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Advice You Would Give to Your 12 Year-Old Self?
urbazewski asks: "If you could send a message back to your nerdy
unpopular 12 year old self, what would you say? I've been asking this one for several years, and the replies sound suspiciously like the lame advice I got from adults at that age ('just be yourself, dear'). The most creative answer was from an American-born Buddhist monk, who didn't think his 12 year old self would
listen to a message along the lines of 'Hey, what you're doing is kind of making things suck for me right now' --- he would send
a message to himself by adding extra lyrics to a song he really liked when he was in junior high school. I got the best replies from a large class at
UC Santa Cruz. The modal answer was 'Buy Microsoft.' About 7% of the class said 'Enjoy yourself in high school because college is really hard.' Another 7% said "Study harder in high school because college is really hard.' (The
best variant on that theme: 'Try to figure out what "studying" is'). In the hindsight-is-20/20 dept. there was a girl who said 'Do not date the
following people...' and then listed six names and a guy who said 'You know how you're thinking about trying to drive your dad's car? Don't!.' My personal favorite: 'You're a dork now, but don't worry, you'll be cool when
you're in college.'"
Start saving. Now. Put 15-20% of every penny your earn in the bank (or IRA, or other investments). You'll be debt free and have enough to retire on by the time you're 45.
Sadly, I don't have a time machine, so I'm on the "work until I'm 65" route.
-S
--- What parts of "shall make no law", "shall not be infringed", and "shall not be violated" don't you understand?
"Just do it. You know the smart thing to do and say, don't hold back."
and: "Next Thursdays winning lotto numbers are:..."
-Matt
--- Need web hosting?
1. Get in shape - I started lifting weights too late in life and ended up hurting myself.
2. Invest in Intel, Microsoft, Apple and Cisco - 100 bucks in each company
3. Learn spanish
4. When you have that desire to drive 120 mph out on Highway 212 - don't, there might be a South Dakota Highway Patrolman there in the dark
5. Take more math classes
6. Take more automotive, welding and shop classes
7. Work to get out of high school in 3 years.
8. Girls come and go, don't get to wound up in a 17 year old chick
9. Don't buy a bunch of tapes or CDs now, Napster will come along someday
You shouldn't worry about what you could have done differently in the past. If you could send yourself a message and actually change something, there would be a whole new branch of problem and mistakes that you would most likely want to change again, and again... and again.
If you don't like something about yourself, don't fret over it. Change it starting now.
(actually, this is to my 16-year-old self)
In many ways 12 is too young - the best advice in the world is worthless if you don't have the ability to do anything about it.
But a few years later, I have some advice that I would give to my younger self - and that I'm still trying to follow past 40:
1. it's far better to regret things that you've done than things that you didn't risk. (Okay, maybe this isn't the best advice for a teenager...)
2. your PE teacher is an idiot, but time spent on physical fitness is not wasted. Get to the gym. Lift weights. Run. You'll get back the time spent today in increased productivity for years to come.
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. -- H L Mencken
That kind of falls into what what I would tell myself:
"This is going to scare the shit out of you, and you'll probably think I'm the devil himself for telling you this, but EVERYTHING your parents ever tell you to do or not do is dead on the money. Your problems are not completely unique, and your parents have been there and know the easiest way out. ALWAYS take their advice. You've gotta make your own mistakes, but you can avoid the truly bibilical fuck ups if you just listen to your folks."
I can still remember the day this thought occured to me. I think I shuddered, fell out of my car, and went trembling into the fetal position.
Finally, math books without any of that base 6 crap in them.
Ha! I can't tell you how many times I regret having sex with someone. The problem is that when I do turn it down (or not take the opportunity) I always regret that.
Now that's a paradox for you
What do you think you'd like your future self to tell you now?
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While I agree with this advice in many cases, there is one little annoyance with the advice:
:)
Until the thought occurs to you independently, you won't believe it anyway.
