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Microsoft Certified Professional Action Figures

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the bill-gates-versus-cobra-commander dept.

Ego writes "Ever want to have your very own Microsoft Certified Professional Action Figure?" 'Jump into action with Dan, Kim, and Nate your desktop buddies,' the ad says. One can only imagine what Destro and the Baroness would do to these three guys if they couldn't keep the network up.

14 of 174 comments (clear)

  1. hmm... by komet · · Score: 3

    According to my mom, all action figures have one thing in common: The people they depict DON'T ACTUALLY EXIST... :)

    --
    Any technology which is distinguishable from magic is not sufficiently advanced.
  2. Interesting Marketing ploy by dr_labrat · · Score: 4
    Maybe we should take up this sort of thing....

    OpenSource Toys.

    A TUX that transforms into a huge battlecruiser.

    The BSD daemon that with a bit of slight of hand changes into a tank.

    A Linus (tm) Action figure with special coding action

    A Sig11 Doll with fearsome Karma power

    A CmdrTaco model, which is sometimes late...

    We could even combine some of the models together and make:

    SuperMegaTuxTacoDaemon11ux

    Which could take on the MCSE Drones in an ultimate battle of good versus banality.

    --
    The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made. (Marx)
  3. Microsoft Man, with . . . by Goonie · · Score: 5
    • the all-powerful incompatibility ray!
    • the fiendish DLL trap - thousands of different versions just come popping up all over the place!
    • Super-Reboot power finger (unfortunately, this goes off at the first sign of trouble)

    And his partner Microsoft woman with

    • her inescapable embrace-and-extend death grip

    Can they survive the forces of the mighty Penguin, the Daemon, and the avenging DOJ? Tune in again for the next episode of Microsoft Man - Windows 2000, the final battle . . .

    --

    Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
    --Andy Finkel (J. Klass?)
  4. This is scary by Kaufmann · · Score: 5

    I can see it already. Our kids will grow up with MCPs as role models. That is a very scary notion.

    This situation is unacceptable. It's clear that the community must release some action figures that will spark the imagination of our own children (what, you mean you actually got laid? Way to go!). Behold...

    The NEW Ultra-Cool CmdrTaco (tm) and Hemos (tm) action figures!

    Featuring...

    * Automatic misspeller gun!
    * Rushed duplicated article submission!
    * Bad joke dispenser!
    * Nanotech-related story magnet!
    * Automated Linux kernel updater!
    * Olympic swimming pool filled with Andover IPO dollars!
    * Rumour-type-story accuracy checker! (Oh wait, never mind that.)

    Although the CmdrTaco (tm) and Hemos (tm) action figures claim to support open-doll development, only an early version of their own schemata is available. How sad is that?

    CmdrTaco and Hemos are trademarks of Andover.net. "Don't mess with us or our elephantine legal department will crush you like a bug, little man!"

    --
    To the editors: your English is as bad as your Perl. Please go back to grade school.
  5. Microsoft Black Ops by cd-w · · Score: 3

    Anyone else notice the striking similarity between these action figures and the Microsoft Black Ops featured in this User-Friendly cartoon!!

  6. ThinkGeek ought to make THEIR version by connah · · Score: 3

    I think ThinkGeek.com should make some MCP action figures....With strings in the back. You pull it and it a high pitch voice it randomly says: 1) This application has preformed an illegal operation! 2) Warning! The system has become extremely unstable! 3) Page Fault in KERNEL32.DLL! I could see that as reliveing some tension throughout the day...Only when used as a projectile.

    Connah

    --

    Connah
    "Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for this change to take effect."
  7. Rebooting by dattaway · · Score: 3

    CTRL-ALT-DEL must be a real pain for those little guys, what with their fingers all stuck together! They must have to work as a team to do it!

    No, it doesn't take a whole team, when you have the proper tool to do it.

    1. Re:Rebooting by jonathanclark · · Score: 3

      Or you have a Kinesis keyboard. Ctrl, alt, and del are all right next to each oth....

