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Subversive Gifts for New College Students?
openyourmind asks: "A friend's daughter is going to college, and I want to send her a package to help her in school. What kinds of things did you wish you had, but couldn't get, in college? I have already included a lockpick set, a UVmarking pen, and an LED flashlight in her care package. What else? Legal items only, please."
That takes all the fun out of it!
Seriously, if you are looking to get her something that she can't afford on her own, may I suggest a pda? I sure wish I had one, esp to remind me of my projects and homework due.
SCO to Hell
After one year in college, my stupid ass got the boot. I had to leave my girl, and I wish someone would've sit me down and said "You will never meet another one like this again. She's beautiful, intelligent, wonderfully cynical, interesting, fun, and for some reason she's in love with your stupid ass. So don't fuck it up. Go to class, study, pay attention. I know that this freedom is going to be knew to you, but you have to remain a bigger person and control it. Just because you can skip class and not get busted by anyone doesn't mean you should. Watch the partying. Tomorrow is going to come no matter what, do you want to be well rested and still have your money or hung over and broke? Pick your friends carefully. Choose those that know how to have a good time but know when it's time to sit up and hit the books. And always remember: Theatre Majors are the epitome of laziness."
Finally, math books without any of that base 6 crap in them.
..I wished I had brought
-A decent pocket knife
-Duct Tape
-A decent baby-sized tool box -- with a good hammer, screwdrivers (flat & philips head), pliers, and all the other little goodies.
-Earplugs
-A beer..err...soda cozy
-Quarters, quarters, and more quarters
I assume this person has a computer and that they are now moving away to college (that's what it sounds like). As a college student myself, these are some things which always come in handy:
1) Quarters
Think laundry. You always need quarters. Just send a couple rolls and it should last a while. Make sure you tell her what it is for so she doesn't just go spend it
2) Tools
Such as a hammer, screw drivers, etc. If you live in the dorms, no one has these types of things and they are hard to come by. Anyone who has tools is instantly popular.
3) Network Card?
If this person has used dialup all their life and never had/needed a network card, they will need one now to get online while at campus.
There is a lot more, you will find many more suggestions from other posters.
What are the chances this Ask Slashdot is from a marketing troll at ThinkGeek, for example?
Great for dorm life. Perfect for late night meal after the caffeteria is closed.
Knocks out the fat!
While many girls appreciate these gifts, it's derned close to that "my husband bought me a romantic clothes washer for our anniversary," or even, "my boyfriend changed the oil in my car for Valentine's day," or also, "My neighbor bought me a waffle iron for Christmas."
While we dudes appreciate a fine tool, it's not Chick stuff. The clothes washer and the waffle iron come with the implication, "MAKE USE OF THAT FINE APPLIANCE FOR ME RIGHT NOW YOU LAZY WOMAN. I HAVE A GAME TO WATCH. ONLY SUMMON ME IF THERE IS A FIRE OR SEX."
The lock pick set will be forgotten in the back of a drawer. The fine flashlight will be stolen at the first Rave.
Give the girl cash. Best gift. Accepted in 200+ countries and on 7 continents. No ID needed. Don't leave home without it.
So things were tougher in your day. Things nearly always were. But that's the kind of logic that would have us all living in caves and avoiding fire because raw meat was good enough for our grand-daddies. I'm at university, and you know what? My PDA is really useful, so screw you. It's not necessary, but neither was your 386. It just makes life easier, and probably better. By taking care of the simple things for her, she'll be able to concentrate on her *real* goals: aceing her degree, but more importantly running up huge debts, going to raves, and spending hours wasting time with her friends. Because university (or college) is what turns you into the person you will be for the rest of your life, and if you have to spend it busting your ass just to afford food, then it turns you into what, apparently, you are: a hard-ass with no sense of fun. I'd rather be the mollycoddled, whiny brat, if it's all the same to you.
And in case you're wondering, I don't scrounge off my parents. I paid for my £2000 computer myself, with money I earned working 9-5, and the same goes for most of the rest of the stuff that I own.
Going off to college means, for many, real independence for the first time. So the first things you should think about including are in support of that, or, in related fashion, in support of what happens when that breaks down. Like a pre-paid phone card with a gazillion minutes on it. And, perhaps more importantly, your phone number enscribed on that phone card so that she can call an adult who is not her parent for non-judgmental advice, followed by the words "call any time of day or night." And when she does call at 3am, make sure you wake up, listen, and provide the support she needs.
As oft-mentioned in other replies, condoms. GOOD ones. And then, bone up on emergency anti-pregnancy procedures for that 3am call asking, "ohmigod Uncle Bob -- the condom broke, what do I do?"
An open account with a local taxi service so that she never, ever, ever has to worry about getting a ride home. The means to limit abuses of this are up to you.
Alcohol. The best place to learn about drinking is in the private, protected confines of your own dorm room. (Note, there are serious legality issues here which vary from state to state. Don't do something stupid and blame it on me.)
Anti-hangover remedies. My favorite is Berocca. Send a case. Ibuprofen. Send lots.
HIV home test kits (which are really home-sampling kits which you then send to a central lab for analysis). Not cheap, but she should have any guy she's thinking of having sex with tested.
*Assuming* she knows how to use basic handtools, a small toolbox with decent quality hammer, screwdrivers, and pliers is great. If she doesn't know how to use these tools, it is still a good idea, but not nearly as important. From your suggestion of lockpicks and flashlight, one might surmise she is perhaps mechanically inclined. If so, add small pocket knife, magnifying loupe, a pocket-sized set of jewlers tools. At the other end of the physical scale, a crowbar and a 3-lb sledge. A good digital multimeter (eg, Fluke 77-III or equivalent).
The person who recommended flip-flops and a shower basket was right on the money. Add some decent (and decent-sized) soap and a couple of small travel-sized bottles of her favorite shampoo and conditioner (or other toiletries).
Now, to be really *subversive*, send a set of infrared goggles, available at surplus houses everywhere. Add in works by Kant, Ionesco, Wittgenstein, Chekov and Orwell. A couple of remote listening devices. Books on how to swear in a dozen languages. Assuming she's going to college in the US, plane tickets to Europe (put those gazillion FF miles to work!). Safety pins (the most universally useful items, after knives). Fake wedding rings. Falsies (see the posting about breast implants and their universal utility). Wigs of different color or style from her normal hair. A get-out-of-jail-free card (see the phone card with your number on it, above).
But the most subversive thing you could possibly give is: encouragement.
Put my fist through my alarm clock with its ding-dong death inside my ear. - The Blackjacks.
Let's see, two grand for a 386 puts you in college in the mid-80's. I'm going to try to put this as gently as I can, in the hopes that you might listen to it and spare some kids some grief.
I too paid for my own college. I could not afford a computer of any kind. I graduated in 1989, paid for entirely on my own dime. I too resented the frat rats who were handed everything while I worked two, and at one point, three jobs.
Now, you need to understand, that sometimes the world can change. Brace yourself, get a stiff drink, and try to cope with the fact that while lower-end wages have fallen, tuitions have multiplied.
After taking a few more courses in 1995, I realized that there is no way in hell I would have my degree if I had tried to go to school just six years after I graduated. Tuition had doubled, and for the tech-related courses, tripled. In economic terms, you had it easy.
Looking back, the kids who truly got the most out of school were the ones who didn't have to spend 50 hours a week working like I did. My kids will go to college with all the trimmings, fully funded, and I will be proud that I could give them something I didn't have.
You aren't "helping your kids grow." What you're really doing is taking your bitterness out on them.
He put his boots up on the table and made a face. "The sig," he smirked. "You can waste your life in search of the sig."