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Debian, Past Present & Future
solferino writes "Christoph Lameter, a major guru in the debian project, has put up a very well written talk that he gave earlier this week that addresses debian's past, present and future.
He includes a good background history of the project, some interesting sets of figures and projections (30,000 packages by the end of 2004!), a good discussion of the pros/cons of source based distros and his ideas about a new package manager he is developing (uPM). In all a very good read, whether you are just now considering dipping a toe into the debian well-spring or have been drinking from the source for a long time already."
You work hard as a geek, and take pride in your job. Suddenly, the boss says that you have been reassigned to an assistant to the CEO to type his memo's and look after his PC. You feel sick to the stomach and decide to leave - what is the best way to tell you boss that you've had it? Hi , I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as "Company Loyalty - HA - only if I work for Playboy", and "The Council workers guide to leaning on shovels"
Today we talk about severe resignations - how to resign with such verve and totality that there is no possible recourse - you need to be completely committed before trying these techniques.
The Big Spender
If you have purchasing rights, then now is the time to go crazy - you're company NEEDS a shitload of CGA monitors, 486 processors and the old faithful dot matrix printer's. Buy 50 of each as 'backup spares' just to be sure.
The Puzzler
rewrite all your documentation notes in pig latin, pure latin, or '1337' speak - just to keep your successor on their toes. Check out all the source code and change every 5th "GREATER THAN" sign to a "LESS THAN" sign in the source code to make things interesting.
The Player
before you go, subscribe your work phone number to the mailing list of every brothel in town, also to the 'notifiy me' phone list for all brewery's, night clubs, etc.
The Black Hole
delete all production data and replace it with the text 'LAST POST'
The Boss's Daughter
Get to know your bosses daughter. Wine her, dine her, seduce her, and then fuck her [with your specially prepared 'Holey Condom', so that she gets pregnant. Mention this to you boss during the monthly team meeting - dont forget to discuss the daughters 'assets' in detail and whether or not she 'takes in the rear'. Discuss this in detail with the rest of the staff and how fucking the boss's daughter is a lot like working on the help desk - both parties get it in the rear. Mention her tits repeatedly - draw diagrams.
The Turd
Spend 3 days eating curries and drinking plenty of beers - refrain from going to the loo, until the last possible minute and then jump up onto the bosses desk and leave your 'mission statement'. Nothing say's "I'm not happy" like a big shit on your bosses desk.
Well, have fun people and good luck with leaving your job, remember that if you follow any one of the above techniques you are bound to have your resignation accepted immediately, if not sooner.
NOTE - You get Bonus points for combining two or more techniques!
Kyle was a typical Slashdot reader: young, acne-ridden, and full of dreams. And, as a SubwayÂ(TM) Sandwich ArtistÂ(TM), he was charged with the responsibility of closing up the West El Camino Real store. Outside, SUVs sped by in the night.
The official closing time was in ten minutes, but Kyle was already busy wrapping up the rest of the unused processed cheese triangles so he could get outta there right quick. He was daydreaming of playing Micro$oft's "Age of Empires" against his heroes, Hemos and Rob Malda, when he heard the front door close. As he looked up, he saw a forty-something executive in Clairol Tempted Peach® hair and a navy business suit stride in.
"One Veggie-Tastic® sub with extra spicy mustard."
His eyes travelled from the "HP INVENT" brooch on her lapel down to the low-cut gauze passing as her blouse. He could see the outline of a Maidenform® just below the surface.
"The American economy is moving from commodity products to high value-add services, WITH OR WITHOUT YOU! Let's get crackin', Pointdexter!"
Kyle reached for a loaf of oven-fresh® bread, but before he could pick it up, the customer snatched it up and slapped him across his left temple. He reeled from the blow, falling to his knees.
The next instant the customer had lept the counter and got a hold of two fistfulls of his styling-gelled hair. "Sniff momma's coochie!"
Stunned, Kyle lurched forward, shoving his greasy nose into her tight dry-cleaned skirt.
"MY NAME IS CARLY FUCKIN' FIORINA AND I'M HERE TO MAKE YOU MY BITCH!"
Kyle slipped his head up her skirt and began lapping hungrily. "Age of Empires" would have to wait. Groaning, the customer leaned back onto the countertop, one hand gripping a stray cucumber, the other resting lightly upon her heaving bosoms. She clumsily fumbled at his pants with her feet, managing to get them halfway off. Kyle began to lick and nibble his way down the already moistened slit of her pussy. His tongue catching the rock hard bud of her clitoris with rapid flickering motions, making her hips jerk with pleasure in front of him. They danced vertically in this way until the customer orgasmed, her pussy quite swollen from his ministrations clenching and contracting so that he could actually feel it with his tongue as he slid it inside her.
