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Subversive Gifts for New College Students?
openyourmind asks: "A friend's daughter is going to college, and I want to send her a package to help her in school. What kinds of things did you wish you had, but couldn't get, in college? I have already included a lockpick set, a UVmarking pen, and an LED flashlight in her care package. What else? Legal items only, please."
One of those micro-sized Pen-cams or something along those lines. Just perfect for breaking into the professors offices and snapping shots of tests.
My own pointless vanity vintage computing page
Definitely.
That takes all the fun out of it!
Seriously, if you are looking to get her something that she can't afford on her own, may I suggest a pda? I sure wish I had one, esp to remind me of my projects and homework due.
SCO to Hell
A case of those wrist bands they let you wear to show you're over 21 to drink at the bar. Every color and striping.
I've hit Karma 50 and gotten a Score:5, Troll... I win!
... is that my Father had better choice in his friends, so that I would not be the target of this attempt at being turned into a Dark Angel ripoff by someone old enough to know better than to use younger folks for their vicarious thrills.
Actually they are not illegal to own...I got a set when I took that DIY locksmithing course.
I make a butt load of money at the beach. Paid for a merchant's license, posted my cell phone number and I get 4 calls a day from morons who lock thier keys in the car at the beach...and since the beach is a barrier island that it 40 minutes from the nearest locksmith, I can charge half of thier price and I get them on thier way in 20 minutes or less.
Hell, go to lockpicks.com and you can get whatever you need.
It's legal, but they usually add to the crime if you commit a crime with those devices.
-- Wiccan Army, 13th Airborne Division "We will not fly silently into the night"
Laid
To make a pun demonstrates the highest understanding of a language
After one year in college, my stupid ass got the boot. I had to leave my girl, and I wish someone would've sit me down and said "You will never meet another one like this again. She's beautiful, intelligent, wonderfully cynical, interesting, fun, and for some reason she's in love with your stupid ass. So don't fuck it up. Go to class, study, pay attention. I know that this freedom is going to be knew to you, but you have to remain a bigger person and control it. Just because you can skip class and not get busted by anyone doesn't mean you should. Watch the partying. Tomorrow is going to come no matter what, do you want to be well rested and still have your money or hung over and broke? Pick your friends carefully. Choose those that know how to have a good time but know when it's time to sit up and hit the books. And always remember: Theatre Majors are the epitome of laziness."
Finally, math books without any of that base 6 crap in them.
To help her socially, I suggest a bong, the barware neccessary for mixing drinks a bit better than most college kids do, and a decent stereo.
To help her medically, I suggest condoms and umm... more condoms.
..I wished I had brought
-A decent pocket knife
-Duct Tape
-A decent baby-sized tool box -- with a good hammer, screwdrivers (flat & philips head), pliers, and all the other little goodies.
-Earplugs
-A beer..err...soda cozy
-Quarters, quarters, and more quarters
My first semester freshman engineering class was all about Matlab, so buying a copy of that (or whatever software package they teach in her studies) would be useful. Of cousre, that's only a good idea if they aren't allowed to buy software at a discounted price. If she's in an apartment, you can always use more dishes/cookware. Food is also good. Or Tae-bo tapes, or running shoes, something along that line. Many students don't get any exercise, so get something to push her away from the frosh 15 (I lost 3 pounds freshman year :-P).
I've found that a bike to ride to class is very useful (I go to a large university, mind you). A $100 wal-mart bike would do for that (get a lock, too).
Ok, all I can think of.
I believe that the existence of women is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy
I assume this person has a computer and that they are now moving away to college (that's what it sounds like). As a college student myself, these are some things which always come in handy:
1) Quarters
Think laundry. You always need quarters. Just send a couple rolls and it should last a while. Make sure you tell her what it is for so she doesn't just go spend it
2) Tools
Such as a hammer, screw drivers, etc. If you live in the dorms, no one has these types of things and they are hard to come by. Anyone who has tools is instantly popular.