It's wonderful to be one of those people that learns from other people mistakes, rather than taking the time to make them all yourself... but some things you seem to have to just figure out on your own.
My advice would generally be more "do things" rather than "avoid things". Oh, and don't worry about looking stupid and feeling self-conscious, do it anyway.
This is my sig. There are many like it but this one is... Oops. Frank, I've got your sig again! Where's mine?
Well, they're going to college too, on sports "scholarships". Get used to the idea now and when you get there you can skip the disappointment phase and enjoy your freshman year a lot more.
If you do that you'll discover that college professors ( at least the good ones) aren't authority figures. They're actually *teachers,* and are quite willing to be your friend as well. Even when things get rocky. Find the good ones and cultivate them.
You aren't really socially inept. You've matured early. This puts you about 20 to 30 years ahead of the curve. When you hit 40 or so people will suddenly think you're "cool" not because of any change in you, but because they've finally caught up. So don't sweat not fitting in with people who are, essentially, still savages.
KFG
Learn to love who you are.
If you are comfortable with yourself then you can be comfortable with other people.
Treat yourself and others with respect.
If you are comfortable with other people they will realize that you have it together and they will treat you with respect. People pick up easily on how others expect them to act... if you expect people to treat you with respect, chances are they will.
Those that lose your respect, ignore. Not in the sense that you pretend they don't exist, just don't waste energy dealing with them. You have much better things to do with your time than be mad at other people. It usually doesn't accomplish anything except to raise your blood pressure and give you ulcers and heart attacks.
Angry people are too focused on what is wrong and miss out on many things that are good. Don't be angry. If you need to work out some agression then get some exercise and think happy thoughts.
If you make someones day better there is a good chance that they will make somebody elses day better and the world will get better bit by bit. If you go around making other people's days worse then eventually the whole world will be filled with angry people.
One person can make a difference.
42 - So long and thanks for all the fish.
I know its easy to go the "+1 Funny" route here and tell everyone to get ready to jerk off a lot and buy stock in [some company that will explode with profits], but after thinking about this for awhile, I've deduced my advice to a sentence:
Don't take shit.
My life from 12-17 generally consisted of me putting up with bullying, putting up with being put down, putting up with people who had no business trying to tell me what to do, and even when they had that right, they did it all the wrong way. A little standing up for yourself goes a long way.
What would I tell myself? When that bully picks on you, punch him in the face as hard as you can. Go Ender on him--don't stop until they pull you off of him. I guarantee that he'll never try it again, yet this amazing fact eluded me, and I just assumed that no matter what I did, and that included fighting back, that I would be stuck in my little hole of miserableness forever.
Don't let your boss walk all over you. When I entered the "corporate world," also known as the Full Time Job, my little "Computer Operator" job got me nothing but headaches and more miserableness. Just when I thought I had escaped the clutches of bullies and put downs, here comes Office Politics to screw it all up again. Suddenly my boss would take credit for all my work and leave me hung out to dry when I made a mistake, holding myself up to the whole place as an example of How To Screw Up Rightly. The more I think about it, the more it hurts in the futility of it all.
Did I ever finally grow some gumption and let it fly? Sure. But it was far too late. The damage had been done, and this fantastic article rang so true my ears are still ringing. I told off my old boss, let the higher ups know what was going on, and moved on to greener pastures. I settled down, found a wonderful wife and now have a gorgeous 8 month old daughter who I value more than my own life. And I'll be sure to let her know, when she turns 12, that life isn't about the microcosm of high school, or the inmates, er, students in it.
My greatest hope would be that my 12 year old self would be, at the very least, left alone. And that's more than most depressed, repressed teenagers get.
1) Everyone has been, and will keep telling you, to turn the other cheek.
Everyone is full of shit.
Trust yourself and stand up for yourself--even if it gets you in trouble. Nobody else cares more about your life than they do about their own. Challenge everything, especially those who challenge you.
2) Don't be afraid to piss people off.