Suddenly the customer let out an intense scream, bucked forward, and in one deft motion, crammed the cucumber as far as she could into Kyle's rectum!
cock goblin! apt-get install cock-goblin! buirn in hell.! apt-get install cockgobbler apt-get install you are a fucking dumbaSSS!!! suck me off! waith to minutes for this!
i fucking rule!! you fucking don't. bitch.
plork.
Lameness filter encountered. Post aborted!
Reason: what's with all the fucking W's, crotchbrain?.
It's always the girth that rips the pissy to shreds
Cmdr. Taco gathered me as though I was a child and placed me on his lap. "Shhh," Cmdr. Taco whispered in my ear. His warm breath caused my skin to gooseflesh while Cmdr. Taco slowly rocked me. When my tears were finished, Cmdr. Taco asked, "All better, little one?" I nodded feeling emotionally spent. His lips nuzzled the hollow where his breath had teased. Lightly nipping and licking Cmdr. Taco whispered, "Shall we continue?" Without waiting for me to answer, Cmdr. Taco stood me up holding my forearms when I stumbled shakily. "Take off all of your clothes," Cmdr. Taco slowly inspected me from my swollen lips to torn blouse to thigh highs peeking from under my skirt. "You may leave the stockings on. They remind me of the whore that hid inside you before I made you my own--my sweet, little whore, all mine. So alone out here, with no one to worry about you being gone." Cmdr. Taco nodded his approval when I had the last of my clothes off. I blushed as his eyes touched over every curve and valley of my exposed body. I moved to cover myself, but Cmdr. Taco stopped me. "No! It is mine to look at, mine to use." His fingers ran lightly over my skin. Brushing the underside of my breasts first, then Cmdr. Taco cupped both in his hands. The pads of his thumbs circled my nipples until they hardened even more. A smile curved his lips, finally his right hand lowered and cupped my sex. His middle finger slid easily within my silken folds. "I think someone is enjoying our little game." His finger probed deeper. "Tell me how much you like it."
My tongue felt thick and useless. I could barely breath--thinking was beyond question. I rocked my hips up and back straddling his hand wantonly. I felt my juices seeping running down between his fingers and onto my quivering legs. I opened my mouth and tried to speak but no sound would come forth. My jaw moved woodenly. I nodded my head from side to side trying to explain.
"You dare to disobey me?" Cmdr. Taco asked in disbelief. Cmdr. Taco piled my clothes in my hands.
I was afraid that Cmdr. Taco would send me away for disappointing him. I pleaded with him with my eyes. I finally worked until, "Please" came out.
"Please, what whore?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"Please, don't make me go." I whispered looking down unable to meet his eyes.
He looked startled for a moment and then laughed. "Let you go? Letting you leave here was the last thing on my mind. I wonder if you would beg to stay knowing what I plan on doing with you--to you?" His voice turned harsh. "Throw your clothes in the fire." I started to question then did as Cmdr. Taco asked. I watched as my clothes kindled and disappeared into ashes. "Do you realize what you have done?" Cmdr. Taco asked. I shook my head no. "The only way you can leave now is as you are." Cmdr. Taco looked up and down my naked body. "I think the town would be shocked to see you walk through town in the buff. Don't you agree? Our perfect little girl naked and wandering the streets, maybe I'll make you do that later. What would they think? Would they see you then as I do? A needy whore begging to be taken--to be possessed fully and completely. Reach down and tell me what you feel." Cmdr. Taco commanded.
I reached down quickly to obey. I needed to fill the need throbbing between my thighs. My palm slid through my sticky tight curls as my fingers brushed my clit than slid into my wetness. Riding the sensations, I watched his face. This man I didn't know, yet the man who knew everything about me.
"What do you feel?" Cmdr. Taco prompted me as though I was a child.
My hips moved of their own volition as I crammed my fingers in and out of my wetness. "I feel wet." I answered.
"What feels wet, my sweet?" Cmdr. Taco questioned.
"My pussy." I answered.
"All of it," Cmdr. Taco said watching my fingers disappear then reappear.
"My pussy feels so wet." I moaned.
"Why is your pussy so wet?" Cmdr. Taco asked pulling me towards him and pulling my fingers from my cunt.
I struggled for an answer. "I'm wet, because I like this."
