Slashdot Mirror
The Case for the Empire
fReNeTiK writes "In this amusingly controversial article over at the weekly standard's web site, we get to hear an opinion not often heard among the hordes of Star Wars fanatics out there: The rebel alliance are actually "... an unimpressive crew of anarchic royals who wreck the galaxy so that Princess Leia can have her tiara back." An entertaining read which will surely spark flame wars of epic proportions." Reader kaypro submits an MSNBC story examining the
science of Star Wars. And
Ant notes that the
Clones DVD will be out earlier than expected.
Its not slashdotted, Foo!
Think nothing is impossible? Try slamming a revolving door.
Its clear that the rebel alliance are terrorists.
Parallel: Imagine a bunch of heavily armed British (or even French) Monarchists waging guerilla war across th US to undo the "injustice" of the American revolution and restore the House of Windsor to power.
The whole Star Wars series is responsible for promoting and glamorizing terrorism. Somebody arrest George Lucas.
...of course, he should have been arrested for Ep 1.
"This isn't the story you wanted to read."
"Hey, what's this crap, I didn't wanna read this!"
"Move along."
"I'm gonna reload so I can get first post on the next story!"
Sent from your iPad.
"Well, they make the trains run on time ..."
Athletic Scholarships to universities make as much sense as academic scholarships to sports teams.
the VCD is out already :)
There are places where the networks are not touching,and there are places where they are-Boeing's Lori Gunter
Republicans are out for world domination :-)
I am the Alpha and the Omega-3
It's Dunkirk, Scbwachkopf, not Dunkurk. Duenkirchen is it's authentic German name. You may note that life in the 3rd Reich wasn't all that bad. They had clean boulevards, virtually no crime, no racial tension among citizens except of course for the lawful tensions between citizens and undesirables, free and unrestrained capitalism (this capitalism was so capitalist that they ended up with a lot of monopolies). If only they had invested more into their highly impressive technological advantage, chances would have been they had the first nukes. In which case, you would (if you qualify, of course ;-) ) be able to enjoy all the benefits of a citizen of the 3rd Reich I listed above and more instead of having to put up with a Republic, which to put it into Senator Palpatine's words: "simply doesn't work!"
Hmm...
A long time ago, on a message board far, far away...
It is a period of flame war. Rebel thinkers, striking from their hidden message board, have won their first victory agains the Marketing Empire of Lucasfilm.
During the battle, Rebel geeks managed to come up with a new interpretation of the Empire's ultimate weapon, Episode I, a film so boring it could put entire audiences to sleep.
Pursued by the Empire's sinister lawyers, Princess Leia races home on her encrypted email, custodian of the new thoughts that can liberate her people and restore freedom of speech to the galaxy...
To prove that imitation is indeed the sincerest form of blatant copyright violation, Lucas premiered his "film" at this week's Orange County Star Wars convention. Lucas' mother, in whose basement he has lived for the last twelve years, is reportedly proud of her son's accomplishment. However, she also felt the love story between Padmé and Anakin was forced and poorly written.
Like most fan-generated "films," George's project was not a film at all. Lucas admits that he shot everything on digital video, about one quarter the image density of standard 35mm film. While he maintains that the choice was an artistic one, the issue of cost is undeniable.
During the screening, many patrons complained of the blurry look of the film print. A defensive Lucas reminded them that it looked much better on his computer monitor.
"If you look at color retention and light response, it would have looked much better on film," offered local film buff Wes Antilles. "I would have let him borrow my Super16 camera. He's too proud to ask, I guess."
The film suffers other ills common to fan films. Even the B-movie title, Attack of the Clones, is a dead giveaway of its amateur origin.
While some critics say that story elements take a back seat to flashy special effects, it would be difficult to argue that Lucas underwrote the film. The first two thirds of the film consist of nothing but mouths moving, gums flapping.
"I've seen this kind of thing ruin otherwise promising films," says UCLA film professor Leonard Calrissian. "Independent films often turn out too 'talky' because amateur directors are often too in love with their script to cut unnecessary or forced dialogue."
The most common complaint so far is that the film is not very much fun to watch. One walks away from Attack of the Clones wondering for whom it was made. Like most independent/amateur cinema, it is likely that the movie exists mostly for its own sake.
"I've got lots of other friends who do this kind of thing," said one local independent filmmaker. "Every time I run into them, they demand that I watch their latest project. It's getting to the point where I'm avoiding people. I haven't talked to George for over a year."
Unable to pay real actors and having run out of available friends, Lucas had to create many of the characters digitally. In spite of their obvious unreality, these digimuppets do a great deal to mask the awful acting and terrible direction common to such efforts.
There is no word yet whether the owners of the Star Wars trademark and franchise will do with Mr. Lucas. Clearly Attack of the Clones violates more than a dozen heavily-guarded copyrights while creating unsanctioned and [according to some] inconsistent backstory for established Star Wars characters.
In spite of its problems, most audience members agreed that Attack of the Clones was one of the best five fan films they had seen this year. Some even went so far as to compare it with the much-loved The Lego Strikes Back from 1996. Not bad for a first effort.
Inspired by the slightly-warmer-than-luke response to Attack of the Clones, Lucas announced plans to begin work on a sequel- as soon as he can come up with a better title.
[from ridiculopathy.com]
Battle on Endor: This is so Vietnam, the Imperials get creamed by the indiginous population because they know the land better, even if they have cruder weaponry. No, dude, they got creamed because if there's anything that would scare viewers more than Ewoks is a horde of dead Ewoks.
-- por uma vida + open source
So, they definitely HAVE to be made homosexual, because:
- Armies nevertheless always tend towards homosexuality. This is why the Dune emperor Leto II had his army of fish-speakers exclusively female...
- Having scores of identical homosexual soldiers solve one of the biggest military problems: coping up with sex urge. Having soldiers go down on prostitutes brings a lot of V.D. problems. Having all identical soldiers having sex upon themselves simply eliminates the V.D. problems.
- It neatly solves logistical problems, since you can have two or more soldiers sleep in the same bed.
- Likewise, they certainly don't mind that, in the shower, other soldiers see their weenies and have a kick out of it!!!
- Gay soldiers don't procreate, so their minds are freed from concern for their offspring, so they can merrily march to slaughter.
- And they don't worry for their lovers because since they are all interchangeable, they know that their lovers will be taken good care of.
- Gay soldiers won't also go and rape women of other worlds. They'll probably not rape men either because they have ready access to themselves.
- Spartan elite troops were exclusively gay, so that they could demonstrate bravery in front of their lovers (but of course, having clones would mean that by all being identical, they would not have to boast to others).
But all this rises a few questions: