Slashdot Mirror
Alleged eBay Hacker Goofs up and Goes to Jail
juliao writes "SecurityFocus is reporting that alleged eBay hacker Jerome Heckenkamp was jailed after his first solo court appearance."
It's pretty funny actually, stuff like challenging the indictment on the
grounds that they typed his name in all capital letters, demanding to immediately testify (even tho they were only there to schedule the trial), threatening the judge and so on. He would know better if he watched a couple episodes of Law & Order. Note that I base all court proceedings on the wisdom of Sam Watterston.
Sounds like this kid is in way over his head, and maybe watched a few too many movies.
Plus, you can tell he is a UNIX geek, since he seems to think the indictment is case sensitive.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball(TM)
Note that I base all court proceedings on the wisdom of Sam Watterson.
Heathen. Michael Moriarty would lawyer the fuck out of Sam Watterson. All Watterson has going for him is hotter assistants.
It hurts when I pee.
Isn't Qmail open source, and Qpopper what he is talking about really?
Qmail, as I understood it, has NEVER been hacked.
Conversion Rate Optimisation French / English consultant
Can you imagine the court reporter, trying to type out the 'leet-speak?
"1 0wn j00, y0 h0noR!!! m3 w1ll h4x0r joo and l3gAl 5y5t3mz!!!"
SlashSigTheorem: Humorous, Political, Critical, Constructive- If you have a
Jerome Heckenkamp should:
0) never be referred to as a hacker again.
0) never be allowed to open his mouth.
0) never have an article posted about him again.
0) be praised for going out in a true blaze of stupidity.
0) Cowboy Neal
-- You can't idiot-proof anything, because they're always coming out with better idiots.
Heckenkamp said he wanted to subpoena Nadel's "client" to appear in court, and Ware asked him who, exactly, he wanted to bring into the courtroom.
:)
When Heckenkamp replied, "The United States of America," Ware ordered him taken into custody.
I think they meant at this point the judge ordered the defendant to be taken into custody, but it could equally mean he ordered the United States to be taken into custody.
I've had enough abrasive sigs. Kittens are cute and fuzzy.
He seems to be trying to hack the court system. "Hmmm, if I feed it garbage inputs maybe it will crash and I can escape." Next he will try stealing robes in an attempt to fool the system into thinking he's a judge.
Doesn't (er, didn't) he ever read Slashdot?
-- @rjamestaylor on Ello
First use of "alleged" in a Slashdot post ever? Maybe the subscription plot is actually causing editors (and contributors) to act more like professionals.
Believe it or not, the names in all capital letters is one of the things that conspiracy theorists try to use. A fun read is the destroyed arguments section of the Dixieland Law Journal. That page is a conspiracy site telling other conspiracy people that they're being a little too out there. The capital letters issue is explained and debunked at a link there.
The Chewbacca Defense
"Ladies and Gentlemen of this supposed jury, my accusers would certainly want you to believe I hacked eBay, and they make a good case. But Ladies and Gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk who carried a gun and ran from the mob. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it. That does not make sense. Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot-tall Ewoks. That does not make sense.
But more important, you have to ask yourself what does this have to do with this case. Nothing. Ladies and Gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case. It does not make sense. Look at me. I'm a hacker defending myself and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and Gentlemen I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense.
And so you have to remember when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating this case, does it make sense? No. Ladies and Gentlemen of this supposed jury it does not make sense. If Chewbacca lives on Endor you must acquit.
I know I seem guilty. But ladies and gentlemen this is Chewbacca. Now think about that for one minute. That does not make sense. Why am I talking about Chewbacca when my life is on the line? Why? I'll tell you why. I don't know. It doesn't make sense. If Chewbacca does not make sense you must acquit. Here look at the monkey , look at the silly monkey.
The defense rests."
Jerome T Heckencamp --> A KNEE JERK COMETH
...and suddenly, with a flash of tearing insight, the cracker realized how all of his victims felt when he intruded into THEIR systems through a backdoor. Yes, from that day forward, he was oVVn3d. In the most terrible way possible.
