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A Model End Vendor License Agreement
Teese writes "Low End Mac is presenting this article as a humor piece, but its vision of an End Vendor License Agreement seems to be pretty well thought out, and one that I wouldn't mind seeing in the real world."
Kinda has a ring to it, but is this practical? I don't see anything like this ever working, but maybe vendors could change the way their EULAs are written.
You should use AdiumX on your Mac.
So, the vendors have to agree to be bound by an agreement?
BUAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!
Pardon me...
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
End Vendor License Agreement
.mac and .NET. You must, however, continue to provide the services.
Please read the following and click on I AGREE before accepting my payment for your product.
It is the policy of the LOW END MAC USER GROUP that purchases made by members of the GROUP will only be made if the vendor of the DESIRED PRODUCT agrees to sign and approve the END VENDOR LICENSE AGREEMENT (EVLA), which you are now reading. This EVLA stipulates the following:
1. You (THE VENDOR, heretofore referred to as YOU) cannot sell my name, address, phone number, email address, social security number, model number, serial number, hair color, eye color, weight, height, or any other distinguishing characteristic without specific written permission not obtained through the use of a USER INTERFACE. Permission must be written, signed in ink, no facsimile allowed.
2. You cannot call my home, mail my home, or send email to my email address without my express permission. You must assume, by default, that permission is NOT given at registration.
3. All registration questions for your product must be written in the same format, so when choosing NO for one answer, NO is the default response for all answers.
4. Anything I make with my own computer is my property, and you cannot use if in any form.
5. Any software I install on my computer is my business, and you cannot collect information about the internal contents of my hard drive after I purchase your product.
6. You cannot require me to register a product more than once.
7. All ongoing, recurring registration expenses must be clearly explained at purchase, or I will not pay them. This includes fees for services such as
8. If I tell you that I do not want to register once, once should be enough. Do not ask me again. By clicking on AGREE, you agree never to ask me anything more than once.
9. If I attempt to quit a piece of software, YOU must make sure it does not ask me to verify that command more than once.
10. You must NEVER delete critical posts from your user bulletin boards. You may, however, clump them together.
[AGREE] [WE DONT WANT YOUR BUSINESS]
Violation of any of these conditions indicates your permission for me to stop payment on your product without returning same product, no questions asked.
I would so like that to be seen in the real world. I remember playing Nexus TK back in the day and the EULA was evil, basically said they could kill your account for no reason. Also, my yahoo junk account that I give out to websites when i sign up for stuff yesterday had zero bulk messages, today it had 62. I would kill to have this be real cause I dont want spam and I want to get back at evil compaines.
wtfsig?!11
From the Redmond, WA Garbage Dump: You agree that upon receiving my payment of $199.99 for xp, you will give full control over my computer to me. You agree not to force upgrades, backdoors, or internet explorer at me. You also agree that if my privacy or Fair Use Rights are violated in any way, shape, or form, I have the right to repeal my $199.99 and keep the software at no cost. Bill, please sign below: __________________________
FoundNews.com - get paid to blog.,
Not only is this a pretty neat idea that would be great for the consumer, but how nice would it also be to have a EULA that was about the same length? I don't know many people who can actually read an entire Microsoft EULA without going insane. Many good books are shorter than a Mircrosoft EULA.
