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Periodic Table Table

Posted by chrisd on from the and-soon-settees-for-science dept.

Ed Pegg Jr writes "Theo Gray, a co-creator of Mathematica, was originally a chemist. Needing a conference table, he created a Periodic Table using a variety of woods." It seems Theo is missing some elements for the table, in case you have any spare europium (in a proper container, of course) lying about. This isn't Theo's first piece of furniture. It looks like he has left a few spots for new elements, and it is nicely modular, in the event an element is found not to exist.

21 of 201 comments (clear)

  1. Doc said... by grung0r · · Score: 5, Funny

    "I'm sure in 1985 Plutonium can be bought in every corner drug store, but in 1955, it's a little hard to come by."

  2. Well by weird+mehgny · · Score: 3, Funny

    For optimal effect you must use the right plancks or else your table may not work correctly with present theories regarding quantum mechanics.

  3. I too... by mgblst · · Score: 5, Funny

    am constructing a Periodic Table, and i am just short of a few elemnets, Au and Ag, so if anybody has any spare, can they send them to me. Perferably in an appropriate conatiner, say a large truck.

    Here we can see Theo Gray hard at work.

    1. Re:I too... by Graff · · Score: 3, Funny

      I would gladly give you as much Au or Ag as you want in exchange for you giving me an equal mass of Pt. Heck, I'll even throw in 30 or 40 pounds of Fe (may be slightly impure and oxidized) to sweeten the deal!

      --
      Sapere aude!
  4. Id like to see him try to stor the elements.... by happyhippy · · Score: 3, Insightful

    ..... whose half life is measured in seconds. The heavy artifical ones.

    1. Re:Id like to see him try to stor the elements.... by dvdeug · · Score: 3, Informative

      Honestly, uranium, like any other element with a half-life in the billions of years really isn't all that dangerous, except in large quantities. He could put a small sample in, especially if he wrapped it with lead.

      Interestingly enough, when I ran Uranium through dict, it came up with an entry from the 1913 Webster's dictionary discussing how a yellow oxide was used to tint glass (with the fluorescence an added bonus), and a black oxide used for porcelain. While that wasn't such a great idea, it shows how uranium isn't an instant kill; there are probably people still alive who used glass or porcelain with uranium in it.

  5. One question... by QuantumFTL · · Score: 3, Funny

    Needing a conference table, he created a Periodic Table

    Then wood this be a meta-table?
    *ducks*

    Justin

  6. I hope this thing stands up to the elements. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Interesting

    No, not those elements.

    I hope he has a humidity /temperature controled place to store this thing. Pieces that combine dissimaler woods don't tend to last very long due to diffrent rates of expansion/contraction when they are exposed to temperature and humidity changes. They tend to break along the seems.

    That's why you never securely bolt down butcher-block. You just drill an oversized hole and let it float on the stand.

    1. Re:I hope this thing stands up to the elements. by borgillel · · Score: 3, Informative

      That seriously depends on the construction techniques. An understanding of the way wood moves according to humidity and temperature changes can greatly aid a woodworker in engineering a piece of furniture that will last, regardless of the materials used. In this case, it appears that most of the various different type wood pieces used in his table are free to move around much like little cabinet doors that contain a gap to allow for wood movement. The one thing that concerns me about the design is the checkerboard pattern of drilled-out blocks that he uses for the tabletop. Because the pieces are so large, I'm not sure if the opposing shear forces wouldn't eventually force the blocks to separate.

      This guy seems to have a set of tools that most professional woodworkers would love to have, including that nice little Wood-Mizer sawmill and an enormous shop. But the thing that makes me wonder about how accomplished a woodworker he is comes when you take notice of the time-stamps on the pictures. On 11-18-2000, there is a picture of him milling a log, presumably the one that he is going to use for the table. Then *two* days later, he is cutting and laying out pieces for the project! As most woodworkers know, this is a serious no-no, as freshly milled wood often needs many months of curing time. Even kiln-dried wood (which some regard as inferior), needs at least a week or so to adjust to the humidity conditions of a shop before you start working with it.