Not everyone understands the same concepts of right and wrong that you do; not everyone shares your goals or respects your rights to them. If you wait for handouts, you get leftovers; if you wait for respect, you get pity. Trust your heart to tell you what you want, and don't let other people's agendas impede your progress (this includes your family) (see #1).
3) Everyone is bluffing. Nobody is really as cool or put-together or powerful as you think they are--or at the very least, you are a match for them. Never question your ability to compete.
4) You should bluff, too. Act like you have a right to what you want, and people will believe you (most people don't realize #3). And if someone tries to call your bluff, never back down. Herein lies the power to do and be whatever you want in life. Try it, it works.
5) Your parents are lousy role models or I wouldn't have to be telling you these things. You're going to have to go outside of your family to find the inspiration and support you need to be successful in life.
Also buy Compaq and Cisco. No, none of these companies exist yet, but watch for them. And plastics, don't forget plastics; Dow, DuPont, 3M, and Monsanto exist now. Starve if you have to. Re-invest the interest. [Hey, everybody gives this advice because it's good advice.]
*sigh* Ask Dad.
We have great parents, by the way. Listen to what they say. Be nice to them. Don't stop hugging them, ever, or you'll forget how.
You oblivious dork, Dad has a stack of Playboys, somewhere. Find them. One or two off the bottom, now and then, won't be noticed, or at least admitted to. Don't dink around with the National Geographics; go for the gold.
Anything that seems at all cool now, books, magazines, comics, toys, whatever, buy one to use and one to save. Don't even take the saved one out of the box or wrapper.
No, the Playboys aren't worth saving. Dispose of them discreetly, or give them back. Unwrinkled, untorn, certainly unstained.
You're a goof. Goof is good, folks like being entertained, but avoid weird.
Those cool books in the school library about chemistry magic with all the fireworks recipes? Steal them now. (One at a time, and leave another, similar book from Adam's Used Books on the table so you won't be noticed.) The librarians will throw them out within three years anyway, to keep them out of the hands of budding revolutionaries. Don't make a habit of this, but those three are worth the risk and guilt, and you will use them for good, not evil.
That stupid idea about using computers for animation? Not stupid.
But learn to draw first. You actually have a talent for it. Draw at least one picture every day. Start today.
History is cool.
Your textbooks are gap-filled, error-ridden and often lie outright; embarrass your teachers.
Hey, George Washington grew pot! The Constitution is written on hemp paper! Honest! Look it up!
Never, ever, stand by and let someone else get hazed or belittled.
Hit bullies back. Hard.
Learn to shoot.
Dump the dorky book bag and get a good briefcase.
Dump the slide rule; it will be utterly obsolete by the time you really need it. No, I swear. See the notes above about collectibles.
Dump the cheap polyester pants and shirts too. Admit it, you do know what looks good. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Get a haircut. Carry a comb. Your hair will never be neat, but you can keep it from getting all ratty and tangled.
Read the top of the mayonaise jar: KEEP COOL BUT DON'T FREEZE. Nevertheless:
Be bold with girls.
Know what color her eyes are before you speak to her the first time. Occasionally, drop a hint that shows you are paying attention: a favorite color, a favorite flower, a favorite song. No, don't make them yours. Just be sure she knows you are noticing hers. This will be hard for you, I know. Practice casually, so that you will be ready when you meet HER.
When you touch her, be certain that when she looks at you, you are staring straight into her eyes. Mean it. Don't flinch.
These can't be your only tricks. Think of others. And they're not tricks. Once again, mean it.
Never blame on malice what can be attributed to stupidity.
Take risks in public, but think them through and practice privately first, if possible. For really risky stuff, have a trusted buddy standing by when you practice.
When you are the trusted buddy, and things go badly, stick it out, stand by your man, take your lumps along with his.
Above all, remember: EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES. HORRIBLE ONES. They are too wrapped up in their own to worry much about yours. You are free.
In the wrong hands, sanity is a dangerous weapon.