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Square Enix Standalone TV Sword Mayhem

Posted by simoniker on from the hack-n-slash-n-hack-n-slash dept.

Sodakar writes "Square Enix announced today that they will be releasing the latest game in their popular Dragon Quest series in Japan on September 19th, for 6,980 yen (around $50). Not only are you required to swing a sword controller at the screen in order to defeat the enemy, the game doesn't require a console - the sword plugs directly into the TV via A/V cables. Here's some photos of the system, and the official news page. I'll be looking forward to a news blurb about some kid stabbing his TV."

41 comments

  1. New parenting nightmare by mhesseltine · · Score: 2, Funny

    Mom: Quit playing that game and go do your homework

    Kid (using sword attached to TV): n0 w4y! SuX0r! ph34r m3!! (Kid begins swinging sword violently at mother)

    Alternate scenario: mom grabs sword attached to TV and whips kid's monkey a$$ with it

    --
    Overrated / Underrated : Moderation :: Anonymous Coward : Posting
    1. Re:New parenting nightmare by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Is this really funny?

    2. Re:New parenting nightmare by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Yes

    3. Re:New parenting nightmare by Ty · · Score: 0

      Are you funny?

    4. Re:New parenting nightmare by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      No.

  2. And in related news... by TripleA · · Score: 1

    Joe McFat sues a local import company after breaking his own 100 pound right arm while attempting to swing a small plastic sword.

    1. Re:And in related news... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      no wonder you never get modded up, you are too stupid.

  3. Dragon Quest 8? by neostorm · · Score: 1

    When they say "latest in the series" I believe they're just referring to another game with the DQ label. This definitely isn't Dragon Quest 8...

    But still.... Cool!
    When are they going to come out with the real-life magic spells in place of the in game ones? Hey, it just makes it that much more immersive...

  4. Physical Limitations by Hellraisr · · Score: 1
    The player will be limited by how long he/she can hold that thing before his/her arm falls off.


    Plastic is not heavy but after about 20 minutes it will feel like it weights 200 lbs

  5. You call that a sword? by kherr · · Score: 1

    That's not a sword. Now this is a sword!

    1. Re:You call that a sword? by bad_fx · · Score: 2, Funny

      Hah! That's not a sword! This is a sword!!

    2. Re:You call that a sword? by psyco484 · · Score: 2, Funny
      "You call that a knife!? That's not a knife, this is a knife!"

      "That's not a knife! That's a spoon."

      "Oh, I see you've played knifey spoony before"

      --Like I really need to cite my source, if you don't know this one, get out...

    3. Re:You call that a sword? by th3space · · Score: 1

      "I see you've played Knifey-Spooney before!"

      *the above is a (possibly marred) simpsons quote...obligatory, of course.*

      --
      "How like you to drag your keyboard to a gun fight." - Aaron Bedard (BANE)
    4. Re:You call that a sword? by th3space · · Score: 1

      mod me down for not having read *all* posts first...stupid acting before thinking.

      --
      "How like you to drag your keyboard to a gun fight." - Aaron Bedard (BANE)
  6. Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs by ex_ottoyuhr · · Score: 1

    Anyone else having doubts about the collective sanity of a certain supposedly large and powerful company?

    Someone, please, for the sake of the last of my childhood memories, tell me that this is a hoax! First Lucas rapes the Star Wars franchise, then Link's head mushrooms to Charlie Brown proportions, now this! How will I ever play Chrono Trigger with a straight face again, after Square releases a gimmicky controller?

    Oh, wait a second, it's Dragon Quest. Just "Clueless-R-Us" Enix at its usual antics again.

    Now if only Square hadn't gotten so desperate as to merge with them...

    1. Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs by Alaric42 · · Score: 1

      Clueless or not, if you make a title that can sell 3 or 4 million in a week in Japan, you have a fair amount of clout. Final Fantasy titles generally do about half that.

    2. Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs by 77Punker · · Score: 0

      What's wrong with Enix? I've thoroughly enjoyed Dragon Warrior VII and Star Ocean 2, and I'll probably buy that sword game too.

    3. Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs by sladelink · · Score: 2, Funny

      Who knows, maybe Square will throw in some lame characters and a bad love story, then retitle it "Final Fantasy XII".

      --
      sigs are dumb.
    4. Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs by IIRCAFAIKIANAL · · Score: 1

      I'll probably buy that sword game too

      Only if you import it :) i seriously doubt they would release something this goofy AND niche market oriented in America.

      Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to playing dragon warrior vii...

      --
      Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.
    5. Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs by iq+in+binary · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Just like they wouldn't bring something as goofy as Pokemon over.

      You'd be real surprised at the wierd shit they've managed to sell billions of to American customers.

      Dance Dance: Revolution, anyone? It's up to the 6th remix so far and still selling like coke in California.

      --
      Of all the Universal Constants, here's one I know: Nice guys finish last ;)
    6. Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs by Daetrin · · Score: 1
      Dance Dance: Revolution, anyone? It's up to the 6th remix so far and still selling like coke in California.

      Exactly. If they want to get it to really sell in the US all they need to do is to modify it into a fighting type game for the arcades and start selling the home version once that becomes popular.

      --
      This Space Intentionally Left Blank
  7. KAWAII!!!! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I need that fuckin' sword or my live won't go on!!! 7000Yen? No problem!!!

  8. Magic spells by cloudless.net · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Not exactly real-life, but it would be fun if I can do magic spells with a voice-recognition system.