      500 AMD-K6 3d
      128MB RAM...

      --
      -- Virtual Windows Project
  8. Go Go Professional Rangers by Effugas · · Score: 3

    For years, I've been wondering when us geeks would have a TV series of our own--one that, sorta like ER, gave an honest(and patently ridiculous--considering the manic depressiveness of the tech lottery^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hstock market) view of life in the ultra fast lane.

    I hear Po Bronson was working on a show like this, but seeing these action figures, one has to wonder if a...younger, more malleable audience could be coaxed into Microsoft Hero Worship.

    Geek Intern Joe. Oi.

    This actually becomes much more interesting when you consider that most of the cartoons from the early 80's were entirely funded by toy manufacturers, not by the advertisers that ran commercials during the show. The show itself advertised the toy product--and oh boy, did we eat it up.

    Yeah. I could see that kind of tactic. I'm not saying that's what they had in mind--no, I actually think the action figures are pretty damn cool. I especially like the Kung Fu Grip of the female doll...about to be struck down by Suck's own Jihad Tux, of course ;-)

    Yours Truly,

    Dan Kaminsky
    DoxPara Research
    http://www.doxpara.com

    1. Re:Go Go Professional Rangers by Effugas · · Score: 3

      Please don't think of ER as an accurate portrayal of life in a hospital emergency room. Most doctors I know either can't stand to watch the show or watch it only to get a good laugh

      I think tech life could be edited down to a rather crazy hour, just like I'm sure every episode of ER pretty much contains the craziness of an entire month crammed into the timespan of a few minutes. C'mon, like "pre-IPO", college interns, managers, mad scientists(me), and various forms of firefighting couldn't be at least moderately interesting.

      Remember, it wouldn't be so much about the tech, but the people behind the way the tech dies, and the methods by which other people spur into action to recover the systems.

      Then again, Law and Order is an amazing show *because* it focuses on the law, not the people...

      Yours Truly,

      Dan Kaminsky
      DoxPara Research
      http://www.doxpara.com

  9. Re:Whats the deal?????????????????????? by platypus · · Score: 3

    From the www.mvpstore.com frontpage:


    Microsoft and Keller Marketing (a division of General Commercial Corp.) have teamed up to provide our Most Valued Partners with a collection of quality premium products to promote your brand. Keller Marketing offers a broad range of advertising items to fit any promotion or event. For items not pictured, please don't hesitate to contact us so that we can meet your needs.

    Goto to the clothes section, this is really bad, i.e. a cap and shirts and stuff..., uh and coffee cups and pencils and cases and sport bottles and ... everything with "microsoft certified professional" printed on it.

    So, sorry, no joke...

  10. Real Humor by jonathanclark · · Score: 5

    I have to admit, that is a pretty funny post. So many of the post moderated up as funny on /. these days look like they were written by scripts.

    1. Convert headline/story in AP wire store or press release form.

    2. Change microsoft to linux or linux to microsoft and add a few jabs at Bill Gates.

    3. Misspell microsoft 5 different ways. (How is it an insult to them because you can't spell?)

    4. If physical object, create a metaphore to windows and tell what would happen if it crashed. If metaphysical object, explain why the world would end if it was closed source.

    Personally I think it gets old real quick, but if someone wanted karma points why not make a translator script like they used to have for Jive and Valley Girl.

    anyhow, thanks for real humor.

    --
    -- Virtual Windows Project
  11. Ironic coincidence by dsplat · · Score: 3

    As I am typing this, I am watching the banner ad where Tux tramples Redmond. Any long time Slashdot reader will have already seen it several times. Tux will eat them for lunch.

    --
    The net will not be what we demand, but what we make it. Build it well.
  12. MSCE doll by DaveHowe · · Score: 3
    Do they come with Voodoo drivers?

    ---wavy lines---

    <MS Helpdesk> Sorry sir, but we can't admit that $PRODUCT is at fault
    <FX: DaveHowe pokes doll with pin>
    <MS Helpdesk> Ow!
    <DaveHowe> Are you SURE you can't help?
    <MS Helpdesk> No, I'm sorry sir, we...
    <FX: DaveHowe makes use of soldering iron>
    <MS Helpdesk> Please! no more! I'll talk! just don't hurt me anymore

    ---wavy lines---

    Don't you just WISH sometimes? :+)
    --

    --
    -=DaveHowe=-