Slashdot Mirror

• Whut be Linux?

Fo' everyone else, please eyeball on. 'S coo', bro.

Here is 10 reasons why Linux could be da damn best opuh'tin' system fo' ya':

• A Linux Distribushun gots dousands uh dollars wo'd uh software fo' no cost (o' some couple uh dollars if purchased on CD)
• Linux be a complete opuh'tin' system dat is, dig dis:
• stable - de crash uh an applicashun be much less likesly t'brin' waaay down de opuh'tin' system unda' Linux
• reliable - Linux servers is often down fo' hundreds uh days compared wid de regular reboots required wid some Windows system
• extremely powerful
• Comes wid some complete development environment, includin' C, C++, Fo'tran compilers, toolkits such as Qt and scriptin' languages such as Perl, Awk and sed. A C compila' fo' Windows alone would set ya' back hundreds uh dollars.
• Excellent netwo'kin' facilities, dig dis: allowin' ya' t'share CPUs, share doodads etc; all uh which is not included o' available wid Windows 95.
• De ideal environment t'run servers such as some web serva' (e.g. What it is, Mama! Apache), o' an FTP server. Ah be baaad...
• A wide variety uh commercial software be available if yo' needs ain't satisifed by de free software.
• An opuh'tin' system dat be easily downgradeable. Afta' any lengd uh time some typical installashun uh Windows and software digs into some complete mess. Often de only way t'clear out all de debris be to refo'mat da damn hard disk and start again. 'S coo', bro. Linux, however, be much betta' fo' maintainin' de system. WORD!
• Suppo'ts multiple processo's as standard.
• True multi-tax'in'; de ability t'run mo'e dan one honky code at da damn same time.
• An 'sellent window system called X; de equivalent uh Windows but much mo'e flexible.

It be possible t'set down yo' system t'have mo'e dan one opuh'tin' system on yo' clunker. If ya' is contemplatin' usin' Linux dis kin be real handy; it lets ya' still keep Windows 95/NT (e.g. What it is, Mama! if wo'k commitments require dat ya' use certain software) and use Linux. Slap mah fro! Dis gots'ta require creatin' partishuns on yo' Hard Disk. Ya' know? Documentashun dat accompanies most Linux distribushuns gots'ta 'splain how t'create some 'multi-boot' system. WORD!

Well.. NBC purchased the rights from Robert Jordan for a miniseries of book one, The Eye of the World. Luckily, it doesn't look like anything will come of it. This book was soo long and boring! I greatly preferred the Book-A-Minute version.

Hmm. This seems to be missing a lot.

No mention of the rivals that were about at the time and this doesn't mention ANY game before wolf3d!

Catacomb Abyss is a much better game than Wolfenstein 3D...

From the credits:

• Programming by Mike Maynard, Jim Row, and Nolan Martin
• Art Direction by Steve Maines
• Art Production by Steve Maines, Carol Ludden, Jerry Jones and Adrian Carmack
• Quality Assurance by Jim Weiler and Judi Mangham
• 3D Imaging Effects by ID Software

So thats the precursor to the Wolf3d engine in a better games, with graphics done by Adrian Carmack (not relation to John) who later joined the iD crew. The same engine that was use in earlier iD game Catacomb 3D.

Oh and for what it is worth it plays a bit like Blood. Any way check out the Apogee FAQ: html & TXT

And more specifically the iD software bit http://rinkworks.com/apogee/s/2.7.2.shtml

Hmm. This seems to be missing a lot.

No mention of the rivals that were about at the time and this doesn't mention ANY game before wolf3d!

Catacomb Abyss is a much better game than Wolfenstein 3D...

From the credits:

• Programming by Mike Maynard, Jim Row, and Nolan Martin
• Art Direction by Steve Maines
• Art Production by Steve Maines, Carol Ludden, Jerry Jones and Adrian Carmack
• Quality Assurance by Jim Weiler and Judi Mangham
• 3D Imaging Effects by ID Software

So thats the precursor to the Wolf3d engine in a better games, with graphics done by Adrian Carmack (not relation to John) who later joined the iD crew. The same engine that was use in earlier iD game Catacomb 3D.

Oh and for what it is worth it plays a bit like Blood. Any way check out the Apogee FAQ: html & TXT

And more specifically the iD software bit http://rinkworks.com/apogee/s/2.7.2.shtml

Hmm. This seems to be missing a lot.