    1. Re:Magic spells by Synic · · Score: 3, Funny

      "I cast magic missile!"
      "At what?? There's nothing there!"
      "At the darkness!"

    2. Re:Magic spells by suraklin · · Score: 2, Funny

      Am I drunk yet?

    3. Re:Magic spells by Lord_Dweomer · · Score: 2, Interesting
      "Not exactly real-life, but it would be fun if I can do magic spells with a voice-recognition system."

      Actually, I always thought it would be cooler if you could have gloves that would track hand movements in game. And to cast spells, you had to perform the somatic components of the spell. It'd be even cooler if your character mimicked your movements, even if they weren't correct, so you could watch and make new spells/practice old spells.

      --
      Buy Steampunk Clothing Online!
    4. Re:Magic spells by Suicide · · Score: 1

      Whoa, a use for the Powerglove...

    5. Re:Magic spells by Lord_Dweomer · · Score: 1
      "Whoa, a use for the Powerglove..."

      I know you were only joking...but the powerglove would not be feasible since it simply translated certain movements into button presses. Basically a glorified controller. What I'm talking about would be a glove that would translate movement into ingame movement and have the game react to the movements accordingly. You slash a certain way...so does your character. Hold a gun with two of these gloves, and suddenly CS gets a whole new level of realism.

      --
      Buy Steampunk Clothing Online!
  9. Hurrah by EdMack · · Score: 1

    Now we can all act out our favourite Highlander episodes, and score points. Neato!

    And of course, video games do not effect children

    --
    puts ("Python r0cks\n");
  10. The graphics are horrendous!!!! by Hellraisr · · Score: 1

    The are terrible even compared to the Gameboy Advance

    1. Re:The graphics are horrendous!!!! by Riff10111 · · Score: 1

      Remember, this isn't a real console game - it's a plugs-directly-into-the-tv device. The graphics aren't that bad compared to other such devices.

      --
      "When I smile, I have a mouth full of teeth; when I frown, I'm not even here."
  11. Some kid stabbing his tv.... by Dr+Reducto · · Score: 1

    Or some kid stabbing himself. That oughta learn 'em.

  12. Linux by jnguy · · Score: 3, Funny

    Hey, its another game system, lets put linux on that!!! I'll give you 100,000 to do it :)

  13. Great Idea by Crashmarik · · Score: 1

    I want one that will let me decapitate news casters and political commentators in real time.

  14. A first Date by Picass0 · · Score: 2, Funny

    A geek (by some amazing act of god) gets a hot chick to come home with him. They head straight for his mom's basement.

    Hottie: Oooo... baby! It's so.. dark.. in here. Um, I just stepped on an action figure.

    Geek: (add slupping braces lisp) Carded or loose?!? Ah shit! It was Boba Fett with the closed circle!!!

    Geek takes a moment to dry to tears from his freshly taped glasses)

    Hottie: [awkward silence] Sorry. Um, there's your sofa. (coyly) Maybe we could watch something romantic on TV!!!

    Geek: Oh yeah!!! And I could show you my sword!!

    Hottie: What the Fuck!?! You assume a lot!

    Geek: No wait! Let me get it out! I'll teach you how to handle it!!!

    Hottie: You sick little shit! I'm leaving.

    Geek: No wait! I've got it on now! You should come play with it!!!

    The amazing babe leaves, the geek and his videogame sword stand alone in silence

    Geek: Fuck. So I guess she's not gonna chat with me in everquest anymore. [pause] Oh well, guess I'll jerk off now!

  15. Stolen from Sega by Eevee · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Anyone remember how you could use the Bass Fishing controller with Soul Calibur to control the weapons? Give yourself plenty of room and slash away.

    (Well, to be honest, I don't; because I could never justify buying a special controller for a fishing game. Maracas, on the other hand...those I wish I had bought a second set.)

  16. no one will buy it.. by Suppafly · · Score: 3, Insightful

    These self contained games that plug directly into the tv tend to not sell well at all. It might be different in japan, but in the us, these kinds of things are really only bought by people who don't have and can't afford a regular game system. They have deer hunting and fishing games like this at Target all the time. The display models are usually broken after a couple of days and then people lose interest.

  17. Console add-on? by Daetrin · · Score: 1

    I know it plugs directly into the tv, but i wonder if they could get it to interface with a console so they could release additional games later. It would be an interesting way to get around the chicken and egg problem normally faced by new peripherals.

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    This Space Intentionally Left Blank
  18. Sorta cool by N10sb2002 · · Score: 0

    What if the next Zelda were like this. It could be like a cross between this and the Final Fantasy X-2 GunCon type controller in Japan. It would hook up to the GameCube (or whatever is out by then) and have all of the buttons. It could work for Soul Caliber as well. It would be like a GunCon controller.

    --
    "I wonder what it's like living in a constant haze of stupidity" - Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho
  19. Typo by N10sb2002 · · Score: 0

    It is supposed to be Soul Calibur . I knew that there was something wrong.

    --
    "I wonder what it's like living in a constant haze of stupidity" - Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho
  20. Re:no one will buy it.. (in the US) by mowph · · Score: 2, Informative

    There is one other major audience: mothers who want to quiet their kids about getting a Dra-Que (Dragon Quest) game, but who don't want their kids to have a system. Once the system is installed, the kids can resort to the "we have a system but no games" argument. Incidentally, these direct-plug games are fairly popular in Japan, (they gotta come from somewhere!) especially sports and karaoke games.