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Superhero Smackdown
Paul writes "Fox News is running a story that asks one of the best geek questions of our generation: who win if Superman and Batman fought one another?. The last this topic was big was during the Spider-Man/AOTC rush in May. I distinctly remember a particular essay that compared Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, any Jedi (particularly Yoda), and James Bond." Obviously the author didn't read DK2 ;) And I put my money on Deadpool, if only because his quips are better.
Batman wins through guile, then spares Superman's life. Film at eleven.
This desire to see bloodshed between our heroes is obviously human nature, take the popularity of MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch.
So why haven't we seen more things like exhibitional wrestling matches between Paul Allen, Steve Ballmer, and Bill Gates?
Or ESR and RMS?
Have you been stalked by Seth today?
Spur of the moment drunken brawl: Superman, no question.
Planned event: Batman, hands down.
(unless theyre limited to their bare hands)
Always bet on the sneaky pragmatic bastard.
All Troll + "offtopic" mods are meta moderated as "Unfair", because you abused the system.
Of course. Batman is just a talented schizophrenic drunk millionaire with an adopted boy good at solving riddles. Hell, Superman wouldn't even need to do anything, Batman would probably off himself.
Ahhhh! How could you people forget one of the best - Inspector Gadget!
given sufficient stem-cell research
BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS
Batman kicked Supermnan's ass with the help of a biomech suit and some kryptonite. Doesn't matter how he did it, the result was still the same.
I want real world cage matches.
I want to see Henry Rollins and Danzig get it on.
Rollins would be intellectualizing his moves blow by blow. He would enter the ring babbling in low tones about the state of human relationships and work himself up into a screaming rage while inflating his neck like some iguana on steroids.
Danzig would be continually wiping the runny makeup out of his eyes as he started to sweat. Singing about how his mother could bang better heads than Hank.
That would be entertainment.
Puto
The Revolution Will Not Be Televised
Jon Katz owned the Spider-Man vs. AOTC debate. I'd bet his take on this one would make a good read. Anyone know what became of him?
Karma: Good (despite my invention of the Karma: sig)
Have you ever read comic books? The only known kyrptonite was given to batman from superman to stop him in case he goes crazy. I agree with what others are saying. If Batman attacks then he wins but if superman attacks first he wins (b/c batman doesn't carry around the kryptonite 24/7).
Yeah, but Batman'd be bright enough (and rich enough) to stock a good supply of kryptonite.
Plus, Superman draws his powers from the yellow rays of the sun - and is useless at night. At least thats how it used to be in the comic. He also originally couldn't fly - just jump really high (tall buildings in a single bound).
Superman's a clod. He just brute forces everything, he has no technique or skill or intelligence.
Just watch Justice League. Batman, Martian Manhunter, Green Lantern and the Flash will be ducking and dodging attacks left and right, then coming up with some innovative method to take out the enemy.
Superman and Wonder Woman just take it head on and get plowed through a concrete wall, then get up and get smashed again, until they finally prevail.
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
in trying to keep from bastardizing comics. they want to usher in a new era of bite sized cameos and team-ups? man, it's like a shitty aniversary issue or something. As far as batman v superman goes, I distinctly remember batman taking a swing at superman after robin got killed off. he just about broke his hand. come on, it's a no-contest, although as rich as he is, batman could probably reduce superman to living in a cardboard box under a bridge. I'm glad they were smart enough to can that idea.
predator versus aliens, however is an idea that people are actually looking forward to. I think ever since predator 2, where there was an alien skull on display, people have been dying to watch the two races go at it.
and I just don't know about the freddy v. jason thing. I know it's been being kicked around for 10 years or so, unless someone hatches a good plot for it, there's going to be no point in it. it'd just be a race to see who can find people having sex first and then wax them.
The World's Worst Webcomic!
Hey, if Eldred wins, we could at least get Mario vs. Steamboat Willie!
Bill Clinton: Pimp we can believe in. - The Shirt!!!
So in other words, if the fight is in a Batman comic, Batman is going to win. If it's in one of Superman's, Superman is going to win. If it's in a combination, there can never be an absolute winner.
I hope that helps.
"If the good lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates." -Willy Wonka
Actually, Batman was GIVEN Cryptonite by Superman, just in case Superman went nuts and had to be subdued.
Thus, Batman would win hands down.
