Phantom Game Console

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Posted by michael on Tuesday January 21, 2003 @07:17AM from the jokes-are-almost-too-easy dept.

jasoncart writes "In a bold move newly formed US technology company Infinium Labs Corporation have announced the release of a new gaming console. They promise that it will be faster than any other console on the market, and have a huge games catalog (32k+ games apparently) available over broadband. Can they take on the big boys? Is broadband pentration high enough? Only time will tell - prototypes are promised in March." There's also an interview with their PR spokesdrone. *cough*Indrema.*cough*

35 of 513 comments (clear)

But the real question is... by cerebralsugar · 2003-01-21 07:19 · Score: 5, Funny

can you heat an egg on its heatsink?

REAL gaming machines cook eggs.

--
Easy guys, I put my pants on one leg at a time. The difference is after I put on my pants I make gold records!
1. Re:But the real question is... by Dr+Caleb · 2003-01-21 07:34 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  And real gamers can tell which game is running by the rate at which popcorn pops when placed on the heatsink.
  
  --
  "History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme." Mark Twain
Sweet, but... by mschoolbus · 2003-01-21 07:20 · Score: 4, Funny

But can it topple Duke Nukem Forever as the #1 vaporware item for this year?!?!?!
1. Re:Sweet, but... by Soul-Burn666 · 2003-01-21 07:24 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  You mean, can it topple Duke Nukem Forever as the #1 vaporware item for this year, and the year before, and the year before... and so on...
  
  --
  ^_^
32K games? by grub · 2003-01-21 07:21 · Score: 5, Funny

Pong, Breakout, Space Invaders..

--
Trolling is a art,
1. Re:32K games? by Schnapple · 2003-01-21 07:36 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  I think MAME is around 6,000 emulated games now, so even if MAME went on for another decade there still wouldn't be 32 thousand games.
  Perhaps its like those Asian pirate carts you can get a million games but they're all randomly generated hacks of Contra.
  
  --
  Schnapple
2. Re:32K games? by Anonymous Coward · 2003-01-21 08:07 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Super breakout.. that puzzle game with the apple logo! thats a Great Game....photoshop..
3. Re:32K games? by gornar · 2003-01-21 08:08 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  I think you're giving them too much credit. My money's on that they simply have 52 playing cards on a play area, and claim that there are 32,000 possible card game variants. Either that, or the console is only capable of 32K colors, and changing a pixels color is considered an entire new game!
4. Re:32K games? by Didion+Sprague · 2003-01-21 08:37 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  OMG!!!!
  
  Childhood flashback.
  
  Playing the 'Sears' version of Atari on Saturday afternoons at the mall.
  
  Space Invaders.
  
  Combat.
  
  Standing around in the back of the Sears by the lawnmowers and the garden supplies where they had the Atari set-up.
  
  Get tired of playing, head on down to Aladdin's Castle to play Donkey Kong, Pac Man, and Tron.
  
  Then off to Radio Shack to fiddle with the TRS-80's and the acoustically-coupled 300 baud modem. Meet some curly haired guy named 'Eberle' in the TRS-80 section who managed to have *every* TRS-80 game in existence -- Asylum I, Zork, Death Maze 5000, you name it.
  
  Teach myself BASIC on the TRS-80 Model III.
  
  Then off to Orange Julius.
  
  Then bike ride home.
  
  Play D&D in the evening. Talk about the new 'module' you're writing. Talk about getting some more modules. Talk about Grayhawk.
  
  Childhood was so simple. Malls, computers, orange julius', and Gary Gygax.
5. Re:32K games? by Anonymous Coward · 2003-01-21 10:13 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  ... which gave way to LSD, PCP and THC when you got to high school.
32000+ games available at launch, huh? by djdrew6k · 2003-01-21 07:21 · Score: 1, Funny

Who wants to bet they'll be the 32000 worst games ever.
Go Slashdot go! by Chocolate+Teapot · 2003-01-21 07:22 · Score: 4, Funny

I hope it's quicker than their web server

--
Modest doubt is called the beacon of the wise. - William Shakespeare
interesting name by Anonymous Coward · 2003-01-21 07:22 · Score: 3, Funny

i wonder how long they debated whether or not to keep "phantom" or go with the name "vapor".
32k+ games?? by MeanMF · 2003-01-21 07:24 · Score: 5, Funny

(32k+ games apparently) available over broadband

That's nothing! My old Apple IIe could play 64k games!
They had to call it phantom ... by Virtex · 2003-01-21 07:25 · Score: 4, Funny

... because calling it vapor would have been too obvious.

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For every post, there is an equal and opposite re-post.
You're reading it wrong. by Sick+Boy · 2003-01-21 07:26 · Score: 2, Funny

It's not 32,000 games, it's 32K games. Games which fit in 32K.

But this machine will play them very quickly, as it's the fastest machine on the market.

And, you've got to admit, "Phantom" is the perfect name for a vaporware console.

--
Does narcissism count as a hobby? --Shawn Latimer
Re:They need more... by Soul-Burn666 · 2003-01-21 07:27 · Score: 2, Funny

I think they meant 32k _byte_ games, not 32k games... you know, games like on the old atari :D

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^_^
Re:32k??? by bokmann · 2003-01-21 07:30 · Score: 5, Funny

Remember how the atari 2600 worked? one cartridge could have like, 140 games on it, all variations on a theme...

