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Star Wars Episode II: The Book Review
Hello, Mr. Salvatore! For the folks who want to get the details on the story without downloading the bootleg version, there's always the novelization based on the screen play, adapted by R. A. Salvatore (the same man behind the many D&D books in the fantasy section of the bookstore).
The last time this happened, Terry Brooks was the captain, guiding us through his interpretation of Episode I: The Phantom Menace. It was a good book, filling in the gaps that the movie missed, while telling the story in style. To be honest, I wish we had Mr. Brooks back. It's not that I don't like Mr. Salvatore, but -- well, maybe I don't after reading this book.
It's clear that Salvatore had access to the screen play for the movie, with every move, look, and nuance that was put inside. He also has access to the choreographed scenes, which becomes clear since he feels the need to tell us every single detail of the fights. Thanks to him, I now know that in a fight scene between Obi-Wan and Jango Fett, Obi-Wan "...ducked the blow and did a tight, stationary somersault right under the swinging arm, double-kicking as he came over...", and every other minor detail, blow, kick and jump. A fight scene that probably takes 2 minutes in the movie now takes up 15 pages of text.
It's overkill, and Salvatore does this over and over again. I would say he's wordy, but the definition is too short by at least 30 characters. In another scene, where Anakin goes all Dark Side on us, Salvatore writes it like this (well, not exactly - but it feels that way):
And as the rage raged through Anakin's rage, he raged through his raging rage to rage the rage rage.
I'm not clear here - is Anakin angry? It's a formula that is used over and over again with as much verbage as Salvatore can invent - how much Shmi Skywalker misses her son, or how Padme has chosen professional life over personal life.
You almost want to scream out "We get the point - move on to the story!"
Jedi and Bounty Hunters and Clones, Oh My!
The story itself is predictable sci-fi fiction. We can spot a plot device half a mile away, and in many ways, it emulates Episode I in its setup.
The story involves the attempted assassination of Padme Amidala, who is no longer Queen of Naboo (seems they can only serve 2 terms), but is now Senator of Naboo, fighting to prevent the creation of an army for the Republic to defend it from the Separatists. So the Jedi Council, at the advice of Emperor^H^H^H^H^H^H^H Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, enlists the help of Obi-Wan Kenobi and his Padawan Apprentice, Anakin Skywalker, to protect the young Senator.
While Obi-Wan takes off to chase after the assassins, Anakin is holed up with Padme all alone on her home planet on Naboo. Of course, nobody else seems to notice that Anakin has been Jonesing for Padme since he was 10. Even though Obi-Wan seems to think that Anakin might get himself into trouble, but is overruled by the Jedi Council, who don't seem to realize that a barely 20-year-old man with raging hormones around Natalie Portman might feel a little tempted.
This soon leads to romantic moments between the younglings, boiled down to this:
Anakin: Padme, I love you, and I'm not even vaguely trying to uphold my vows as a would-be Jedi to never marry. Kind of like a Catholic Priest, without the altar boy scandal. Padme: Anakin, we can't be together. You're a Jedi, and are forbidden to marry. (Even though I think those brown robes are so hot on you.) Anakin: What was that? Padme: Oh, nothing. Let's to romp in the meadow and hold hands even though I say we're not going to fall in love. Anakin: Sure. Can I look longingly at you at times? Padme: If you must. (While I undress you with my eyes.) Anakin: What? Padme: Nothing!Gaps in the Universe
So while Padme and Anakin are making goo-goo eyes at each other, Obi-Wan is discovering the creation of a clone army, an army based on the genes of Jango Fett, the best bounty hunter of the galaxy, who's cloned son, Boba Fett, is being trained by his "father" to be even better.
But then the questions come up. Who would want the creation of a clone army to fight the Separatists, when the Senate is still arguing about creating an army in the first place? What is Count Dooku, the former Jedi who is labeled as "the best kick ass lightsaber duelist in the history of the galaxy", doing at the head of the Separatists - and what is his plan? And how long until Anakin and Padme finally give in to their lusts and make the beast of two backs?
The story, in and of itself, isn't that interesting. But the story does a good job at tying up the lines between Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope and the prequels. For the first time, we meet Owen and Beru, and understand how they fit into the Skywalker family. We see how the future Emperor manipulates the public to put himself as the head of the Republic. That alone is enjoyable as you go "Ah...now that makes sense."
