Many Hackers Too Fat For The FBI

CaveDwler writes: "Want to work for the FBI in computer security? Better put down your cheesey poofs and pick up your M16. According to this article over on Wired, you have to pass physical requirements in order to work with FBI in computer security."

Comments

darwin

[Scrameustache]

"They will not consider you unless you can carry your M16 through the physical fitness course without killing yourself in the process,"

I think its fair, if you die in the test, they don't hire you.

Put down your cheesy poofs and pick up an M-16?

[Rayonic]

How is playing Counter-Strike going to help me lose weight?

Not joining FBI is the least of your problems...

[Skyshadow]

I saw a study the other day which concludes that being a couch potato is worse for you than a reasonably serious tobacco habit. So, not being able to join the FBI is the least of your problems -- being a blob with high blood pressure whose heart is being transformed into a ten- or twenty-year time bomb ranks a lot higher.

Don't be content to be a fat fuck, and don't let yourself off with "Gee, I'm just too busy to exercise" or "Exercise is for stupid jocks" excuse. There are better ways to flirt with death than to sit on your ass 18 hours a day chugging Dew and eating Ho Hos.

Here's my 20 minute-a-day, 4 times a week solution: Get out and run. Two and a quarter miles or so in about 20 minutes will put you in reasonably good shape. It doesn't hurt to squeeze in some work with free weights, either, but you can work up to that. In any event, start off slow and work up to your goal over a couple of months, and *don't* let yourself plateau too early.

Oh, and good shoes are really important. I highly recommend New Balance.

Re:doughnut crumbs in the keyboard

[Skyshadow]

but would they be as tech smart and on top of things?

After flirting with exercise for about two years, I finally started working out on a seriously regular basis about four months ago (every weekday, 1 hour, rain or shine or apocolypse).

I find that I have increased energy and, as an extention, less need for caffine and a generally clearer head (esp. during those hours after lunch when everyone else is half-asleep). IMO, I absorb information much more easily and am better able to "wrap my head" around things.

As a bonus, I find that the time I spend working out (I run and lift free weights) is rivaled only by my morning shower in terms of inspiration potential -- you're concentrating only on the mundane task at hand, and your brain is free to dedicate extra cycles towards solving problems.

That's just one geek's observations; your milage may vary.

Not fat, not scrawny.

[GuyMannDude]

They're not just ruling out the fat ones. They're rejecting all the ones that don't have a buff bod and those who wear glasses. Remember, a gentlemen agent not only has to be smart but has to be good looking enough to seduce the sexy Russian and Chinese evil hacker agents that he will undoubtably encounter in exotic locales. Don't you watch the movies, man? Everyone knows this shit!

GMD

Re:Easier said than done

[koreth]

exercise is miserable. It is painful. It is hard, horrible work.

Running isn't the only form of exercise. I'm 5'9" and used to weigh close to 200 pounds. Now I weigh around 160. Four years ago I decided enough was enough and made some changes, some big and some small:

• Diet soda instead of regular soda. If you're a 4-cans-of-soda-a-day geek, this alone saves you a good 500 calories a day with essentially no effort or change in lifestyle. Takes a few weeks to get used to the different flavor but you do get used to it. Later I switched to water and treated myself to a movie a week with the money I saved.

• Swimming. My condo complex had a swimming pool. I started using it every day after work. At first I just dog-paddled around until I got tired, which didn't take long. But gradually I could stay out longer and longer and started doing different kinds of strokes around the pool. The key is gradually -- I didn't try to force myself to hit some arbitrary time limit, I just swam until I was nearly out of steam, then stopped.

• Moderation. I sum this up as "put a little bit back." If I poured myself a bowl of cereal, I'd take my usual amount, then grab a handful out of the bowl and stick it back in the box. At restaurants I'd chop off a piece of my food and either give it to someone else or set it aside and not eat it. The idea here wasn't to go on a crash diet, just to cut back a bit while still enjoying what I usually ate.

• Cooking. Rather than eating out all the time and getting God only knows how much fat and sugar, I started cooking my own meals more and more often. This was probably the biggest factor in my weight loss; when you control exactly what goes into your meals, you're able to control your intake of calories. Plus, believe it or not, cooking is a lot of fun once you get over the initial learning curve; it's a puzzle-solving exercise to figure out what's going to go well with what, how to optimize a recipe to take as little time and effort as possible but still taste good, etc. Unintended side benefit: after keeping at it for a few years, I'm a much better cook than most of the women I date, which can be a big turn-on!

• Hitting a gym twice a week. Gyms are good for people who have no idea how to start exercising; they have staff members who are trained and paid to ease you into a workable exercise program. You may think only a dumb jock would work at a gym, and you'll certainly find them there, but you'll also find some of the personal trainers are smart, well-educated folks who consider it a personal achievement to get someone started on the road to fitness. The first time I visited a gym, one of the trainers recommended a series of machines I could go through, all of which allowed me to ratchet up the difficulty level at my own pace as I felt comfortable with it. I started off only being able to burn about 75 calories on a stationary bike (according to the bike's computer) but eventually worked my way up to 375 -- hardly championship cycling but enough for steady weight loss. And I got to listen to some good books-on-tape while I was at it.

• Dancing. A little under three years ago a friend at work turned me on to ballroom dance, and it's how I get most of my exercise now. It's proof positive that exercise is not necessarily a hideous, awful affair. In many respects it's the geek's dream exercise program: it's highly structured yet intensely creative, it gets you close to attractive members of the opposite sex with essentially no effort, it's as much a mental workout as a physical one (especially for guys when the floor is crowded -- you'll have to use the same fast thinking skills you do in a good videogame) and it's a chance to be appreciated for your skills and expertise. And as a matter of fact, I'd say a good 75% of the ballroom dance guys I've met work in technology or science. There's a bit of a learning curve, granted, but name another geek-guy hobby that'll cause cute women to rush toward you but not get that far because some other cute woman got to you first!

The point is, it didn't take a massive, up-front dose of self-discipline to point myself in the right direction. I started off slow and built up over time, and now I'm in the best shape I've been in nearly 20 years. I'm maybe a bit more stubborn than some, but fundamentally anyone could do what I've done.