Eve Fairbanks says I drive a hybrid!LOL
Batman did kick supermans ass but he was wearing a biomechanical suit and had some kryptonite.
Now, if it was a nude grecko roman wrestling match, If superman didn't just kill him outright, he could
a) light his balls on fire with his heat vision.
b) break every bone in his body and then grind him into a flesh colored paste.
c) fly him into out space and enjoy watching the effects of an absolute vacuum.
d) Imagine the scene in Snatch when the parkie puches out gorgeous george? Not imagine if georges head popped off...
e) superman could scoop up a bunch of rock, melt it into a ball, make a cavity in the ball, knock out batman, put him into the ball, seal the ball and then either throw it into the sun or slam it into the moon...
Needless to say, without his technology, batman would be screwed....
Yes Francis, the world has gone crazy.
Except that every Imperial starship has to be built with at least one weak point where a single shot will blow the whole thing to hell. It's, like Imperial Starship Regulation 127-2, paragraph C, or something. All the Enterprise has to do is get a photon torpedo in the right place, and ... ;)
The correlation between ignorance of statistics and using "correlation is not causation" as an argument is close to 1.
Superman by a mile... Batman is a highly skilled human, while Superman is a endowed with superhuman strength, speed, intelligence, etc...
In the Superman world, I would always root for Lex Luthor. Superman is nearly indestructible, has literally superhuman strength and speed, can see through walls, can fly, can cause solid objects to burst into flame just by looking at them. Superman doesn't have to be brave, or subtle, or creative; all he has is overwhelming brute force.
But Lex Luthor is just an ordinary human like you or I. Superman has all the advantages, but Lex still almost wins. Lex Luthor is a modern-day Prometheus, and Superman is a capricious god.
So I'm backing Batman, or any other human. As a race, we've destroyed gods in the past by outgrowing them, and we're the better for it.
...you should never, ever bring up in a geek forum:
Spider-Man versus Wolverine
Superman versus Hulk
Thanos versus everybody
The Joker versus Hostess Fruit Pies
CowboyNeal versus Grodd the Gorilla
Any speculation on who would win depends on which of the comic stories/storylines they draw from. For example, in one crossover, Batman kept a single Kryptonite bullet in a vault "just in case." I don't think it was ever explained exactly how he would fire and manage to hit Superman ;)
/could/ have been thrown out there, where they both kill each other. Regardless, a viewer wouldn't know which ending they were going to be seeing until they finally went and saw it, and it would be an incentive to see the film twice (at another theater) to see the alternate ending. This approach is similar to the way Clue was released in theaters, although it was not known ahead of time. Imagine the movie discussions that took place, each person having seen a different ending and thinking the other was full of crap!
Beyond that, Superman's powers would have to be exceptionally weak for Batman to win in any modern comic adaptation. The situation would have to be engineered so that Superman's powers were reduced--perhaps through a weakening of the sun's rays, and the two heroes would have to have some reason for fighting, perhaps thinking the other had gone crazy through a series of elaborate framings by one of the criminal organizations.
It could be a really interesting story, but it would have to be done extremely carefully.
As an aside, I recall a long time ago when the Freddy vs. Jason movies were all the talk of the BBSs when the idea of multiple endings was thrown around. The idea was that each theater would be given one of two possible endings to the conflict, where each of the villains was the victor. Of course, a third
Superman's real "weaknesses" are his morals. Sure he is all-powerful, but he is also strictly confined within his own rules. Defined purely by his own boundaries he has become a predictable, pliable tool.
Batman's weakness is clearly physical and his boundaries seem to be imposed upon him by nature. However he will do whatever is necessary to break and bend these shortcomings. Can't fly? Get a batwing. No heat-ray eyes? Use lasers. As such Batman's real limit is his ingenuity.
So who would win? Unstoppable but self-restraining force vs. struggling, but limitless potential.
It really seems to be a foregone conclusion.
I am a Karma Library.
I personally have not read the comics concerned, but had discussions of this with a friend who is an avid comic collector/reader. He said that whenever Batman has battled Superman in the comics, Batman usually comes out on top due to his cleverness and possession of a bit of kyptonite.
Batman is unique that he does not have super powers, but is a razer honed human in terms of his abilities, and has many very cool gadgets for any situation that may arise. He might not be able to fly at will, shoot lasers out of his eyes, move like lightening, or be able to manipulate the physics forces around him, but he's one clever, *determined* bastard. When I think of revenge in the justice sense, Batman is the image that comes to mind. He is a dark, human superhero that fights for very human reasons.
