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Caldera vs. Microsoft Court Documents To Be Shredded

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the conspiracy-theory-much dept.

Geste writes "As now being reported in this brief story and on my local (Seattle) NPR affiliate, 3 million court documents from Caldera's unfair competition suit against Microsoft are to be shredded in Utah. The timing relative to Microsoft's recent licensing of SCO Unix IP is undoubtedly a complete coincidence. "

22 of 214 comments (clear)

  1. Toilet paper... by ryants · · Score: 5, Funny
    The company that is storing the reams of documents from the Microsoft case has been hired to shred the papers -- then they'll be made into toilet paper.
    This joke practically writes itself.
    --

    Ryan T. Sammartino
    "Ancora imparo"

    1. Re:Toilet paper... by jared_hanson · · Score: 5, Funny

      In related new, Microsoft has just announced that they are resuming the iLoo project.

      --
      -- Fighting mediocrity one bad post at a time.
    2. Re:Toilet paper... by loquitus · · Score: 4, Funny

      Is this paper going to be proprietary, only for use in MS-created iLoo toilets? How will they ensure compliance and introduce incompability for those of us who try to use "non-standard" products?

    3. Re:Toilet paper... by toxcspdrmn · · Score: 5, Funny

      Hi! I'm the Orifice Assistant.

      You appear to be trying to wipe your bum...

      --
      "E pur si muove!" - attributed to Galileo Galilei, 1564-1642
    4. Re:Toilet paper... by darkov · · Score: 4, Funny

      Hi! I'm the Orifice Assistant.

      Please, no more shitty Microsoft software.

      --
      Reliable, Great Value Hosting: $7.95/mo 2.4G/120G
    5. Re:Toilet paper... by unitron · · Score: 4, Funny

      You have to admit that the iLoo gives a whole new meaning to "Where do you want to go today".

      --

      I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.

    6. Re:Toilet paper... by yawble · · Score: 5, Funny

      Hi, I'm just some asshole, and I'd like this to get modded up to a +5 just to continue this amazing trend.

  2. How ironic... by VCAGuy · · Score: 4, Funny

    Most of it is then made into toilet paper.

    How ironic indeed...any word on which manufacturer will get the pulp (I want to get me some of that!)

    --
    Q: "Why do sound techs say 'check 1, 2'?"
    A: "Cause if they could count any higher they'd be lighting techs."
    1. Re:How ironic... by commodoresloat · · Score: 5, Funny

      Why? Do you really want that stuff up your ass? Don't MS products already cause enough pain in that region as it is?

    2. Re:How ironic... by molarmass192 · · Score: 4, Funny

      Get to slam MS ***and*** SCO in one wipe!!!

      --

      Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws-Plato
  3. Now I'll wonder... by jdray · · Score: 5, Funny

    Now I'll wonder, every time I use the john, if this piece of paper once made Microsoft embrace Unix...

    (okay, so I'm stretching things just a little)

    --
    The Spoon
    Updated 6/28/2011
    1. Re:Now I'll wonder... by teamhasnoi · · Score: 4, Funny
      Now I'll wonder, every time I use the john, if this piece of paper once made Microsoft embrace Unix...

      (okay, so I'm stretching things just a little)

      Don't wipe so hard.

  4. Ollie North by Shadow+Wrought · · Score: 4, Funny

    And just this morning I was asking myself, what's Fawn Hall up to these days?

    --
    If brevity is the soul of wit, then how does one explain Twitter?
  5. Well... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    it should make for a more comfortable wiping experience than the Windows 95 cd I currently use. Not as satisfying though.

  6. I'm in Utah, and I won't use it by dragoncortez · · Score: 4, Funny

    How will I know if I'm buying microsoft toilet-paper? I'll just feel it in my bones. This is why I've been reading /. for so long, so that I can just feel that sort of thing. Also, if I have to sign a EULA or something before using it, I'll know.
    Plus, I'm just going to use the single-ply sheets that look like normal paper- not the double-ply, flowery, squishy toilet-paper that I'm sure will have come from microsoft. Just something to get the job done, and something that won't break. That's what I need.

    --
    Making stupid comments so you don't have to.
    1. Re:I'm in Utah, and I won't use it by realdpk · · Score: 3, Funny

      Hint: If you feel toilet paper in your bones, you're wiping too hard!

  7. Quite a sight... by unicron · · Score: 4, Funny

    It is scheduled to be the single most interesting thing that has EVER happened in Utah.

    --
    Finally, math books without any of that base 6 crap in them.
  8. Where's the Dupe? by Guppy06 · · Score: 3, Funny

    CmdrTaco posting an article first just doesn't feel right...

  9. Great... toilet paper... with an EULA by EmbeddedJanitor · · Score: 5, Funny
    This paper is licensed for use on one arse.... come on help me out /.

    --
    Engineering is the art of compromise.
  10. Potty Humor.... by Tsali · · Score: 3, Funny

    Most of it is then made into toilet paper ... so does the EULA fit on one-ply or two-ply? Do you have to break the seal by peeling the sheets apart?

    --
    This space for rent.
  11. Re:try READING the article by dcmeserve · · Score: 3, Funny

    > The 937 boxes of court-ordered documents
    > .

    Ok everyone, sing along:

    937 boxes of court-ordered documents on the wall,
    937 boxes of court-ordered documents!

    Take one down, shred it around,

    936 boxes of court-ordered documents on the wall!

    936 boxes of court-ordered documents on the wall,
    936 boxes of court-ordered documents!

    Take one down, ***AGGGMMMPHHPHHH*** [wad of toilet paper shoved in mouth]

    --
    "Orthodoxy is unconsciousness" - Orwell
  12. Send them here. by uberdave · · Score: 3, Funny

    They can store them at my house for a mere $500 a month.

    --
    "I'm not impatient. I just hate waiting." - My Dad