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What Should I Do With My Life?
Given all that, I figured What Should I Do With My Life? was pretty much written for me. The book tells the true stories of dozens of people who made hard decisions and gave up careers, educations, and lifestyles in order to give themselves reasons to get up every morning, and maybe to find true happiness. In researching the book, Po Bronson interviewed nearly a thousand people all over the US, and got to know some of them very well. He intertwines their stories with his own personal tale, and often pauses between stories to reflect on everything he saw and learned while writing the book.
So how's the book? Good and bad.
I had hoped to distill some great truth from these stories -- to leave with a clear sense of the changes I have to make, and with the resolve to make them. No dice. To be fair, Bronson never promises any such thing; in fact, he promises quite the opposite. And rightfully so. There are certainly no silver bullets here.
But my real problem with What Should I Do With My Life? is that I couldn't identify with so many of its subjects, and eventually that turned me off. It felt like four out of five people had law degrees or worked in finance or politics. Very few were geeks, or even grunt-level office 9-to-5'ers. In his introduction Bronson says "the people in this book are ordinary people," but it didn't feel that way. An ex-doctor whose father was a famous cardiologist; a Hollywood production executive; an established Hollywood screenwriter; CFOs, CEOs; guys that sold startups for millions. A PhD marine biologist who "quit and became a dentist." Wowie.
Even Bronson's generalizations alienated me. The "we" that define ourselves by our salary or possessions or career achievements -- that's not my "we." I think (hope?) Bronson has spent so much time in Silicon Valley culture that he's over-projecting. Maybe I'm not ambitious enough, but I've never been a careerist and neither have my friends. So when Bronson steps back so say we need to fight the urge to justify ourselves by our status, I think "who's 'we'? I never had that urge." I've never had anything to prove to anyone but myself; yet I still feel trapped by some of the life/career decisions I've made.
Now, the book doesn't focus solely on outstanding people. It's just that once I noticed all the med school and law degrees and sold-her-third-startup, I couldn't not notice them anymore, and I'd say to myself "maybe this book isn't for me after all. I'm nothing like these people."
But enough bitching. There's some great stuff in the book as well and some stories really connected with me: the attorney turned trucker; the husband/wife team that bought a tree farm; the would-be Olympic athlete who had to give it up for motherhood; and more. Better yet, some concepts stayed with me. For instance, the this-should-be-obvious concept that local cultures shape expectations and self-worth differently. "In Los Angeles, if you say you're a musician, you're asked ... are you, or will you be, successful? In New Orleans, if you say you're a musician, then people accept that you're a musician, even if you jam one night a week at some dive with no audience." Nice.
My favorite concept from this book is one of Bronson's closing points: the reminder that all you get is a glimmer. The rest is all you and your willingness to to see where that glimmer takes you. I've lived this -- it's true in the creation of good software, it's true in making records, it's true in any creative pursuit. Eureka moments rarely happen, so don't wait around for one.
I found myself flying through this book -- it's written in a nice, casual tone and it's an easy read. But reading quickly was a mistake. I suggest reading a chapter or two at a time, then putting the book down to digest it. Otherwise it's too easy for people and stories to blur together or be forgotten entirely. Maybe that's why the online excerpts were so compelling -- I was left with 2 pages to think about instead of 75.
Okay, so Po Bronson didn't provide the answers to all my problems. But he got me to frame my "what am I doing to do" question better, and he got me to take it seriously. That's worth $15 right there. It's also uplifting to read about people who have found their bliss. There is hope!
I'll lend this book to a lot of friends and I'll probably buy copies for a few as well. It's worth a read.
Whether or not you buy the book, I strongly recommend reading the aforementioned NPR interview and excerpted chapter. Those alone address some great points and will get you thinking.
You can purchase What Should I Do With My Life? from bn.com. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page. You may also want to visit Po Bronson homepage: pobronson.com."
Not a flame. Sincerely.