those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. -isaac asimov
If the legal disclaimer leaves a bad taste in your mouth, you might prefer this one: (can you find the new ones from last time? Read carefully, and don't drink anything at the same time) DISCLAIMER (I MEAN IT): This program and documentation reflects the thoughts, opinions, ideas, and body odor of myself; it does not reflect the thoughts, opinions, ideas, and/or body odor of my company, my friends, my wife, my daughter, my fish, my roses, my dog, or my trash. All rights reserved, all lefts reserved. This software is subject to change without notice. Bits are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual software, running or hung, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Forget the dog, beware of owner. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Type hard, you are making five copies. This software is a void pointer to null where prohibited, protected, declared private, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Software is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied. User assumes all liabilities. Not liable for damages due to use or misuse or inability to understand. An equal opportunity electron employer. No shirt, no shoes, no software. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Falling bridge. London bridge is falling down, falling down, help, I've fallen and I can't get up. Quality may vary. Since software is hand-crafted, there will be slight differences in each object. If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. No Parking. No Standing. No Solicitors. No Spitting. No Kidding. Posted no Bills. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies please. Parental Advisory - explicit source code. No one under 17 admitted. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children. Limit one per family. No money down. No purchase necessary. Cache and carry. You do not need to be present to win. Some assembly and C++ required. Batteries not included. Action figures sold separately. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models are over 18 years of age. Available in fine shoe stores everywhere. Take a number please. Preservatives added to improve freshness. Safety goggles must be worn at all times. Hard hat area. Sealed for your protection. The buss stops here. Call before you dig. Add toner. Sanitized for your protection. Place stamp here. How about a nice game of chess? EXTERN use only. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use and consult your magic eight ball. Use only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures. Store in a cool dry place. Refrigerate after opening. Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes. Avoid contact with eyes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. If this software begins to smoke, run, do not walk, towards the nearest exit. Do not place near any magnetic source. Smoking this software may be hazardous to your health. Stop playing with that atomic pile. You are not in Kansas any more. I/O, I/O, its off to work I go. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the CIA. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. A proud sponsor of the local chapter of the old hackers home. Code used in this software was made from 100% recycled electrons. Prosecutors will be violated. No animals were used to test the runtime performance of this software. No extra salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If symptoms persist, delete yourself immediately. If you suspect an overloaded operator, destroy immediately. Constantly volatile when exposed to static pointers. The white zone is for passenger loading and unloading only. Do you like gladiator movies? Content's under press
"if you violate any of these terms we will stop payment" ... huh? What if they violate the EVLA 6 months after you buy the software? How can you stop payment then? You can't. You'd have to sue.
.. well it's sorta kinda like breaking into their house and stealing the money from their piggybank. Damn, I am a genius today.
I have a better idea. Make them agree that when you pay them, you are only giving them A LICENSE to use your money. You can revoke that license (i.e. get your money back) at any time, and for any reason. Would there be a failure of consideration (thus making the contract void for ya non-legal peeps)? No, due to time value of money. You get the money back, but not with interest. So they did get some consideration - the use of your money until you ask for it back.
Yeah, you'd still probably have to sue them to get them to quit pirating your money (violating the license agreement), but we can start a BSA type group to enforce such horrible, criminal violations on a large scale. I mean, come on.... taking a license to use someone's money and not giving the money back when the license is revoked is
Stupid people make stupid things profitable.
quit modding it funny... i'm serious. If I buy their software and only get a license to use it, then I'll give them a license to use my money. It's still my money (just like it's still their software). If we all agree that we will not buy any software unless they accept this condition, we'll make the world a better place. Birds will sing all day long. Chipmunks and pitbulls will play together.
Stupid people make stupid things profitable.
I trained my cat to click on them, but I rarely boot to anything but Linux so she's getting out of practice. Come to think of it, I don't think OS X and OS 9 even have entries in my bootloader.
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
We need a Better Business Bureau like association for EULA's. Where software companies can get their software certified and then being able to display a seal of approval on the packaging by having their EULA user friendly. There could be different levels of friendliness and reviews on software that didn't want to apply for certification.
I've actually heard of people doing something like this by writing on the back of a check something to the effect of "By endorsing or cashing this check, you agree to the following conditions...."
Not all the different from the $2-$5 checks that periodically come in the mail, which by cashing sign you up for some stupid, inanen service that nearly no one actually needs...
Libertarianism is rich wolves and poor sheep playing gambler's ruin for dinner.
