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We stopped when we got a clean compile on the following syntax: for(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=C;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2);

I had a class called Consulting Techniques a few years ago, and my teacher made special emphasis on this. You have to choose the clients who can and will pay you.

Recommended reading: The McKinsey Way by Ethan Rasiel.

Also you may want to check out The Golden Rules of Consulting , most of them people use by instinct.

Well, what do you expect, given its history.

That's a superb run-down of everything I've been yelling and screaming for the last two to three years. I'd also like to add "make sure you're known for honesty and integrity" to that list...it's amazing how fast word gets around that you're not out to make a fast buck at the cost of helping people get things done.

The market ain't dried up, it ain't drying up and it ain't gonna dry up. You no longer have horrendous contract rates for PC movers, and it's no longer free money ("hey, gee, I can do computer shit, it pays really well") but if you put a little bit of effort into it, Bob's your uncle.

I really like Stokely's Golden Rules of Consulting for this.

I realize that this seems like painting a rosy picture for some programmer/sysadmin who's been thrown out of work. However, I can think of very few cases where someone with initiative and talent stayed in serious trouble for very long.

It's not a job, it's a contract position. Contractors are brought in to fill very specific tasks over a limited period of time, get paid a lot of money (that's how it's suppose to be; I'm a consultant, and let me tell you, the things people try...) and don't have any of the regular protections an employee has (paid holidays, sick leave, severance pay, training, whatever.) Stokely has some good things to say here.

It has nothing to do with Europe vs. America--the ADA is actually quite strict about this sort of thing for salaried employees.

As for good social security programs, they died out in the US about the time good railways died out in the UK, for some perspective.

Most of the comments in this thread are entirely accurate. Do not say no, but rather, document exactly what tasks you're doing, ask your manager to prioritize, and have customers go through him/her to get to you.

If your manager is unreasonable, you will have to do the prioritization yourself. Most important, though, is that you very clearly document the time estimated and actual hours spent on fulfilling a task.

What I have also found to be extremely useful (consultant, yeah yeah...) is, before starting a task, outline the actual task deliverables. When finished, do a quick writeup on what you did, who it was for, how long it took, etc. Doesn't have to be long, just look reasonably nice

This takes a bit of getting used to and initially may seem like a waste of half an hour per task, but I have yet to speak to anyone in any level of management who didn't appreciate that sort of thing. It gives them concrete proof of what you're doing, it gives you a paper trail to fall back on when people claim you don't have enough to do, and it makes your boss look good, because they have something tangible in their hands to present to their management.

Also, though I know it's not entirely relevant, it helps me to occasionally look at Stokely's Golden Rules of Consulting. It's more geared towards independent contractors, but contains some very wise principles.

Whatever happens, don't get frustrated. I guarantee you, eventually your customers will begin to understand that everyone and their mom wants you to do things for them, and will learn to stand in line. And my experience has been that when something is truly truly earthshatteringly urgent, they become even more appreciative if you can bend the rules a bit. That's how we kept a fairly extensive bar stocked during my last operations role :)

Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons -- I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to --"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [click]

it's a classic

/t

\I live in Switzerland, so this may not apply to you.\

I'm an IT security and unix consultant/contractor here. Aside from a few years before 2001, when massive numbers of low-skill kids decided to make a quick buck as contractors, consultants are held to a far higher standard than "permies". Much as I hate to say it, there's a sense of elitism among "real" contractors here--these are the hardcore tech guys whom you bring in when something is gefuckt beyond salvation by mere mortals.

N.b. that I don't count myself as a Superman like that, just lucky to be in the right places at the right time so far.

I've never contracted in the US, but I recall looking at contract sysadmin jobs during college, paying $17.50 US per hour. Most of my American contractor colleagues' conversations I overhear involve an ambition to go permie, and how shitty contracting is.

