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Telemarketers Sue to Block Do-Not-Call List

chumpieboy writes "A story on Yahoo tells about about the DMA's attempts to stop a national DoNotCall list, essentially claiming that Opt Out is not a viable model for telemarketers. Yet they claim that Opt Out is a viable model for email marketing?"

37 of 408 comments (clear)

  1. fantasy system: by timothy · · Score: 5, Funny

    [Medium Closeup: telemarketer dials]

    [SFX: ringing phone]

    [SFX: an audible click, followed by a recording]

    [Slow zoom, from closeup to extreme closeup, onto a telephone or computer with exaggerated blinking lights to show activity]

    Recorded voice: "Hi! You're reached my telephone number. If you'd like to agree to be charged up to $10/minute at my sole discretion, please hit the "1" key now! I don't charge my friends, but if you're wasting my time with an unsolicited sales call generated by a database, please be advised that your calls are valuable to me."

    [Medium closeup: telemarketer, with can of soda in one hand, hangs up, frustrated]

    [Extreme closeup: hand crushing soda can]

    --
    jrnl: http://tinyurl.com/c2l8yr / foes: http://tinyurl.com/ckjno5
    1. Re:fantasy system: by micromoog · · Score: 1, Funny

      Now slashdot editors are posting redundant stories as "witty comments"? When will the pain ever end?!

    2. Re:fantasy system: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      Well, you could always do what I did all last year. Play games with them. Pretend you are an old man and get the words screwed up. Talk sexy, not dirty, to them. Amazing, I have not gotten a telemarketing call in about 4 months now. Even my kids got into the act and miss the calls. Pretty sick, no? :)

    3. Re:fantasy system: by MattCohn.com · · Score: 5, Funny

      I convinced someone trying to sell me long distance that I did NOT have a phone.

      Sir, could I speak to the owner of the household?
      >That's me.
      And you have no phone?
      >Correct.
      You are at YOUR house?
      >Yep.
      And you OWN the house?
      >Yes.
      Yet you have no phone?
      >Nope. No phone.

      Went on for about 15 minutes. I think he started to belive it at the end.

    4. Re:fantasy system: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      I guarantee you would have had an emotional response if you'd called my apartment back when I was in college.

      My roommate and I used to keep one of those air horn noise makers next to the phone just for the wonderful opportunities offered by telemarketers to college students. As soon as we identified the caller as an unwanted call...120 dB right into the phone...too bad Ma Bell can't transmit that loud of a signal through the network. I guarantee that the same telemarketer NEVER called our number back.

      I'd still be doing it now, but the wife says it sets a bad example for the kids. *shrug*

    5. Re:fantasy system: by Dr.+Evil · · Score: 4, Funny

      Oh no.... new business plan:

      "Hello Sir/Madam, we noticed that you are not on the Do Not Call List, this means that at any moment, perhaps even now, a telemarketer might be trying to reach you. For the low, low price of $5, you can be added to this list. It's easy, just press 1 and never be bothered again."

      Damn, that's worth a patent.

    6. Re:fantasy system: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      My roommate and I used to keep one of those air horn noise makers next to the phone just for the wonderful opportunities offered by telemarketers to college students. As soon as we identified the caller as an unwanted call...120 dB right into the phone...too bad Ma Bell can't transmit that loud of a signal through the network. I guarantee that the same telemarketer NEVER called our number back

      I do this same thing with a smoke detector near the phone. My variant is that I catch them off guard -- I act like I'm who they wanted to talk to, let them get into their pitch, and then BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP etc. Anyway, I've had the exact same telemarketer call back just a couple of hours after doing this. Needless to say, he got to hear Mr. Smoke Detector a second time...

  2. Pray that it will back-fire by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Maybe they can successfully make the argument that opt-out lists like the proposed "Do Not Call" won't allow them to operate effectively. Bear with me here...

    So, instead of a "Do Not Call" list being maintained that they have to honor, people will have to register for a "Do Call" list. This list will contain the phone numbers of people who have registered themselves as wanting telemarketing calls. This list is also the only list which telemarketers can use when calling people.

    Okay, a pipe dream, but it surely would be a more manageable list, no?

    1. Re:Pray that it will back-fire by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      Okay, a pipe dream, but it surely would be a more manageable list, no?

      I'm not so sure about that. The list could become quite large once you require that all telemarketers, their employees, and their family members must be on the "Do Call" list. Of course, all calls to them should be made between 1 and 4 AM.

