Slashdot Mirror
Superhero Smackdown
Paul writes "Fox News is running a story that asks one of the best geek questions of our generation: who win if Superman and Batman fought one another?. The last this topic was big was during the Spider-Man/AOTC rush in May. I distinctly remember a particular essay that compared Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, any Jedi (particularly Yoda), and James Bond." Obviously the author didn't read DK2 ;) And I put my money on Deadpool, if only because his quips are better.
Superman would win. That's why Bruce Wayne keeps some kryptonite to stop him if he goes nuts.
This desire to see bloodshed between our heroes is obviously human nature, take the popularity of MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch.
So why haven't we seen more things like exhibitional wrestling matches between Paul Allen, Steve Ballmer, and Bill Gates?
Or ESR and RMS?
Have you been stalked by Seth today?
Of course. Batman is just a talented schizophrenic drunk millionaire with an adopted boy good at solving riddles. Hell, Superman wouldn't even need to do anything, Batman would probably off himself.
Ahhhh! How could you people forget one of the best - Inspector Gadget!
given sufficient stem-cell research
I want real world cage matches.
I want to see Henry Rollins and Danzig get it on.
Rollins would be intellectualizing his moves blow by blow. He would enter the ring babbling in low tones about the state of human relationships and work himself up into a screaming rage while inflating his neck like some iguana on steroids.
Danzig would be continually wiping the runny makeup out of his eyes as he started to sweat. Singing about how his mother could bang better heads than Hank.
That would be entertainment.
Puto
The Revolution Will Not Be Televised
Jon Katz owned the Spider-Man vs. AOTC debate. I'd bet his take on this one would make a good read. Anyone know what became of him?
Karma: Good (despite my invention of the Karma: sig)
(slight spoilers ahead)
/. editors ever read any comic books?
Have the
Did you ever read Dark Knight Returns? Of _course_ he has kryptonite in his utility belt!!
Winner: Spongebob Squarepants
I don't know, but I do know that a average run of the mill star destroyer will kick the Enterprise's ass!
Next up : "Who's better Santa Clause or Jesus ?"
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
MacGyver vs Walker Texas Ranger!
That would be one hell of a fight! GoooOOOO MacGyveeeeer!
Enig? Det alt for hot det smor!
It's generally considered fact that if Batman had enough time to plan, he could defeat God.
Superman would be trivial. Clark/Superman = strong as an ox, dumb as a stump.
MacGyver always wins! ...provided he can whip up some kryptonite from what happens to be lying around...
Hey, if Eldred wins, we could at least get Mario vs. Steamboat Willie!
Bill Clinton: Pimp we can believe in. - The Shirt!!!
So in other words, if the fight is in a Batman comic, Batman is going to win. If it's in one of Superman's, Superman is going to win. If it's in a combination, there can never be an absolute winner.
I hope that helps.
"If the good lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates." -Willy Wonka
Batman did kick supermans ass but he was wearing a biomechanical suit and had some kryptonite.
Now, if it was a nude grecko roman wrestling match, If superman didn't just kill him outright, he could
a) light his balls on fire with his heat vision.
b) break every bone in his body and then grind him into a flesh colored paste.
c) fly him into out space and enjoy watching the effects of an absolute vacuum.
d) Imagine the scene in Snatch when the parkie puches out gorgeous george? Not imagine if georges head popped off...
e) superman could scoop up a bunch of rock, melt it into a ball, make a cavity in the ball, knock out batman, put him into the ball, seal the ball and then either throw it into the sun or slam it into the moon...
Needless to say, without his technology, batman would be screwed....
Yes Francis, the world has gone crazy.
Batman thought he was bad
He was a fucking asshole in the first place
He got knocked to the floor
I wupped batman's ass!
I wupped batman's ass!
I wupped batman's ass!
Superman thought he was bad
He was messing with my girlfriend
I caught him in my room kissing her
I took a rubber hose and flogged his rump
I whipped Superman's ass (repeat 4 times)
Wesley Willis Song Generator
"And how can this be? For he is the
...you should never, ever bring up in a geek forum:
Spider-Man versus Wolverine
Superman versus Hulk
Thanos versus everybody
The Joker versus Hostess Fruit Pies
CowboyNeal versus Grodd the Gorilla
Stallman vs. Torvalds
They had a lot of problems to put Batman in Justice League of America, because he doesn't have any super powers, and is a bit useless.
Boy, this irks me. Why does everyone insist that Batman has no superpowers or abilities? He DOES. He has the powers of unlimited funding. That's the power I want to have! Didn't you see the first episode of JL on Cartoon Network? Where did he get the space station? He hid it in a LINE ITEM on a research budjet! He had a multi-billion dollar space station hidden as a line item?!?! You can't tell me that's not a superpower.