No mention of the rivals that were about at the time and this doesn't mention ANY game before wolf3d!

Catacomb Abyss is a much better game than Wolfenstein 3D...

From the credits:

• Programming by Mike Maynard, Jim Row, and Nolan Martin
• Art Direction by Steve Maines
• Art Production by Steve Maines, Carol Ludden, Jerry Jones and Adrian Carmack
• Quality Assurance by Jim Weiler and Judi Mangham
• 3D Imaging Effects by ID Software

So thats the precursor to the Wolf3d engine in a better games, with graphics done by Adrian Carmack (not relation to John) who later joined the iD crew. The same engine that was use in earlier iD game Catacomb 3D.

Oh and for what it is worth it plays a bit like Blood. Any way check out the Apogee FAQ: html & TXT

And more specifically the iD software bit http://rinkworks.com/apogee/s/2.7.2.shtml

And this is different from normal SlashDot HOW???

woof.

It seems sort of like a bigger versioin of the Dialectizer, a site that allows you to insert a url and then have all the text on the page translated into a number of amusing "languages," such as redneck, jive, elmer fudd, etc. /. readers may especially appreciate the hacker dialect. ^_^ Try this version of slashdot!(hit the dialectize button). CmdrTaco's gone l33+!

It seems sort of like a bigger versioin of the Dialectizer, a site that allows you to insert a url and then have all the text on the page translated into a number of amusing "languages," such as redneck, jive, elmer fudd, etc. /. readers may especially appreciate the hacker dialect. ^_^ Try this version of slashdot!(hit the dialectize button). CmdrTaco's gone l33+!

Redneck: Globalizashun
Elmer Fudd: Gwobawization
Swedish Chef: Glubeleezeshun
1337: g|0b4|1s4710n

The Dialectizer doesn't have 1337 yet, though.

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

You's know de drill all t'well
by dis point in time. It's time fo' de self-deprecatin' yet
ego strokin' babble-about-myself page. It's required by
net. Man!law, so cut me some slack, Jack. If ah' violate dis sacred net tradishun, mah' cheesy vanity domain dojigger
gots'ta be snatchn fum me and given t'starvin' farm children. 'S coo', bro. Mah'
servers gots'ta be snatchn and given t'de needy. Slap mah fro! And I'll be tied
to some chair and fo'ced t'scribble HTML fo' companies dat manufacture
cardbo'd boxes, o' code CGI apps fo' warecribs dat ship boxes. Eider
way, its boxes, and dats no baaaad.

Where is you? I'm in
Holland Michigan. 'S coo', bro. Look at yo' right palm. WORD! I'm about half way
between de base uh yo' pinky and yo' wrist. Man! Plus o' minus
a few veins. Holland be de crib uh de Tulip Festival- de
3rd largest festival in de United States (followin' de Festival
of Roses and Mardi Gras). Sucka'ally I'd rada' be in Pasadena
o' New Orleans, but dis be where ah' am, and dis be where I'm
gonna stay until ah' go crazy and move.

Currently ah' hang mah' fedora in mah' fabulous crib no'd uh town. 'S coo', bro.
Its some supa fine place on some couple uh acres uh trees where ah' can hide
in between conferences and meetin's.

Didja Go t'Farm? ah' wish
I dun didn't, but trud be knode, ah' attended many years uh fo'mal
educashun, startin' fum Rose Park Christian Nursry Farm,
Rose Park Elementary, Holland Christian Middle Farm, and
eventually graduashun fum Holland Christian High Farm in
1994. ah' followed down dis carea' by attendin' Holland's
oder majo' Christian Institushun: Hope College. After
4.5 years (de 'estra semesta' fo' wuz fo' luck! Right on!) ah' graduated
wid some B.S. in Clunker Science and some Mino' in Studio Art. Man!
Durin' dis time ah' gots poo' grades while spendin' every wakin'
moment dat wuzn't devoted t'educashun teachin' mah'self
nuthin about clunkers ah' could dig mah' brain around. Mah'
favo'ite parts uh farm wuz ceramics, drawin', and graphics
classes where ah' wuz fo'ced t'learn enough mad t'dig it
Splines and raytracin'.

