Anger as a Software Design Philosophy

Chilliwilli writes "Spending more time cursing your code than writing it? Well now there's an answer. feckfeck (a language in the vein of Whitespace and Brainf*ck) will help you get back that precious time by converting your foul words into code. You've heard the hype surrounding VLIWs, well here are FLIWs (4 letter instruction words). The great thing is the more angry you get the more code you'll write. For those programmers on performance related pay this is great news."

Comments

Not a new concept...

[TWX_the_Linux_Zealot]

Wasn't this pioneered years ago when the UNIX file system checking command was created?

Re:Not a new concept...

[Pharmboy]

1. Hire people with Turretts Syndrome.
2. Install copies of Via Voice
3. ?????
4. Profit!

Re:Not a new concept...

[ralphclark]

gawk; talk; date; wine; grep;
touch; unzip; strip; touch; gasp; finger; gasp; mount; fsck; more; yes; fsck; gasp; eject;
umount;
make clean; make mrproper;
sleep

Anger as a Software Design Philosophy?

[VitrosChemistryAnaly]

Yeah well, fuck that!

Re:Anger as a Software Design Philosophy?

[k-0s]

You just made a word processing program, congratulations.

angry

[Anonymous Coward]

I'd be angry too if I had to use X-Windows all day ::sigh::

Give me a real gui any day :(

one language for all!

[Devil's BSD]

well, as they say... the one language all programmers know is profanity.

It's over already Michael!

[MoeMoe]

Didn't anyone tell michael that april fools is over already? ;)

I can do that with plain sh...

[Juiblex]

unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck;

more;yes;fsck;fsck;fsck;umount;sleep

gawk; talk; date; wine; grep; touch; unzip; touch; gasp; finger...

Re:I can do that with plain sh...

[CoolVibe]

You might wanna change the semicolons to double ampersands. If somehow some process returns something other than 0, you won't risk sexual harrassment. With double ampersands, you break off before you get slapped with a restraining order.

Just so you know :)

Re:I can do that with plain sh...

[Anonymous Coward]

talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;talk;

Re:I can do that with plain sh...

[iabervon]

It doesn't matter how many times you fsck, if you mount first, you won't get a clean system. It would be much safer to modprobe or hotplug instead...

Oh, right, and don't forget to "wait" to make sure all of the children have exited first, or you won't be able to umount, which can be very embarrassing.

So....

[slashmonkey]

Is the censored version of this the same as whitespace?

I wonder what will happen

[Treeluvinhippy]

If i take an erotic novel in txt format and grep it against a list of f*ckf*ck reserved words and run that as a program?

A bit limited surely...

[panurge]

Turing complete it may be, but why the limitation to 4 letter words and bytes? With 64 bits in the offing, we need a bigger version of this language to cope with the cursing that will surely result. There is no shortage of suitable tokens, after all. BMF, FOAD... if it's true that the needs of pornography drive the internet, it would be nice to have a 64-bit web server whose source code was itself pornographic. I'm releasing the concept under a license which says that all resulting code must be GPLed.

Re:A bit limited surely...

[goodchef]

it would be nice to have a 64-bit web server whose source code was itself pornographic. I'm releasing the concept under a license which says that all resulting code must be GPLed.

A better idea would be to release it under a licence which says that all resulting code must be GPLed AND pornographic. This would result not only in more free-as-in-Stallman code, but also more porn! And porn that you have a legitimate reason for looking at at work!

FLIW

[Seahawk]

I would have guessed that FLIW was for Fucking Long Instruction Words...

What the heck?

[smasch]

It's missing s**t?! Isn't that one on the short list of four letter expletives? I mean, they've got "boob", "shag", and "tits"; how could they forget "shit"?

Re:What the heck?

[Anonymous Coward]

Actually, I think the designer is saving that for their version with debugging support. Want to abort and generate a core dump?

SHIT!!!!!

Re:What the heck?

[jkitchel]

maybe they should have hit up george carlin's list of words you can't say on tv. i'm sure it would have helped.

Damn!

[Trurl's Machine]

Now I know why software availability is so poor on Mac or Linux, compared to Wintel. Wintel users curse their machines and their software waaaaaaay more often than those Linux or Mac weirdos.

Now ..

[ethnocidal]

.. if only you could get a girl to parse sh.

Re:FIRST FUCKING POST YOU SHITHEADS

[Dthoma]

Somewhere round about the 38th 'fuck' you accidentally ran over the bounds of the buffer you defined with "ass my suck" - that could cause a segfault, you know. I recommend changing that 'fuck' and all subsequent 'fuck's to 'shit's.

compile it!

[Anonymous Coward]

The post actually compiles and runs as a lightweight ftp client.

Cool!

[Anonymous Coward]

Does this mean that the typical response to a BSOD will self-correct Windows?

Ooh, new job opportunities!

[CoolVibe]

I gather programmers with Tourette syndrome are ULTRA productive in this language.

So, where do I hire them? :)

Re:Ooh, new job opportunities!

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes, especially if they follow XP... that is, Xpletive Programming.

Oh, that one's far easier

[ethnocidal]

strip unzip fcsk sleep

Re:Oh, that one's far easier

[Anonymous Coward]

Or, for the married programmer:

sleep

Re:Oh, that one's far easier

[karma78ready]

talk; talk; finger; talk; talk; wine; finger; yes; finger; yes; wine; talk; strip; fsck; more; fsck; more; fsck; wine; fsck; sleep; touch; finger; fsck; more; more; more;

woo hoo!

