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How to be a Programmer
Martin L. Smith writes "Rob Read has posted his magnum opus, "How to be a Programmer: A Short, Comprehensive and Personal Summary" to Samizdat Press where it can be scarfed by the masses. Rob's book is a forty-page tour through the million-and-one things he thinks a programmer ought to know as he sets out into deep water. One of the reasons he posted this was to get some feedback, so tell him what you think. Samizdat Press is maintained by the Colorado School of Mines to provide a distribution point for free (mostly earth-sciences related) texts."
but a rock star.
Anybody's got an idea?
I think that 90% of the people here already have the whole "how to thrive in a seclusive career path that is extremely difficult to find employment in and you end up having very little contact with the softer gender" thing down pat, thank you very much.
Buy and read "HTML for Dummies" from cover-to-cover.
All the other steps are optional.
---anactofgod---
"Equal opportunity swindling - *that* is the true test of a sustainable democracy."
1) Write a spec ...
2) Send spec to Indian/Russian/Chinese Programming Outsourcer
3)
4) Profit!
That one can't learn from reading Dilbert and watching Office Space.
"Why didn't you put a cover sheet on the TPS report!" - "Terrible" Terry Tate.
---anactofgod---
"Equal opportunity swindling - *that* is the true test of a sustainable democracy."
The 'Thrown Out Like an Old Sock' chapter.
It's Christmas everyday with BitTorrent.
1) Write code
2) Avoid commenting your code at *all* costs
3) Obfuscate code, heavily and often.
4) Make sure everyone sees your code. This will culture a sense of fear and awe in your coworkers. Particularly if you can make your Perl code look like assembler.
With these 4 easy steps, you too can be one of the last people to be laid by your employer!
Karma: 0 (But I wield a mean +10 Vorpal Apathy)
just read this handy guide to writing unmaintainable code and do exactly what it suggests
It's really funny that the second sentence of the 'Learn to Debug' section has a heinous grammatical error.
Choose no life.
Choose no natural light.
Choose cafeine.
Choose to have RSI.
Choose no girlfriend.
Choose to work long hours and the weekends.
Choose to use C.
Choose to use JAVA after talking to the boss.
Choose to have a bloody big 21 inch monitor.
Choose to comment code.
Choose to have to comment other people's code.
Choose to run a sourceforge project on the side.
Choose to be abused by mindless helpdesk jockeys.
Choose Comp Sci.
Choose D&D geeky friends.
Choose Slashdot.
Choose an early grave.
Choose something else.
Just few quotes:
There once was a master programmer who wrote unstructured programs. A novice programmer, seeking to imitate him, also began to write unstructured programs. When the novice asked the master to evaluate his progress, the master criticized him for writing unstructured programs, saying, ``What is appropriate for the master is not appropriate for the novice. You must understand the Tao before transcending structure.''
Less is more !
Heh, and you would have started with a compile error :) Nice.
"... programmer does not live in an ideal world. Even if she is perfect, she is sur-
rounded by and must interact with code written by major software companies,
organizations like GNU, and her colleagues."
Yeah, right. Next.
I was just out of collage once. And a good think too, the Elmer's glue was starting to get on my nerves. Though I did have to walk aroung with bits of magazine stuck to my sides for a week or so. ;)
I'm the big fish in the big pond bitch.
skinnies cant code for shit. Look at the spaghetti coming out of India lately.
It's true! My cousin was finger painting in BASIC when he was a baby. When he turned three he hacked his Etch a Schetch to run Linux. He's seven now and he is writing his own OS! ;)
Such sagely wisdom
With anonymity you write
Knowing and unknown.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
I'm sorry, but even I (a female programmer) had to snicker at your Subject line given the abundance of the female pronoun in this article.
Did you pun intentionally?
JoAnn
How many "shes" do you ever see doing GOOD coding? And I'm not talking B.J.s, but real coding, how many?
Some "shes" are good at coding (and maybe B.J's), just as some of us "hes" are good at B.J.'s (and also coding).
I'll see your senator, and I'll raise you two judges.
Stage 1 -- Denial. How sad. Hmm, it might be possible to write a program to converse with a female. That would be a fun date...
i prefer the saag paneer and keep the nan coming.
Hmm, it might be possible to write a program to converse with a female.
;)
Yeah, its called instant messenger. Then if things get serious, you can move on to video-conferencing.
Zoot!
If you're a geek, you *can* have luck with the ladies; especially if you've got a job and some cash to spend. Shave that beard, get a decent haircut. Buy some nice clothes. Go out, drink a coupla beers, and just talk to women.
You forgot one: take a shower.
