Slashdot Mirror
Milestones in the Annals of Junkmail
fdc writes: "Web pages are a great source of postal
addresses for direct mailers. Judging by some of the
addresses we've seen recently, it's evident that the data is
harvested not by humans, but by computer programs that scan web
pages for names and addresses. Several weeks ago we (the
Kermit
Project at
Columbia University)
announced a new release of our Kermit 95
communication software for Windows -- SSH, secure FTP, etc; cousin
of C-Kermit
for Unix (search Freshmeat). Since this was a major release, we
chose a new icon for it: the Columbia
crown. A web page
explained that this is the emblem of Columbia University: the
crown of King George the II of England (1727-1760), who founded
Columbia in 1754. JUST ONE WEEK LATER guess who received a postcard from
Dell."
bitches
First! First! Yay!
CEE5210S The signal SIGHUP was received.
Who? Tell me... tell me...
so my cat fluffy *didnt* order those dells. whew!
four-oh-four
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From: cumnmepls@yahoo.com (Just some guy)
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X-ASSTR-Original-Date: 7 Apr 2002 19:25:44 -0700
Subject: {ASSM} Keeping My Girlfriend (impreg,nc)
X-Original-Subject: Story Keeping My Girlfriend, impreg, nc
Date: Mon, 8 Apr 2002 09:10:06 -0400
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This is my first time posting a story, so please be gentle in your
replies.
Elements of this story are true; elements are fictional. I
hope, at some point, to make the whole thing come true. I'd love to
hear suggestions for follow up stories.
Copywrite: Standard, repost as you wish, don't make money on
it, leave my email address attatched as author.
cumnmepls@yahoo.com
Keepher
Keeper
I'd been dating Amanda for three years - time for a ring and a date
Dr. Laura would say. And the will was there, just not the cash. Plus,
after three years she was transfered to Colorado, about 18 hours from
the Ohio college town where we'd met.
She's 25, I'm 22. I still have another year to go before graduation.
We hated it but there was nothing we could do about it. She wasn't
making much now, but a few more years with the company and she would
be set. She's a design artist, really talented. Unfortunately it's a
rough industry; three or four applicants for every opening. Like I
said, she's really talented, but it's a hard career to get into, even
for the best. It's rewarding though, for the lucky ones that get the
break. Anyway, we knew she couldn't afford to miss this opportunity.
I still had another year to go. I want to get into teaching, high
school English or history. Not exactly a pot of gold, but also very
rewarding. There's also a high demand, so we knew I would be able to
find something in Colorado after I graduate and could work while I
continue with graduate school part-time.
Neither of us had much cash, so we had to rely on emails and the
phone. We also planned to meet up when we could, either half way or in
Colorado (she didn't get much time off and couldn't travel) but that
was expensive.
I never knew exactly how long a year could be. I learned.
It's hard to go from seeing someone every day to the cold monotone of
email and chats. Plus, all you hear about is how long distance
relationships never work. One person gets lonely...then they get
angry...then you spend all the time you're together in person arguing.
I was scared.
I'm not sure how it started; for all I know it could have been some
Jerry Springer show with teen moms saying they had babies so the
daddies couldn't leave them. Maybe it was something in the back of my
mind all along, but soon I was getting desperate and scared.
Sex was always hot between us. It wasn't everything in our
relationship, but it was great. She was better than anything I'd
experienced before. We fit, really well, and she loved trying new
things. For the first time in my life, sex got better as time went on;
we kept learning new things about each other.
The one thing that really frustrated me was that she always made me
wear a condom. I hated it. I had never been inside a girl without one.
I was always terrified of getting some girl pregnant and ruining my
life. Now that I was with someone for the long haul, I wanted to try
things "au natural" for a change. It wasn't that I wanted her to get
pregnant, I just felt we had reached a point in our relationship that
we could both feel safe. We were clean, devoted. But she was deathly
afraid of pregnancy.
I knew she wanted kids, and I knew she enjoyed talking about having
children, and I knew she wanted to have mine; sometimes it would come
up during sex and I swear she came faster and harder every time I had
her knees on her chest chanting words like 'breeder' and 'baby maker'.
I don't know if it was the job or if she was worried about how here
parents would react, but she was just very worried and we had to be
very careful.