  3. Fun with telemarketers by rhfrommn · · Score: 2, Funny

    I signed up for our state do not call list, and probably would for the national one too. But sometimes it is fun to hassle them.

    My wife has been home with medical problems the past couple moths and gets tons of telemarketer calls. Last night she told me the next time one calls she is going to ask them if they want to talk to our hamster and just go off on a huge tangent about him. See how long she can keep talking about Bubba before they finally give up and hang up on her. That might be fun to listen too, I wish I could stay home for it.

    --
    My motto is: Never give up - unless it's harder than you want it to be.
    1. Re:Fun with telemarketers by Dman33 · · Score: 1, Funny

      I think this is the one that I downloaded a bunch of files from about a year ago...

      Prank Calls

    2. Re:Fun with telemarketers by cybermace5 · · Score: 4, Funny

      My favorite is a simple question:

      "So. Is this really what you wanted to be when you grew up?"

      --
      ...
    3. Re:Fun with telemarketers by Hypharse · · Score: 2, Funny

      The one about the masturbation is kind of like one I use. When I was in my dorm I took the phone away from my ear and yelled "Larry, would you tell her to just swallow. I can't hear the phone over her gargling!"

      My favorite one to do is make them answer every question they ask you. They ask me my address, I make them tell me theirs, etc. Some will actually do it.

      Another one is when they go into their minute-long speech, wait until they are done and then say "I'm sorry, someone was at the door, can you repeat that?" Make up different excuses. You can keep a personal record of how many times you've gotten them to repeat it. Mine is 3. Then they finally just said they'd send the information to my address to look at.

      When they say the phone call will be monitored for blah blah purpose, throw a fit about it. Ask to speak with the manager. In general I like to make sure I speak to the manager once per call.

      Lastly, one of my new favorites is to talk really quietly to start out, then go silent for about 10 seconds. Then scream at the top of your lungs into the phone. Childish? Yes...but incredibly satisfying.

    4. Re:Fun with telemarketers by FatAlb3rt · · Score: 2, Funny

      Actually, what might be really fun is to do something similar to what the talk radio show hosts will do to mess with someone who hasn't turned their radio down - and it'd be a nice little geek project to boot!

      (telephone line) and (speaker out + delay) -> (modem line in)

      Once you have a telemarketer on, pick up the line on your computer and talk over the mic, which happens to be delaying everything said for, say, 7 seconds and feeding it back into the conversation. After 14 seconds, there's three simulataneous conversations going on. Just make sure you say "hello?" a lot to get them really confused trying to answer all the echoes.

  4. And take this with ya! by Nidhogg · · Score: 4, Funny

    The proposal cleared a crucial hurdle earlier Wednesday when a House of Representatives committee voted to give the FTC the power to collect fees from telemarketers to pay for the list.

    So they're making them pay for it too?

    Hot damn. If I ever meet an FTC member they're getting a hug.

  5. Stupid, stupid businessmen by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    How bad is this going to get?

    I want to start a business where I send people bills in the mail that they must pay. Sure this is a stupid business model, but I want a law that makes it work, dammit!

    Oh, and I'd better patent this business plan fast!

  6. Telemarketers on the list? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    I wonder how many telemarketers are going to put their own numbers on the list. I think there should be a cluase in the law that prohibits telemarketers and their employees from being on the list.

  7. MY SYSTEM WORKS! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    When I get a telemarketing call I quietly ask who they are and why they are calling to make sure it is not a legitimate call. THEN I ask them if they know who they called and what number so as to make sure they know who to remove. THEN I SCREAM as loud an profanely as I can "DON'T EVER FUCKING CALL HERE AGAIN YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!!!!!!!" Then I slam the phone down. My goal is to make the person feel as bad as I possibly can and rethink thier career decision.

    "Charities" are my favorite since the solicitor organisations that call you actually take 85% of the money or more. The stupid charity that loans thier name gets almost nothing.

    RESULT: 1 telemarketing call on average a MONTH!
    I refuse to hide behind my phone machine to "screen" calls. This means I have to give up services I PAID FOR. When I get a machine I usually don't leave a message so those that do that lose real calls. Besides the telemarketers just call back again.

    "they are just doing thier jobs" some say, fine, so are burgulars....if you want to soft soap them, they will keep calling you...they don't call me!

  8. Opting-out by doc_traig · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm so scarred by the daily battles with spam that the whole thought of opting-out of anything repulses me... I feel like if I get on some DNC list that a bunch of offshore telemarketers will get their hands on that list so they have "live" targets.