Gots ya' eva' had some Job?
Mah' fust job wuz at some grocery sto'e. ah' spent several years
baggin' food, carryin' dem t'cars, and puttin' boxes
on shelves. Dis prepared me puh'fectly fo' mah' lata' career
in de realm uh clunkers (cough cough). Mah' fust real tech
job wuz at Donnelly where ah' spent 2 mo'e years fixin' clunkers.
Here be where ah' learned da damn difference between 115 and 220 current,
as well as why Windows be de wo'st opuh'tin' system on
de planet. Man! Followin' mah' time at Donnelly ah' wo'ked at
De Image Group where
I puh'fo'med various tax's rangin' fum HTML dude and pseudo
Sysadmin t'CGI Hack. Ya' know? ah' wo'ked on sites includin'
Fust Michigan Bank and
Woodland Realty befo'e
I eventually served out mah' sentance and started my own company wid some few homeys.

Fo' much uh my college carea' I ran some little web site
knode as Slashdot. From megaer
beginin's it grew t'be quite some popular net destinashun. We've
won lots uh awards and we serve down some million+ pages
each day. Slap mah fro! Mah' time be now fully consumed wid runnin' dis beast. Man!
In June uh 99 it wuz acquired by Andover. Ah be baaad...Net.
and ah' wuz employed t'maintain charge uh de site. De food chain
continued as Andova' wuz in turn swallowed by VA
Linux Systems. We is now some business group collectively knode
as OSDN, but whut ah' do ain't
real changed fum de days when ah' ran Slashdot out uh my bedroom. WORD!

I'm also on de bo'd uh BlockStackers, some company created by me and homeys. Dis company wuz de co'po'ate
structure dat held Slashdot fo' some year, and continues t'be da damn crib of
Everydin'2- our
wacky, distributedly maintained web database, Perl
Monks, some puh'l hacka' site, and
AdFu, our banner
ad server. Ah be baaad...
Now if we make bre'd o' not, dat remains t'be seen, but at least its
fun. 'S coo', bro. I've also been knode
to spend much time wo'kin' wid Kurt da damn Wiz'
on some project knode as AnimeFu, a
(surprise) Anime film site also based on de E2 engine menshuned earlier. Ah be baaad...

So's whut do ya' likes?

• Clunkers. From de days uh TRS-80s and BASIC wid
  line numbers, on out t'C, C++, SQL, Pascal, Ada,
  and fine much any oda' language dat ya'
  might wanna mess wid. I've done it. Man! From
  playin' wid hard rolls and dip switches and
  cuttin' yo'self on de inside uh cases, I've
  done dat too. 'S coo', bro. From DOS, t'Windows, t'NT, t'OS/2
  and finally t'Linux
  I've been dere, done dat. Man! Clunkers fine much
  consume every wakin' moment uh my life. Dey're
  my job, mah' hobby, and mah' passion. 'S coo', bro. Dey provide mah'
  artistic outlet, some stream uh revenue, and some way to
  communicate wid dose ah' care about. Man!
  
• 
  De Internet. Man! Whut kin ah' say? I'm an addict. Man! De
  'net fo' me wuz de point fo' clunkers.
  I spend mah' time surfin' de net, writin' honky codes
  dat rap on de net, chattin' on IRC, writin'
  email, creatin' web pages and web sites. De
  closest doodad t'a job title ah' have is
  Webmaster. Ah be baaad... I've been on de internet since Netscape
  wuz plum Mozilla and Microsoft dun didn't know whut it
  wuz. De Internet fo'ced me into dat slow mo-fo and guided
  me t'Linux where ah' found out dat opuh'tin' systems
  dun didn't need t'hurt. Man! Face it dudes, fo' all its
  flaws, de net brin's humanity togeder. Ah be baaad... It's
  our best chance at some reasonable future.
  
• Beat. I'm into beat. No surprise dat once again
  clunkers weigh into mah' beat- ah' have many gigs
  of mp3s (all ripped fum mah' collecshun uh CDs)
  includin' some vast collecshun uh tunes fum great
  artists likes Floyd, De Beatles, Aerosmid,
  de Stones, Jimi, Clapton (Cream, Yardbirds,
  Derek & de Dominoes, Blind Faid) Dire Straits,
  De Travellin' Wilburies, and most impo'tant
  of all, Liva' Lips Townshend and dat little band
  knode as De Who. 'S coo', bro. I'm some majo' Who fanatic. Co' got d' beat!
  I own most uh deir albums and videos, as well as
  many uh deir solo effo'ts (even Roger's cheesy crap)
  
  

  It's not all guitar rock. Ya' know? Fo' some reason I've
  also gots some warm place in mah' heart fo' Jimmy Buffet
  and stranga' still, Disney Soundtracks. Yeah dude dat's
  right- Aladdin. 'S coo', bro. Beauty and da damn Beast. Man! De Little
  Mermaid. Mulan. 'S coo', bro. I'm dere openin' night wid de
  soundtrack memo'ized rappin' mah' heart out and fendin'
  off blows fum dose nearby. Slap mah fro! I've even been knode
  to enjoy Public Enemy, Rob Swift, DJ Q-Bert, de
  Beastie Boys.
  