About a year and a half into the relationship, I convinced her to go
on the pill. She was a little embarrassed but agreed it would be a
good back up to the condoms. Of course, I didn't plan on using condoms
after she started...
She took the pill for four months. It made her really sick.
Apparently that's just how it works on some girls. It also stopped her
period completely which scared the hell out of her. I suggested we
could try some other kind, like the injection kind, that uses a
different active ingredient, but she wasn't willing to try it.
I begged and I pleaded to go bare before the drug's effects wore off;
I figured if it had stopped her menstration completely that atleast
she couldn't get pregnant but she wouldn't go for it.
I guess it was a little selfish of me, considering how important it
was to her to avoid any 'surprises' but after four months apart I was
getting worried and desperate. I started doing a little research and
putting together a plan.
My birthday is in March, and all I asked for this last one was cash
so I could afford a flight to Boulder. My family knew how keen I was
on her and I got it.
Amanda and I decided I would come to Colorado over spring break. I
had five days off work, so we figured that by taking a late flight on
the last day, we could fit in a pretty good visit. She had to work
Saturday but was taking a Monday and Tuesday off, giving us an
uninterupted three-day-weekend.
I gathered a few supplies (not many clothes, though) and caught a
flight late Friday night. It's increadible how short a flight is
compared to an 18 hour drive. I arrived a couple hours later. She
picked me up and we drove another hour to her apartment in Durango. I
was pretty wrecked and after a few slow romantic kisses I crashed and
slept until 2 in the afternoon. She was away at work. This was fine
with me because it gave me time to prepare.
I walked a few blocks to a strip mall to pick up a few things to make
dinner with, and, of course, a bottle of our special Moet & Chandon
champange. I was a busy little beaver when I got back, setting up a
cliched romantic dinner for two - right down to the detail of two
chocolate mints on the pillows.
She got in around seven, tired but caught up with work. I think she
suspected I would do something special, but was surprised anyway. I
really outdid myself with the cooking (and cleaned up the huge mess I
made).
I acted chivalrous, led her to the couch and took off her shoes and
socks, poured a glass of red wine. I don't know how tired her feet
could get sitting on her ass at a drafting table but they responded to
the royal treatment as planned. After a little light relaxation, I lit
the candles and began to serve dinner.
After the meal, but before dessert, I excused myself to the kitched
for a few moments. I popped open the champagne and poured it into two
plastic (high class, eh?) champagne flutes. I added a little something
special to hers, two valiums.
From my research, I knew the dose would help the alchohol work in her
system but wouldn't know her out completely. Plus, the bitter
champagne would help cover up the taste of the medicine. We enjoyed
the champagne and a really great chocolate dessert of some sort (I
picked it out of a catelog at the store). We retired to her bedroom.
Before I opened the door, I told her she had to humor me, I had a
little surprise. I put a blindfold over her eyes and led her in.
I undressed her, slowly. I love looking at her body and seeing her
reminded me of what had made her absense so painful. I love her
curves, her breasts...and I got a surprise when I saw that she had
shaved herself...just like I love it. It's wonderful to go down on her
without worrying about hair in your teeth.
I laid her down on the bed and went over her very slowly, first with
my tounge and then my hands. I opened a bottle of massage oil that I
had bought before I came and started rubbing it in to her.
It was clear that the sedative and alcohol were taking effect.
Normally, she tenses up everytime I use lotion on her until I show her
the bottle's label saying that it is water based, not petroleum, and
safe for use with latex condoms. This time she didn't - and of course
the massage oil was just that - oil based. I had a back up bottle in
case she asked to see it, but didn't need it.
After a slow rub down. I helped he too her feet again and reminded
her to keep the blindfold on. I guided first one leg, then the next
into a pile of soft silky material and pulled it up. It was this
increadable white silk slip, cut very low with almost invisible white
straps. Next I moved her legs once again, but I think by the time I
had the next part half way up her body, she had figured out what I was
doing; a little chill ran down her spine.
But she was good, and didn't fight or struggle. I finished zipping
the last part, turned her toward the mirror, and took off the blind
fold.