But for the cost of the $26.00 book, you might as well just wait a week and pay $11.00 at the movie theaters for the same information - in much less time.
You can purchase Attack of the Clones from bn.com. Want to see your own review here? Just read the book review guidelines, then use Slashdot's handy submission form.
I was wondering, on what are the movies based? Are there any novels on wich the movies are based? Are there novels for the probably never coming Star Wars Episodes 7, 8 and 9?
Several years back, when I was 17 I was invited by my friend
at a fiesta in their hometown in Marikina. I never turned
down free food before, so, I happily accepted the invite. When I got there, his brother, Ian, greeted me. He told me
that his brother was buying some ice and would be back soon.
Ian was 15 then. He stood around 5'9, lithe body, cute eyes
and smile. Ever since I met him, I had a crushed on him
because his so cute. He led me inside and offered me to food. There were people
almost anywhere in the house that he offered me to eat in his
room. He was playing some video game. After filling my plate,
we went to his room where he resumed playing the game and I
gobbled up. When evening fell, we were outside with his brother, male
relatives and neighbors drinking. Basically, Ian was the one
entertained me by engaging me to a conversation. We talked
about school, personal life and almost anything we could talk
about. I didn't mind that my friend was much around to
entertain me, he was constantly being asked by his parents to
something. Actually, I was really happy that I was able some
time with Ian. Then I vivid recall one of the topics of our rap. He asked me
if I ever had a crush on a guy. He further added that being
in a private all male school, he sometimes felt attracted
towards the same sex. I told him that I do and that it was
perfectly normal. He smiled at me and squeezed my hand before
saying that at least he wasn't only the one who felt that
way. I never intended to stay at their place until the wee hours
in the morning. But I guessed talking with such a witty,
pleasing, and humor guy like Ian, made me lose track of time.
I told Ian that it was late and I need to go home before my
parents had a fit. But Ian told me that I was no longer in
the condition to commute home and offered me to stay the
night. His brother and parents agreed. I wasn't totally
wasted from the alcohol that I had consumed. But I accepted
their suggestion, because I was tired to go home. I called my
parents and informed them that I wouldn't come home. And they
were quite cool about it. When all the guests had left about 3 in the morning, we went
inside the house. I asked my friend where I could crash. Ian
within an earshot jumped into the conversation and told me
that I was going to sleep in his room. My friend made a funny
look at his brother, but agreed with Ian's proposal. And then
my friend bid goodnight and went to his room, I saw in Ian's
eyes were kind of glowing. I don't know why and I didn't put
much meaning to it. I was tipsy, tired and sleepy to
psychoanalyze what it meant. I asked Ian to lend me a towel
so I could wash my face. He went to his room and returned
with the cloth in hand. He handed it to me and showed me
where the bathroom was. While I was washing my face, he stood
outside the door watching me. After that, I took the toothpaste and placed some in my
forefinger. Since I haven't brought any toothbrush, I used my
finger to brush my teeth. After using the sink, I need to
piss badly, so I turned my back at Ian, unzipped my shorts,
held my flaccid cock in my right hand and began peeing. By
then, Ian was using the sink doing the things that I done
earlier. After I finished filling the bowel, I zipped up. I
moved behind Ian so that I could get out of the lavatory. I
waited for Ian to finish and together we went to his room. Once we both inside the room, Ian bolted the door. He began
removing his shirt. I followed suit because I never liked
sleeping with my shirt on. Then, he asked me if I'd mind if
he slept in his underwear. I said, I didn't mind if he
doesn't mind me sleeping in mine. He smiled and dropped his
pants. He was wearing plain white boxer briefs. I loved the
way the material hugged his dick and protruding buttocks. I
removed mine showing him my boxers. When I sat on bed and
removed my shoes, the slit was slightly opened and Ian made a
remark. He told me that he thought that talk about me was
true. I asked him which rumors it was. He told me that his
brother told me that I don't wear any wear. I corrected him
and informed him that boxer shorts was another type of
underwear and added how I dislike wearing briefs. After our small chitchat, I told him that I was sleepy. He
opened the lamp near the bed, before turning the lights. He
told me that he couldn't sleep without any lights on. I laid
on my back while he slept on his right facing me. Few minutes
when my back hit the bed, I was passed out. The alarmed rang it was 6 am. Ian might have forgotten to
turn it off. Since it was near my side, I extended my hand
and turned it off. When I looked down, I saw Ian's head
resting on my maw with flaccid dick in his hand. I also saw
that there were dried cum just above my pubic area and Ian's
left cheek. Tried not to make any sudden movements. Somehow,
seeing and deducing that the guy I had a crushed on might had
sucked my dick made me randy. My cock became aroused in Ian's
left hand. How I wished he had woke when he was sucking me. Then I tapped Ian's left shoulder and said his name softly.