  

  
  A while ago ah' even picked down de guitar. Ah be baaad... ah' can't
  play, but ah' can pick it down. ah' basically plum wail
  on mah' Purple Strat real loud. And recently, I've
  added some Gibson SG t'my arsenal. ah' may suck, but I
  at least gots volume. And da damn powa' cho'ds dat I
  play gots feelin' amplified by some wah wah
  pedal. It's all baaaad.
  
  

• Television? Yeah right. Man! Who gots time? I'm an MST3k
  fan. 'S coo', bro. Fanclub memba' # 42346 in fact. Man! I
  likes Animashun, Angry Beavers, SoudPark, X-Stashs,
  De Simpsons, and lately Dat 70s Show and Cuddies.
  but realistically, ah' plum duzn't care fo' TV much. Lop some boogie. However
  if youse goin' t'do it, be baaaad t'yo'self, and dig
  a tivo, and season-pass Battlebots, Crocodile Hunter, and
  Iron Chef.
  
  
• Anime makes ya' wish american TV actually had some soul. Besides wo'kin'
  on AnimeFu, ah' collect
  Anime Cels (I gots some variety uh cels fum Tenchi, Slayers,
  Ranma, Trigun, Battle Adletes and oda' favo'ite series)
  as well as DVDs. If ya' gotsn't watched Cowboy Bebop and Lain, yo'
  life be not yet complete. Seek and Devour. Ah be baaad...
  
  
• Movies. As ya' caught above, I'm also some Disney freak. Ya' know? Sho' man
  de company be evil, but da damn animashun be go'geous.
  Sho' man de plots is cheesy, but da damn fx is great. Man! And
  each year ah' line down t'see whut dey gots'ta offer. Ah be baaad...
  
  

  But ah' real enjoy animashun. Antz and Bug's Life
  were bod fine waaay coo', as wuz Prince uh Egypt. Man! Fo'
  sump'n some bit different, try on some Wallace
  and Grommit. Man!
  
  

  I likesd animashun so's much dat ah' actually tried
  to animate mah' own stuff. De results wuz
  Duckpins and
  Hamsta' Havoc. Each be a 60
  second CGI clip animated and edited by mah'self. Dose
  producshuns taught me some lot about animashun- most
  impo'tantly dat it's real hard.
  
  

  But I'm into oda' movies as well- de grotesque
  (Resevoir Dogs, Trainspottin') de bizarre (nuthin
  directed by Terry Gilliam, dig dis: Fear & Loadin' and
  12 Monkeys wuz bod 'sellent) t'de hilarious
  (Monty Pydon) and off t'de mo'e mainstream
  (I actually likesd Armageddon). And ah' couldn't be
  a self respectin' geek widout bein' officially
  addicted t'Star Wars- ah' actually gots seen de
  trilogy some little upside a hundred times. Star Trek
  is great too- ST2, 3, 6 and 8 wuz each great movies.
  De rest. Man!.. well, dey sucked.
  
  

• Art. Man! So's I wuz some studio art mino'. Whut duz dat mean? Not
  much. Lop some boogie. But ah' do gots all so'ts uh wacky little projects
  I've created upside de years. Dese range fum some collecshun
  of about 100 cartoons dat ah' drew in
  high farm, t'my animashuns, t'various photography
  projects t'sculpture projects and an uncountable
  amount uh ceramic bowls and cups and vases created fo'
  assignments. ah' real love dis stuff.
  