Amanda stood there wrapped in silk, lace and sequins looking
absolutely virginal in a wedding dress. I admit it wasn't much, I had
bought it from an ad in the paper (and recieved some strange looks)
but it fit remarkably well. I knew it wasn't nearly as beutiful as the
one she would someday wear, but she was glowing. Without moving her
head, she let me take her hand, then slip a very simple, thin, gold
band onto her right finger. I had bought her a starter wedding band
for less than $20 at a pawn shop, but it put a million dollar smile on
her face.
I admit I got a little rough at this point. I knew the effect the
dress would have on her, I had no idea seeing it would hit me so hard.
I pushed her back onto the bed and began pushing the flowing dress up.
She didn't object; she was increadibly moist. I wasn't wasting my time
with my tounge though.
I made a great show of rolling the condom down the shaft of my cock
and and then moved between her legs. After I had placed just the tip
inside her, I reached up to the headboard and turned a wind up key.
As I slowly moved into the woman who was and would be my wife, a
little beat up music box started playing, slightly off key, "Here
comes the bride".
I had intentionally not cum for four days...four days of hell and
frustration because I knew this might be my only chance. I was afraid
I wouldn't last very long, afraid our first time together again would
disappoint her but I think her orgasm started the moment she opened
her eyes...it didn't matter though, I had waited too long...with too
much build up to hold off. I was in her as deeply as possible, her
legs up in the air in a position she sometimes joked was like my cock
was picking the egg to fertilize when I heard a snap...the sound of
one latex based condom exposed to an oil based massage oil and
disentigrating...and I came, in her for the first time.
Keeper II
I stayed inside Amanda until my cock went completely soft, slipping
out of her along with a little stream of cum. I have to admit that
right I that moment I started to have doubts. Did I really want her
pregnant? Did I really think a baby would keep her with me if I had
impregnated her, basicly, by raping her?
But that didn't affect how exciting it was. I rummaged in my bag to
get out the Polaroid camera I had swiped from my parents house. It was
a really beutiful sight, the way she was layed out. Being apart was
stressful. The times we managed to get together it seemed we went back
and forth between exquisite pleasure in being together and constantly
sniping at each other. But here, she looked so peaceful. I took her
glasses off and put them on the head board.
I took one picture of her face. Then another of her whole body. I'm
doubly fortunate with Amanda. She has both the most beutiful, and
tightest, pussy I've ever experienced. Between her legs, her lips were
closed with just a little pearl of my cum showing. I took a picture of
that too.
I took my finger and wiped the droplet up. On a whim, I put it on my
tounge.
Now, I don't think I'm a pervert, and I don't think there is a single
guy out there who has never tasted his own cum. And I know how much I
like how she tastes. This was something different, though. This was
the taste of both of us, together.
I reached down again and put my finger inside her, then put a few
drops on her lips; unconciously her mouth opened just a little. If
there was one hang up that drove me nuts, it was her aversion to my
cum. Until I met her, I had been with anyone who could bring me off.
She could do it with either her hand or her mouth. It was a whole new
experience to be able just to lean back and let someone else give me
an orgasm.
But she wouldn't take it in her mouth. The few times she had, she
made me feel guilty by grimacing as she swallowed [ok, that's not
entirely true. When a guy is mid-orgasm, it's not humanly possible for
him to think on any level so complex as guilt. It actually made it a
little better because I knew she was doing it strickly for my
pleasure]. Anyway, it wasn't much of a problem. She liked me cumming
on her, especially feeling my hot cum hit her face. A couple of times
I licked it off her face and kissed her. I think she liked that - it
drove me wild.
I smoothed the dress and pulled it back down. I had gotten a little
rough, but was glad to see I hadn't really damaged the dress. It
wasn't really expensive, but I was hoping to get some more use out of
it. I took two more pictures, then hid the photos and camera in my
bag. I wasn't sure how she would react if she knew I had taken them.
We had videoed ourselves making love once when we first started
dating, but right afterward I erased the tape. Another time I had
filmed us without her knowledge but the quality wasn't great. I had
set the camera on her computer desk in the bedroom and covered it
enough so she wouldn't see any light indicating it was on.
Unfortunately the angle showed more of me than her for the most part,
but at one point I had a great view of her breasts bouncing while she
was on top. I watched it a couple times but was really afraid she
would uncover it (or worse, change tapes in the camcorder and have it
pop up sometime watching old tapes with her family -or god forbid our
children). I realized later that I should have copied it onto a normal
VHS tape.
