IBM's Virtual Helpdesk For The Masses

An Anonymous Coward writes: "From the NYtimes: IBM has recently announced AI that supposedly can handle 20,000 simultaneous 'Help Desk Requests.' Per the release not only can it handle complaints in normal prose (typed, not spoken), but also fix them. Will wonders never cease -- a robot to tell me which key is the 'any' key?! ... Please let this be more than Ask Jeeves."

Comments

BOFH

[SiliconJesus]

eLiza: Hello BOFH, there are 4,204 Help desk tickets in the Queue, should I process them now
BOFH: No eLiza - have you been feeling well recently, run a diag, then pipe the output to /dev/rdsk/c0t0d0s2
eLiza: running the following command... eLiza.diag > /dev/rdsk/c0t0d0s2
eLiza: ...
BOFH: (thinking) *fix* annoying helpdesk problem - check

Secret windows code

eLiza

[griffjon]

You left out the name of the project!

IBM's Project eLiza technology, which Big Blue plans to release in batches over the next few years, is aimed at allowing large-capacity computer networks to run virtually unassisted.
The eLiza-enabled machines run background software that continuously monitors operations, sending warning messages to technicians when problems appear, said David Turek, vice president for deep computing at IBM's Somers, N.Y.-based Server Group.
...
"It sits and runs in the background and observes and draws conclusions," Turek said. "If medication doesn't work, it routes work around the ailing mechanism, then literally makes a phone call to the home of an employee and tells him the problem and the spare parts that are needed."
(From Wired

I can see it now:
*ring ring*
Tech: Hello?
eLiza: This is eLiza calling. The backup domain controller is reacting very slowly. I have determined that it is because of an Oedipal problem targetted at the tape backup server for the domain controller.
Tech: Call Joe, I cannot make it in
eLiza: Are you feeling inadequate? Tell me more about your father.
Tech: Look, the server's messing up, I can't come in, call Joe!
eLiza: There's no reason to get upset. How do you feel about call Joe?
Tech: Fine, I'll be there in half an hour. Reboot the backup domain controller in the meantime.
eLiza: rebooting the BDC will only delay your feelings of inadequacy towards Joe. Perhaps you'd like to tell me more about your half and hour?
Tech: *click*

Catch 22

[fre]

I can see it before me:
-------
From: IBM Support [support@ibm.com]
To: Customer Smith
Subject: RE: Problems with IBM support application

Dear customer,

Thank you for contacting the AI IBM supportdesk.

Please be more specific in describing your
problem so that we can help you more efficiently.

If you feel this response is not correct or
inadequate, feel free to contact our helpdesk
at support@ibm.com to report possible problems and/or complaints.

Thanks in advance,

IBM AI Support
[support@ibm.com]

Yes, but...

[American AC in Paris]

...this is neat and all, but is the phrase "Reboot your computer and call back if there's still a problem" even intelligible when spoken 20,000 times per second?