This surprises the hell out of me, as I think contractors/consultants here generate sort of a sense of "awe" (crappy word, but I can't think of anything better), as the outsider who comes in to do the _really_ hard stuff, among employees. This can develop into resentment if not handled carefully.

One of my project managers taught me a good lesson for consulting--never cease looking at a job as an "us-vs-them" situation. Deliver more than you promised ahead of schedule and raise the bar all around, but consider yourself as providing a good example. Stokely offers what I consider to be some excellent guidelines of how to go about this.

The idea of a 'caste' system, where the permies look down at contractors amuses me to no end.

Remember this? Well those are some pretty good reasons, aren't they? It's the same logic here.

Sounds like you need to take a look at the Golden Rules of Consulting. The relevant rules are: be the professional's professional, know when to "no bid" and know your customers. It sounds from the description that you need to provide some assistance with not only execution of the project, but give advice on what is a reasonable methodology and/or time frame for it. Advice to adjust goals is hard to give diplomatically, but often the most needed.

There's no 2.6 in the list of What Software Version Numbers Really Mean, so obviously it can't be 2.6. Therefore it must be at least 3.0. In fact, I'm stil confused as to how a 2.4 release got out.

Don't worry, there are not links to Goatse

Here are many more interesting Microsoft bashing articles for your enjoyment:

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And here is an article that asks if Microsoft-bashing good for you.

A good place to start looking. It's for users of regular Unix, even on so poor a processor as an x86. ;)

I haven't found one better maintained, nor so unbiased.

I started out doing tech support at a cute little mom and pop ISP in Palo Alto. We were Solaris based and the owners did tech support and admin at Sun in the early days so they knew Unix (at least SunOS) really well. They taught me everything I needed to know to be a good sys admin:

1) I learned that customers are the most important part. Even if they don't know what they want, its your job to figure it out.
2) I learned to program in Perl and the shells and some C.
3) I talked to people like Celeste Stokely
4) I gained a passion for fixing and building and maintaining and automating and being the hero.
5) Yoga and a good hard-core bike ride or a trip up the hill for some boarding helps as well.
6) I learned about other Unices and GNU/Linux in my spare time and learned to recognize the differences.

I don't have a CS degree or any certifications. I have a wealth of real-world experience. I think that is what really counts. Don't get me wrong; I am going back to school to get a CS degree but only after I learned my passion. Working at a small but busy ISP has given me a great perspective on being a sysadmin. There are other ways to learn, but if you don't want to go back to school, I'd say get a tech support job at a little ISP (if there are any left).

One more thing; plan to keep in shape and not grow a grey beard and fat. No matter what they say, those two are not a requirement.

OK..... two more things; learn how to crunch numbers and how to justify cost so your boss will have an idea about what your work will mean.

(See, e.g., http://www.stokely.com/lighter. side/unix.prank.html.)

Just incase anyone hasn't see it (very unlikely)

Guidelines for Working With Tech Support

Author Unknown



Guidelines for users from the Technical Support department.



Don't write anything down. We can play back the error messages from here.

When a tech says he's coming right over, go for coffee. It's nothing to us to remember 4000 screen saver passwords.

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

Don't put your phone extension in your emails to the help desk. We need to keep an eye on the address book performance.

When tech support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing the public groups.

When a tech is eating lunch in his cube, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

When a tech is having a smoke outside, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we smoke at all is to ferret out those clients who don't have email or a telephone line.

Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

When you call a tech's direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that says he's out of town for a week, record your message and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.

When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your line from here.

When you have a dozen CGA monitors to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.

When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a tech's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

If you hate your mouse, get some other pointing device and discard the manual. We know all the keyboard accelerators.

When a tech tells you that computer monitors don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

When you get a message about insufficient disk space, delete everything in the Windows directory. It's nothing but trouble anyway.

When you get a message about a hard disk controller failure, and then you reboot and it looks okay, don't call tech support. We'd much rather troubleshoot it when it's dead as doornail.

When you have a tech on the phone walking you through changing a setting, read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to do anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.

