ignore the anal retentives and RELAX.
2. Start sneaking around. Gather up everything you can get your hands on, from original user specs to whatever else. Everything you can beg, borrow, or steal, put in a folder in your desk. When you have some free time, digest it and produce short, easy-to-understand summaries. And, summarize EVERYTHING: business rules, expectations, requirements, EVERYTHING. A short, clearly written summary is worth ten pounds of worthless suit-speak memos.
3. As you code, start each chunk of code (function, procedure, class, whatever) with a brief paragraph explaining, in your own words, what the purpose of the code is. Just briefly say "this is what I'm about to do, and this is why". Be brief, but specific. Mention anything weird, like odd parameters or whatever. If you have to return a weird string because Joe the Programmer is expecting it, explain it (without being cruel).
4. Within your code, use self-documenting variables and make sure your indentation, etc (style) is clear and easy to read. I know I bitched about "standards" but it doesn't hurt to read a short book like "the Elements of Java Style". It's a good book. Make your code clean and easy on the eyes. It only takes a minute. USE WHITESPACE!!! Don't clump everything together like a core dump, add some extra lines here and there. A carriage return is only a byte (two if you're on Windows). It ain't gonna kill you.
5. Whenever you do anything in your code that is non-obvious, like testing a column you got out of a database because there's junk data in there sometimes, EXPLAIN it. Just take a couple of lines to say "The import process sometimes sticks garbage in this variable, so we're doing a sanity check on it". You don't have to comment every single thing you do, but comment everything NON-OBVIOUS you do.
And, that's about it. I think it's as easy as that. There's no need for company-wide training, or workshops, or any of that stuff. Just a little common sense, and a little effort, and your code's clear to everyone.
A friend of mine told me a story about someone at a large engineering company here in the Northeast (details are being left vague to protect the guilty and/or insane). Here's what this amazing, completely mad person supposedly actually did:
In a huge software project, he named every single variable after a notable warship in United States History. If the variable was really important, it would be named after the lead ship in a battle group, like for instance an aircraft carrier or (WWI era) a dreadnaught. If the variable was just a little local variable, it would be named after something tiny, like a P.T. boat. Variables that participated in the same battles were used in the same modules. Variables' relationships mirrored their relationships in real life, so for instance, one variable would be named after a destroyer and a helper variable would be named after a tender.
Think about how utterly brilliant and devious this is!
The ONLY people who would have any chance at all of understanding the program would be anal-retentive naval history buffs! And the scope of it was supposedly amazing. If my friend was to be believed, this was an old-fashioned, NON-OO, structured-programming project with hundreds or maybe thousands of variables, all spaghetti code, everything named after fucking BOATS!
Slashdot Mirror
NOTE: The Japanese text that was produced for Mickey's dialogue seems to have been stripped out. Sigh...
Gunter the seed guard: Mayday! Mayday! A giant meteor is about to hit our base and ruin the seed collection! We don't know what to do! All we have is three fire extinguishers and a Super Soaker!
Ishmael the Norwegian Ship Captain: I beg your pardon, but being Norwegian, I don't understand German. Or is that Hindi? Perhaps French?
Ramiswami the French fighter pilot:Hey, you guys! Did somebody say French? We surrender!
Mickey Futz, the Maltese Plumber: Can the chatter, all you degenerates! I'm trying to fix the toilets on this freighter here and you're screwing up my satellite radio with this nonsense!
Ramiswami: Well, that was just rude. I'm going to fire an airstrike!
Mickey: Don't make me come up there, Frenchie!
Ramiswami: Oh, my God! We surrender! We surrender! Would you like some brie?
Gunter: I'm so terribly sorry, chaps, but you DO realize we're ALL GOING TO DIE!!!
Ishmael: God, Gunter, you're such a drama queen. Lay off the coffee... Oh, hey, is that a meteor?
Gunter: YES!
Ishmael: Oh, dear. You really are screwed, aren't you? Oh, well, you're in our thoughts.
Gunter: Gee, thanks. I'm going to bed.
Gunter: Mayday! Mayday! Ein riesiger MeteorIST im Begriff, unsere Unterseite zu schlagen und die Samenansammlung zu ruinieren! Wir wissen nicht was zu tun! Aller, den wir haben, ist drei Feuerlöscher und ein Supereinweicher!
Ishmael, a Norwegian Ship Captain who happens to be in the vicinity: Eu imploro seu pardon, mas sendo norueguês, eu não compreendo o alemão. Ou é esse Hindi? Talvez Francês?
