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Sperm Sorting Chip
Makarand writes "Microscopically narrow fluid streams running side by side barely mix - a phenomenon
put to use in a
new stamp size silicon chip for purifying sperm. This
technique could
find use in infertility clinics where centrifugal technqiues, which
can damage fragile sperm, are currently used to purify sperm. Semen and salt water
are dripped into etched lanes less than half a millimeter wide from opposite ends of the chip. When the lanes merge, the healthy and wriggly sperm swim into the salt water stream
and leave the dead and the disabled sperm behind."
And now I know that sperm is good for something. Before that it bothered me, since so far I have found no practical application to it.
I would like to request at this point, for the good of the community, that no one post any jokes on this thread.
"Every sperm is sacred Every sperm is great And if a sperm gets
wasted God gets quite irate'"
better a sperm dipping chip.
"Life is great; without it, you'd be dead." -Harmony Korine
When used in this context, isn't it really a cracker?
"When used in this context, isn't it really a cracker?"
From
hostingworks:
"An individual who attempts to gain unauthorised
access to a computer system. These individuals are often
malicious and have many means at their disposal for breaking
into a system. The term was coined ca. 1985 by hackers in
defence against journalistic misuse of "hacker". "
So I guess this chip has its own liquid cooling system.
ph34r teh p0w3r 0f th3 c0w
Not to troll here, but let's think about this.
It really doesn't matter what value you place on human life, nor if you are a believer in "God's Grand Design" or a steadfast evolutionist or anything in between... Nature is nature.
If you can't have children because you are naturally unable to, then maybe you're not supposed to have kids at all.
There are lots of babies born that aren't wanted by their parents. If you want a kid and are unable to have one "the natural way", why not consider adoption?
=Smidge=
does it run on linux?
-------
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think a little longer there, buddy.
phrases like supposed to give me the willies.
This technique could find use in infertility clinics where centrifugal technqiues, which can damage fragile sperm...
If centrifugal techniques can damage sperm cells, just imagine what a centrifuge will do to the rest of the guy undergoing the treatment! You'll never get me into one of those deathtraps!
How does it perform against Mergesort or Quicksort?
Would it be fair to say that this is "seminal research"?
Ron Paul 2012
If not puns do Sperm count?
Sorry about the writing. Robot fingers, you know? Cliff Steele in DOOM PATROL #23
Would it not be better to use a maze that they would have to traverse. Might be able to breed a better human if the sperm had to find it's way to the egg. Maybe with little ghosts that flash colors when you find a powerup.
Sorry about the writing. Robot fingers, you know? Cliff Steele in DOOM PATROL #23
Superefficient sperm chip processing
The sperm chip processor has been designed for unparalleled efficiency and performance. It can accomplish more tasks than Pentium processors in the same amount of time because of its short pipeline and the vector processing strengths of the Sperm Engine.
Short sperm pipeline
All processors complete their tasks in a series of steps or stages, referred to as the processor pipeline. These steps include fetching, decoding and storing sperm and executing instructions. And here's where the sperm chip processor demonstrates its overriding advantage over Pentium 4 a.k.a. "John Holmes" systems: The sperm chip was designed with a short "geeky-dick" pipeline, while the Pentium 4 processor has to cycle instructions through 20 inches. Because of its shorter geeky pipeline, the superefficient sperm chip accomplishes a task in 19,9 fewer inches than the Pentium 4.
Bubble economy
Additionally, this short processor pipeline enables the sperm chip to adapt quickly to changing conditions. Using a process called speculative operation, all advanced processors try to increase performance by anticipating what you'll require them to do next. A processor doesn't always guess correctly, of course and when it's wrong, it has to clear the pipeline and start over. These periods of time when no sperm is available for processing are called bubbles. Because the sperm chip pipeline is so short -- about one third the pipeline length of the Pentium 4 -- the chip recovers from bubbles and resumes processing sperm very quickly.
High Sperm
The sperm chip further improves its operating efficiency with a 128-bit vector processing unit aptly named the Sperm Engine. The Sperm Engine uses SIMS (single instruction multiple sperm) technology, which allows the application of a single instruction to multiple chunks of sperm at the same time to accelerate sperm processing. Geeks that use sperm processing -- and there are hundreds of them -- typically transform large sets of sperm as they watch nude pictures or play a porn video.
Attention clock-watchers
Thanks to the advantages of its short pipeline and Sperm Engine, the sperm chip can go head to head with a Pentium 4 that has a nominally faster clock speed and often accomplish ejaculation in the same amount of time. In fact, on some tasks of special interest to geeks, the sperm chip is significantly faster.
The cache advance
An efficient masturbation alone can't guarantee results with real-world woman. To achieve optimum goal - to get laid - the system architecture needs to provide fast access to the excuses -- and that's exactly how the sperm chip's unique cache memory architecture gives the sperm chip processor a significant advantage - even if the host is drunk.
When the lanes merge, the healthy and wriggly sperm swim into the salt water stream and leave the dead and the disabled sperm behind.
Yabbut what happens if you get one hat-wearing sperm that gets onto the ramp early and blocks all the others, left-turn signal blinking all the while?
I wonder if the scientists have noticed Homer sperm behavior under the microscope.
What would be cool is if this could be implanted inside the infertile man... then there would be no need for invertility clinics, just a relatively simple operation (unless it could be injected, in which case not even that would be needed).
I also wonder if the chip could be reversed... i.e, stops "able" sperm in it's tracks. This could be an interesting contraception method (and could be inserted in either a man or a woman, presumably)
AMD:
Sorts sperm fast and cheap. Has tendency to overheat and make little sperm omelets.
Intel:
Overpriced for the performance, but every American trusts Intel to sort their sperm. Only sorts one at a time, but does it really frequently; i believe the term is "HyperJizzing"
Amiga:
Sorts them slowly, the most incompatible, but goddamn if it doesn't do it with style.
Atari:
Ancient sperm-sorting technology. People use this when they want to relive the 80's while they sort their sperm.
Apple:
Only sorts gay sperm.
Hey Taco! Looks like you're using the "infinite monkeys and typewriters" scheme to generate Ask Slashdots again...
My ex-wife could have sorted them..
"ptooey.. that one's bitter.. hack.. that one's defective.. Mmmmmmmm... salty..."
Trolling is a art,
Memo to self: get outside more often.
Imagine a Beowolf cluster of.....
Oh fuck, look what you've gone and made me say.
When the lanes merge, the healthy and wriggly sperm swim into the salt water stream and leave the dead and the disabled sperm behind.
Does road rage occur at the cellular level?
Just imagine a beowulf cluster of these . . .
I seriously thought it said "Sperm sorting chimp".
Is there anything they can't train those monkeys to do?
Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands!
This is definately an improvement over the time tested method of sperm filtration used by many young (and old) male scientist:
The Sperm Filtering Fist.