He woke up. He immediately looked at me and realized that he
had been caught. He jumped out of the bed and then paced the
room anxiously. I told him that it was cool. I assured him
that I was cool with it. He just kept chanting, "Shit." Then
he stopped chanting and pacing and told he was sorry about
the whole thing. I told him again that it was okay. But he
seemed to be so embarrassed about the whole incident that he
didn't want to believe me when I said that I was cool with. Not wanting to derange him, I told him that I better leaving.
Instantly, I got dressed and bid him goodbye. He didn't even
see me to the door nor looked in my eyes. After that, whenever our paths would cross, he distanced
himself from me. I really don't know why he reacted that way.
Several times, I tried to talk to him about it. But it was no
use. He just kept dodging me. So, eventually, I stopped
demanding to hear his side about it.
My teacher gave gave me an assignment to research how technology has changed people's habits. The theme I chose is "Where did you go for pr0n before teh Internet?"
Would the oldtimers present care to contribute their recollections? Thank you.
Shelly could hardly believe her luck! Her husband
had to go on a business trip and would be gone for
two nights. The timing was perfect. She had just
met John, a young black weight lifter who seemed to
be very interested in her. It had been Shelly's
fantasy for several years now to have sex with a
black man, but she had been unable to find a suitable
candidate until last night. Since Shelly was 50 years old and had put on a few
pounds during her twenty-five years of marriage, she
wrongfully assumed that younger guys would not be
interested in having sex with her. In the last few
weeks however, several men had approached her with
sex on their minds. It made her feel like she was
twenty again and she could feel the tingling
sensation at the thought of having sex with someone
other than her husband. She decided that she would
invite John over for dinner and see what developed. John readily accepted the invitation and Shelly went
about with her preparations for the evening meal. A
light dinner, some expensive wine, and a very
revealing dress that she had bought just for this
purpose were all prepared and ready when John
arrived. Her ample breasts looked enticing with the
very low cut top of her new dress. She noticed that
John could hardly keep his eyes off of them and
seemed embarrassed when he looked up and realized he
had been starring at her cleavage. Her nipples
hardened under his gaze and were visible through the
thin material of her dress. She noticed that he was
enjoying the show as a large bulge had started to
form in his jeans. After eating the meal and drinking too much wine,
John felt bold enough to make his move. He moved
behind Shelly's chair and started to massage her
shoulder and neck. His hands soon made their way
down onto her chest and began to free her big breasts
from the confines of her dress. Shelly shuddered as
he rubbed across her nipples. Her right nipple had a
direct line between it and her clitoris and she
reached her first orgasm of the evening just from his
touch. She now turned her attention toward the bulge in his
pants and slowly unzipped those pants. The size of
the black cock that sprung out at her made her gasp.
It was immense. She had a hard time getting even the
tip of it in her mouth and wondered if her pussy
would stretch enough to accommodate this giant tool.
She was about to find out. John carried her into the master bedroom, deposited
her on the bed, and removed all of her clothing. He
than removed his clothing and crawled in between her
legs. He lightly nibbled at her clitoris. She had
already become so wet in anticipation of his big cock
filling her small pussy, that foreplay was
unnecessary, so John proceeded straight to business.
He rubbed the head of his cock against the small
opening of her pussy and got her juices all over it.
He started to slowly inserting the head of his big
cock into her warm wetness. She was so tight he
worried that he would not be able to get much of his
cock in her, but as he slowly moved it in and out, he
penetrated deeper with each stroke. Shelly was screaming with lust and was rapidly
approaching orgasm. John started pounding his huge
black cock into her pussy and exploded at the same
time as Shelly. Shelly was overwhelmed. She had never experienced an
orgasm such as this and passed out from sheer bliss.