Vintage computer games and RPG books available. Email me if you're interested.
What's the stupidest thing a person can do when placed under arrest? Not demand to talk to your lawyer or have one appointed. What's the stupidest thing you can do after that? Not allow your attorney to do his or her job.
/.ers--if you get arrested, keep your mouth shut unless you have your attorney beside you. Let them take care of everything. And no matter what, don't ever think that you can properly defend yourself in court--it's called being railroaded for a reason. This guy's about to get the maximum sentence possible when he really could have gotten off with a slap on the wrist. Dumb.
What is the very first thing that a rich, savy lawyer would do if he were arrested? Get the best darned attorney to represent him that he can afford. But why not represent himself, I mean--the accused is a lawyer, too. Well, when you're a defendant, your job is to help your attorney and keep yourself from doing stupid things like this kid has. It's your attorney's job to handle all the legal matters.
Future note to all
Long, cute, or funny Sigs are just another form of over compensation, used by geeks, nerdz, etc.
In a telephone interview after the appearance, Heckenkamp's father, Thomas Heckenkamp, said his son is only trying to protect his rights . "They've overstepped their bounds, and they're keeping him from defending himself," he said.
What an idiot. My first thought was, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
Sometimes it's best to just let stupid people be stupid.
Sixbit is ultimatly why MS-DOS had 3 name extensions and wasn't case sensitive. 3 sixbit characters fit very nicely into 18 bits, and early DEC computers were 18 bit systems. CP/M was developed to be partially a lookalike of these DEC computers, and MS-DOS was initially a clone of CP/M.
To quote from the article:
:).
In a telephone interview after the appearance, Heckenkamp's father, Thomas Heckenkamp, said his son is only trying to protect his rights . "They've overstepped their bounds, and they're keeping him from defending himself," he said.
I think this commentary speaks volumes about why this kid is there in the first place. Btw, yes, he's 22, and I say "kid" because he's acting like a child. But anyhow, if your child is acting like a tremendous idiot in the courtroom and your instinct is to criticize the court, you may have to accept that you are part of the problem. I'm not going to sit here and suggest that somehow this kid is blameless because his dad
is apparently an idiot. Just pointing out that Darwinian evolution should smite this particular mutation fast
I'm just hoping that we aren't going to get some stupid campaign trying to fight for this kids rights as though he's some hero of the Internet.
This sig has been temporarily disconnected or is no longer in service
Or more specifically that 'smart' isn't a single trait.
Being 23 myself, and having significant mathematical and technical skills myself, I have always struggled with the challenges of fitting in socially with those whose interests differ from my own.
When people dismiss your knowledge and make fun of you for it, the way I see it there are 3 possible outcomes:
1) You let it roll off your back since you can't please everyone all the time anyway.
2) You become arrogant and dismiss anyone who you view as 'less intellignet' or 'not worthy of my time'.
3) You learn to communicate with everyone on their own terms, the same way that most successful professionals do.
#1 might be the easiest, but it never worked for me because I'm too sensitive. #3 is my choice, because it earns me a lot more respect.
#2 is obviously the way this kid went, and I really feel sorry for him, because that is the road to bitterness. He's probably working himself up to a frenzy right now because he can't stand all those 'idiots.' Which is hypocrisy because he isn't even able to understand the basic tenets of respectful human interaction. It's sad to think that someone who supposedly values intelligence, doesn't value all the collective knowledge that society has about all kinds of topics. This kind of arrogance would seem to be chosen against by evolution in any period of history except the last few generations...
IANAP (I am not a psychiatrist) but Mr. Heckenkamp sounds like he is a schizophrenic, or like he is playing to sound like one. He is about the right age (22) for this disorder to become apparent. His intelligence and criminal behavior also fit the common model for schizophrenia.
Stop Prisoner Rape