"...At the end of the day"..."when everyone goes home, you're stuck with yourself." RIP Layne Staley
If Batman had superman's powers, he wouldn't wear the blue leotard; he'd wear kryptonite proof armour.
Superman needs a belt to keep his underpants up forcryingoutloud. And they're outside his trousers.
I am a Karma Library.
Here's a tip for all you virginal geeks out there... this is a pretty fun bar discussion. Good at getting geeky chicks to talk without having to resort to discussion IO speeds vs seek rates of SCSI vs. IDE.
what would "Steamboat Willie's" special moves be?
Punitive litigation, I imagine.
"Are you being weird, or sarcastic?" said Emma. I said I didn't know because I get the two feelings mixed up.
I think Oompa Loompas would kick both Batman's and Spidernman's butts.
Simpy
Cryptonite- hasn't that been outlawed by the DMCA?
Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
While we're wondering about this, can I just step in and ask: how many angels will fit on the head of a pin?
(-1, Raw and Uncut is the only way to read)
"I bet I'll get blamed for this." --Mayor Quimby
He's Hella Tough
Mr. T vs Everything
Superman avoids using his X-Ray vision on other men. Its kinda like the way we look straight ahead and never down and to the side while using public urinals.
As the air to a bird or the sea to a fish, so is contempt to the contemptible -W.B.
Oh come on people, there's no contest at all. The one person who can kick anyone's ass is Mr. T.
And I quote:
Mr. T: [in answer to a youngster who wanted to know who was tougher, Mr. T or Batman]
Mr. T is tougher. Batman would never go into the 'hood. Mr. T will go into the 'hood.
End of story. There's also the classic "Mr. T vs. Superman" but it's not up anymore. In any event, Mr. T can kick pretty much anyone's ass.
When you have nothing left to burn you must set yourself on fire
So I'm backing Batman, or any other human. As a race, we've destroyed gods in the past by outgrowing them, and we're the better for it.
Oh, good, I was afraid this thread wouldn't degenerate somehow into a religious flame war.
One is a rich dork in real life and his alter ego is the cool superhero.
The other one is a cool superhero naturally, but his alter ego is a dork.
Yeah, tough to see which one the Slashdot crowd would pick.
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
"Destroy science and religion. Science would re-emerge exactly the same; but not religion." - Penn Jillette, paraphrased
...one of the best geek questions of our generation: who win if Superman and Batman...
"Our" generation's grammar SUCKS!!!
Emacs: for people who just never know when to
Musical villains? heh.
These debates are funny. I watched a debate vs. Luke Skywalker and Captain Picard one day, I think it was over at spacebattles.com. They all had fun talking about how poor Mr. Picard'd get his butt kicked without even laying a finger on Mr. Skywalker. Then somebody chimed in with a devastating blow: "I'd like to see how long Luke Skywalker can fend off a continual fire phaser with his lightsaber."
Thank you God, Miracles do happen.
dave "Now kill Fred Phelps"
Now, before I get modded OT, let me say I know this discussion is about the two guys in tights mixing it up. Nevertheless, I'm amazed there's a /. topic about our boy from Krypton where no one has posted a link to Larry Niven's classic essay on Superman's sex life, Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex. You can find it on varius places on the web, but this is one of the better formatted ones. You will at least snicker, perhaps even LOL.
Er, then again, maybe someone did post the link but they got modded down below all threshold. Oh, well, it's only Karma.
"Prepare for the worst - hope for the best."
Batman wins through guile
Dude, Guile is part of the Capcom Streetfighter universe. He wouldn't have any place in a fight with Bats or supes.
"Inattention makes clowns of us all" -Bean
"Who is Lex Luthor?"
That is the enigmatic catchphrase muttered in alleys and on streetcorners as one by one, the greatest villains disappear, exposing the vicious fraud of the Superheroes by depriving them of victims.
But then, Aquaman uses electric eels and ocean thermal vents to melt the polar ice caps and raise sea level, wiping out most of the earth's coasts. When the other superheroes come for him, he is surrounded by an army of Giant Squid, Whales, and sharks with Frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. And kryptonite weilding eels.
Libertarianism is rich wolves and poor sheep playing gambler's ruin for dinner.
Okay, wait a second... By your logic, if fraudulent accounting equals superpowers, then Arthur Andersen is the Fantastic Four and my uncle Vito is Captain America.
BlackBolt
Cryptonite- hasn't that been outlawed by the DMCA?
I figured that everybody was spelling Kryptonite wrong to get around IP restrictions on DC Comics' trademarks...