Anyway, the pics were for my own 'private' use so I didn't think she
would mind too much. I curled up next to her and went to sleep.
--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
Ha! Didn't Work!
Go Taco!
What an intuitive way to get spam published on slashdot.
Look a monkey!
What the hell are you doin!" He grabbed my dick. "Here let me shake it for ya" He dragged me further down the alley. I was trying to yell for help, but it was now use, He put his huge hand over my mouth. No one could hear me. He took me inside a door that led into a room with an old mattress laying on the floor. I was terrified! I didnt know what this guy was going to do with me. He took out some handcuffs and cuffed me to some poles that were on the wall. I was laying on the mattress with my hands cuffed to a pole. I was thinking that maybe he was some weirdo that wanted to torture me! I started to sweat profusely. He came over to me and told me to shut the fuck up. He gagged me so i couldnt yell or say anything. He started to pull my jeans off. Then he slid my boxers off. He walked over to a table and grabbed a pare of scissors. I was terrified. I thought this guy was about to cut my dick off. I tried to scream and yell, but it was no use, the gag was doing its job. No one could hear me. I sighed as he brought the scissors closer and he started to cut my shirt. I had never been so relieved in my life. He cut my shirt off, and i was laying there on the old matress completely nude, gagged and bound to the poles on the wall. He started to take his clothes off. He was completely naked. His body was well muscled, with very light hair on his chest and stomach. His dick was huge! the biggest i had ever seen before!! It was as big around as a beer can and about 7" long, and it wasnt even hard yet! He started to play with himself, attempting to get himself hard i suppose. I saw this thing grow into a fucking monster! It was about a foot long, if not longer, and this thing was so thick!!! He walked over to me and flipped me onto my stomach. I saw him reach for a bottle of something, but i couldnt make out what it was. I felt something wet and cold drizzling onto my ass. He grabbed my ass and spread me wide open. He started to rub this stuff all over my asshole. I almost started to cry as i had figured he was going to stick his huge cock in my ass!!! I was so terrified i think that my pubes where turning grey! I felt his fingers rubbing my ass. All of a sudden i just started getting all these emotions and feeling that i had never had before! I mean sure i have thought about being with another guy before, but what guy hasnt. So as i was laying there with him completely in control, I started to get very aroused. I couldnt believe what was happening.
This guy was about to rape me and i was enjoying it! As he rubbed my asshole i just gave in to the pleasure. My cock started to grow and i pushed my ass upward more so i could get my ass open a little more. Then it happened, he plunged one of his fingers into my ass. Oh my it felt amazing. The feeling was indescribable. I started to moan and buck my ass up and down. Then i felt another finger violate my rectum. I figured that he was loosening me up for his huge pecker. Then he pulled out, and i felt it! It huge cock was at the entrance to my pink virgin bung! I felt him thrust his hips forward, and with one single push the head of his cock was inside of me. The pain was so immense, i thought that he had to of done some major damage to my ass. Then he pushed it all the way in. I started to buck and wiggle my body. it hurt so bad that i had tears running down my face. the pain was immense! Just try shoving a bear can up your virgin ass and tell me how it feels. As this guy was violating my rectum, all i could think about was how hot i was getting. My lust was overriding the pain. It started to feel so amazing having his huge prick inside of me. I couldnt believe what was happening. Oh my god, i had never in my entire life felt something as good as this huge dick being plunged deep into my ass. Then he pulled out. He turned me on my back and saw how hard i was. He asked me if i was enjoying him fucking me like a bitch!. I told him that i was and he knelt down in between my legs. He took my 8" cock into his mouth and began to suck it like a pro! as he was sucking me he was ramming his finger in my ass. I started to moan. It felt so good to have another man sucking me. I started to cum like i had never came before. He just kept his mouth right over my cock and took every bit of my seed into his mouth. he pushed himself up with his massive arms and took the gag from my mouth. He leaned his face towards me and began to stick his tongue in my mouth.