3) Network Card?
If this person has used dialup all their life and never had/needed a network card, they will need one now to get online while at campus.
There is a lot more, you will find many more suggestions from other posters.
a webcam!
At least, that's what I think they all need...
What did the walrus say to the penguin? "No soap, radio."
The sale of lockpicking devices is highly regulated within the United States. In addition, federal law prohibits interstate mailing of locksmithing devices, violation of which is a misdemeanor. Locksmithing devices can also only be sold to authorized recipients.
see these links:
http://www4.law.cornell.edu/uscode/39/3002a.html
http://www4.law.cornell.edu/uscode/18/1716A.html
for more info
Breast Implants. If used skillfully they can break into any room.
Laptop
CD-ROM burner - backups, projects, mp3...
Blank CDs
Digital-Audio recorder (w/ at least 90 min of record time)
Small digital camera
Nice headphones (compact yet good quality)
A PDA
Rechargeable batteries
Leatherman tool
An Almanac, Dictionary & Thesaurus
When I was in college, lots of girls had girlfriends.
From AAA Plus Member Benefits, which includes Emergency Roadside Assistance:
Plus Extended Towing up to 100 Miles: When your vehicle cannot be started or driven safely, free towing is provided up to 100 miles from the point where your vehicle is disabled to the destination of your choice. This extended benefit includes one tow per disablement using appropriate equipment to safely transport your vehicle.
Plus Lock & Key Services: This service provides up to $100 in parts and labor coverage for lock and key service needed to gain access to your vehicle and make it operable.
Plus Free Fuel Delivery: A sufficient amount of fuel will be delivered free of charge to enable you to reach the nearest open service station.
Plus Alternative Service Reimbursement: Extends your benefits to include full reimbursement for covered services based on the prevailing commercial rate for the region where the vehicle was disabled, if AAA services was requested by unavailable. Lock and key services will be reimbursed up to $100. To apply for reimbursement, submit an itemized receipt for service to the Member Relations Dept., 2040 Market Street, Philadelphia, PA 19103 within 30 days.
Plus Legal Defense Reimbursement: If you are charged with a motor vehicle violation which you believe is unjust and require an attorney, AAA Plus will reimburse you for your attorney's fees in accordance with the following schedule:
Manslaughter by Automobile
Representation in Primary Court $800
Representation in any Higher Court (an additional) $1,200
Maximum Benefit $2,000
Assault & Battery by Automobile
Representation in Primary Court $200
Representation in any Higher Court (an additional) $300
Maximum Benefit $500
Moving Traffic Violation
Representation in Primary Court $100
Representation in any Higher Court (an additional) $150
Maximum Benefit $250
Plus Free International Guides: AAA Plus Members can obtain our renowned international guidebooks and maps absolutely free. Certain restrictions may apply.
Plus Crime Prevention Reward Plus Free International Guides: AAA Plus offers a reward up to $2,000 for information leading to the arrest and conviction of anyone who steals your vehicle.
Plus Auto Travel Accident Reimbursement Service: If the vehicle you are driving is disabled in a traffic accident 100 or more miles from home, you will receive up to $700 for car rental, commercial transportation, meals and lodging expense occurring within 72 hours of your accident or within the time it takes for you to return home or to arrive at your final destination, whichever is less.
Plus Extended Extrication Service: This services extends Basic benefits to include a second truck and operator for one hour at the scene of disablement.
---
I believe AAA also sells an emergency cellphone which can contact police/911/AAA.
Mod Karma -1: I sed bad wurds. If I cep my mouf shut, I wud be at riyses.
What are the chances this Ask Slashdot is from a marketing troll at ThinkGeek, for example?
For subversives:
-FF
SQUEAK, the Death of Rats explained.
Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook and The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex
He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send your fingerprints off to Washington."