  
• Arcades. ah' dun didn't dink ah' had da damn skills necessary t'build mah' own
  MAME cabinet, but dat ain't
  stopped me from tryin'. Wid de assistance
  of some few homeys and family, I've been slowly drillin', cuttin',
  solderin', gluin', and sandnin' and mighty cabinet into bein'. Its
  been 'estremely rewardin' since it gots required me t'learn lots of
  new doodads about wood wo'kin', but also cuz' it kin play Pac-Man! Right on!
  I also own some Joust, Arkanoid, and Road Blasters cabinet, and a
  Jack*Bot pinball table. I'm no wizard, but at least free play lets
  me practice wheneva' I gots some few free minutes.
  
  

We gots detected dat da damn browsa' ya' is usin' gots'ta not display MSN.com optimally. Slap mah fro! MSN.com gots'ta wo'k best wid de latest version uh Microsoft Internet Explo'er, MSN Explo'er, o' de latest version uh yo' current browser. Ah be baaad... If ya' would likes t'upgrade t'a browsa' dat gots'ta cut ya' an optimal 'espuh'ience, click de appropriate link below, dig dis:

• Internet Explo'a' fo' Windows
• Internet Explo'a' fo' Macintosh
• MSN Explo'a' fo' Windows

We gots detected dat da damn browsa' ya' is usin' gots'ta not display MSN.com optimally. Slap mah fro! MSN.com gots'ta wo'k best wid de latest version uh Microsoft Internet Explo'er, MSN Explo'er, o' de latest version uh yo' current browser. Ah be baaad... If ya' would likes t'upgrade t'a browsa' dat gots'ta cut ya' an optimal 'espuh'ience, click de appropriate link below, dig dis:

• Internet Explo'a' fo' Windows
• Internet Explo'a' fo' Macintosh
• MSN Explo'a' fo' Windows

We gots detected dat da damn browsa' ya' is usin' gots'ta not display MSN.com optimally. Slap mah fro! MSN.com gots'ta wo'k best wid de latest version uh Microsoft Internet Explo'er, MSN Explo'er, o' de latest version uh yo' current browser. Ah be baaad... If ya' would likes t'upgrade t'a browsa' dat gots'ta cut ya' an optimal 'espuh'ience, click de appropriate link below, dig dis:

• Internet Explo'a' fo' Windows
• Internet Explo'a' fo' Macintosh
• MSN Explo'a' fo' Windows

We gots detected dat da damn browsa' ya' is usin' gots'ta not display MSN.com optimally. Slap mah fro! MSN.com gots'ta wo'k best wid de latest version uh Microsoft Internet Explo'er, MSN Explo'er, o' de latest version uh yo' current browser. Ah be baaad... If ya' would likes t'upgrade t'a browsa' dat gots'ta cut ya' an optimal 'espuh'ience, click de appropriate link below, dig dis:

• Internet Explo'a' fo' Windows
• Internet Explo'a' fo' Macintosh
• MSN Explo'a' fo' Windows

We gots detected dat da damn browsa' ya' is usin' gots'ta not display MSN.com optimally. Slap mah fro! MSN.com gots'ta wo'k best wid de latest version uh Microsoft Internet Explo'er, MSN Explo'er, o' de latest version uh yo' current browser. Ah be baaad... If ya' would likes t'upgrade t'a browsa' dat gots'ta cut ya' an optimal 'espuh'ience, click de appropriate link below, dig dis:

• Internet Explo'a' fo' Windows
• Internet Explo'a' fo' Macintosh
• MSN Explo'a' fo' Windows

We gots detected dat da damn browsa' ya' is usin' gots'ta not display MSN.com optimally. Slap mah fro! MSN.com gots'ta wo'k best wid de latest version uh Microsoft Internet Explo'er, MSN Explo'er, o' de latest version uh yo' current browser. Ah be baaad... If ya' would likes t'upgrade t'a browsa' dat gots'ta cut ya' an optimal 'espuh'ience, click de appropriate link below, dig dis:

• Internet Explo'a' fo' Windows
• Internet Explo'a' fo' Macintosh
• MSN Explo'a' fo' Windows

We gots detected dat da damn browsa' ya' is usin' gots'ta not display MSN.com optimally. Slap mah fro! MSN.com gots'ta wo'k best wid de latest version uh Microsoft Internet Explo'er, MSN Explo'er, o' de latest version uh yo' current browser. Ah be baaad... If ya' would likes t'upgrade t'a browsa' dat gots'ta cut ya' an optimal 'espuh'ience, click de appropriate link below, dig dis:

• Internet Explo'a' fo' Windows
• Internet Explo'a' fo' Macintosh
• MSN Explo'a' fo' Windows

Qwess an' Microsof'® is wawkin' togither t'provide cornsoomrs wif best-of-breed MSN corntent an' services via Qwest's Internet infrastruckure. Cestomers will benefit fum this hyar joint offerin' in menny ways includin':

Now isn't that much better than reading the plain old vanilla statements! ;) I mean, Microsoft is wawkin' t'provide cornsoomers sums up what kind of service I would expect from them!