Good review, but I'm curious: how do you give up an "education?" I mean, you can decide not to continue with an education, but the theory is (I hope) that once you have it, education sorta -- more or less -- sticks. Although this might not apply if you're an idiot.
Give it a meaning. Do not search for one, give one, create a meaning.
Never forget: You are the center of your world. You are the reason for your decisions.
An ex-doctor whose father was a famous cardiologist; a Hollywood production executive; an established Hollywood screenwriter; CFOs, CEOs; guys that sold startups for millions. A PhD marine biologist who "quit and became a dentist." Wowie.
Some of the local papers run these stories too--about people who cashed in on the "hectic dot com lifestyle" to run a bed and breakfast or some sort. Makes it a lot easier to "get out of the rat race" when you have a nice, fat bank account to fall back on.
I am much more impressed, as you note, with those who are not independently wealthy, but chunk the opportunity to become so in order to follow their dreams. Like, say, the teacher I married.
And no, I don't have a problem with those pursuing wealth above all else either...as long as they are fulfilled its their own choice to make.
I pulled a jack move to cop this sig
What do YOU want to do. If you need a book to tell you - if you even *think* about wandering over to the self-help section of a bookshop, and picking up a copy of `coping with choices` - then I suggest you do the only honourable thing that's open to you.
Do what you love. No one wants to breathe their last with a sigh of wasted days. Live life fully daily. Life's too short to waste an entire day with a hangover. I have never heard anyone lament on their deathbed "I never should have bought that nice stereo".
I love programming, cold weather and storms. I don't have time for dread. Life is meant to be lived and I'm all over it. BANZAI!!!
If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem
I haven't read the book reviewed, but people need to read classical text, like Aristotle, Nietsche, I-ching, Veda's, Mahabarahta, and countless other philosophical text. The struggle for identity is not static and people need to realize this. Who you are does not derive from what you do. What you do is a part of who you are, but it is not equal. There are those who like to play "waiting for gadot" and others who live in "six characters in search of an author." Still some are befuddled like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Read people, and it will open your eyes.
To buy a book to realize when it's time to move on from your job, and follow your dreams? Magazines like "Reader's Digest" etc are full of stories about individuals who have left a depressing/draining job to find themselves. Of course, these stories never mention the people that try this, and end up broke back living with their parents, etc.
If your job really, truly, sucks 100% of the time, you should know when to move on. How you go about moving on really depends on the job you have, and the job/etc you want. For most people, a job is only part of life, and if it's burning you out at some point you can take a holiday, or focus more on family etc or something else that makes you happy outside of the workplace.
Almost nobody enjoys their job 100% of the time, it's how you manage with the rest of your life that counts.
Even Bronson's generalizations alienated me. The "we" that define ourselves by our salary or possessions or career achievements
That probably says a lot about why he wrote the book. He probably over-generalized to everyone, but make no mistake: that's American society in a nutshell (i.e. - most people). It's these people who spend their lives never really thinking about where they're going. "I guess I'll go to college" "I guess this will be my career" "I guess I'll get married". People for the most part just never really THINK about their lives, their place in the world, about much of ANYTHING. I guess for some of us we tend to take for granted that you just sit idle some time to think about things, but it's sort of a shocker to a lot of people who are too busy selling their soul to a corporation for some menial gain in their trivial materialistic lives.
I'd say become a freelance consultant.
I worked for myself for a while. I spent a lot of
time with my youngest boy. I worked out of the house and was Mr. Mom for a while. It was cool, you
can't replace the time I had off with anything. I didn't have any worries then, no house, I rented from my in-laws. Now I've got a mortgate and an equity loan and bills bills bills. I've got to work. I hope to be able to design a widget on my own time that would allow me to retire early.. other than that my house will be paid off when I'm 65, Maybe earlier if I sneak in an extra payment per year.
What's all this whining about fulfilment anyway.
I work because I have a family and obligations.
