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Satirewire Calls It Quits

stuyman writes "After almost three years, Andrew Marlatt, SatireWire's best (and only) employee is leaving the company. Says Marlatt "I all agreed it's time for me to move on...while the decision was certainly difficult, the meeting was actually quite harmonious. I brought doughnuts." He's going to start doing other things, and it has nothing to do with money. Read about it here. Satirewire has landed, please remain seated until we are fully stopped in the terminal area..." I owe Andrew some heavy laughter, and wish him good luck.

12 of 106 comments (clear)

  1. That Sucks... by LogicalChaos · · Score: 2, Funny

    He could at least get the rest of us some doughnuts too.. I want a doughnut. Good luck man!

  2. He's off to his next career by selectspec · · Score: 5, Funny

    suing the onion for patent infringement.

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    Someone you trust is one of us.

    1. Re:He's off to his next career by Monkelectric · · Score: 4, Funny

      Theres alot of prior art for sites that used to be funny and now arent.

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      Religion is a gateway psychosis. -- Dave Foley

  3. It's about time by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    That site has been a festering pile of dog snot for the last 9 months or so. Nothing new to say. He didn't just beat a dead horse, he bought a stronger whip, changed riders, proclaimed "this is the way we have always ridden this horse," appointed a committee to study the horse, arranging to visit other satire sites to see how they ride dead horses, increased the standards to ride dead horses, declared that the horse is better, faster and cheaper dead, and finally, harnessed several dead horses together for increased speed.

    1. Re:It's about time by dboyles · · Score: 5, Funny

      ...and finally, harnessed several dead horses together for increased speed.

      A Beowulf cluster of dead horses? That should provide enough power to settle the emacs/vi debate.

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      -- "Complacency is a far more dangerous attitude than outrage." -Naomi Littlebear
    2. Re:It's about time by grammar+fascist · · Score: 3, Funny

      Yep. You'll need that much to run emacs on the same system as anything else.

      Wow. This could turn into an "emacs vs. vi" flame war. Who knew?

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      I got my Linux laptop at System76.
  4. Re:Where can I put MY tech humor? by Tachys · · Score: 5, Funny

    we can go to in order to publish our own faux tech news?

    Yeah it is called Slashdot

    Is there *decent* website

    Oh decent, well no I don't think so

  5. Well by Nethergoat · · Score: 2, Funny

    At least he didn't cite creative differences...

  6. No, N0, NO! by beanerspace · · Score: 2, Funny

    In case you can't tell, I'm throwing a virtual tantrum. I've just finished stomping my feet on the floor and now I'm banging my head against my monitor ... ... now I'm holding my breath ... ... really loud now (so I'm holding my hands over my ears) NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo. No, N0, NO!

    I don't wanna for it to stop.

    I want my SatireWire

    (can you tell I'm the dad of a 2.5 year old)

    No. Okay, Now I'm swatting at the monitor ...

    I'll continue to cycle through these steps until I get what I want, catharsis kicks in, or my wife gets home - whichever occurs first.

  7. Here's one for the road... by thrillbert · · Score: 5, Funny

    New Haven, Conn. (OSDNews) -- Federal investigators descended on the front door of SatireWire's Andrew Marlatt armed with search warrants and cease and desist notices.

    Marlatt, who just recently announced his retirement from the web site, is now the focus of an investigation focusing on financial dealings with himself. In a memo obtained by OSDNews, we have learned that Mr. Marlatt awarded himself quite a hefty sum of money as a settlement for firing himself. When questioned about it, Mr. Marlatt replied "I had that in my contract. I had told myself that if I ever wanted to quit, I was not going to walk away with nothing. And just because I am taking 100% out of the company should not mean I am trying to steal all it's funds!"

    President Bush, speaking on condition of anonymity, expressed concerned regarding such shady dealings and was quoted as saying "this is exactly the type of deals we need to stop. How can it be that someone can work hard to build something, then shut it down and take all the profits? I might need to have the IRS investigate this character!".

    Meanwhile, the Slashdot community was both saddened by the news, and upset at the fact Mr. Marlatt had not bought doughnuts for them.

    We contacted CowboyNeal via telephone, but were unable to make out what he said over the incredible sobbing noises he was making.

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    Thank you Andrew! You made us all laugh!

  8. Re:obligatory links by haukex · · Score: 5, Funny

    While we're at it, here's my personal absolute favorite: Interview with the Search Engine

  9. Re:obligatory links by Swaffs · · Score: 3, Funny
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    "Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos." - Homer Simpson [1F10]