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Microsoft's $40 Billion On Hand
eMilkshake writes "CNN/Money magazine report here that Microsoft has more liquid reserves than 'Ford, ExxonMobil and Wal-Mart have combined' and 'enough to buy the entire airline industry -- twice. Or all the gold in Fort Knox, four times over. It is enough to buy 23 space shuttles or every major professional baseball, basketball, football and hockey team in America.' This is thanks to (according to WinInfo Update) the fact that 'Microsoft handles its investments with an inhouse software application called--seriously--the Catastrophe Hedging Program 2.5.' I wonder what I would do with $40 billion?"
Breaking News!!!! Extra Extra!!
Microsoft Rich! Really Rich.
Who'd have thunk it..
So close and yet so far from the world's perfect ID number
Ale and Whores...
Man, if I had that kind of cash sitting around I'd be tempted to buy the DOJ. Oh, wait....
There is no reasonable defense against an idiot with an agenda
:wq
So M$ DOES get a nickel for everytime Windows crashes...
Karma whorin' since 1999
Hell No!
Rapid Nirvana
> Four US stealth fighters, or 40 stealth bombers.
Oh, oh... don't give bill any ideas now...
Don't think about the billions they have now, think about the billions they are losing because of those greedy poor grade schools who are allegedly not using properly licensed donated PCs.
So how long will it be until we see a Microsoft sponsered sporting team? Oh boy, I cant wait to see the Colorado Avalanch taking on the Redmond Blue Screens of Death.
If it won't boot, Fsck it!
Don't ask me why, but somehow I've got a hunch that Castrophe Hedging 2.5 runs on FreeBSD.
Q: How are all these liquid assets held? Gold? Deposit accounts?
A: Mostly greenbacks, some gold and other precious metals. It's all held in a gargantuan bin, several city blocks on a side, with a giant dollar sign on the front. Bill likes to swim in it.
Q: The bin, I assume, is heavily secured.
A: Surprisingly, no. MS Security is quite porous, considering the massive resources available to it, and is often compromised by sub-literate ex-cons and bored underachieving teenagers (including, purportedly, Mr. Gates' own nephews.)
Q: Isn't he afraid it might be stolen?
A: Occasionally, as mentioned, thuggish dog-faced brutes will attempt to break into the bin. However, what Bill really worries about is that some practitioner of the dark arts might infiltrate his mansion and steal the first dime he ever earned - the magical powers of which are the only thing that keeps MS successful in spite of the low quality of their primary product.
The good and new comes from no quarter where it is looked for, and is always something different from what is expected.
Ergo, I wonder if Catastrophe Hedging Program 2.5 ever has a catastophic error. Better question - does this program share any code with Microsoft Money?
Schnapple
I thought 640KB was enough for anyone. Silly Gates.
So close and yet so far from the world's perfect ID number
Catastrophe (Hedging) Program
:)
I though this was the code name of their last OS!
Nope, their last OS was called Catastrophe Generating Program.
I pledge allegiance to the flag...
of the Corporate States of America...
I said it before, and now this confirms it, Gates really can make More money than Jesus at a promisekeeper's convention.
It's a pity that Microsoft doesn't do a little more with their money than sell shit at top dollar. But, perhaps it's a Geffen Good, type thing. No fucking joke: start selling Linux at $99 for an install, and maybe the fucker will skyrocket.
Oh, for the days when huge corporations like Michelin did nice things. Says a French citizen, who grew up in Clermont-Ferrand (home of Michelin): "They subsidized the schools, busses, gave their workers bicycles, and helped fund the hospitals." But that was a long fucking time ago, and now it's all about fucking money. Ye, gods, though. How much fucking money does a place need? That's just irresponsible. Maybe I'm just some fucking yahoo, which is most likely the case, but it seems like one has a fucking obligation to be less of an asshole when one has the money to rule the world.
Just think about how many copies of Linux that much money could buy.
"Have you ever thought about just turning off the TV, sitting down with your kids, and hitting them?"
They're not using MS Money for that?
Uh oh... we all know no Microsoft product is usable until version 3.0.
he could buy the world a Coke(tm)!
(and teach it to sing in lockst^H^H^H^H^H^H harmony!)
A brand new double-wide, a corvette and a shitload of crank.
-- Knowledge shared is power lost. -- Aleister Crowley
Imagine a beowulf cluster of these
Live today. Tomorrow will cost a lot more!
And the truth about the USA is, it wasnt built by capitalism, it was built by slavery
COMMUNISM built the USA!!! Yet capitalism takes all the credit.
Its kinda funny how the USA is built off of Communism, yet everyone expects to be able to build a country from capitalism when its never been done.
NEVER. Every capitalist country was built from slavery, including england and australia.
If you use Linux, please help development of Autopac
You're almost there. While reading the article I could not help thinking about "Moonraker". Hmmm... complete with Steve B. as "Jaws"