I use my family to benchmark my life, not my job.
I expect to see more and more books on Careers with this economy. Look soon for a book where some author explains or studies people who left IT for other careers.
But I think that the phenomenon the author is examining (people leaving their professions to find happiness) if anything may *decrease* now that recession has hit. Remember in the 90's when we all were hearing about 30-somehtings who were "retiring" after having made millions -- they were starting new "careers" pursuing life interests, which were often not especially profitable.
There is a big difference between being forced out of a profession because there are no jobs, and leaving when the going's good.
My impression is that this is less of a "career advice book" than an inspirational, or at least eye-opening, look at various individuls who have chosen the road less traveled, although they were already on a road leading to wealth and success. If anything, i should think it is the sort of book we will be seeing *less* of as the economy worstens...
This also extends to the workplace environment as well. The "fit" you have in your work environment has a tremendous influence on your productivity and overall happiness with a career. This is in part due to the influence of your surroundings ("supportive" vs. "pressure cooker").
But, in some cases, you can also control a lot of this by attitude (or perception) as well. A good example of this is worrying about job status or promotions as opposed to the actual goal of the work. A lack of focus on the true task at hand and fretting about things out of your control can have a negative impact on your work and general well being.
Don't matter what anybody tells you, you need to subsist somehow, on whatever income you have, so unless you can take on part-time work, and willing to reduce the cost of your living, knee-jerk shifts in life are always a bad idea. there's nothing to stop you from kicking off a dope band while you're working. hell use your hard earned money to record your own album start a label, do a zine. its a bit daft to chuck in a means of living to chase after some half-baked dream werd. think living with parents, think creditors calling think no d0pe ass ride
I wish I had some mod points for you.
Modest doubt is called the beacon of the wise. - William Shakespeare
"You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war." -- Albert Einstein
I believe that many people are truly stuck in their current jobs because they don't have the savings or support to make the leap. Hence, most of the success stories you read are about those people who sold their company, or had a high income previously, simply because those are the people who were able to make the leap.
I seem to have touched a raw nerve. Sorry!
You thought he was a jerk, and with good reason: He was telling you his own view of what success is.
No he wasn't. He didn't tell me what "successful" meant, only that, according to his own criteria for success, he was successful, and screw what anyone else thought. He also told me that I didn't understand myself, and he was right about that.
The whole point of my post was that, you have to make your own criteria for success. Don't get confused by what your co-workers, or your mom, or your friends think.
you know... its completely possible he owned three successful high tech companies and decided his 500 million in net worth entitled him to do a bit of gardening. that's the problem with making assumptions based on appearences.
I can see that the point of my story is lost on some people. Oh well...
I watch TV and (gasp!) have independent thoughts. All things in moderation.
a) what's the point of an college education when you might learn more outside of school? i note your use of quotes around education... but really that just nullifies your statement. don't we always learn? and if so, aren't we always educating ourselves?
b) what's the point of a formal education when you might not get to study exactly what you want? so, i didn't take high school as seriously as i might have. i was a B, B+ student. well that translated into not getting into a school like UCB or MIT where i could've taken a degree that was a little more out there. (i would've preferred an art-computer science hybrid.) i had to settle for a college education that centered more around CS and enrich my life on the side with artistic pursuits.
i got into grad school and dropped out midway through the first semester solely because i could've aced a master's degree but i would've totally missed out on becoming a master of what i really love.
c) and in a result of that, i now find myself with and degree in computer engineering, but no easy way to pursue a degree in art or any of these new art-computer degrees that have been around for the last few years. i have too much XP for a bachelors program, but not quite enough paper to back up my readiness for a masters. sometimes having that slip of paper is a hinderance.
of course, these are just mistakes and lessons i've learned... (which, the lessons could be mistakes on their own.)
m.
[rant]
They never talk about the people that follow their dreams and fail spectacularly.
Ever notice how the people that do these things usually have a nest egg to fall back on? Poor rich people that are so bored with their jobs, boo fucking hoo.