    2. Re:I hope this thing stands up to the elements. by TheodoreGray · · Score: 5, Informative

      I'm not sure which time stamps you're looking at, but actually the log was cut over a year before being worked, and it was dried at least semi-properly. Also, that log was maple used only for the noble gas element tiles, not for the body of the table. The body of the table is walnut that was sawn in 1993 and actually kiln dried twice at the yard before I got it at auction. (Oh and by the way, the Wood-Mizer isn't mine, but I wish it were....)

  7. Added bonus... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    If you put your plate on highly radioactive elements, your food will stay warm.

  8. PARENT IS A TROLL by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Don't listen to him, he's trying to fool you into sending him GOLD!!!! Don't fall for it!

  9. Finally, a challenge! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    As a chemist, I've always prided myself as having the most unusual periodic table - I wear only boxer shorts that have the periodic table printed all over them (my collegues no longer ask me for reference information due to my undressing to look up values too many times...). This table though does me one better - bravo! I shall now have to find an even geekier chic periodic table - the guantlet has been thrown, I accept the challenge!

  10. I tried a similar project. by Captain+Nitpick · · Score: 5, Funny

    I tried making a mandelbrot set table once.

    I gave up because it seemed like there was always an endless amount of detail work left to do.

    --
    But then again, I could be wrong.
  11. last one at the table by lxs · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...gets the "uranium seat" (it's just a name son, don't worry about it)

  12. In a few days... by Emil+Brink · · Score: 5, Funny

    when some other esteemed editor reposts this, it'll be the Periodic Periodic Table Table story, and I will be even happier. ;^)

    --
    main(O){10<putchar(4^--O?77-(15&5128 >>4*O):10)&&main(2+O);}
  13. Other periodic tables... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Interesting
    From a recent posting on memepool by urog. I don't think I could have said it any better myself.

    By adulthood, Mendeleev's periodic table of the elements is firmly planted in a typical mind either as a tool for study or proof of mystical forces at work in nature. There are alternative structures: some clever and others using alternate media, extensions to the table providing nuclear structure, fermi surfaces, and line spectra.

    Still others are extraordinarily cross-thematic, merging chemistry with comic books, poetry or haiku. But only the grouping-nature of the columns is retained in rejected elements, condiments and beer. Eventually the elements and the periodic qualities have been lost entirely, reducing the periodic table to a design template for topical lists of funk and rock music, comedy and TV shows, famous mathematicians and presidents, even SGI products. Soon a complete breakdown of the scientific aspect yields no similarity to the original, becoming a glorified table, a marketing tool, or hype itself. There is mounting evidence of a conspiracy.


    1. Re:Other periodic tables... by TheodoreGray · · Score: 3, Interesting

      Funny you should mention Uncle Tungsten.... I built the table under discussion because I mis-read the first paragraph of the chapter where he discusses the "table" in the museum. For about 10 seconds while reading I though he was talking about a horizontal table, not a vertical frame on the wall. By the time I figured out I was confused, it was too late, I knew I had to build such a table. Theodore

  14. Hmmm. by Gannoc · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Hey, nice table!"
    "Thanks, it took me several w... OH JESUS CHRIST NO, DON'T OPEN THAT!"

    (screaming and choking as they both inhale florine gas)

    (dying breath): "Just...wanted...to...be...thorough.."

  15. Tom Lehrer by XNormal · · Score: 4, Funny

    "Now, if I may digress momentarily from the mainstream of this evening's symposium, I'd like to sing a song which is completely pointless, but is something which I picked up during my career as a scientist. This may prove useful to some of you some day, perhaps, in a somewhat bizarre set of circumstances. It's simply the names of the chemical elements set to a possibly recognizable tune. "

    The elements

    --
    Stop worrying about the risks of nuclear power and start worrying about the risks of not using nuclear power.
  16. The problem is that the table is unstable by mikosullivan · · Score: 3, Funny

    The left side of the table is nice and stable, but the right side keeps wanting to explode. Maybe he should combine some of the elements on the right side to stabilize it.

    --
    Miko O'Sullivan