Old Age Simulator

quackking writes "Tired of being young and healthy? Now you can simulate your own old age. This story describes a sensory-modification suit which, among other things, selectively blocks out certain sound frequencies, and lets you experience arthritis."

Comments

And if this sounds like too much work...

[Jace of Fuse!]

If using this sounds like too much work, you can just put it off and eventually it will all sort it's self out in the end.

Old age?

[DavidLeblond]

That doesn't sound very fun. What about a young-person simulator for the older folks?

I want the opposite.

[stripmarkup]

I'm already old and unhealthy. Will I feel young and healthy if I wear that suit inside-out? What happens if I wear it as is? Do I die?

You mean like this?

[wiggys]

"When I were a lad we had to manage with less than a gigabyte of memory. My computer could only manage a billion operations per second and hard-drives were typically around the 120 gig level and we thought that was huge!

You lot don't know you're born..."

there is

[newsdee]

What about a young-person simulator for the older folks?

it's called viagra

cheaper alternative

[selderrr]

get kids. In no time, your hearing capabilities get reduced fenomenaly, and once they weigh over 15kg, arthritis is instantaneous.

Aditionally, they give you migraine and insomnia, and once they get into puberty, a stroke seems more familiar than a quiet day.

Other Features

[Cyno01]

Does the suit thingy force you to tell 'back in my day' stories about walking uphill in the snow barefoot to chop firewood and spend a nickle on a movie?

Inspirational

[Golias]

Sounds like it was designed to make aging baby boomers want to kill themselves now, saving money in the Social Security system.

"This is what you got to look forward to, if you keep haning around. Shall I call Dr. Kevorkian now? We have his office on speed-dial."

Will version II of the suit also screw up your short-term memory and give you bad skin?

Re:Inspirational

[InsaneCreator]

Will version II of the suit also screw up your short-term memory and give you bad skin?

It seems old people and pot-smoking teenagers have more in common than I thought... ;)

also known as

[Joe the Lesser]

The new virtual funland: Geriatric Park!

Future plans...

[updog]

The helmet has a visor which both restricts the line of vision and wraps it in a dull yellowish tinge.

Future plans include a picture of Janet Reno visible from the inside of the helmet, to simulate impotence... (ok, that's not very nice :-)

Re:You know what?

[dirkdidit]

Have sex/masturbate frequently.
The majority of /.ers have the masturbate part down, so I don't think that's too much of a problem.

"Impatience Machine."

[cribcage]

That sounds terrific. Because if there's one thing I'm tired of, it's all those damn old people marching around, bragging about their loss of hearing, uncontrollable trembling, and incontinence.

Kudos to the scientists who came up with this miracle device. Drive-thru windows insured that I don't have to wait for my hamburger. Fotomat made certain I wouldn't have to wait for my pictures. Now, thanks to this wondrous creation, I don't even have to wait to feel old!!

Seriously: The next time you scientists wake up bored, on a rainy Sunday, looking for something to do...CANCER. Forget Viagra, Rogaine, and "old machines." CURE CANCER.

Christ...

Tired of being young, cool, and attractive?

[TeknoHog]

Solution: Read Slashdot.

Old Age Simulator for Geeks.

[CFBMoo1]

Quake 3 on....

50-60's - IBM PS/1 or a Tandy 1000 EX with the external 5.25" fopppy drive. 300bps modem sold seperate.

60's-70's - Radio Shack Color Computer 2, Commodor 64, or an old TI 99/4A. Acustic couplers sold seperate.

70's+ - MITS Altair 8800 where the frame rate is dependent on how quickly you interpret the lights and turn the knobs on an Etcha-Sketch. Tin cans and string sold sperate.