    My wife recently told me that she was clicking on an opt-out link on some bit of spam and I nearly tackled her out of her chair to keep her from doing it.

    You can't let them know you're there! Pull the shades! Rip the phone out of the wall! Gag the dog!

    --
    So long, michael. Don't let the door hit you...
  9. Strangely, I agree with them for once... by NoMoreNicksLeft · · Score: 4, Funny

    I wholeheartedly concur with them, and fervently believe it should be an opt-in list. For telemarketers to call you, they should have to be able to prove to authorities that you are on the opt-in call list, which should be impossible for most people make themselves listed. If they are insane or something, and keep trying, it should require a 6 month waiting list, complete with psych evaluation and $1500 fees, and an in-person registration in DC, complete with 9 picture IDs, just to put your name on the list.

    Any telemarketer violating this opt-in list, whether for commercial, charity, or survey purposes would be subject to life in a Mexican prison without parole. Then again, sending all our telemarketers to Mexico would probably be an act of war... my apologies to any mexicans reading this, I retract that last part.

  10. IPChains for the Telephon by DSL-Admin · · Score: 2, Funny

    in other news.... Linux advocates unveiled a new passthrough connection for Linux users that extends the common firewall set IPChains on to any in home phone line... Now you can specify Inbound and Outbound rules for phone calls, it now allows for certain phones in the house to allow incoming calls, and others only can place outgoing calls.....

    guess I'm going to have to write out a module for IPChains for the phone....

  11. I'm just wondering... by NetDanzr · · Score: 1, Funny

    ...how long it will take till the telemarketers sue the manufacturer of the Telezapper, and claim it violates the DMCA...

  12. Re:Well, which is it? by BigBir3d · · Score: 2, Funny

    The person who made that statement was fired for thinking out loud. Common sense will not be tolerated.

  13. That's tame by acidrain69 · · Score: 4, Funny

    I had a roommate once that told the guy on the phone he was a little busy at the moment because he was masturbating. I've told people I was blind before so they wouldn't try to sell me some visual-oriented device.

    "Sorry, I'm getting a blowjob right now, and my girlfriend is getting a little mad that I'm not paying attention to her. "

    You can have a lot of fun with this.

    --
    -- Having a Creationist Museum is like having an Atheist place of worship
  14. You know, my mugger told me the same thing. by dark-nl · · Score: 5, Funny
    Muggers have to make a living too. The guy was aware that taking my watch and my wallet might annoy me, but hey, he's got to make money somehow, and muggers don't have it easy.

    I told him to place me on his "do not mug" list, but he didn't seem interested.

  15. they should telemarket those things by SweetAndSourJesus · · Score: 2, Funny

    Would you like to stop recieving these phone calls? Send $29.95 plus $10 shipping and handling to...

    --

    --
    the strongest word is still the word "free"
  16. Just yell at them by chrispix · · Score: 0, Funny

    I got tired of telemarketers, so I devised this easy little plan.

    1. When you get a live person on the phone talk very softly for a few seconds. (so they turn up the volume)

    2. SCREEEAAAAAM!!! At the top of your lungs, yeah my throat hurt for a little bit

    But after about 3-4 screaming sessions. The calls stopped. I don't know if this was a coincidence. But ti sure seemed to work, best of all it was FUN and FREE!!

  17. what will be next? by qoncept · · Score: 1, Funny
    "The FTC is singling out this form of advertising now, what will be next?" said DMA President Robert Weintzen in a prepared statement.

    Hopefully a dozen other forms of advertising.

    --
    Whale
  18. Sienfeld's Take on Telemarketers by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    This thread reminded me of a Seinfeld episode where Jerry gets a call at home from a telemarketer, it goes something like this (taken from this page):

    "SEINFELD: (ANSWERING PHONE) Hello.

    "(TELEMARKETER): Hi. Would you be interested in switching over to TMI long-distance service?

    "SEINFELD: Oh, gee, I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later?

    "(A LONG PAUSE) (TELEMARKETER): Well, I'm sorry. We're not allowed to do that.

    "SEINFELD: I guess you don't want people calling you at home.

    "(TELEMARKETER): No.

    "SEINFELD: Well, now you know how I feel."