When a tech tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That'll get us going.

If you have a 14-inch monitor that says VGA on it, set the display to true color, 1024 x 768. You'll never again have to worry about people reading confidential files over your shoulder.

When we offer training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it's done.

When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the branch. One of them is bound to work.

Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy's outta whack".

Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.

If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for your all your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime money.

When a tech makes popcorn, help yourself while he's checking out your access rights. And we keep chocolate in the top drawer, too.

When you have a tech fixing your computer at a quarter past noon, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.

Don't ever thank us. We're getting paid for this.

If you're a student, feel free to bring in all your friends from uni and have your Daddy complain to our boss when we won't let them use the scanner. We had no friends when we were at uni; that's why we're such a bunch of tight-assed little twerps.

When a tech asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.

When a tech finds the porno pictures in your Recycle Bin, tell her you've never seen those before. We couldn't tell bullshit if it kicked us in the face.

If you have NT, feel free to change the local administrator's password to "blowjob" and promptly forget it. We like installing NT.

If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.

If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

When you receive the new Yanni CD for your birthday, shove it into any slot on the front of your computer. We like getting physical with 5.25 floppy drives.

When you get a message saying "Are you sure?", click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?

When you find a tech on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.

Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

When you need to change the toner cartridge, call tech support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a Professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

When you can't find someone in the government directory, call tech support. Due to budget restrictions, we double as 013.

When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call tech support. We love to hack.

When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know jack shit about the problem.

When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We got lots of disk space on that mail server.

Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.

When your eyes fall on the family pictures on a tech's desk, exclaim in a flabbergasted tone of voice: "YOU have a child?!?" We need to be reminded of how lucky we were to ever have gotten laid.

When a tech gets on the elevator pushing $15,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no end.

When the Finance folks are printing a 100-page spreadsheet on the LaserJet, send your black and white print job to the color printer. We get the black toner for free.

When you lose your car keys in Canberra, send an email to the entire department. People in Perth like to keep abreast of what's going on.

When you bump into a tech at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We don't do weekends.

When you see a tech having a beer with a member of the opposite sex on a Friday night, walk right up to them and ask a computer question. We don't do dating; the reason why we have that horny look on our faces is because we're discussing the new Intel processor.

Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature in NT 4.0; they won't be doing anything useful until the next major release.

When you can't access some shared directory on your boss's machine, just tell us that you've lost your X: drive. We know all that shit by heart.

If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic version 6.0 makes your Access 95 database flip out.

When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find the jumper settings on the Internet.

We're aware of that problem with computers just sitting there and not doing anything. We're confident that with the next service pack they'll be able to dance the jig.

The correct location to store important files is the Recycle Bin. It's just like a real office, where you keep your tax receipts in the blue can under your desk.

If you miss Windows 3.1, find the line that goes shell=explorer.exe in your SYSTEM.INI file and replace it with shell=progman.exe. It makes troubleshooting infinitely easier when we ask you whether you have a Start button at the bottom of your screen and you truthfully answer us that you don't.

If you curse every morning when you start to type your password and the Virus Shield splash screen pops up in your face, disable the Virus Shield. Again, this is just like real life: if you don't like condoms, just don't use them, that's all.

If you hate PCs, get on the Internet and download one of those desktop enhancements that make your computer look just like a Mac, down to the sad faces replacing verbose error messages. We find it refreshing to troubleshoot the nuances in that sad little face instead of some cold forbidding hexadecimal integer.

When you detect a French accent in a tech's voice, switch to French. We don't mind that your level of fluency is that of a Mildly retarded 4-year-old; you don't make a whole lot of sense in your own mother tongue either.

We don't really believe that you're a bunch of ungrateful twits. It hurts our feelings that you could even think such a thing. We wish to express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of clueless losers portrayed herein, without whom none of this would have been remotely possible.

Neverthless, it's been 17 years and they still haven't made a film half as k-rad as that one. Let's review, shall we?