Disclaimer to be used when purchasing software:
This check is fully warranted against physical defects and poor workmanship in its stationery. If the check is physically damaged, return it to me and I will replace or repair it at my discretion. No other warranty of any kind is made, neither expressed nor implied including, but not limited to, the implied warranties of Merchantability, Suitability for Purpose, and Validity of Currency. Any and all risk concerning the actual value of this check is assumed by you, the recipient. Even though I or my agents may have assured you of its worth, either verbally or in written communication, we may have had our fingers crossed, so don't come whimpering back to me if it bounces.
The money, if any, represented by this instrument remains my property. You are licensed to use it, however you are not allowed to copy the original check except for your personal records, nor are you permitted to give the money itself to anyone else. Neither may you allow any other person to use the money. Remember, you may have it in your possession, but it still belongs to me, and I'm going to call on you from time to time just to keep tabs on it.
This agreement supersedes all others between us, including the equally ridiculous one you have undoubtedly pasted on the back of your packaging, or concealed somewhere in the middle of it. The location of your version of this or any other covenant between us is irrelevant to its inapplicability here. Only this one pertains, and I really mean it. In fact, this one supersedes yours even though yours may say that it supersedes mine. Why, even if yours said it would supersede mine even if mine said it would supersede yours even if yours said... Oh well. You get the idea.
You may decline this agreement by returning the uncashed check to me within twenty-four hours. If you attempt to cash it, however, you have implicitly accepted these terms. You may also implicitly accept these terms by:
1) Calling my bank to inquire about the status of my account;
2) Thanking me at the conclusion of our business transaction;
3) Going to bed at the end of this or any other day; or
4) Using any toilet or rest room.
Please be advised that I have adopted a strict rubber-glue policy. Any nasty thing that your lawyers say bounces off of me and sticks back to you. Be further advised that you agree to pay my legal expenses if I decide to sue you for violating this agreement or for any other reason that might strike my fancy. Violations will be punishable by fine, imprisonment, death, any two of the above, or all three.
I've actually considered offering access to some of my software on that kind of basis. You give me the required amount when you start using it and get your money back when you stop using it but I get to collect interest on the money while it's in my hands. The software tracks digital money across different websites I made. You can buy/sell stuff in my EBay type site, buy stuff from me, play games, etc paying with digital money but can cash out if you want (but again with me keeping the interest). The main benefit would actually be that there would be far fewer fees involved (as PayPal, credit card processing, etc are somewhat expensive) and rather than charging fees to support the site I'd be able to just use the interest on the money I'm holding. Maybe a fee if you cashed out sooner than 60 days after buying the digital money.. to stop wanks from doing it 20 times a day.
At what price learning? At what cost wisdom? The price is a man's peace of mind, and the cost is his life.
This type of thing (what is mentioned in the article) would work, but only if a vast majority of consumers decided to join such a group. I say we find a way to protect the rights of everyone.
They don't let us see the EULA until after we purchase the product, so we don't have to let them to see the EVLA until after purchase either.
Just write up your own EVLA and mail it to them, remembering to include the following:
If you do not accept the terms of this agreement, you have 14 days to reimburse the purchase price plus sales taxes and the software product will be returned to you. Failure to return the money within 14 days indicates acceptance of the agreement, which supercedes all End User Licensing Agreements past, present or future.
Then if the manufacturer ever gets around to replying to you, tell them you are not responsible for returning the product; the store where you bought it will send them one. Or if the store contacts you, direct them to the manufacturer.
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There is inferior bacteria on the interior of your posterior.
Would this be possible? Feasible? Ok prolly not but still, it'd be cool.
11. You must never install software on my computer that hijacks other software, causing it to display popups or to add affiliate ids to purchases I make.
12. You must never install software on my computer that connects to a remote server, unless the software first obtains my permission to do so, and explains what information will be sent to the remote server.
It's a security drive. The well-known if programming construct is old-fashioned, and therefore a security risk. Instead, you are now required to do everything via polymorphism and virtual methods. That way the form doesn't matter, you see...