Ramaswami, a French Fighter Pilot passing by: Hé, vous types! Est-ce que quelqu'un a dit le français? Nous nous rendons!
Mickey Futz, a Maltese plumber who vacations in Brooklyn: , ! I'm you're !
Ramaswami: Bien, c'était simplement grossier. Je vais mettre le feu à un airstrike!
Mickey Futz: Don't Frenchie !
Ramaswami: Ah, mon Dieu! Nous nous rendons! Nous nous rendons! vous aiment un certain brie?
Gunter: Ich bin, Mäuler so schrecklich traurig, aber Sie verwirklichen, daß ALLE wir sind, die GEHEN ZU STERBEN!!!
Ishmael: Deus, Gunter, você é tal rainha do drama. Coloque fora o café... O Oh, hey, é que um meteoro?
Gunter: JA!
Ishmael: Oh, caro. Você são realmente parafusam, não são você? Oh, bem, você está em nossos pensamentos.
Gunter: Gee, Dank. Ich werde zu Bett gehen.
NOTE: Google's translation may have been iffy. Here's the English version:
;P
Oh, you silly man! If this were an invasion, we would already be skull-FSCKing you. No., No., No., All this is, is an extremely low-budget porno flick. We tried to cast some Norwegians but had to settle for what we had on hand.
It sounded much funnier the first time I typed it. Now I wish I'd plied myself with alcohol first (that usually improves the humor). I ran it through Google to turn it into German, then out of curiosity, ran it back into English, and got this:
It stupid man! If this were an invasion, we would already be bumsend Skull you. No., No., No., everything is it, is a Niedrigetatpornoleichter impact. We tried to throw some Norwegians but had to agree for, what we had existing.
GOOD LORD. So much for international relations...
Sie dummer Mann! Wenn dieses eine Invasion war, würden wir Skull Sie bereits bumsend sein. Nr., Nr., Nr., alles ist es, ist ein Niedrigetatpornoleichter Schlag. Wir versuchten, einige Norweger zu werfen, aber mußten vereinbaren für, was wir vorhandenes hatten.
Pardon me, but we were unable to cast any Norwegians for this skit. There are apparently none here in the sticks of Upstate New York. The only candidates were two Germans, three Japanese tourists, an Italian from Malta, and a Scotsman. Consequently, we felt that the Germans were our best shot.
;)
We knew reviews would be mixed, but hey, it was either that or give up and make a porno flick.
Having not taken Murphy's Law seriously enough, the brave Norwegian seed guardians first notice Doom as a distant whistling noise.
Say, Gunter, vot is zat zound? Asks Olaf.
Vhy, I dunno! Says Gunter. It sounds almost like a vhistle!
They ponder the problem for a few seconds, and look out the window of the seed bank guard tower where they were having lunch a minute earlier. Gunter speaks first.
Olaf, there is a very strange circular shadow on the ground. It covers ze whole base!
Yes, I see, Gunter, what can zis mean?
Both men look up. The meteor Doom hangs over their heads for an instant, just like the big evil sphere in The Fifth Element, improbably rotating with a very slight cant, and then descends. Unfortunately there is no Wild Hottie available to save them... All the models are in New York for "Fashion Week". The meteor falls directly on them, squashing them all as flat as a day-old tostada.
The resulting release of energy wipes out all the plants on Earth, and the survivors think, "yeah, we should have seen it coming... Doesn't it always happen that way?"
Ah, but not everyone RUNS Wine. It's not even installed on my system.
In terms of being able to create and serve a web page, either one would probably WORK, but I think Java is a much better platform. Let me share with you my reasons why, keeping in mind that I'm a professional developer with eight years of production experience. Also, I've developed on Apache (straight HTML and some CGI), JSP (on Red Hat servers with Apache Jakarta), ASP3 (IIS with COM+ middleware and Oracle backend), ASP.Net with web services AND some COM+ middleware and oracle backend, and now, Oracle 10G with Java everything (basically).
.Net-ish, and it's free, but I don't think Mono matches the sheer breadth of Java offerings you can acquire at zero to no cost. Java buys you almost complete freedom from vendor lock-in, if you play your cards right. .Net, in comparison, is vendor lock-in INCARNATE.
