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Bert Is Evil
It's been coming in all day. Bert and Bin Laden. Lindqvist.com has the best explanation, I think. Even FOX is reporting on it now. Bert is unstoppable.
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Is the last paragraph of the Wired article...
:D
"Bert is best known for his role on the long-lived Sesame Street children's show, where he lives with his housemate Ernie."
His housemate? Or...are they just insinuating that maybe Bert is leaving Ernie for some hot bin Laden-lovin'?
"Mod, mod, mod...and another troll bites the dust."
Here's the "logic":
Obviously this explains the whole thing.
Hey I just heard that they've kidnapped Kermit, those friggin bastards!!!
What the hell are we supposed to do now?
2 reptiles beneath your current threshold.
The difficult that the intelligence community has had in tracking down members of these terrorists cells is partially due to the fact that these messages are broadcast worldwide, and also because the suspected terrorists are a bunch of little kids.
Got Rhinos?
The Bert hidden in the poster was a covert infidel detection mechanism...anyone that saw it and started laughing is obviously a spy...
This makes me wonder if the poster-maker is related to the guy who set himself on fire while burning the American flag.
Next thing ya know "All your base are belong to us" are gonna show up in pro-American celebrations in Afgan after we crush them :-)
I'm sure he'll have a laser designator focused on bin Ladin's backside soon enough... ;-)
299,792,458 m/s...not just a good idea, its the law!
Galileo: "The Earth revolves around the Sun!"
Score: -1 100% Flamebait
...by the B3rt xpl0it.
..that Osama was merely a puppet, while Bert was the true Mastermind. No wonder Condi is worried that Osama's speeches contain secret messages.
When in doubt, have a man come through a door with a gun in his hand.
CNN Breaking news:
After the recent discovery of Bert being associate with the terrorist Bin Laden, the USA government have banned Sesame Street from TV, and all toys that are linked to this child tv show must be destroy before the end of the weak. Those who don't destroy these toys will be considered "friendly to terrorism" and will be arrested.
Also, folwing this discovery, the makers of Sesame Street have been arreted by the FBI for further investigation about there relationship with Bin Laden!
More news about this story comming soon...
I wonder what Big Bird is up to?
Best Slashdot Co
AFGHAN TV GUIDE
MONDAYS:
8:00 -"Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Stench is Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The DarndestThings"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"
WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "When Northern Alliance Attack"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"
THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matimallahoasillalama Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "CBS Evening News with Dan Rather"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and
Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"
FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Bob Patterson (Must Have His Hand Cut Off)"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Everybody Loves Anthrax"
9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"
10:00 -"No-witness News"
Really...I'm starting to think that maybe hosting services should start selling Slashdot-insurance. :)
"Mod, mod, mod...and another troll bites the dust."
What's next? Will we see someone in Pakistan waving a picture of Bin Laden, and underneath...
"Someone set us up the bomb."
But then, all Afghanistan's base belong to U.S. now.
-- This post is about truth, beauty, freedom, and above all things, Karma
Guess the FBI can cross out "Photoshop Skills" from their Al Qaeda dossier.
I guess T is for Taliban today.
The one is a caricature of medieval backwardness, like a character from Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail. The other is more modern and doesn't always hold his finger up when he talks.
Beyond that....
"Those who have never entered upon scientific pursuits know not a tithe of the poetry by which they are surrounded."
True. They probably don't know. But in the end, does it really matter? They mass-produced a poster of Bin Laden with a FUCKING PUPPET!!!!!! I don't know what thought process occurred where someone thought that a FUCKING PUPPET was a natural part of the photograph.
A sentence you'll never see on an Internet discussion board: "You know what? You're right."
Osama bin Laden reportedly vows to destroy America for the attacks it launched against Afghanistan. His evil partner Bert was quick to add "Oh, and we're going to blow up that fucking rubber ducky too."
From the Wired article:
One of the first sightings of the Osama-Bert poster...
Osama-bert? Sounds like a new Dilbert character. Think "Dogbert," but nicer.
"Make it ten--I am only a poor corrupt official."
--Captain Louis Renault (Claude Rains), Casablanca
Looks like we now know what happened to Ernie. He rigged the election in Florida, and is now occupying the White House.
Al your Qaeda are belong to U.S.
Get it right. :)
what USA!!