He brought my fingers to his mouth and slowly sucked them one by one into his mouth thoroughly cleaning each one. His mouth opened and sucked the puddle of wetness in my palm. Cmdr. Taco reached up and pulled me towards him by my nipples. "Here now I taste like you. Taste yourself." My tongue met his, and Cmdr. Taco moved my fingers between our mouths. Our tongues traced my fingers and met in their seams licking each other. The changing textures, the smell of my pussy between us caused me to gush more. Cmdr. Taco moved my feet apart with his foot. Somehow seeing his shoes still on and taking in his fully clothed body made me feel even more naked. Cmdr. Taco ran his hands along the inside of my thighs, and I shivered my pleasure at his touch. I wanted him inside. I wanted him to touch my core. I needed to explode to release the pleasure Cmdr. Taco was building within me. His hands quickly became coated with my stickiness. Cmdr. Taco moved his hands over me, but never where I craved it most. "What makes you this wet?" Cmdr. Taco asked again.
"You do." I answered.
"Do you think flattery will get me to touch your clit, little one?" Cmdr. Taco chuckled.
"Please," I begged.
"Mmmmm, I do have a soft spot for begging, and you begged so prettily earlier." Cmdr. Taco pondered as if considering my request. My hips pressed forward seeking his touch. I had never been this wet before. I was steadily dripping now. My nipples ached; my pussy literally throbbed with need. "You, young lady are making a mess on my carpet."
"I'm sorry," I stammered.
"I think you shall have to be punished for making such a mess with that slutty little pussy of yours. What do you think?" Cmdr. Taco questioned.
"I'm sorry." I repeated. "I can't help it. I need it so much."
"Why do you think it is that you need it so much?" Cmdr. Taco pressed on.
"Because, I like it... because, I'm a dirty slut. I like the way you make me feel. Please touch me there." I begged.
"You are a bad girl. First making a mess on my good carpet, and then begging for me to touch you in such naughty places. You must be taught a lesson I'm afraid. Bend over my lap." Cmdr. Taco commanded.
I quickly hurried hoping Cmdr. Taco would make the throbbing need end. My breasts lay in front of his knee and my legs hung suspended in the air not quite touching the ground. His knees spread, and I felt helpless. His hand reached between my thighs and cupped my sex. I moaned my intense pleasure. "What do you want?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"Please, please touch me." I implored.
"Touch you where? Cmdr. Taco asked.
"Touch my pussy, please." I begged biting my lip to keep from steadily begging and pleading for the touch I needed so badly.
"Good girl, you are learning. Tell me exactly what you want."
"I want your fingers inside me. I want you to rub my clit."
His hand rubbed over my dripping pussy then moved back to my ass smearing my juices over me. His hand dipped back down and coated once more. Cmdr. Taco rubbed my juices back and forth until my wetness covered me thoroughly. His finger finally sought my clit, and I all but screamed my joy. Cmdr. Taco laughed aloud at my eagerness. Cmdr. Taco circled my now distended clit then rubbed it roughly. His other hand rubbed soft circles on my backside, and then without warning smacked down sharply. I jerked crying out at the unexpected pain. His fingers circled my clit once more. His fingers plucked and twisted my clit as though it was a nipple. Then his wet hand came down once more. Cmdr. Taco slapped my bottom relentlessly. My flesh stung and burned. The wetness made the slaps ring out in the room. I whimpered torn between the peaking pleasure between my legs and the sting of my backside. I felt the walls of my pussy begin to tighten. "That's it my little slut," Cmdr. Taco urged on. "I know you would come like this." His fingers plunged in and out of my pussy as his other hand rained down on reddened behind. "Does it hurt, little one?"
"Yes," I whimpered.
"Do you want me to stop, little one?"
"No." I shook my head.
"Do you know what that means?" Cmdr. Taco asked never slowing his two hands--one sliding in and out, the other slapping up and down faster and faster.
Tears built in my eyes. "I like to be hurt." The blows became harder still my body moved up and back, my breasts swaying and slapping against his leg as Cmdr. Taco rammed roughly in and out of my body.
"Who's slut are you?" Cmdr. Taco asked.
"I'm your slut." I answered.
"What kind of slut are you?" Cmdr. Taco pushed on continuing his twin assault.
"I'm your little pain slut," I cried out as I came gushing even more.