First of all, every platform in use supports Java, and you can download almost anything you might want to use for free. This is going to save you a bundle. YES, I know that technically Mono is sort of
Second, Java has an amazingly rich class library. If you can think of something you might want to do with a computer, there's a java library in there somewhere which will let you do it -- usually relatively easily, too. Although C# is approaching this level of functionality, I don't think it's exactly equal with Java yet. Close, maybe, but I think Java still has a little edge. Which makes sense, when you think about it -- Java's been around for several years longer.
Third, most major vendors are now completely behind Java. Sun, IBM, Novell, and Oracle, for instance, are all putting their collective might behind the platform. That's pretty significant. It means that new innovations from these companies are going to be available in Java FIRST. Also, when you're ready to ramp up to big iron, you're more likely to be able to do so with Java, because all the big players there are Java shops.
Fourth, you can download Oracle Express for free, and use it with Oracle's Java developer's tools to build a rather interesting type of system. Oracle's considering an interesting approach here; give away the low-end database so that as companies grow they think about going with Oracle first. That's pretty good business; be generous first, so you'll be thought of when it's time to purchase something big. And this can work for you.
Fifth, the same skill set your developers use to create Java-based apps on your web server can be used to program just about anything from a Microwave to a PDA to cars and trucks (believe it or not, yes Java's finding its way into some vehicle systems). Java's everywhere these days; the language is the same, only the API changes. That makes your Java skillset very portable.
Finally, I think JDBC is a little nicer than Microsoft's database approach. I've programmed both ways, and I like the Java approach better. It's easier, for one thing; I write less code working with Java (YES, I know, it's astounding, but nontheless true).
I could go on, but you see where I'm going. Java's the nicer of the two platforms, and you can't really go wrong choosing it.
Blah, blah, blah.
How to comment your project and thoroughly preserve your sanity:
1. Ignore any standards anyone tries to force on you. Mostly such people are full of hot air, playing a role instead of just BEING a programmer. Things don't have to be buttoned-down. So, ignore the anal retentives and RELAX.
2. Start sneaking around. Gather up everything you can get your hands on, from original user specs to whatever else. Everything you can beg, borrow, or steal, put in a folder in your desk. When you have some free time, digest it and produce short, easy-to-understand summaries. And, summarize EVERYTHING: business rules, expectations, requirements, EVERYTHING. A short, clearly written summary is worth ten pounds of worthless suit-speak memos.
3. As you code, start each chunk of code (function, procedure, class, whatever) with a brief paragraph explaining, in your own words, what the purpose of the code is. Just briefly say "this is what I'm about to do, and this is why". Be brief, but specific. Mention anything weird, like odd parameters or whatever. If you have to return a weird string because Joe the Programmer is expecting it, explain it (without being cruel).
4. Within your code, use self-documenting variables and make sure your indentation, etc (style) is clear and easy to read. I know I bitched about "standards" but it doesn't hurt to read a short book like "the Elements of Java Style". It's a good book. Make your code clean and easy on the eyes. It only takes a minute. USE WHITESPACE!!! Don't clump everything together like a core dump, add some extra lines here and there. A carriage return is only a byte (two if you're on Windows). It ain't gonna kill you.
5. Whenever you do anything in your code that is non-obvious, like testing a column you got out of a database because there's junk data in there sometimes, EXPLAIN it. Just take a couple of lines to say "The import process sometimes sticks garbage in this variable, so we're doing a sanity check on it". You don't have to comment every single thing you do, but comment everything NON-OBVIOUS you do.
And, that's about it. I think it's as easy as that. There's no need for company-wide training, or workshops, or any of that stuff. Just a little common sense, and a little effort, and your code's clear to everyone.
A friend of mine told me a story about someone at a large engineering company here in the Northeast (details are being left vague to protect the guilty and/or insane). Here's what this amazing, completely mad person supposedly actually did:
In a huge software project, he named every single variable after a notable warship in United States History. If the variable was really important, it would be named after the lead ship in a battle group, like for instance an aircraft carrier or (WWI era) a dreadnaught. If the variable was just a little local variable, it would be named after something tiny, like a P.T. boat. Variables that participated in the same battles were used in the same modules. Variables' relationships mirrored their relationships in real life, so for instance, one variable would be named after a destroyer and a helper variable would be named after a tender.
Think about how utterly brilliant and devious this is!
The ONLY people who would have any chance at all of understanding the program would be anal-retentive naval history buffs! And the scope of it was supposedly amazing. If my friend was to be believed, this was an old-fashioned, NON-OO, structured-programming project with hundreds or maybe thousands of variables, all spaghetti code, everything named after fucking BOATS!
It's priceless.