Subversive Gifts for New College Students?

openyourmind asks: "A friend's daughter is going to college, and I want to send her a package to help her in school. What kinds of things did you wish you had, but couldn't get, in college? I have already included a lockpick set, a UVmarking pen, and an LED flashlight in her care package. What else? Legal items only, please."

Comments

Camera

[TellarHK]

One of those micro-sized Pen-cams or something along those lines. Just perfect for breaking into the professors offices and snapping shots of tests.

Re:Camera

[darkonc]

Just perfect for breaking into the professors offices and snapping shots of tests.

Yeah.. It'd go real nice with the lockpick set.
Not that I want to be nitpicky, or anything, but aren't burglery tools considered illegal in most jurisdictions? Perhaps they're only to help her 'make backups of her dorm room contents'?

Re:lockpick set?

[Phoenix]

Actually they are not illegal to own...I got a set when I took that DIY locksmithing course.

I make a butt load of money at the beach. Paid for a merchant's license, posted my cell phone number and I get 4 calls a day from morons who lock thier keys in the car at the beach...and since the beach is a barrier island that it 40 minutes from the nearest locksmith, I can charge half of thier price and I get them on thier way in 20 minutes or less.

Hell, go to lockpicks.com and you can get whatever you need.

It's legal, but they usually add to the crime if you commit a crime with those devices.

Thinking back...

[daoine]

..I wished I had brought

-A decent pocket knife
-Duct Tape
-A decent baby-sized tool box -- with a good hammer, screwdrivers (flat & philips head), pliers, and all the other little goodies.
-Earplugs
-A beer..err...soda cozy
-Quarters, quarters, and more quarters

Re:Thinking back...

[TGK]

Wana go hardcore? A shrinkwraper. Most college bookstores won't take books back at full price once the shrinkwrap is off. If you have a shrinkwraper you can re-wrap them and typicaly save $75+ on your returned books.

That... and you can sell shrinkwraping service.

A few suggestions

[pclinger]

I assume this person has a computer and that they are now moving away to college (that's what it sounds like). As a college student myself, these are some things which always come in handy:

1) Quarters
Think laundry. You always need quarters. Just send a couple rolls and it should last a while. Make sure you tell her what it is for so she doesn't just go spend it

2) Tools
Such as a hammer, screw drivers, etc. If you live in the dorms, no one has these types of things and they are hard to come by. Anyone who has tools is instantly popular.

3) Network Card?
If this person has used dialup all their life and never had/needed a network card, they will need one now to get online while at campus.

There is a lot more, you will find many more suggestions from other posters.

Well, duh!

[catseye]

Give her what every shy, young, sweet, innocent, 18-year-old female college freshman needs:

a webcam!

At least, that's what I think they all need...

Most subversive tool ever

[CaffeineAddict2001]

Breast Implants. If used skillfully they can break into any room.

A few Good Things

[crimoid]

Laptop
CD-ROM burner - backups, projects, mp3...
Blank CDs
Digital-Audio recorder (w/ at least 90 min of record time)
Small digital camera
Nice headphones (compact yet good quality)
A PDA
Rechargeable batteries
Leatherman tool
An Almanac, Dictionary & Thesaurus

Marketing Troll?

[Mignon]

What are the chances this Ask Slashdot is from a marketing troll at ThinkGeek, for example?

What fun

[slaker]

My uncle is the Director of Public Health for a county in Illinois that shall remain nameless. When *I* went away to school I got gross of gross-size boxes of condoms. 20,000-something of them.
Mostly they got used as water balloons and sold at usurious prices to dorm-mates with an unexpected opportunity.

When a friend had to move away from her boyfriend to start Pharmacy school, I got her a small assortment of vibrators (waterproof, gel, plug-in), some "Astro Glide" and a pre-paid phone card. I've been thanked profusely by both parties for that one.

Web Camera. I had one when I was at school. Once I actually got an SO, it suddenly had a million household uses.

Telescope. For the voyeur in all of us. :)

Subscription to dirty magazine. OK, even if you aren't into that sort of thing, this stuff makes good barter material (nothing like a fratboy too embarassed to buy his own) and, if you're willing to share your bounty, will probably make you a few friends.

Lamination machine. Million household uses for an enterprising college student. Patricularly when paired with an Alaskan or Puerto Rican drivers license.