People like that rarely grew up poor. I grew up poor (well, Canadian poor, which is not nearly as bad as, for example, Mexican poor) and I worked my ass off to get my "demeaning, wage slave" job - it's a fuck of a lot better than scrubbing toilets and working graveyard shifts at a liquor store for a fraction of what I earn now. The last two years since college have been like a fucking vacation compared to the six before it.
I only have to listen to this shit from people that grew up in the US and Canada. Every person I talk to that grew up poor (ie/ from Mexico, the Philipines, etc) is pleased as punch to be working their "wage slave" jobs.
I guess it's easy to wax poetically about the gutter if you have never really lived in it and can always crawl out.
[/rant]
Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.
Don't just think about yourself; what career to have or how much money to make. Help others.
I've been programming for 25 years, Fortran thru Java, and there are times when it's total garbage and other times when it is really fun. (Mostly the former, sigh).
Anyhow, in my non-job time, I work with and teach kids and I have a wonderful time. Of course, there are moments when I want to run off screaming down the hall. But there are other times when I so touched by them that my vision blurs. They are so precious.
There's my kids also and raising them with my wife is the biggest and best challenge of my life.
I'm a geek, socially maladroit and introverted but once I stopped focusing only on myself and only my "needs", that's when even greater things happened.
I know I sound like a infomercial, but this is how it happened to me. You don't have to do only one thing or spend all your time on your job. Reach out and volunteer. If your job is that fascist that they won't let you have any personal time, quit. You're a clever person...especially if you're a developer ;-). You'll find something else.
The point is to sacrifice for others and you'll find that you're way happier than if you worry about the great me, regardless of your day job.
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? --Abraham Lincoln
Posted anonymously after the thread is old for obvious reasons...
I skipped the second half of college to get a job in the computer industry. Made some cash. Dated a lingerie model. Two-timed her with a stage actress. Lost them both because of it. Did some work in software. Went to Hawaii, Europe. Market crashed. Found work in system administration and some teaching. I still think about the girl in my college English lit class, staff writer for the school magazine, all around wonderful girl... She's in NY now, tells me about her boyfriend occasionally, writes once in a while.
I have a wife and kid. Wife is beautiful, intelligent. Kid is wonderful. I still think about that girl in English lit, but less every day. High point of my day yesterday was watching my little girl pick up a keyboard and walk with it across the room.
Vague unhapiness. I used to write, paint, play guitar. I write SQL reports, backup, rewind tapes. There's little satisfaction in that.
One thing I've learned: do it. Seize the day, approach the girl, live your life. Money didn't make me happy, and I once had a lot. Not Bill Gates money, but plenty. Take classes, lots of them, and not the stuff you need for the major but things you enjoy -- art, literature, math (oh, mathematics is beautiful).
I ditched the admin job this past weekend. I have $38 in my account at the moment, blew the rest on stuff I can't recall. But I'm happy now -- watching my daughter stack Lego, walk across the room, smile.
I'm halfway through this book now, and Po struggled with the class issues a little himself. He wondered if the whole question isn't a little bourgeois. He discovered that that isn't the case - lower and middle class people struggle with the same questions.
Maybe a person with more money has more options, but more options does not necessarily make a decision easier, either.
Also: in general, people tend to spend what they make. The guy who makes $200k might be just as leveraged and stuck as a guy who makes $30k. OK, he drives a cooler car, but does that, in itself, make him less noble?
you.
I think the thing that irritates me the most about these types of discussions is the insistance that there is this "perfect job" out there, or the "perfect friends", or whatever, and "if only you can find that..." We have completely externalized the idea of happiness and insist that it has to be "out there somewhere". Rather than enjoying life, we're so busy searching for it.
What I've found is that the only true path to happiness is to love yourself. Unconditionally. This is the only starting point we can go from. Sure, everyone makes mistakes, sure, no one's perfect, but we have to believe in ourselves because the world sure as hell isn't going to do that for us. That's not anyone else's job. It's our own.