"What can a thoughtful man hope for mankind on Earth, given the experience of the past million years? Nothing." -Bokonon
They had a lot of problems to put Batman in Justice League of America, because he doesn't have any super powers, and is a bit useless.
Boy, this irks me. Why does everyone insist that Batman has no superpowers or abilities? He DOES. He has the powers of unlimited funding. That's the power I want to have! Didn't you see the first episode of JL on Cartoon Network? Where did he get the space station? He hid it in a LINE ITEM on a research budjet! He had a multi-billion dollar space station hidden as a line item?!?! You can't tell me that's not a superpower.
"...At the end of the day"..."when everyone goes home, you're stuck with yourself." RIP Layne Staley
If Batman had superman's powers, he wouldn't wear the blue leotard; he'd wear kryptonite proof armour.
Superman needs a belt to keep his underpants up forcryingoutloud. And they're outside his trousers.
I am a Karma Library.
God, I can't believe how many of you geeks manage to horribly mangle the plot of "The Dark Knight Returns". You must write for hollywood. I'm not even a damn fanboy, and I can synopsize the battle more accurrately.
Batman plans ahead and is prepared while big dopey Superman comes blundering in to take B into custody because the powers that be say he's a "bad boy".
Batman gives S a dose of the K, smacks him around with some missles while he's weakened, and generally beats him until he cries like a little girl. They point that out in the story that Batman wants Superman to know that he got his ass kicked, and by whom.
Then, having already thought through the scenario, B knows that even if he wins, that the world has changed, and he can't operate openly anymore. So he has a chemical concotion, that he thought up with his big brain, that puts him in a coma.
Superman thinks he's killed B, and cries again. Batman sculks off to continue to use his big brain to fight evil from the shadows.
Basicly, Batman wins because he's a big smarty-man, but then throws the fight. In the bigger picture, they're both victims of circumstance, and have to comprimise to survive in the world.
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
what would "Steamboat Willie's" special moves be?
Punitive litigation, I imagine.
"Are you being weird, or sarcastic?" said Emma. I said I didn't know because I get the two feelings mixed up.
This scenario has already been done.
Batman: Dark Knight Returns
Yes, Superman is the man of steel, but with planning, resources and a little help from an old friend (who happens to have a bit of a grudge against Superman) Batman kicks his little blue schoolboy ass. Not to mention that Batman happens to be 70 years old at the time.
It's a great read!
Amazon link
I hate my sig.
Cryptonite- hasn't that been outlawed by the DMCA?
Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
It's probably been done before, but imagine Kal-El dropping down on Earth, but in Nazi Germany, not the U.S. Nazis train him to become their supersoldier, their ubermann.
In the U.S., Bruce Wayne is a major contributor the war effort, and does his Batman thing. When he hears of the this "superman" laying waste to many of his finest weapons supplied to the Allied effort, he does a little research and takes on this new menace, personally.
Now THAT would be an interesting Batman/Superman story, hero and antihero, and without Superman's current morality limitations. Nazi Supes would crush Batman without a second thought unless Batman was very, very careful.
Vos teneo officium eram periculosus ut vos recipero is.
Superman avoids using his X-Ray vision on other men. Its kinda like the way we look straight ahead and never down and to the side while using public urinals.
As the air to a bird or the sea to a fish, so is contempt to the contemptible -W.B.
Oh come on people, there's no contest at all. The one person who can kick anyone's ass is Mr. T.
And I quote:
Mr. T: [in answer to a youngster who wanted to know who was tougher, Mr. T or Batman]
Mr. T is tougher. Batman would never go into the 'hood. Mr. T will go into the 'hood.
End of story. There's also the classic "Mr. T vs. Superman" but it's not up anymore. In any event, Mr. T can kick pretty much anyone's ass.
When you have nothing left to burn you must set yourself on fire
One is a rich dork in real life and his alter ego is the cool superhero.
The other one is a cool superhero naturally, but his alter ego is a dork.
Yeah, tough to see which one the Slashdot crowd would pick.
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
Okay, wait a second... By your logic, if fraudulent accounting equals superpowers, then Arthur Andersen is the Fantastic Four and my uncle Vito is Captain America.
BlackBolt