Here is the tank game!
Here is the tank game in a maze!
Here is the tank game with bullets that bounce!
Here is the tank game with bullets that bounce in a maze!

and so on. Hope thats not what they mean...
faster than any other console on the market by poindextrose · 2003-01-21 07:30 · Score: 5, Funny

Interviewer: Hey, why are there wheels on the console? Spokesman: It's faster than any other console on the market. Interviewer: Umm... usually when referring to the spees of the console, you quote the processor speed, or some benchmark. Spokesman: You want a benchmark? This thing gets 112 Miles per gallon. The tank holds a pint. You do the math. Interviewer: What's the purpose of a moving console? Spokesman: It's the ultimate mobile platform.

--
Karma: Raspberry Kiwi
1. Re:faster than any other console on the market by TeknoHog · 2003-01-21 08:38 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Plus, it has hardware acceleration of 9.81 m/s^2.
  
  --
  Escher was the first MC and Giger invented the HR department.
Go read their press release by guido1 · 2003-01-21 07:36 · Score: 5, Funny

No really, go read it. It'll take a little extra time, but it could be the most hilarious thing you'll see in months.

http://www.infiniumlabs.com/PR/Infinium%20Labs%2 0P ress%20Annoucment%204.0.htm

I've seen companies promise a subset of the features that I want in product XYZ, but this is the first time I've ever seen a company promote that it has every single feature ever .

A good quote: "Combining skills from Telco, Data Communications, Digital Rights Management, Software Development and Security, the management team brings together a unique array of skills to develop the most robust next generation gaming console and delivery network on the market."

Wha?

It's just too funny on its own... I can't add to anything they've said...
Re:Too many games? by _ph1ux_ · 2003-01-21 07:38 · Score: 4, Funny

Pick a Number Between 1 and 10....

What Color am I thinknig of....

Guess which hand.....

How much do I weigh....

Pong....

Draw!...

Spell!....

and so forth and so forth...
NonProprietary Windows?! by jasonditz · 2003-01-21 07:38 · Score: 3, Funny

From http://www.infiniumlabs.com/developer_benefits.asp
Moreover, foresee the ability to develop games on a nonproprietary system, which is Windows based, something relatively unheard of today.
How nonproprietary can it possibly be if it's "Windows based"? Do they mean Xwindows?
1. Re:NonProprietary Windows?! by jgerman · 2003-01-21 08:28 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  That's probably why it's unheard of ;)
  
  --
  I'm the big fish in the big pond bitch.
32,000 games, just like Combat for the Atari 2600! by raygundan · 2003-01-21 07:44 · Score: 2, Funny

Remember the old "Combat" game for the atari 2600? I believe it was marketed as something like "40 games in one!" even though the games were all on the order of:

1. Tanks shoot eachother
2. Tanks shoot eachother with bouncing bullets
3. Tanks shoot eachother around obstacles
4. Tanks shoot eachother around obstacles with bouncing bullets

etc...

All they would need is one game and 15 things to toggle on and off, and that should get you to about 32,000 different "games".
mistype by buswolley · 2003-01-21 07:44 · Score: 3, Funny

maybe it was 32Kbytes of games.
oops

--
A Good Troll is better than a Bad Human.
Re:32k??? by TexTex · 2003-01-21 07:48 · Score: 4, Funny

Here's where you can go to sign up to be one of these lucky developers! Get them resumes ready!

Infinium Labs
5380 Gulf of Mexico
Suite 409
Longboat Key, FL 34228

jobs@infiniumlabs.com

--
-Barkeep, a draft of your most hazardous brew, for the world is slowly stepping into focus, and I don't like what I see.
Business plan. by Lemmy+Caution · 2003-01-21 08:01 · Score: 4, Funny

I just re-watched the Mel Brooks classic, "The Producers." To quote Blum, Gene Wilder's character: "You know, in the right circumstances, you could make more money with a flop than with a hit!"
I present to you: Springtime for Hitler, the console.
Re:Too many games? by outsider007 · 2003-01-21 08:05 · Score: 4, Funny

My guess is at least 15,000 of them will be mahjongg.

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If you mod me down the terrorists will have won
marketing.... by YAN3D · 2003-01-21 08:11 · Score: 2, Funny

Nothing better than to kick off an online marketing campaign with a good slashdotting.
Re:At least they got the name right... by miTTio · 2003-01-21 08:25 · Score: 4, Funny

DNF was named correctly, it will take them forever to write it.

Only time will tell if "Phantom" was also named appropriately.
The case of the Phantom console by Christianfreak · 2003-01-21 08:43 · Score: 2, Funny

... and we would have beaten Microsoft and Sony too if it hadn't been for those darn kids!!

Sorry just had to say it :)

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The Anti-Blog
32K? by sulli · 2003-01-21 08:56 · Score: 3, Funny

claiming that there are currently 32,679 retail game titles available
So that must mean they're only 89 games short!

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sulli
RTFJ.
Powered by... by Newskyarena · 2003-01-21 09:44 · Score: 2, Funny

the uber-awesome Bitboys GPU!
31.9k games will be: by Cyclone66 · 2003-01-21 15:35 · Score: 2, Funny

Tetris level A
Tetris level B
.
.
.
Tetris level ZZZZZZ