Wonder what the FBI thinks about half the geeks in the country suddenly starting to hit their search engines with OBL's name as the search string, and furiously mailing messages mentioning OBL to all their friends.
And of course, the FBI/NSA computers are suddenly going to start popping out someone named "Bert" in traffic about OBL.
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
OK, so here's what we need to do. Everybody fire up Gimp and start putting out really embarrassing pictures of Bin Laden. Show him in suggestive poses with drugs, booze, women, etc like some of these here here and here. Distribute them to your friends who can put them on their web sites. Eventually the whole front page of Google's image search will be full of these images. Then unsuspecting protesters will construct their posters out of these and hey presto, score one for the good guys. (Hey if they were careless enough to put Bert on their poster who knows what else they might overlook?)
Some days you have to take delight in the simple pleasures.
If electricity is produced by electrons is morality produced by morons?
#$%@^*(!@?
[Lameness filter avoidance device activated...]
***NEWS UPDATE***
AP Online
AP 05/08 10:03 EST V055
Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, the famed friendly muppet of Sesame Street, has apparently gone on a rampage. Several muppets are known to be dead; including Prairie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, and Bert -- long time friend, room-mate, and lover of Ernie. The bird is now reportedly holding Maria hostage in a five floor tenement near Hooper's Store. New York City Police SWAT teams have surrounded the building. Stay tuned for updates on this situation, as they occur.
***TRAGEDY IN NEW YORK CITY***
AP Online
AP 05/08 11:48 EST V743
Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, Sesame Street muppet, is reported dead at this hour after an hour-and-a-half hostage standoff with New York City Police. Kermit-The-Frog, Sesame Street Muppet on the scene, reports that as police stormed the five story tenement building where the bird was holding Maria hostage, Big Bird flew out an upper story window at them in a Kamikaze-like attack. Police SWAT units brought down the bird in a hail of automatic weapons fire. Dead are: Prairie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, Bert, and Big Bird. There is no information available concerning Maria.
***NEWS UPDATE***
AP Online
AP 05/08 13:25 EST V246
Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- The Professor and his assistant, Beaker, muppet chemist, have reportedly found Angel Dust in Big Bird's feed. Big Bird was killed by Police earlier today after the bird went on a killing spree on Sesame Street. Maria, taken hostage during the ordeal, has survived unharmed. Three muppets were killed by the bird: Prairie Dawn (a friendly, pig-tailed muppet girl-child), Oscar the Grouch (a green garbage-can dwelling grumpy muppet) and Bert (the famous gay paper clip collector and pigeon friend). Authorities in the area report that the bad seed was purchased at the local Hooper's.
***NEWS UPDATE***
AP Online
AP 05/08 14:03 EDT V543
Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Police are asking all motorists and humans to stay away from Sesame Street today as tensions are running high among the muppets. Many reportedly are outraged at the tainted food supply and at how the police handled the hostage situation. According to bystanders on the scene at the time, Mr. Snuffalupagus pleaded with police to be allowed to talk Big Bird down. Instead, police stormed the building with deadly results. Ernie is said to be despondent at the loss of his good buddy Bert.
***LATEST ON THE SESAME STREET CRISIS***
AP Online
AP 05/09 07:12 EST V927
Copyright 1995. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Violence erupted again on Sesame Street last night. As thousands of humans driving home took a sightseeing tour of the scene of Big Bird's deadly rampage, muppets became enraged. Hundreds of muppets, large and small, stalked the streets and surrounded humans in their cars. In at least one case, ten muppets pulled a motorist from his car and beat him with large, Styrofoam numbers. Police again arrived on the scene in force. At this hour, quiet is restored -- but tensions are very high.
***NEWS UPDATE***
AP Online
AP 05/09 08:43 EST V211
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Police and fire units have been called to Sesame Street. Reporters on the scene describe a nightmarish atmosphere. Furry muppets ranging in size from only inches to seven feet in height are looting Hooper's Store and firebombing the entire neighborhood. Orange and blue firelight is rising over many buildings. Cardboard backdrops, props, and storehouses full of numbers and letters are burning to the ground. Muppets are taunting firemen and police from windows high above the street with counting and alphabet songs. Stay tuned for late-breaking news updates, as they happen.