My cum was still in his mouth. the taste was incredible. this was the first time that i had ever in my life tasted cum. I had never even thought about it before. As many times as i had the chance to do it before, i just never though about doing it. But i loved every minute of it. I savored the taste of my cum and his tongue in my mouth. I felt chills going up and down my spine as this fucking hunk had his tongue rammed down my throat. The he grabbed my legs and threw them over his shoulders. He spread my ass again and inserted his huge piece of meat! I moaned and gasped as he shoved it back into my warm man hole. Oh it felt so good. I told him to fuck me like the little bitch that i was. Fuck me until you fill my ass full of your white creamy jism!! He started to fuck me so hard. It was amazing. He started to jerk me off as he was fucking me. Just a few jerks and i was cumming again. All over his stomach and chest. my cum was flying everywhere. I had never came like this before.
This was the best sex i had ever had in my life! I saw his face turn bright red, and his body began to shake. He let out a huge gasp and then he moaned so loud. He must have squirted a fucking gallon of cum into my ass. He was jerking for what seemed like 2 minutes straight, when he finally finished he dropped over on top of me and told me that it was the best he had ever had!. He told me how tight i was and how he loved ripping me open!. I told him that it was the best fucking sex i had ever had. He said that he didnt want me to have any hard feelings. it was just that he liked what he saw, and he takes what he likes. I told him that it wasnt a problem, after all. How can you rape the willing?......
http://hellosaidthechickenmonkeysaidthecowmoosaidt heoinkandweesatt>idthefee/waltzing/Gwen/Mezzrow/an alfishmonkeycowshitdonkeydoo/fetalmonkeypenisanusd ogshit/unclesammotherfucker/cowpissedandateshitnig gajew/kike/hoeslutcockprostitutejesusraper/manyanu sflyaroundhere/ fish.com
i eat glass and it doesn't hurt me...
unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep
USian Pie
/. since 7/8/02
A long, long time ago I can still remember How the trollers used to make me smile And I knew if I had to boast That I could try to get first post And maybe I'd be happy for a while But moderators made me shiver With every minus they'd deliver DoS scripts couldn't stop it They scored them all "Offtopic" I know that it's cheap crack they smoke And meta-moderation's broke At first I thought it was a joke The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
Bye, bye, MEEPTy, OOG, and Grits guy Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a *sigh*
Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie Wonder what became of girls petrified? What became of girls petrified?
--
Did you write a bunch of Perl? And did it make you want to hurl Feces at the Wall? Can you believe these lame-ass polls? Do you post big stretched-out assholes? Can you make the goatse.cx link not show? Well I know you think that Siggy sucked Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up? The bots don't have a clue. Man, I dig those trolls from Shoe! I was a rabid Free Speech advocate With a Red Hat T-shirt and a Free Beer gut
Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
It's been two years since the IPO And LNUX sinks to all-time lows But that's not how it used to be When Spiral showed how it was done Trolling as Jon Erikson Who worked for NPO Technologies Oh and while they tried to filter posts Somebody rooted Slashdot's host "Crack Slashdot? That's absurd!" Better go change your password While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book By using posts he simply took And we flamed him till he was cooked The day that trolltalk died And we were singin....
-- Chorus --
10 grams. Inchfan. Didn't log out. Goddamn The mods will find the sid real soon, man
You can't hide if you aren't AC Your bud (George here) tried BSD A dead Streetlawyer's tips were free And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi 70 made his percents up While 80md warned "liberals suck" The moon does not exist It's just a liberal myth Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap We forced him to invoke bitchslaps Do you recall the flood of crap The day that trolltalk died? We started singin....
-- Chorus --
Oh and then we were wearing out "All your base" And started posting monospace
The better for our penis birds So come on, be a zealot, be a dick You don't think Anne Marie's a chick? Because lying's all we do about HURD So go and push for BSD And say GPL isn't free Slow down, cowboy! The limit Is one post every minute Now tell the right wing facist slime Infringing on Your Rights Online That they can't censor all the time The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
I met a troll they called The Rev And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD He said, "That's old. Get over it." And with all the courage I could muster "Imagine what a Beowulf cluster...." But it wasn't worth the trouble to submit The karma caps are just plain jive And everyone's moved to K5 The steelcage has grown rusted And Geekizoid is busted
The three sites I don't see for weeks Segfault, kernel, Comp-u-geek Code is not art. This ain't Freshmeat The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
- Trolling