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Star Wars II: Return of the Name
Mutant was among the onslaught of readers who submitted that the final name has been chosen for Star Wars Episode II. It is... Attack of the Clones. Let the sarcasm commence. I'll pass judgement after I see it.
Have you actually *watched* the first three films without the rosy glasses lately? Star Wars was a B-grade space opera flick (no doubt only justified by the then cutting edge FX and Alec Guiness) and the followups weren't much better. Sir Alec turned his nose up at the films ("that Force rubbage"). They're BAD man. I mean, "Star Wars?" How much cheesier of a title can you get? You only think they're wonderful because, like me, you saw them as a kid. There are NO adult themes or elements in ANY of the films, these are aimed at children, Lucas has said they always were and always will.
Now, I didn't expect much from Phantom Menace, and I actually got more than I expected. I saw kids leaving the theater with wide eyes and full of excitement. No doubt the same way I looked when I saw Star Wars in the theater more than 20 years ago.
Get over it, man. Star Wars is a children's franchise. It was never good to begin with, so why expect it to be the pinnacle of film now?
Derek
I have been reading Slashdot for several years. I created an account just to post this. And here is what I have to say:
This is getting silly. Half of the comments here seem to be lamenting the fact that the prequel trilogy appears to be geared towards children. Well, I've got news for you: the same applies to the original trilogy as well. You just don't realize it because you were so young when the movies first came out.
Do you know why almost everybody here hates the Ewoks in ROTJ? Because they make you feel insecure. You're afraid that people will laugh at you for watching a children's movie with talking teddy-bears in it. And they will. You should just shrug it off, but you can't because of your low self-esteem. And, for some reason, you can't realize that the average Joe sees all Star Wars movies as children's movies, regardless of whether they have Ewoks or Jar-Jar in them or not.
The Jargon File has a section called "A Portrait of J. Random Hacker". I'm sure most of you here have read it. The section has a list of "Things Hackers Detest and Avoid", and here is how it begins:
"Offensive cuteness" seems to rank very high on the list, right after Microsoft. Why is this? I believe that the reason is the same as stated above: you fear that being associated with any sort of "cuteness" (such as the Ewoks in ROTJ) will make you look ridiculous and childish in the eyes of others. And a lot of people seem to think that enjoying "dark" movies such as The Empire Strikes Back or The Matrix will somehow help you gain acceptance and credibility.
Sorry to rain on your parade, but it doesn't work that way. Nobody cares if you prefer The Empire Strikes Back to Return of the Jedi, or The Matrix to The Phantom Menace, or Babylon 5 to Star Trek. Again, to the proverbial average Joe, it's just "stupid sci-fi for geeks and nerds". That's what people think.
And here's another explanation: many of you are depressed and therefore can't stand the thought of "offensive cuteness" such as talking teddy bears or Jar Jar. You'd rather wear all black, watch splatter movies and listen to German industrial rock while fantasizing about killing your classmates or coworkers. Sorry about being a bit over the top, but this is how "regular people" see you. They don't see you as intelligent persons who appreciate a good sci-fi movie. Instead, they see you as sad computer geeks.
Somebody here wrote something along the lines of "well, Star Wars sucks, but fortunately we'll still have The Matrix and Lord of the Rings".
Huh? Are sci-fi and fantasy movies all you have? If you get mad because the title of the new Star Wars movie did not live up to your expectations, I think you should seriously re-examine the priorities in your life.
Star Wars Episode II: A Darkened Heart.
Would be a good title given the primary story line in this edition (Anakin->Vader), and would be a good-natured poke at El Presidente.
Carl G. Jung
--
"With one breath, with one flow, You will know Synchronicity" -La Policia
Episode II: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Force
(To the tune of "Send In The Clowns")
I'll pass judgement after I see it.
This will be a first.
And now, a moment for America to shake its head and sob softly to itself... What the hell is wrong with the "clone wars"? Are the traditional starships we have grown accustomed to now to be replaced with flying saucers? When will George Lucas learn not to make important decisions when drunk?
-Ignatius Gunnarsson
...Millions of sheep named dolly attack tatooine. All is feared lost, until annakin decides to release his keeler blue heeler to save the day.
Send lawyers, guns, and money!
I was hoping for "Jar Jar's fiery death" or something similar. "Attack of the Clones" only makes me fear the creation of an entire army of Jar Jars.
Dancin Santa
Not that I'm ragging on the choice of topic here, but I'm genuinely curious: Do adults (>=16 yrs) really care about the Star Wars franchise? I would think that Star Wars as it has become wouldn't be of any more interest than Pokemon here.
Do people who enjoyed George Lucas' original trilogy (well, minus the last half of RotJ) really care about the George Lucas' current focus on ten-year-olds?
Why are you letting these clowns ruin our country?
How many freaking "Send in the Clones" jokes do I have to read? IT'S BEEN DONE! READ THE THREAD BEFORE YOU POST! Gaaack!
Of course, someone else has probably already posted this sentiment by now...
Lucas will be sued by God with penalties of 10 years in jail, a $5,000,000 fine or both. However a plea bargain may be possible if Lucas agrees to please kill off Jar Jar.
The Phantom Menace
Attack of the Clones
???
A New Hope
The Empire Strikes Back
Return of the Jedi
They're all silly unless you've been conditioned as a child to think they're all amazingly cool. Fortunately, I have. :-)
sig fault
And in further news, Episode III will be named, "I Wipe my Ass With Your Money", and will consist entirely of 15 minutes of Hayden Christensen putting on the Darth Vader outfit, saying "This is heavy," and "Okay, I'm ready to be Evil now."