"That's it baby, come hard for me," Cmdr. Taco coaxed running his fingers slowly now in and out coaxing me to come even more. As I lay quivering over his legs, Cmdr. Taco rubbed my bottom praising me. My pussy clenched and released convulsively. "You are so beautiful. You respond so fully." Cmdr. Taco lifted and turned me on his lap facing him. Cmdr. Taco slid his cock into me and held it there filling me. I felt so complete. I tightened around him stroking him without moving. Cmdr. Taco cupped my bottom in his hands and rocked me up and back running his cock in and out of me. Cmdr. Taco would completely fill me, and then withdraw leaving me feeling empty then filling me once more. We rocked slowly together. His mouth covered my neck then my jaw biting lightly. We kissed slowly the contrast from the earlier pell mell rush making it seem even more languid. Minutes stretched by, contended I laid my head on his chest as Cmdr. Taco unhurriedly fucked me. I felt myself building once more, and Cmdr. Taco felt it too. Cmdr. Taco pulled me tighter bouncing me up and down on his cock. Cmdr. Taco turned me and pushed my shoulders to the floor following me to the rug. His hand road the small of my back as my elbows rested on the carpet, and my ass turned up into the air. Cmdr. Taco hesitated a moment looking at my upturned ass before plunging into my pussy. "I'll save your ass for later." Cmdr. Taco promised. The thought of having his cock, any cock in my virgin ass sent me over the edge, and I came. Cmdr. Taco never slowed his pace, but continued to pound relentlessly into my gaping pussy. As I struggled to breath, Cmdr. Taco fucked me without restraint. His cock slammed into me; his balls slapped out a rhythm. Cmdr. Taco no longer spoke, but moaned and groaned his enjoyment. My elbows slipped beneath me, and my face lay pressed onto the rug. My nipples drug up and back on the carpet. The teasing pleasure quickly became pain as my sensitive nipples rubbed faster back and forth. My nipples burnt and stung. My elbows were rug burnt halfway to my forearm. When Cmdr. Taco came, I felt the hot wet splash of his come inside me, and it set off another wave of pleasure. Cmdr. Taco drew out and rubbed the sticky remains of his come on my asshole. "Later." Cmdr. Taco promised watching the gobs of come run along the crack of my ass. I lay gasping on the rug feeling thoroughly used. Cmdr. Taco ran his finger along the crack of my ass. "You are just so tempting, little one. Your mouth was so eager; your pussy was so wet, so hot, and now that sweet little ass of your is calling to me. Do you want to be my three hole girl?"
He sat on the floor and leaned back on the sofa. "Come here, little one." Cmdr. Taco beckoned. I turned and crawled towards him. "Take off my shoes." Cmdr. Taco ordered. I turned my ass towards him once more and untied his shoes and pulled them from his feet. His socks followed. I felt his hand on my ass and tensed as his finger slid down my crack and circled my asshole. I clenched without meaning to, and Cmdr. Taco sighed. Cmdr. Taco lifted and slid his pants and underwear down and off. Cmdr. Taco pulled me back towards his lap by the hair. I lay curled between his legs, my head resting on his thigh while Cmdr. Taco slowly stroked my hair. My face was inches from his cock, and I watched fascinated as his cock twitched and more come slowly trickled down the bulbous darkened head. My tongue involuntarily jutted across my lips as I thought of tasting his come. My action didn't go unmissed. "I'd hate to disappoint a lady." Mr. Kelly said sneering on the word lady. Cmdr. Taco grabbed a handful of my hair. I watched as another glob dropped from his head and fell into the dark matted hair at the base of his penis. His rough jerk reminded me to pay attention to him, and I quickly moved where Cmdr. Taco directed. Cmdr. Taco violently towed my head upward. Staring directly into my eyes, Cmdr. Taco threatened, "Keep that cat tongue in your mouth, or I will teach you what real pain is about." I nodded my compliance. "Say it!" Cmdr. Taco ground out impatiently.
"I'll...I'll keep my little cat tongue in my mouth." I promised.
"Yes, you will." Mr. Kelly nodded. Instead of the licking and lapping up of used come that I craved, Cmdr. Taco held my head firmly between his hands and rubbed my face in the gooey remains of our release. The quickly cooling come coated my entire face. Cmdr. Taco dragged first one cheek then the other through the puddle of sperm. Then face first, up and down his spent cock. I felt it begin to harden beneath me. The temptation to open my mouth--to taste was so great that I clenched me jaw against it. More than the threatened pain, I didn't want to displease Mr. Taco. I wanted to please him more than I wanted to gratify my longing for come. I felt his seed spread through my eyebrows and eyelashes and begin to stiffen as it dried. The smell of his arousal was overwhelming, and I felt the familiar tightening in my body begin. When Cmdr. Taco was finally finished, Cmdr. Taco lifted me up into his arms. Cmdr. Taco smiled his satisfaction. "You look pretty covered in my come. I'll always remember you this way." x
The Beowulf jokes, the profit jokes and the hot grits are really starting to enrage me deeply. I think we should unite and declare an official fatwa or jihad on these stupid jokes.