John pulled his now limp cock from Shelly's over-
stretched pussy and lay beside her trying to catch
his breath. A big glob of John's cum juice dripped
out of her pussy and ran down the crack of her ass
making a large puddle on the sheets. When Shelly
opened her eyes, she noticed someone standing at the
foot end of the bed. Good Grief! It was her husband Jerry. He must have
returned early from his business trip and had been
standing there watching the whole thing. She
wondered why he had not been really upset by all of
this. Looking at his crotch, she saw a big wet spot
where he had climaxed in his pants without even
touching himself. It had been as big a turn on for
him as it had been for her. When John noticed Jerry, he jumped out of bed,
hurriedly put on his clothes and ran out the door.
Jerry couldn't believe it. How could the sight of
another man having sex with his wife be such a turn-
on? He noticed Shelly smiling at him and making a
motion for him to join her on the bed. As he crawled
in between her legs, she grabbed his head and shoved
it into her cum drenched pussy. "Eat my pussy!" she
screamed. "Suck John's cum juice out of me and swallow every
drop!" Jerry did as he was told and sucked and licked on
Shelly's pussy until she experienced another gigantic
orgasm. Jerry then crawled up along side of Shelly
and cuddled with her. Shelly, knowing that her
husband was in bad need of relief, bent over and took
his hard cock into her mouth. His juices were
flowing so intensely that she had a mouth full before
he even climaxed. Shelly told him how she had felt having that giant
throbbing black cock in her pussy and just the
thought of this pushed him over the edge. Shelly
could hardly swallow all the cum juice, but made a
valiant effort. With Jerry coming in her mouth she
felt another orgasm approaching. It was the
strongest of the evening. She could feel the juice
running out of her pussy and adding to the puddle
that had already formed under her. Later, Shelly realized that this was only the first
of many adventures, and that her husband would be a
willing participant. Life was very, very good.
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OH FUCKING SHIT MY DICK FELL OFF! MY DIIIIIIIIIICK FELL OFF!
Friday night.
"This isn't funny," growled Maul.
"This is very funny," grinned Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan's battered leather jacket was tossed into the corner near the door, and his black Iggy Pop t-shirt was draped precariously over the covered Hamster Habitrail. Obi-Wan himself lay flat on his back on the floor, grinning lasciviously up at Maul, clad still in scruffy jeans and his damnable 14-eye straight-laced Docs. One boot-clad ankle was clutched firmly in Maul's hands.
"How in five hells did you get these things ON in the first place?" snarled Maul, yanking at the inscrutable laces.
"No, you're tightening them! Pull the OTHER side." Obi-Wan was definitely laughing now.
"Is this some sort of test? Must I now run an obstacle course for sex?"
"Hey, I can figure out straight lacing. It's not supposed to be hard."
Obi-Wan's boot tapped enticingly against Maul's hovering chest. The horizontal bars of the laces taunted his smoldering gaze.
"Maul." Obi-Wan's eyes danced.
"Yes?" he glowered, forehead knotted with concentration.
"Why do you want my boots off so badly?"
Maul blinked.
Obi-Wan abruptly pushed Maul off-balance, setting him on his rump with Obi-Wan's ankle still clutched in his hands. Obi-Wan shifted forward, pressing Maul down until he lay flat back, Obi-Wan hovering over him. One boot planted squarely in his chest, the other knee resting on the carpet by Maul's waist, arms crossed over his upraised knee, grin sparkling down at the pinned Sith.
"Honestly, YOU'RE the straight-laced one. There's the couch. Here's a button-fly," with a gesture that shot straight down Maul's spine. "Need I say more?"
"Gleep," opined Maul as Obi-Wan grabbed his shirt and hauled him up against the couch. The shirt went flying, knocking the Iggy Pop shirt off the Habitrail. "Yeark," Maul continued, as his jeans were yanked down to knee level.
"Maul."
"Snert?"
"I can't get your boots off."
"!!!"
Obi-Wan laughed and pulled Maul's booted ankles, sliding him underneath Obi-Wan's mostly unclad form, and made a sporting attempt to lick Maul's uvula.
"Maybe it's 'just sex,'" Obi-Wan whispered, biting Maul's earlobe, "but you're still all mine." And he grinned and claimed his lover.