[zephc]

So i can finally ass titty piss take advantage of cock lick my Turrets syndrome shit pussy pussy SUCK.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Source Code

[miketang16]

fuck shit arse boob tits

What the fuck did I just write??

Shit it's gonna parse the fuck....agh.. nevermind....

Re:Source Code

[soccerisgod]

You just authored the successor of Windows XP.

Hello f@cking world!!!

[ahkbarr]

Finally, a way for my grandma to get into computers!

Seriously, could the F word be any more versatile? It can already compose an entire sentence, now you can tell a computer to go f@ck itself and it's useful!

I've got a secret...anyone else do this?

[release7]

When I get really frustrated when a program is not behaving just like I designed it to, I often sprinkle my printf/System.out.print/print statements with very foul language. Witness:

printf("What the f***!"); printf("SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII* %d", variable);

OK, fess up, who else does this?

Re:I've got a secret...anyone else do this?

[Anonymous Coward]

Nobody else does this, because we actually take care about our code.

Come back to the world of real programmers when you've grown up, you shit-munching fuckwit.

Re:I've got a secret...anyone else do this?

[GNUman]

At school I was developing a web-based system to register cars getting into the parking lot.

I was amusing myself by using foul language in all the error messages:
"Yeah, f*cking right... can't register it without a f*cking name you piece of sh*t, isn't it obvious?"

"You f*cking ass**le, you didn't put in the license plate number... geez, you're an idiot!"

And so on...

Funny part was, I was heading to make my presentation to the people who were gonna run it... and 15 minutes earlier I remembered I hadn't taken the messages out... had to grep like crazy every curse word I knew... because I didn't remember all the places I had placed them in.

I managed, but I was really nervous that I had missed some and the Physical Plant director could see the program cursing at him when he made a mistake.

Re:I couldn't agree more

[fdawg]

They should be even more greatful for working for an employer with such admireable linguistic skills. I've never seen anyone use spelling and grammer as well as you. Lets hope they know how good they have it. Let me know if you are hiring; I hear the hooked on phonix guy is available.

Not the 8 I would have chosen..

[XaXXon]

I don't even know what some of those are.. and some of them definitely aren't profane. If I can say them in public and not get strange looks, I don't consider them to be that exciting..

Arse? Shag? Boob? WTF? Those aren't anything in my book. You can easily say any of them on broadcast TV in the US.

fuck
shit
cock
cunt
tits
dick
dyke
damn

Anyways, if you're going to come up with a bad word language do it right. Not saying these are the best, but they're much more fun words than the ones in the actual language specification.

nice listing of words people tell you shouldn't use...

Shame on you /. Time for a lesson in etiquette..

[graveyhead]

There are times when you get suckered in
By drugs and alchohol and sex with women-mmkay
But its when you do these things too much
That you've become an addict and must get back in touch
You can do it Its all up to you-mmkay
With a little plan you can change your life today
You dont have to spend your life addicted to smack
Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for crack
Follow my plan and very soon you will say, its easy mmkay
Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns
hole"
Step 2: Instead of shit say poo, as in "bull poo", "poo head" and this
"poo is cold"
Step 3: With bitch drop the t cuz bich is latin for generosity
Step 4: Dont say fuck any more cuz fuck is the worst word that you
can say
So just use the word mmkay!
Children: We can do it its all up to us-mmkay (mmkay)
With a little plan we can change our lives today
Mr, Mackey: you can change it today
Everyone: We don't have to spend our lives shootin up in the trash
Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for cash
Follow this plan and very soon you will say
Its easy mmkay!
Mr. Mackey: Step 1
Children: Instead of ass say buns, like kiss my buns or you're a buns hole
Mr. Mackey: Step 2
Children: Instead of shit say poo, as in bull poo, poo head and this poo is
cold
Mr. Mackey: Step 3
Children: With bitch drop the t cuz bich is latin for generosity
Mr. Mackey: Step 4
Children: Dont say fuck any more
Everyone: Cuz fuck is the worst word that you can say
Children: Fuck is the worst word that you can say
We shouldn't say fuck, no we shouldn't say fuck, fuck nooooo!!!
Mr. Mackey: Your cured, you can go!
Everyone: We don't have to spend our lives shootin up in the trash
Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for cash
Follow this plan and very soon you will saaay
Its easy mmkay!
Children: It's easy mmkay!
Mr. Mackey: It's easy mmkay!
Children: It's easy mmkay!
Mr. Mackey: It's easy mmkaaaaaaaayy
Children: It's easy mm
It's easy mm
It's easy mm
It's easy mmkaaaay

George Carlin

[adam613]

There are only 7 words you can't say on the radio (in the US at least). That isn't enough to reimplement brainfuck.

Languages.

[rice_burners_suck]

There is only one true programming language... INTERCAL!!!

All other languages, including but not limited to C, Objective C, FORTRAN, C++, Java, COBOL, C#, Pascal, BASIC, and all other languages, compiled or interpreted, now known or later developed, shall bow before the majesty of INTERCAL, the One True Programming Language.

Bow before me for my operating system and all the programs that run on top of it are written entirely in INTERCAL, the master of all programming languages.

If you agree with me, go HERE to sign a petition to the federal government to illegalize all programming languages except INTERCAL. If you disagree with me, hear now and hear well: Real Programmers (tm) use INTERCAL.

INTERCAL is a registered trademark of Compiler Language With No Pronounceable Acronym Company, Incorporated.

the classic sh command line

[dollargonzo]

unzip fly; touch penis; make love; man woman

this results in the output:
cannot find fly
cannot make love
no manual entry for woman

.NET

[xYoni69x]

I can't wait for the .NET version! :D

shit.dispose();