If you disagree, post your argument. (-1, Overrated) isn't your personal censorship tool for views you don't like.
In several Western countries, you cannot legally sign away your basic rights. It doesn't matter what the vendors put in a contract, EULA or any other document, how much you pay for it or what you have to sign. Those rights are yours, and a court will ignore any documentation that doesn't respect that.
This is why you find disclaimers in things like EULAs that if one part is found not to hold, the rest still does, etc. It's also why big businesses like Microsoft are terrified of a serious test case that might establish a precedent that EULAs have no legal weight because of the way they are set up. The net effect is that they rely on threats of legal action to get what the EULA would seek to secure for them, because it's the best chance they've got in most places and they know it.
This is not to say that you should flagrantly ignore things you know to be in an EULA unless you want to play dice with the courts. But you're pretty safe in ignoring any unreasonable conditions, because it's about a 110% certainty that they won't be legally enforceable anyway.
No, I'm not a lawyer, this isn't legal advice, and Slashdot is not the place for serious legal discussion. But use your common sense: no court is going to uphold something as manifestly unreasonable as a contract you supposedly agree to before you even have chance to read it. In fact, some places even have laws to the effect that if you can't reasonably be expected to understand a contract, you can't legally have entered into it. Not sure EULAs would fall within that, but it would be an interesting case...
If you disagree, post your argument. (-1, Overrated) isn't your personal censorship tool for views you don't like.
Aw crap, sorry about that; I forgot to put in the paragraph tags. My post should read:
n+1. Seeing that I paid for this software, I shall use it as I see fit. There are to be no restrictions on use.
n+2. I may reverse engineer anything I damn well please to make your product interact properly with another, or to get around your DRM restricting my legitimate use.
n+3. My desktop, quick launch bar, the top of my Start menu, my StartUp menu, my NT services, and the HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\Curr entVersion\Run key are sacred. Your installer will not put anything in any of these locations without my express permission, and by default it won't touch them.
n+4. I will choose exactly which icons are installed on my Start menu, and where. You are not to make yourself a program group (or FIVE in the case of Epson) and dump icons for your program, EULA, website, help file, and uninstaller in it. I'm tired of cleaning up after program installs.
n+5. Your EULA shall NOT change when I install bug fixes, ESPECIALLY security updates.
n+6. You may ask me to register, but I may choose not to and still receive all the benefits of your software.
n+7. Shrink-wrap licenses are hereby banned. Any EULA must be printed on the front of the box. If it doesn't fit in a reasonably-sized typeface, shorten it until it does.
n+8. Your uninstaller must work properly.
n+9. Ads are forbidden in paid-for software; spyware is forbidden in ALL software, including free downloads. If Ad-Aware catches anything after I install your software, you owe me $500, plus the cost of your software.
n+10. No crippleware. For instance, DVD-playing software must ignore user operation prohibition on DVDs, play DVDs from all regions, and be able to copy the DVD to the hard drive.
n+11. I may review your product either positively or negatively without asking permission.
n+12. DRM is hereby banned. It will be cracked anyway and cracked copies will be all over the Internet eventually, likely even before your software is released. Only the honest people will pay, DRM or not, but DRM hurts everyone.
Okay, that was long-winded, but I feel better now.
It's an operating system, not a religion.
I shall continue to use the software based on the rights granted to me by the fair use provisions and the first sale doctrine.
Should you desire to have the software returned, I am willing to sell my copy back, at the price I paid for it (plus $100 for shipping and handling), but only if you do not try impose any more terms and conditions on this return sale.
This offer is valid for a 7 days. If I do not hear from you in that time, you have implicitly and irrevocably accepted my purchase of the software, non-acceptance of your EULA, and my fair use rights to it.
Yours sincerely
...
P.S. non-disclaimer: Since you have not paid for me to sign a non-disclosure agreement, I reserve the right to publish what ever you send me.
In Murphy We Turst