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Violent Video Game Protection Act
KidIcarus writes: "Four lawmakers in Georgia have submitted a bill that would make it a criminal offense to sell or make violent video games available to minors. Full text of the bill here. Seems that politicians still don't have a clue, despite indications that video games don't cause violence." This may remind you of the (since overturned) law segregating certain video games from others in Indianapolis.
They're trying to stop me from playing my violent games? KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!
Dammit, I'm gonna rocket jump over to their house and grenade spam their house, but first I gotta find the red key to get inside....lemme bunny hop over to that building that says central control......
Tim Dorr
Owner/Manger
A Small Orange
Man, this stuff makes me really angry! I hate ignorant politicians like these guys who want to take away our electronic rights! Someone should smash into them with a Hadoken Fireball! Or take the chaingun into the Georgia legislative building corridors! Or jump on top of their stupid turtle-like heads! Or grab an energizer and give them a taste of their own medicine! Or something!
SO YOU'RE GOING TO DIE: The Comic for Dealing with Death
Yeah, I can imagine a bunch of testosterone-filled teenagers with guns running around in their local school, throwing themselves around the corner, just to realize that Bullet Time doesn't work in real life.
Does anyone actually LIVE in Georgia?
Many Russians live in Georgia.
I remember the joy on my friends face when we were both 14 and I came to germany with a smuggled copy of a fully gored up quake 1 :)
and then seeing command and conquer where people bleed oil!? It's an important thing that germany has good broadband coverage to get the uncut versions of games.
In Related news:
WASHINGTON, DC--A coalition of video-game characters representing the nation's leading systems appeared before Congress Monday to decry "the pointless, deadly presence" of spinning blades in video-game landscapes.
"We are here to demand an end to the shockingly casual placement of dangerous blades in our places of work," said Tomb Raider star Lara Croft, who estimates that she has lost more than 600,000 lives to spinning, falling, swinging, and suddenly appearing blades this year alone. "This kind of thing has been going on since the days of Pitfall Harry, and it has got to stop."
Croft, flanked by Metal Gear's Solid Snake, Super Mario 64's Mario, and both soldiers from Contra, called upon Congress to revise OSHA laws to extend protection to the digitally rendered.
"From Pitfall to Bad Dudes Versus Dragon Ninja to Gauntlet, the deadly spinning blade has been with us so long, we no longer even question it," Croft said. "It's high time it was done away with once and for all."
Exacerbating the situation, Mario said, is the seemingly arbitrary placement of the hazards. "I could see why, if you're in a factory, you might find yourself jumping around on dangerous conveyor belts moving in different directions," he said. "But why would you have conveyor belts in a castle? Or in the middle of a forest? Nintendo and these other companies are always talking about how realistic their graphics are. Well, what's so realistic about killer turtles shooting out of clouds and such?"
Added Mario: "It's-a me, Mario!"
In addition to the standard spinning blade, the coalition is seeking restrictions on random whirling fireball chains, falling blocks, spike-pit traps, and invisible cross-corridor laser arrays.
Legislators listened attentively as the digitized characters told of their near-death encounters.
"Just the other day, I was running through the British Museum's Egyptology exhibit when a bunch of six-foot steel scythes suddenly burst out of a sarcophagus," Croft said. "Fortunately, I managed to leap out of the way at the last possible second. But a situation like that could have easily turned tragic."
"We're not so different from you," the blue-jacketed guy from Double Dragon said. "We just want to be left alone to do our jobs--saving princesses, finding lost treasures, destroying out-of-control nuclear-equipped robots. But it's nearly impossible to go about your daily life when you're living in constant fear of some giant, evil mushroom suddenly lunging at you from out of nowhere."
"I mean, would you put up with a row of whirling knives in the cereal aisle at Safeway?" the Double Dragon guy continued. "Of course not. Why, then, should Duke Nukem have to run through a corridor of them to get the health pack he needs need to survive?"
The characters said they intend to boycott their respective video games until Nintendo, Sega, Sony, and other manufacturers take "significant measures" to improve safety.
"In addition to mandatory warning lights and buzzers at least eight seconds before the appearance of a blade, spike, or other health hazard, we are calling for mapping features in all 3D-rendered environments, large flashing arrows to highlight such hidden objects as health and life bonuses, and, in the case of Sonic Team games, safety guardrails on all loops."
Added Sonic: "And would it kill you to compose better music? I almost didn't finish the jungle part on that last one."
I am into the copy and paste.