"Star Wars" was MY childhood. My middle-school friends and I argued endlessly about "Empire." Vader, Luke's father? No way. Who was this Boba Fett anyway? Why was he masked the entire film. Somethin's gotta be goin' on there.
WE WAITED MORE THAN A DECADE FOR EPISODE 1! I grew up, I became an OLD MAN waiting for that bloody movie. When I heard it was coming, it was like the Return of Gandalf. The World would be OK. I dragged my wife to the theater, promising her it would be great, this would be epic, Strap In and Enjoy the Ride.
Ten minutes in, I wanted to shoot myself. Twenty minutes in, and my wife was openly wondering if this constituted the sort of spousal abuse that would get her more than 50% in the divorce.
To give you a contemporary example, I want you to go to your child and explain that in the next book, which we're all waiting for like it was Christmas, in the next book, Dumbledore turns out to be a child molester.
Watch the look on the face of your little Harry-or-Hermione-wannabe.
THAT's exactly how episode one made me feel.
He put his boots up on the table and made a face. "The sig," he smirked. "You can waste your life in search of the sig."
By poisiong the debate with such senseless propaganda as "Attack of the Clones" he does injury not only to an honorable public servant with only the public's best interests in mind, but he also places in jeopardy the lives of people needing a cure. To eliminate the hope of these people is a crime against humanity.
For shame Lucas! For shame!
Read more Herbert - he was one of the most important minds in fiction all last century.
Parenthetically, Herbert followed this 20 years later with a trilogy: The Jesus Incident, The Lazarus Effect, and The Ascension Factor. It's really some of his best work, aside from the Dune books. Sadly, he died before he finished the last one, and his co-author for the series (Bill Ransom) finished it. Bill Ransom's a decent poet, but a lousy novelist, and The Ascension Factor was pretty weak. The first two are great though, and spend more time with the clone issue.
This isn't as much "normalization" as it is "don't take so many drugs when you're designing tables."
-jon
Remember Amalek.
Anakin: Quick, send in the clones
Obi-Wan: Don't bother, they're here
Lucas: Isn't it rich, isn't it queer, Losing my timing so late in my career
SW Fans: There ought to be clones
Lucas and Fox Studios:: Well maybe next year
----- One piece short of Legoland
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-= rei =-
*Kid Rock runs for Senate* Democrats: We must run Kid Scissors.
Anakin looks up to see Queen Amidala and Obi-Wan dressed like clones, holding miniature billboards advertising the clone college and dancing to clone music. "Amidala...?" asks Anakin slowly. "Yes, Anakin?" answers the clone Amidala, starting to hum clone music.
Anakin: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clone college! [leaves]
Obi-Wan: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.
"The Phantom Menace" "The Attack of the Clones" "My Wookie and Me" "A New Hope" "The Empire Strikes Back" "Return of the Jedi"
Dolly the Jedi Slayer
what do you think IS under those stormtrooper helmets?
Collect them all!
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The problem is most of the people bitching, IMO, were children when they saw the movie. They saw with a child's eyes and a child's viewpoint on life. The people complaining have lost the ability to view the series through that childish viewpoint and have attached a sense of reverance towards it that will certainly get me modded down for saying this.
I think that the people who retain the ability (or a part of it) to view things as a child are probably the ones who loved ST:TPM as I did and yes, they will even like Jar Jar.
Vermifax
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...is that George Lucas isn't fit to direct or be otherwise associated with any Star Wars film. Of the four that have been released, which one would most fans say had the best script, the best directing, the best overall tone, and the best all around story-telling? The Empire Strikes Back. Coincidentally, this is the film that Lucas had the least involvement with.
Who else was disappointed by the last two films, ROTJ and TPM? Hands up, I know you were. Ewoks? Jar Jar? With the three prequels ROTJ just doesn't hold up as the finisher. It took the novels (i.e., Zahn), to to that. Fire Lucas and put some Sci-Fi folks in charge, someone who hasn't tackled Star Wars. I fear George simply doesn't have it.
No statement is true, not even this one.
Star Wars: Dude, Where's My Clone?
This may seem like a flame--and it probably is, but why the reluctance to post this news bit?
"was among the onslaught of readers who submitted"
I know I submitted it nine hours ago, and it was almost immediately rejected. I figured someone else had already submitted it and that it would be up on the Frontpage almost immediately. Yet, hours go by, and still no news.
If anything would qualify as "news for nerds"--I figure this would. Why the delay?
-Julius X
remove "-whatkindofspamdoyoutakemefor-" from email to send
Due to now being an uncle I saw the re-releases of the first 3 movies a few years ago, and they hold up pretty well, allowing for the shrinkage of theater screens and auditoriums in the interim. Then my nephew and I went to see Phantom Menace. He liked Jar-Jar just fine. I wanted to see Darth Maul grab his tongue and garrotte him with it. Slowly.
Jar-Jar aside, Phantom Menace was the quality I'd expect from a movie made by the same person that made the 1977 movie, but if he'd made it 25 years earlier, not 25 years later.
How old you were when you first saw any of the movies has nothing to do with the shortcomings of Phantom Menace.
I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.
"Attack of the Clones" is probably meant to mislead merchandise counterfeiters, as "Revenge of the Jedi" (remember that one?) was before they changed it at the last minute to "Return of the Jedi". This way, all the fake merchandise will be easily recognizable because it'll have the wrong name.
My $.02.
"Star Wars: Episode II: Worst Episode Ever"
You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!