My uncle is the Director of Public Health for a county in Illinois that shall remain nameless. When *I* went away to school I got gross of gross-size boxes of condoms. 20,000-something of them.
:)
Mostly they got used as water balloons and sold at usurious prices to dorm-mates with an unexpected opportunity.
When a friend had to move away from her boyfriend to start Pharmacy school, I got her a small assortment of vibrators (waterproof, gel, plug-in), some "Astro Glide" and a pre-paid phone card. I've been thanked profusely by both parties for that one.
Web Camera. I had one when I was at school. Once I actually got an SO, it suddenly had a million household uses.
Telescope. For the voyeur in all of us.
Subscription to dirty magazine. OK, even if you aren't into that sort of thing, this stuff makes good barter material (nothing like a fratboy too embarassed to buy his own) and, if you're willing to share your bounty, will probably make you a few friends.
Lamination machine. Million household uses for an enterprising college student. Patricularly when paired with an Alaskan or Puerto Rican drivers license.
Anything that makes people think you have a bizarre lifestyle. Nothing like being able to pull on a pair of skintight latex chaps, a 24" dildo and exclaiming to your annoying roommate that you're ready for a quiet evening at home. Note that holy books from weirdo relgions probably work just as well, if you can keep up the right sort of patter.
Damn. I'll probably think of more goodies later.
Geez. Guess I'm some kind of pervert. Oh well. At least I'm not an anonymous coward.
-- I wanna decide who lives and who dies - Crow T. Robot, MST3K
Great for dorm life. Perfect for late night meal after the caffeteria is closed.
Knocks out the fat!
"Time is long and life is short, so begin to live while you still can." -EV
A chastity belt? Well, that explains why she needs lockpicks...
"What kinds of things did you wish you had, but couldn't get, in college"
SEX
Why not give her me? I'm single and I'm cuddly.
While many girls appreciate these gifts, it's derned close to that "my husband bought me a romantic clothes washer for our anniversary," or even, "my boyfriend changed the oil in my car for Valentine's day," or also, "My neighbor bought me a waffle iron for Christmas."
While we dudes appreciate a fine tool, it's not Chick stuff. The clothes washer and the waffle iron come with the implication, "MAKE USE OF THAT FINE APPLIANCE FOR ME RIGHT NOW YOU LAZY WOMAN. I HAVE A GAME TO WATCH. ONLY SUMMON ME IF THERE IS A FIRE OR SEX."
The lock pick set will be forgotten in the back of a drawer. The fine flashlight will be stolen at the first Rave.
Give the girl cash. Best gift. Accepted in 200+ countries and on 7 continents. No ID needed. Don't leave home without it.
So things were tougher in your day. Things nearly always were. But that's the kind of logic that would have us all living in caves and avoiding fire because raw meat was good enough for our grand-daddies. I'm at university, and you know what? My PDA is really useful, so screw you. It's not necessary, but neither was your 386. It just makes life easier, and probably better. By taking care of the simple things for her, she'll be able to concentrate on her *real* goals: aceing her degree, but more importantly running up huge debts, going to raves, and spending hours wasting time with her friends. Because university (or college) is what turns you into the person you will be for the rest of your life, and if you have to spend it busting your ass just to afford food, then it turns you into what, apparently, you are: a hard-ass with no sense of fun. I'd rather be the mollycoddled, whiny brat, if it's all the same to you.
And in case you're wondering, I don't scrounge off my parents. I paid for my £2000 computer myself, with money I earned working 9-5, and the same goes for most of the rest of the stuff that I own.
Dude, get off my brainwave...
I once walked out of a grocery store with a box of milk-bones, a dog leash and collar, a container of cool-whip, a box of condoms, and a bottle of champagne.
My girlfriend and I had just adopted a puppy. The champagne and cool-whip were for a dinner party with her parents. The condoms were for after dinner.
When the clerk looked at my g/f and said "So, the champagne makes it easier to wear the collar and leash, right?", I thought she was going to die, on the spot.