I swear, if this gets modded as Insightful or Informative, I'm gonna worry...
The price of freedom is eternal litigation.
Be prepared to be wrong.
Ah, now you've gone and reminded me of my favorite interview moment. The manager sat smugly behind the desk and asked me the age old "What do you consider your greatest strength?" to which I promptly replied "I like to be wrong."
The look of horror on his face spoke volumes, both of what he no doubt thought of me, and of exactly why that wasn't the kind of company I'd want to work for. I couldn't get out the door fast enough, and he couldn't wait to see me go. So I highly suggest doing the "brimming over with wrongability" thing right off the bat. :-)
Yeah, its called instant messenger.
:)
Woah, woah, take it slowly. Start with e-mail
Error:
How to be a Professional Programmer:
Demand to get paid for your work.
One day a Novice came to the Master.
Master, he said, How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?.
The Master looked solemnly at the Novice.
Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code? the Master asked.
No, replied the Novice. The Master sent the Novice on a quest to the Store of Software.
Many hours later the Novice returned.
Master, he said, How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?.
The Master looked solemnly at the Novice.
Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code? the Master asked.
Yes, replied the Novice.
The Master frowned at the Novice.
You have a Compiler of Source. What now can prevent you from becoming a Writer of Programs?.
The Novice fidgeted nervously and presented his Compiler of Source to the Master.
How is this used? asked the Novice.
Have you in your possession a Manual of Operation? the Master asked.
No, replied the Novice.
The Master instructed the Novice as to where he could find the Manual of Operation.
Many days later the Novice returned.
Master, he said, How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?.
The Master looked solemnly at the Novice.
Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code? the Master asked.
Yes, replied the Novice.
Have you in your possession a Manual of Operation? the Master asked.
Yes, replied the Novice.
The Master frowned at the Novice.
You have a Compiler of Source, and a Manual of Operation. What now can prevent you from becoming a Writer of Programs?.
At this the Novice fidgeted nervously and presented his Manual of Operations to the Master.
How is this used? asked the Novice.
The Master closed his eyes, and heaved a great sigh.
The Master sent the Novice on a quest to the School of Elementary.
Many years later the Novice returned.
Master, he said, How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?.
The Master looked solemnly at the Novice.
Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code, a Manual of Operation and an Education of Elementary? the Master asked.
Yes, replied the Novice.
The Master frowned at the Novice.
What then can prevent you from becoming a Writer of Programs?.
The Novice fidgeted nervously. He looked around but could find nothing to present to the Master.
The Master smiled at the Novice.
I see what problem plagues you. said the Master.
Oh great master, please tell me. asked the Novice.
The Master turned the Novice toward the door, and with a supportive hand on his shoulder said, Go young Novice, and Read The Fucking Manual. And so the Novice became enlightened.
Maybe, maybe not. Very often the programmer is not a part of the deployment process.
In very small companies, the owner waits until the programmer is not in the office and then copies executables from the wrong directory on the development machine onto a floppy/tape and starts sending out copies in order to make good on the ridiculous ship date the programmer refused to accept. This complicates the finger-pointing to come, since the marketing/sales manager did the same thing three days earlier. [If you haven't experienced this, you simply haven't worked at sufficiently small companies.]
In very large companies, programmers can't be trusted anywhere near the QC, release, or production environments. At best, the programmer is allowed to create a release document listing the files to be compiled by the "build-meister" in the sterile build environment and then tar-balled for delivery to the sysadmins. Who will "install" by dropping the tar-ball into /usr/local/bin, turning off their pagers, and going home. [If you haven't experienced this, you simply haven't worked at sufficiently large companies.]
It wasn't funny at the time.
Really? News to me....I thought all those ASM type chicks had to be rolled in flour to kill the smell and find the wet-spot.
Worst. Comment. Ever.
Damn.
/. would this be modded 'Insightful' ! :)
Only here in
-- don't discount flying pigs until you have good air defense
>>> How is a smart redheaded girl going to find a decent guy that is not intimidated by the softer sex?
;-)
:0)
>> You don't happen to live near Amsterdam do you?
> BTW: If I told you were I lived you would not even believe me
I know where the cute red-headed geek girl who needs a date lives!
Where?
Right next to the Easter Bunny. Two doors down from the Tooth-Fairy. On Peter Pan's block in Never Never Land.
Opinions on the Twiddler2 hand-held keyboard?
Doing some work on a object management system for games... and i think this is heading towards the worlds worst c macro
those who control the past, control the future. those who control the present, control the past.
That's no way to speak about Alan Cox.
Start off by reading the relevant RFC.
Write using TeX.
-- "The reward of suffering is experience." - Aeschylus