Think about it. If everything in your life is taken away from you, what have you got left? Just yourself. And that has to be the most important thing. There are all sorts of support structures in life: a good job, friends, family, you name it. But if you simply can't exist without these, then you're allowing your life to be held up at the expense of these supports, without paying any attention to the foundation (you!).
There is no Question. There is only a collection of confused souls floundering about in the vastness of the world, searching for a Meaning that they themselves created!
Be happy with yourself. Do what you need to do to make money, but understand that YOU are the answer. Have a beer with some buddies from time to time, find a place to relax, get yourself moving whenever you start pondering "The Question"! (God, I hate that phrase...) Because, unfortunately, there is no Answer.
In case you're wondering, I'm working in the IT field at the moment, but I can still have fun from time to time. Life is not just fun times, anyway, it's difficulty and stress thrown in there as well. To tell the truth, I think I'd feel a bit strange if it was any other way.
The major difference, I think, between those people who are satisfied with their lives and those that aren't is a matter of personal philosophy and personality. Sometimes it's a good idea to hang around with coworkers who seem to "have it all together", not only to see that it can be done, but also to realize the humanity of these so-called "gods".
We're all in this game of life together. I, for my part, intend to have a good time ;)
Of course, if you read The Millionaire Next Door you will see that the authors of that book define rich in a "better" way IMHO - they define it as the amount of time one could sustain one's style of living without any income source. So, if the dude who makes $200k a year blows $195 a year on stuff, then he is quite poor, actually.
I could not justify my existence if I were a turkey farmer. Would I terminate myself? Undoubtably, yes.
Patience. "Lord Bitman", a 15-year old's internet moniker if I ever heard one, will probably look back on this conversation and cringe himself one day, if he remembers it.
liberals are in charge of the media and entertainment industry, thus your argument is flawed when you say the more tv your friend watched, the more in favor he was.
If anything, actresses and media outlets such as cnn cast war on iraq in negative light.
You would know this if you actually watched TV.
How did this get moderated up to 5? It's not a career advice book. Jeesus, RTFB.
It's a journalistic exploration of the experience of people who have had interesting relationships to their careers. It is a book about interesting questions, it's not a book about answers. As to whether it does a good job at that is one thing.
-*- Any technology indistinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced -*-
because I really like it.
My wife has to drag me away from the computer most nights.
What about those of us in the tech industry who do it because we really like it, and the money and perks are just a side benefit?
It sounds like everyone in the high tech industry is doing something they hate for a few extra bucks.
"Seems like all the best programmers we've hired are also musicians."
:-D
Very true. We used to joke here where I work about how we generally didn't hire programmers to program. It basicaly went like "we've got a film-maker (physicist), a poet (physicist), a jazz musician (mathematician), a DJ (english major), and one computer science guy". And that was pretty much true... forget the fact that the two physicists and the mathematician really had been trained in CS, as well, it makes a better story that way.
The point is, though, that outside of a very corporate, dilbertesque world, the quality of the person makes a much bigger difference than his/her specific training. Programming languages and systems can be learned, but intelligence, creativity and passion really can't.
:Wq
Not an editor command: Wq
FWIW, I've been doing that for the last 11 years, and I've decided it's got to end. It's a schizophrenic existence, and I find, because my "hobbies" also require a high level of commitment and administrative/management skill, that there is a tug-of-war between them for my energy. I can only put up with so much administrative bullshit in a day, which is going to get it: my job or my volunteer work?
I find I'm mentally in a place where I want my life to "hang together" better. I don't want to have to shift so much between work-mode and play-mode.
And this is part of the value of the book under discussion: it talks about the difference between expecting your job to be fun or entertaining (on one hand) and expecting your job to be satisfying and meaningful (on the other).