  19. The way to stop telemarketers by jmorse · · Score: 5, Funny

    I despise telemarketers. I also despise evangelicals. It's fun to use one against the other. Here's how my typical solicitation call goes:

    [Telemarketer]: Good evening, sir! I'm calling from -insert company here- and we'd like to tell you about an amazing new offer on our new -insert product here-!

    [Me]: Well, I'd certainly be interested in your -insert product here- but first, I'd like to talk to you about the Lord Jesus Christ(TM) and your future in the Kingdom of Heaven(TM).

    [Telemarketer]: huh?

    [Me]: Now, sir, are you absolutely sure that your soul will go to Heaven(TM) when you die?

    [Telemarketer]: Um, well, ...

    [Me]: Because, you know, Jesus(SM) died for your sins, and those who know Him(TM), I mean the True Him(TM) are guaranteed a place in God's(TM) Kingdom(TM) when the Rapture(TM) arrives.

    [Telemarketer]: Well, I never, um...

    [Me]: And it's a documented fact that the Bible(TM) guarantees that the children of Jehovah(TM) have a place in that Holy Domain(TM). Now sir, do you go to church regularly?

    By this time, the telemarketer is so damn disturbed that s/he usually hangs up and I never get a call from them again.

    I suppose you could use a telemarketer spiel on the Mormons(TM) and Jehovahs(TM) that come to your door, but they've stopped bugging me since I got my "No Bible Thimpers" sticker from darwinfish.com.

    --

    "You done taken a wrong turn."
    -Bill McKinney, in Deliverance
    1. Re:The way to stop telemarketers by scrytch · · Score: 2, Funny

      Too much effort. My favorite is: "oh hey hold on, lemme get my wife/husband/gf/llama, you should talk to him/her/it."

      Put phone on hold. And forget about it completely.

      --
      I've finally had it: until slashdot gets article moderation, I am not coming back.
  20. MO AG versus Miss Cleo by Just+Some+Guy · · Score: 3, Funny
    My favorite entries from that list:
    • 7-24-01: Nixon sues TV ad psychic Miss Cleo; says "she should have seen this coming"
    • 8-08-01: Miss Cleo ordered to pay $75,000 for calling Missourians after warning from Nixon

    Ahhh, Jay Nixon: the only Democrat I've ever voted for.

    --
    Dewey, what part of this looks like authorities should be involved?
  21. Re:Who would be on it? by Andorion · · Score: 2, Funny

    Who would be on it?

    Alan Ralsky, for starters =)

    -Berj

  22. Re:[no longer]fantasy system: by timothy · · Score: 2, Funny

    Yes, seeing Mark Spencer talk about Asterisk last weekend is one reason I was thinking of this :)

    And (afaics) it wouldn't need a modem, really -- just a telephone interface. Mark demonstrated little USB adapters which can be used to interface a normal phone line to a computer for the purposes of attaching a standard phone or headset when you're making your VoIP calls :)

    However, I am not certain about whether it works PC <--> USB dongle <--> outside connection, or only PC <--> USB dongle <--> deskside phone.

    The "ex-girlfriend feature" he explained (if she called on her cell, her call was re-directed to her landline and vice versa) had the audience chortling :)

    timothy

    --
    jrnl: http://tinyurl.com/c2l8yr / foes: http://tinyurl.com/ckjno5
  23. Re:Oh darn.... by MImeKillEr · · Score: 2, Funny

    Hmm. What are the chances that is illegal?

    I'm not disagreeing with you -- my mom used to keep a whistle at ever phone when I was a kid, and give a nice drawn out whistle to telemarketers.

    The difference is the whistle she was using was a cheap plastic one, incapable of doing any long-term damage to ones eardrum.

    I imagine a 110-120dB whistle could cause some long-term damage.

    Besides, air horns are a lot more effective ! :)

    --
    Cruising the internet on my TI-99/4A @ a whopping 300 baud!
  24. And in other news... by The+Panther! · · Score: 2, Funny

    An Austin, Texas, man has filed a lawsuit against his employer, essentially claiming that showing up for work is not a viable model for increasing wealth rapidly. Prosecution recommends an immediate donation of $10 from all businesses in the metropolitan area into his private account, because it's just better that way. :-/

    --
    Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  25. My method by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    when dealing with spam phonecalls is to reply "Ah, could you just wait a second" as if I have something really urgent to do before racing back to hear their tripe. Then I put down the phone, walk away, and wonder how long they wait before giving up. It's slightly amusing and gets me over the frustration of people actively soliciting me in the privacy of my own home. Personally, I try to avoid advertising as much as I can.