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Assuming this isn't some elaborate hoax

No hoax. Things really have gotten that stupid.

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You might find it interesting to know that there are already physical -- that's right, as in not digital or content -- consumer products that attach this kind of IP bullshit. I'm a weekend woodworker when I'm not hacking, and one popular tool for make dovetail joints is the Stots TemplateMaster dovetail jig. (here's a good definition if you don't know what a dovetail joint is) You can think of this tool as a "meta jig" - it allows you to create dovetail joint jigs of many varieties, length, etc. You then use the jigs you create to make dovetail joints.

When you open the box, there's a neat little notice in there; they're kind enough to post it on the web - http://www.stots.com/agree.htm. It's even a shrink-wrap agreement:

"Removing the seal from the product indicates your agreement to be bound by the terms of the agreement."

Here's where they tell you that you didn't really "buy" the tool, you just bought the right to use it for a while:

"This is a license, not a sales agreement, between you, the end user, and Stots Corporation ("Stots"). Stots grants to you a non-exclusive, non-transferable (except as provided below) license to use the Make-It-RightTM Template Master TM ("Product") attached to the agreement seal and also to the manufacturing process ("Process") described in the accompanying documentation in accord with the terms set forth in this License Agreement."

Some of the assinine conditions:

Want to use it in your basement AND in your garage? Tough. OR - want to lend it to a friend? Tough.

"You may: a. use the Product (or any of the working templates produced using the Product or Process) in only one shop by the original purchaser only."

Want to lend, not the original tool, but a jig made using the tool with the wood you bought, to a friend? Tough.

"You may not: a. allow individuals that did not purchase the original Product use the Product or any templates produced using the Product or Process described"

Don't like stickers on your tools? Think you might use the box for another purpose and scribble over the original grahics on the box? Tough.

"You may not... d. remove any proprietary notices, labels, or marks on the Product, documentation, and containers"

Say you try using it for a week and decide it's not the tool for you. Think you could just put it up for sale on eBay? Get real. Remember...

"Stots grants to you a non-exclusive, non-transferable (except as provided below) license" (for what it's worth, the provision below says that you can transfer your rights with Stot's written permission and subject to the transferee's acceptance of the same terms and conditions you agreed to [by opening the box]).

The company is called Stots and the product is called the TemplateMaster. There's an pretty good writeup of the issue online, and an old Slashdot article about the Ed Foster write-up.

The company is called Stots and the product is called the TemplateMaster. There's an pretty good writeup of the issue online, and an old Slashdot article about the Ed Foster write-up.

But you can't distribute Templates/Jigs you create with the TemplateMaster tool...
EULA For TemplateMaster

The EULA for the product, located here, claims that there are mulitple patents pending on the process.

The process doesn't look patentable to me, but you never know with the USPTO. Should they succeed in getting a patent, they can license their patent any way they see fit.

Without a patent, buy the product, take very good notes, return it, and copy it.

The FAQ on the Stots web site (and now Slashdot, of course) is the only place I can find use of the term "tool piracy". In the FAQ, the term is in quotes, as if this term is in common parlance. Is there some group that routinely uses this term? Have we just seen the birth of new jargon?

I think these folks would have a tough time making their EULA stand up in court, but on the other hand I can see their point. This thing is a template, and as such you're supposed to use it to make copies of itself. Making those copies is not hard, not time consuming, and not expensive. You can even make several at once

So what's to stop you from buying one unit, and then making copies for all your friends?

Nothing, that's what. Copyrights and patents wouldn't seem to help much, because they're explicitly giving you permission to copy the thing as many times as you want. How do you protect your investment in something like that?

I think that if they had to defend it in court, they might try something like: Our product is not a thing, it's a shape. The physical implementation of the template is, in fact, only a medium for transporting the shape to the user. Would you pay $39 for a six ounce piece of plastic? Of course not. But our customers pay $39 for the Dove Tail TemplateMaster all the time, and they do so specifically because of its shape. Our license agreement serves only to protect our investment in developing that shape from those who would unscrupulously purchase a single unit and then sell or give away copies.

Now, I don't know if that would stand up in court, but I don't think that's much problem for them. I think they're goal is to persuade end users not to "pirate" the Dove Tail TemplateMaster, and to give them at least some leg, however shaky, to stand on in court should another company come along and start selling TemplateMaster duplicates.

Stots has a web site, where they describe their product. I couldn't find anything on their site about the EULA, but they do have a feedback form:
http://stots.com/form02.htm or Stots

If you don't like the way they do business, tell them about it.

User Agreement

The link is at the bottom of the page, labeled user agreement. There is NO specific link from the template master page. There is NO warning from the online purchase (at least up until the point that you check out and are ready to fill in billing info) that you are NOT purchasing the product.

Surely that is not legal?

Actually I went and looked at the manufacturer's " User Manual " and at the back there is a form to get a replacement jig if you do break it. It uses a hilarious mixure of boy scout honour system and legalise to ensure that the woodworker isn't breaking the EULA and has actually broken the jig. I don't know if this is an attempt to satisfy the oxymoronic (or should that just be moronic?) licencing agreement or is indicative of Mr. Stots' largesse.

As stated in their FAQ they do indeed send you a new template if you break "yours":

I damaged my TemplateMasterTM while cutting a working template. Is there anything I can do?

Yes. Fill out the Honor Statement in the back of your User's Manual (or print it out from the User's Manual on the CD-ROM) and mail it to us. We will replace our damaged master for 1/2 the cost of your original purchase as long as you have registered your product with us.