There's a good collection of these kinds of things at Computer Stupidities on rinkworks.com.

"Yo' shot it wif a tranquilizer! Fry mah hide!? Th' bar's a-gonna fall on thet god dadburn transfo'mer, yo' fat idiot! Fry mah hide!" shouted an angry six year old onlooker.

A leader is a figure head for a community. You can 't put the entire open source community into a room with all the other citizens of the united states and sign bills and pass laws everyone can agree on. No, you need one, or a few, people to represent the community. We need a leader to talk to politicians, senators, etc. Other leaders who need to be convinced of our ideas.

Yes I did say the 'P' word, politics. Most of the people in this world can't understand technology, and so that's why we need politics, to convince all the techno-illiterate that technology is really a good thing. Do you really want to convince your average human being about your standpoint on technology? Read this first.

The OpenSource community needs an intermediary to water down its views of technology so that the average person can understand it. There's more stupid people in the world than techno-literate people.

My favorite demo-gone-bad comes courtesy of Computer Stupidities' Nice Try page:

One day at a scientific meeting, he noticed that another company was showing Archie software with remarkably similar functionality to his own, so he wandered over. The longer he watched, the more familiar it looked. Eventually, when the sales representative had gathered a good crowd, he asked in a loud voice:

• My Boss: "Are you using my copyrighted code for this?"
• Sales Representative: "Of course not."
• My Boss: "So what happens if you press [key combination]?"
• Sales Representative: "Nothing."
• My Boss: "Do it for me."
• Sales Representative: "Ok sir, but I can assure you it does--"

The screen displayed my boss' copyright notice. All they'd done was remove the front end.

It widely accepted as the biggest laugh of the show.

As someone's already pointed out; the name (eLiza) doesn't exactly inspire confidence in the system's ability to actually come up with meaningful answers. And I have my doubts that it'll handle the fine calibre of idiot that corporations can create.

As seen on Computer Stupidities:

Student: "Hey, how do I lodge in to Hotmail?"
Me: "You've got to type in your username and password in those fields that say 'username' and 'password'."
Student: "I don't have one of those."
Me: "You need one to log in to Hotmail."
Student: "It's 'LODGE' in."
Me: "The term is 'log in,' and you can't log in without a username and password. I can help you create one if you'd like."
Student: "Um, excuse me, but I THINK I know what I'm talking about. It's LODGE in, and I don't want a username and password, I just want to get some email!"

I just went back to working after that, and he left complaining about how "crappy" the computers in the lab were, after trying to "lodge in" for ten more minutes.

Of course, there are hundreds of stories out there just like that one.

Check out the Vinny the Vampire comic strip

BTW here is how the article looks in the Dialectizer:

Whar Does Microsof' Want Yo' t'Git Today?

Posted by michael on Thursday June 07, @07:49AM fum th' subliminal-message-har depp. blennerkin' sent in this hyar Wall Street Journal sto'y about Microsof''s noo "Smart Tags" - auty-linkin' t'Microsof' websites in enny web page yo' visit. "Fum th' article: "In effeck, Microsof' will be able, through th' browser, t're-edit ennybody's site, wifout th' owny's smarts o' permisshun, in a way thet tempps users t'leave an' hoof it to a Microsof'-chosen site -- whether o' not thet site offers better info'mashun." Mah web site is about margarita recipes....whut is Microsof' a-gonna does...offer a visito' t'mah site a better recipe on their site?" T'other reader sent in a CNET article on th' same subjeck.

I prefer to get my reviews from some "real" reviewers like the Movie-A-Minute guys, or Mr. Cranky. Their reviews are as informative as any, but a hundred times funnier...

Go to rinkworks. The page is run by the brother of one of my friends, a nice guy if you ever met one. You can give him your stories to add to the collection. Computer Stupidities
For the goatsex weary, http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

All the tech support war stories are great, but the granddaddy of tech support story repositories can be found here.

My vote for "First Luser Sent to the Home" is George.