I, of course, laughed so hard I cried.
where is the "I feel for ya, but that's some funny ass shit" moderation?
Going off to college means, for many, real independence for the first time. So the first things you should think about including are in support of that, or, in related fashion, in support of what happens when that breaks down. Like a pre-paid phone card with a gazillion minutes on it. And, perhaps more importantly, your phone number enscribed on that phone card so that she can call an adult who is not her parent for non-judgmental advice, followed by the words "call any time of day or night." And when she does call at 3am, make sure you wake up, listen, and provide the support she needs.
As oft-mentioned in other replies, condoms. GOOD ones. And then, bone up on emergency anti-pregnancy procedures for that 3am call asking, "ohmigod Uncle Bob -- the condom broke, what do I do?"
An open account with a local taxi service so that she never, ever, ever has to worry about getting a ride home. The means to limit abuses of this are up to you.
Alcohol. The best place to learn about drinking is in the private, protected confines of your own dorm room. (Note, there are serious legality issues here which vary from state to state. Don't do something stupid and blame it on me.)
Anti-hangover remedies. My favorite is Berocca. Send a case. Ibuprofen. Send lots.
HIV home test kits (which are really home-sampling kits which you then send to a central lab for analysis). Not cheap, but she should have any guy she's thinking of having sex with tested.
*Assuming* she knows how to use basic handtools, a small toolbox with decent quality hammer, screwdrivers, and pliers is great. If she doesn't know how to use these tools, it is still a good idea, but not nearly as important. From your suggestion of lockpicks and flashlight, one might surmise she is perhaps mechanically inclined. If so, add small pocket knife, magnifying loupe, a pocket-sized set of jewlers tools. At the other end of the physical scale, a crowbar and a 3-lb sledge. A good digital multimeter (eg, Fluke 77-III or equivalent).
The person who recommended flip-flops and a shower basket was right on the money. Add some decent (and decent-sized) soap and a couple of small travel-sized bottles of her favorite shampoo and conditioner (or other toiletries).
Now, to be really *subversive*, send a set of infrared goggles, available at surplus houses everywhere. Add in works by Kant, Ionesco, Wittgenstein, Chekov and Orwell. A couple of remote listening devices. Books on how to swear in a dozen languages. Assuming she's going to college in the US, plane tickets to Europe (put those gazillion FF miles to work!). Safety pins (the most universally useful items, after knives). Fake wedding rings. Falsies (see the posting about breast implants and their universal utility). Wigs of different color or style from her normal hair. A get-out-of-jail-free card (see the phone card with your number on it, above).
But the most subversive thing you could possibly give is: encouragement.
Put my fist through my alarm clock with its ding-dong death inside my ear. - The Blackjacks.
Let's see, two grand for a 386 puts you in college in the mid-80's. I'm going to try to put this as gently as I can, in the hopes that you might listen to it and spare some kids some grief.
I too paid for my own college. I could not afford a computer of any kind. I graduated in 1989, paid for entirely on my own dime. I too resented the frat rats who were handed everything while I worked two, and at one point, three jobs.
Now, you need to understand, that sometimes the world can change. Brace yourself, get a stiff drink, and try to cope with the fact that while lower-end wages have fallen, tuitions have multiplied.
After taking a few more courses in 1995, I realized that there is no way in hell I would have my degree if I had tried to go to school just six years after I graduated. Tuition had doubled, and for the tech-related courses, tripled. In economic terms, you had it easy.
Looking back, the kids who truly got the most out of school were the ones who didn't have to spend 50 hours a week working like I did. My kids will go to college with all the trimmings, fully funded, and I will be proud that I could give them something I didn't have.
You aren't "helping your kids grow." What you're really doing is taking your bitterness out on them.
He put his boots up on the table and made a face. "The sig," he smirked. "You can waste your life in search of the sig."