I'm not looking for a job that's "fun", but I need to do work the value of which is not solely in that it funds things which are of value to me. I need, increasingly, my work to feel like it makes a positive contribution to my community/world.
To bring this home a little: I'm a web dev. I've worked on a lot of corporate brochure-ware web sites. I feel proud of the quality of my work, and the value I gave for the money I way paid -- as a good craftsman will. But that's not enough any more. I now do web dev for a edu non-profit, which is better, I suppose, but also still not enough.
-*- Any technology indistinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced -*-
Wait a minute. I'm a laid-off programmer, broke, and can't find a full-time (or part-time/contract) work programming. But I am NOT depressed. In fact, I love it. Getting out of the cubical was just wat I needed.
I still write software...but it's software *I* want to write. I also go skiing, rock climbing, running.
I took me getting laid off to see what was important in my life. Bleeding into someone else's cup was NOT my thing.
Your career does NOT define you as a person. The sooner you learn that, the sooner you'll get out of your funk.
Best of luck.
"You drank the Cool-Aid and woke up in someone else's clothes."
-- Mark Twight
Yeah, these make great soundbites, the stories of people who spend years foolishly getting rich on lucrative but unsatisfying jobs and eventually decide to cash in and do something moer worthwhile. What annoys me, though, is that Bronson and the media following his story seem to have no interest in those of us who never went astray in the first place. Bronson rhapsodizes over a disillusioned investment banker who "downsizes" by buying eighty acres of farmland - how many people who've spent their lives as, say, teachers or writers can afford that? And what happened to the family farmer who used to own that land - d'ya suppose maybe he lost it to a BANKER somewhere along the line?
And then there's Bronson's trucker who quit the venal, awful music law business to spend more time with his kid...well, good for him, but I know dozens of actual creative musicians who had to ditch their dreams because of venal, awful music lawyers like the trucker admits he used to be. Many of them would LOVE to be able to afford the tuition to go to trucker school.
I'm all in favor of people reconsidering their values, and it's never too late to turn around. But the homeless shelter where I live is full of unemployed teachers, professors, network administrators, graphic designers who followed their consciences all their lives. So my admiration for people who waste half their lives getting rich enough to finally do something REAL is, shall we say, limited.
If you think that having all that claptrap in the first place makes someone lucky, then of course you don't get it. If you beleive that being wealthy means that you have a good life, then no wonder you don't have sympathy for people in that situation. Besides which, if you think that living on $50K (gross) requires "survival skills," you're in the same absurdly wealthy class as those earning $200K, relative to that 99.999% of humanity you talk about.
Let me tell you something. Money ain't shit. Once you've got enough for food, shelter and education, there's no correlation between having more and being happier. Really. None. There are two obvious conclusions to be drawn from this:
If you're awake the lesson of this book isn't "The wealthy occasionally choose to be a little less wealthy. How noble." but "Sometimes people realize that money isn't making them happy. Once you get this, you can spend your like taking care of yourself instead of chasing the Almighty Dollar."
Look at it this way: Maybe the reason you hear about whiny rich people chucking it all to "find themselves" is because they needed to have wealth before they could stop and look at it and realize that it wasn't worth going for after all. As long as you think that you're not wealthy enough yet, you can maintain the illusion that maybe the next dollar will be the one to make you happy. Someone (like you) can look at those who have $200K and figure "Hey, they must have it good. I'm jealous."
Now, you've got three choices as I see it. You can live the rest of your life not making $200K/year, but being jealous of those who do. That's just pathetic. Or, you can figure out what you have to do to make $200K/year yourself. That's a waste of your life, but at least you're not stewing with impotent envy. Or, you can realize now that having that kind of money isn't worth anything, take pity on people who've wasted their precious life on aquiring it, and put your life into something worthwhile. What'll it be?
Life is full of sorrow, hardships and eventually death. Be sure to understand that everyday so that you may appreciate life as it is, a flower, a hug, a friendly word.