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But CD, DAT, and the stereo PCM option for DVD-Video all use uncompressed audio.

Yeah, but most music is mixed in at least 24bit/96kHz these days. CDs have to dither to 16/44.1 which either requires truncation or psychoacoustic noise shaped dithering.

Read this if you're actually interested in a full explanation:
http://www.izotope.com/products/audio/ozone/OzoneDitheringGuide.pdf

The closest I can find is iZotope RX. http://www.izotope.com/products/audio/rx/ The basic tools are the same, they are kinda vague on the extended feature set. The price seems higher too. Diamond Cut could be run on a VM or Boot Camp if needed otherwise.

there's no good correction for clipped audio

Have you tried iZotope RX. I haven't actually tried the declipper, but the denoiser is practically magic and the hum removal is pretty sophisticated too. I suppose it depends on how badly it's clipped. (and, yes, mic level is not the same as line-in and you really don't want to mix them up in either direction)

I use this whenever I want vinyl sounds in my audio:

http://www.izotope.com/products/audio/vinyl/

Please, please write an XMMS plugin! I have a Winamp plugin that does this very thing very, very well (iZotope Ozone), and it's one of the few things I let keep me on Windows on my main system. On nice speakers, the difference is remarkable.

I want a player the size of an iPod with vinyl-quality output.

Use this with this.

iZotope Ozone models a tube amp (along with a pile of other fun stuff), and works as a plugin for Winamp. I wouldn't know how to hook up an iPod to something running a program like this (especially since if you're on the computer you don't need an iPod to listen to), but the 'warmth' and overall enhancement of sound is still something to look into. It might be a cheaper alternative to getting piles of actual equipment. http://www.izotope.com/products/audio/media/ozone. html

Laser Turn Table and a review

or Make CD sound like vinyl