Slashdot Mirror
A Warrior's Programming Language
BlackNova writes "Var'aq is "a speculative glance at what a programming language on a Klingon computer system would look like." Make sure to read the Preliminary Specification and the Proposed Extensions."
← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)
cat > prog.tgz
Yesterday was the time to do it right. Are we having a REVOLUTION yet?
This page is sort of a speculative glance at what a programming language on a Klingon computer system would look like. The language itself is named var'aq, which happens to be meaningless in standard Klingon but sounds like it might be named after some famous Klingon computer scientist or mathematician. How the hell does this guy know that there isn't a famous Klingon computer scientist or mathematician? I'd like to see some credentials here, buddy! "Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a programmer!" Suffice to say, this guy is a bigger geek than I could ever hope to be.
NerfOnline - Because Nerf Guns aren't just for kids -
Like Perl wasn't confusing enough....
This is an interesting question. What kind of programming languages will a klingon develop. But I think that I want to examine the character of a klingon programmer (from the internet, original attribution lost):
Klingon Programmer
Top 20 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer:
1. Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.
2. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
3. This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
4. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
5. Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
6. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
8. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. Bugs are good for building character in the user.
9. I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest on the holodeck. They will not concern us again.
10. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
11. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
12. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
13. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
14. Our competitors are without honor!
15. Python? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code, keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary.
16. Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi.
17. Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.
18. Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!
19. My program has just dumped Stova Core!
20. Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
-- Never make a general statement.
Every time I fear I may be in danger of becoming too geeky, someone somewhere demonstrates that I have absolutely nothing to worry about ;-)
Cheers,
Tim
It's official. Most of you are morons.
You can probably find something like this on the page if you bother to go looking:
"It turns out Klingons have no function to save().
So in adapting the language we simply used:
stop(kill())
which imparts almost the same meaning but remains true to the fundamentals of the beautiful nature of the language which is Klingon. Bj'nrak!!!"
fuckwits.
Never trust any source of programming information that has a high likelihood of close proximity to badly photoshopped vulcan porn.
Just a warning...
...It'll be hard to explain to your boss.
:)
Lameness filter encountered. Post aborted! Reason: Please use fewer 'junk' characters.
Strange... Maybe I'll send an Unlambda example at least:
It calculates and prints the Fibonacci numbers as lines of asterisks.It's quite challanging to parse that code, once you know the syntax.
~shiny
WILL HACK FOR $$$
Well, the operating system would be called 'Klingux' and would incorporate pre-emptive strike multi-tasking.
The hardware would obviously be a box with lots of blinking lights on it.
Geocities doesn't support multiple downloads,
therefore I propose that everyone who wants to
read the links picks a time (GMT) with 5-minute intervals when they want to use the links and puts it in a reply to this post to avoid that multiple slashdot users try to access geocites at once.
I pick 15.00.
16. Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi. I can only begin to imagine what a Ferengi program would be like:
Note that any Ferengi Computer would feature price negotiated scheduling and routing.
Any other suggestions?
See my journal, I write things there
Now, if there is a recipe doing de-css in the program language 'Chef'...
... would cooking and serving a meal based on that recipe be illegal?
I think it would be hilarious to refer to a meal as "a collection of food carrying an illegal decryption algoritm"...
Open Materials Database
I didn't look deeply into the language but if Klingons are going to use design patterns when developing code, it must be these. (Detonator, Commando, Visitor from Hell and the like).
They just engaged the cloaking device!
Jon Acheson
All opinions expressed herein are my own, and not those of my employers, who are appalled.
Illegal or not, it would certainly be disgusting. Did you actually read the "Hello World" recipe? No one in their right mind would eat that.