Star Wars II: Return of the Name

Mutant was among the onslaught of readers who submitted that the final name has been chosen for Star Wars Episode II. It is... Attack of the Clones. Let the sarcasm commence. I'll pass judgement after I see it.

Comments

Re:Might this not be a ploy

[thesteveco]

Episode II: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Force

Attack of the Clones

[Overt Coward]

Attack Of The Clones
(To the tune of "Send In The Clowns")

Isn't it rich?
We're a matched pair.
Waving our lightsabers
Around in the air.
Attack of the clones.

Lucas gone mad
We've all been had
After the first one was so
Incredibly bad.
Attack of the clones?
Does he think that we're drones?

Just when I'd stopped
Trashing Jar-Jar
Lucas is going
Even further afar.
Making a loser again
With his usual flair
Expecting big lines...
They'll probably be there.

Oh, what a farce.
Our fault, we hear.
We're supposed to like what he shows
Year after year.
And where are the clones?
("Attack of the Clones"???)
It's too late, they're here.

Isn't it bad?
Isn't it dull?
And the worst part of all is that
The theater'll be full.
And so it's the clones...
"Attack of the Clones"
Will open next year.

CmdrTaco strikes again

[Anonymous Coward]

I'll pass judgement after I see it.

This will be a first.

*sigh*

[Ignatius_Gunnarsson]

And now, a moment for America to shake its head and sob softly to itself... What the hell is wrong with the "clone wars"? Are the traditional starships we have grown accustomed to now to be replaced with flying saucers? When will George Lucas learn not to make important decisions when drunk?

I can see it now...

[G-funk]

...Millions of sheep named dolly attack tatooine. All is feared lost, until annakin decides to release his keeler blue heeler to save the day.

Bummer...

[Dancin_Santa]

I was hoping for "Jar Jar's fiery death" or something similar. "Attack of the Clones" only makes me fear the creation of an entire army of Jar Jars.

Dancin Santa

Re:Bummer...

[Black Parrot]

> Attack of the Clones" only makes me fear the creation of an entire army of Jar Jars.

Without a doubt, that's the title's subliminal message: "How can they be clones, if you only buy one of each action figure?"

Expect the action figures for this one to be sold in sets of twelve.

Episode III leak...

[StaticEngine]

And in further news, Episode III will be named, "I Wipe my Ass With Your Money", and will consist entirely of 15 minutes of Hayden Christensen putting on the Darth Vader outfit, saying "This is heavy," and "Okay, I'm ready to be Evil now."

Yeah, it's like watching Big Bird go into the oven

[jeko]

Imagine if Captain Kangaroo had turned into an alcoholic lunatic, or Mr. Rogers had fallen to AIDS or if Kermit turned up as part of the Cajun dinner special...

"Star Wars" was MY childhood. My middle-school friends and I argued endlessly about "Empire." Vader, Luke's father? No way. Who was this Boba Fett anyway? Why was he masked the entire film. Somethin's gotta be goin' on there.

WE WAITED MORE THAN A DECADE FOR EPISODE 1! I grew up, I became an OLD MAN waiting for that bloody movie. When I heard it was coming, it was like the Return of Gandalf. The World would be OK. I dragged my wife to the theater, promising her it would be great, this would be epic, Strap In and Enjoy the Ride.

Ten minutes in, I wanted to shoot myself. Twenty minutes in, and my wife was openly wondering if this constituted the sort of spousal abuse that would get her more than 50% in the divorce.

To give you a contemporary example, I want you to go to your child and explain that in the next book, which we're all waiting for like it was Christmas, in the next book, Dumbledore turns out to be a child molester.

Watch the look on the face of your little Harry-or-Hermione-wannabe.

THAT's exactly how episode one made me feel.

Star Wars : the musical returns....

[decaying]

Anakin: Quick, send in the clones
Obi-Wan: Don't bother, they're here
Lucas: Isn't it rich, isn't it queer, Losing my timing so late in my career
SW Fans: There ought to be clones
Lucas and Fox Studios:: Well maybe next year

Re:Might this not be a ploy

[Rei]

Here's some of Fark.com's user suggestions:

Attack of the Killer Human Stem Cells.
Killer Klones from Outer Space
Episode II: Hype
Episode II: Luke's Dad Was a Whiner, Too
Episode II: Reporting is Pravda the Clone Attacking
Episode II: Bloodsucking Clones from Pittsburgh
Episode II: Plan Clone From Outer Space
Episode II: Clones Are EEEEEEVIL
Episode II: Lucas Must Die
Star Wars Episode 2: All your clone are belong to..
Send in the Clones!
Tears of a Clone
Jar-Jar's Big Adventure
Star Wars Episode II: The Second Episode
Star Wars II - Just like 83/84, only more missle based...
Star Wars II 1/2 - The smell of Lucas
Episode II, JarJar Binks, Return of The Kingfish

-= rei =-

Excerpt from leaked screenplay

[jutus]

This just in...

Anakin looks up to see Queen Amidala and Obi-Wan dressed like clones, holding miniature billboards advertising the clone college and dancing to clone music. "Amidala...?" asks Anakin slowly. "Yes, Anakin?" answers the clone Amidala, starting to hum clone music.

Anakin: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clone college! [leaves]

Obi-Wan: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.

The full story arc:

[number one duck]

"The Phantom Menace" "The Attack of the Clones" "My Wookie and Me" "A New Hope" "The Empire Strikes Back" "Return of the Jedi"

I've got a better title

[Ukab the Great]

Dolly the Jedi Slayer

Re:cloned army of jar jar

[cruelworld]

what do you think IS under those stormtrooper helmets?

Official Clone Action Figures!

[Bonker]

Collect them all!

Re:ENOUGH already!

[Tumbleweed]

Hey man, watch it. Clones are people, two!

here's mine:

[Tumbleweed]

Star Wars: Dude, Where's My Clone?

Re:When Jedi Attack

[bartok]

What next, Jar-Jar with snap action tongue and mini rocketlauncher?

Nope, sorry but Snap Action Tongue and Mini Rocketlauncher are patented and used exclusively on Monika and Bill action figures.

The CBG said it best...

[Junior J. Junior III]

"Star Wars: Episode II: Worst Episode Ever"