Anything that makes people think you have a bizarre lifestyle. Nothing like being able to pull on a pair of skintight latex chaps, a 24" dildo and exclaiming to your annoying roommate that you're ready for a quiet evening at home. Note that holy books from weirdo relgions probably work just as well, if you can keep up the right sort of patter.

Damn. I'll probably think of more goodies later.
Geez. Guess I'm some kind of pervert. Oh well. At least I'm not an anonymous coward.

Re:What fun

[slaker]

OK, so I'm lame enough to reply to myself. Sue me.

Shotgun-style microphone. See telescope, above. This one is actually probably more fun, since fewer people know what the hell they are.

Stethyscope I use one in my apartment to this day to decide if my neighbors are fighting/beating their kids or if it's just a TV that's turned up really loud.

Potato gun. We used to pack one full of undies and shoot it out the dormitory window.

Tools! Particularly a decent drill or cordless screwdriver. I once stole the door from a couple of guys in my dorm who were annoying me. Of course, the utility of a $7 toolset from Walgreens merits its inclusion anyway.

Stereo from hell. I listen to classical music. So did everyone else on my floor and the floors around mine, thanks to me. I used to turn the volume up on my stereo to about halfway so I didn't have to interrupt my favorite symphony just to go to the bathroom (70 feet and probably 40 cinderblock walls away). Think about the opening of "The Big U" for a hint of what I mean. Once I beat anyone else who thought their music should be inflicted on everyone else into submission, I turned mine down too.

Vacuum pump. Another great trick. Make a slight negative pressure inside someone's closed room and watch them get knocked off their feet opening their door. Or break a window, if you aren't careful (I went to an engineering school. Can you tell?)

Quarter-on-a-string or four. To keep from having to actually pay for laundry machines. Laundromats might care. Dorms don't.

Powerful magnet. Wow are these fun.

Overhead projector. Your very own Batsignal.

Racketballs or other suitably bouncy objects. Great fun in the hall.

Block-and-tackle/pulley system. Great for getting contraband into dorms. Where I went to school, the guys on the highest floor of my dorm used one to hoist up alcohol (which was banned in dorms). Also great for moving day.

Button-maker/Tshirt printer. Sounds lame, but actually a decent source of income and not without spurious subversive uses, either.

Instant or digital camera. Roommate in a compromising position? Immortalize him forever!

No sense of shame. This makes dealing with drunks and morons particularly amusing.

George Foreman Grill

[sprintkayak]

Great for dorm life. Perfect for late night meal after the caffeteria is closed.
Knocks out the fat!

Re:Condoms

[Moonshadow]

What kinds of things did you wish you had, but couldn't get, in college?

Laid?

!!! you have to ask !!!

[_ph1ux_]

"What kinds of things did you wish you had, but couldn't get, in college"

SEX

I'm available...

[Art Tatum]

Why not give her me? I'm single and I'm cuddly.

Don't Give a Girl "Guy" Presents

[scotpurl]

While many girls appreciate these gifts, it's derned close to that "my husband bought me a romantic clothes washer for our anniversary," or even, "my boyfriend changed the oil in my car for Valentine's day," or also, "My neighbor bought me a waffle iron for Christmas."

While we dudes appreciate a fine tool, it's not Chick stuff. The clothes washer and the waffle iron come with the implication, "MAKE USE OF THAT FINE APPLIANCE FOR ME RIGHT NOW YOU LAZY WOMAN. I HAVE A GAME TO WATCH. ONLY SUMMON ME IF THERE IS A FIRE OR SEX."

The lock pick set will be forgotten in the back of a drawer. The fine flashlight will be stolen at the first Rave.

Give the girl cash. Best gift. Accepted in 200+ countries and on 7 continents. No ID needed. Don't leave home without it.

Re:Condoms

[akruppa]

> condoms are free at colleges. I recommend a vibrator. Like a Hello Kitty Vibrator

Didn't you read the article heading? It says "from the tools-for-use-outside-of-the-box dept."

Alex

Re:Not All Condoms are Alike:

[knewman_1971]

Dude, get off my brainwave...

I once walked out of a grocery store with a box of milk-bones, a dog leash and collar, a container of cool-whip, a box of condoms, and a bottle of champagne.

My girlfriend and I had just adopted a puppy. The champagne and cool-whip were for a dinner party with her parents. The condoms were for after dinner.

When the clerk looked at my g/f and said "So, the champagne makes it easier to wear the collar and leash, right?", I thought she was going to die, on the spot.

I, of course, laughed so hard I cried.