***LATE BREAKING NEWS UPDATE***
AP Online
AP 05/10 07:06 EST V482
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- The morning fog has brought an eerie calm to Sesame Street after a night of rioting. Smoke rises from most buildings. On the street, lifeless, crumpled fur lies in mute testament of the night of wild outrage. Unknown numbers of muppets have died or been shot to death by Police in full riot gear. Here and there, a muppet--still animated with life--can be seen staring at the wreckage, or sweeping vacantly at the rubble. The Count was reported running down the street crying and yelling, "Ten, Ten Lifeless Muppet Bodies!" No humans were killed in the rioting, although several people reported rug-burns.
***NEWS FLASH***
AP Online
AP 05/11 11:35 EST V335
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Ernie, gay friend and roommate of the murdered muppet Bert, broke his two day silence today with a eulogy address at a mass muppet funeral.
The following is the complete transcript of his address:
I come here today to honor a man I loved. A man who was loved by millions throughout the world. Bert was a giant among muppets. His paper-clip collection was viewed with awe by many of the world's leaders. Just one year ago, as President Clinton campaigned on Sesame Street for the muppet vote, it was Bert who everyone turned to for advice. It was Bert who told us all, "anyone who can hang as many paper clips together as Bill Clinton, can certainly run the country." I also come here today to honor Big Bird. Bird was such a loving creature. His large size and bright color alarmed many who first met him, but it was his innocent and curious nature which taught us all to love him. Bird wouldn't have wanted us to remember him, or to memorialize him, with violence. All he ever wanted was for all creatures to "just get along" with each other. Big Bird has come to a bad end, friends, but is wasn't his fault. It was just some bad seed.
In this time of crisis, we need to be very careful not to show hatred or violence to other Muppets. Just because Bert wants to destroy humanity, that doesn't mean all the Muppets do. In fact, the majority of Muppets are peace-loving citizens.
I know you've all read the news stories by now. Someone shouted "Dirty Muppet!" and threw a bottle at Grover as he was crossing the street.
Ernie is under 24-hour protection at an undisclosed location. And in the most perverse story of all, someone tried to force-bathe Oscar the Grouch.
I hope you'll all attend the rally on Sesame Street later on this week, to show support for the Muppets. Remember: we are trying to destroy Bert, not all the Muppets.
Bert's last communication was a videotaped rant, calling on all "Muppets, puppets, marionettes and animated characters" to rise up and destroy civilization. He was last seen with cast members of Today's Special and The Great Space Coaster, asking for their support.
congress's efforts are going towards making that more than a joke. This site may get on the list. heh, now imagine the pain that CIA workers will have in being required to read slashdot posts at the -1 threshold. "who is this goatse.cx, and what is the connection to osama bin laden?"
Ceci n'est pas un post
You were looking at that? I was looking at the hot blonde. Do you Porn?
Almost everyone knows who Bert is. What have those Al-Qaeda folks been doing, living in a cave? On second thought...
Hmm you may be on to something.
Eerie parallels:
BERT - Lives alone with another guy
OSAMA - Lives in mud huts with other guys
BERT - Has no visible source of income
OSAMA - Has no current source of income
BERT - Hangs around with a 6 foot tall yellow bird
OSAMA - You never know.
Woah... I think it's a pokaroo thingy here. Ever notice how (other than in a doctored picture) you never see Bert and Osama at the same time? That can only be because (media logic here)... He must be the same person! That's gotta be what the big secret and the hidden message is!!
(not aimed at you:)
Remember, think idiotically, act globally. =)
If God gave us curiosity
Bin Laden humer
(-% TwistedMind %-)
You think Afghanistan is in trouble now?
Just wait until the U.S congress finds out that they've violated copyrights!
They're doomed now!
We all know that "Open Sesame" is a traditional passphrase in the Islamic world. The connection is obvious.
__
Men with no respect for life must never be allowed to control the ultimate instruments of death.
GW Bu
Representatives of the CTW and Jim Hensen Enterprises today told the US embassador that unless specific evidence was provided, they would not turn over Bert.
"Bert is a guest of Seseme Street. He does not have the resources to know Osama."
CTW also stated that they did not know the exact whereabouts of Bert, or his right hand man Ernie. It is rumored that they are still living together.
"Perhaps they are in the bath tub with the ducky." the representative stated.
In closing, CTW hinted at the possibilty of a Jihad if any further action was taken against Seseme Street, the letter P or the number 3.