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Getting Back Into Shape While At The Office?
rhuntley12 writes "Personally, I sit at a computer desk for 10 hours a day with very little actual work. I've also started to get a little belly and out of shape. I know it's real bad in my office, especially with all the beer I consume. What do you do to stay in shape? Any secrets? Recently I've started to do sit ups, push ups, and running up and down the stairs. I get a lot of odd looks, and would prefer something that doesn't make the whole office stare at me.
I've looked through some websites with equipment, but it's all serious equipment I can't/won't lug into work. Any suggestions?"
Eureka! I've got it.
We can switch lives. I bike everywhere, including to work, so exercise is omnipresent. How about I take your job drinking beer ten hours a day, and you get some exercise. To keep it fair we can split our pay evenly. You can even fuck my girlfriend sometimes (again, good exercise).
Now, does your workplace have taps, or is it all bottled beer? Domestic or imported? Is there a good bitter or porter there? I must know these things before we continue.
You're welcome.
Cretin - a powerful and flexible CD reencoder
Eat less, Shit more
I have? I haven't noticed. Do these pants make my ass look big?
I think it would benefit you not just physically, but also emotionally if you made your body available to the Open Source developer community. Their social integrity, hard work, and yoga expertise would enable to reach those goals you've had since Thanksgiving '96.
It is vital that developers allow the Open Source developer community to dictate their diet, physical exercise regiment, and holistics. Their experience will allow to gain a physique similar to Atlas, Ferrigno, or a trim body like Woody Allen.
Only when we realize the perverse writings of Suzanne Sommers are misguiding the children of our generation, can we free the stranglehold that Starbucks has on society.
Which is nice.
Wearing pants should always be optional.
...and jitter uncontrollably. Burns a lot of calories.
(although clicking refresh to constantly reload slashdot feels workish.)
(2,3-Benzopyrrole)
Finally, a stand up human being who's not looking for the easy way out, who's not looking for a quick fix, but someone who's willing to put some time and effort into his weight loss and make a change in lifestyle to be more fit and healthy.
Someone who's not affraid to....
~RIDE THE SNAKE~
Wait, you get to drink beer at your office? Damn, I want to work at a place like that. Do you also get to hit on the boss's secretary?
A simple thing you could do is go for a quick job during your lunch break.
The only job that I could do during my lunch break would be whoring myself out. Actually, that might burn quite a few calories, plus make you some $$ on the side. Good idea!
The office probably isn't the best place to get into shape. Let's face it, there's not a whole lot you can do besides watching what you put into your pie-hole and the odd bit of flexing in your chair.
Me? I'm in top-shape. I smoke and drink lots of coffee. When it gets dark out, I put on my sunglasses...
"He treats objects like women, man!"
- The Dude, The Big Lebowski
An average human being can burn up to 100 calories for every ten minutes of masturbation. All you need is some tissue, a quiet room, and some good porn. It's fun, enjoyable and doesn't make you look like an ass running up and down the stairs. So, this is what I would suggest:
Put in about an hour of vigorous masturbation through the day. An hour can help you burn upto 600 calories. That itself would make up for a pitcher of beer. Start slow, and gradually increase the amount of effort you put in. Soon, you will be having fun several hours a day, compensating for several gallons of beer and having fun, while you're at it!
An Indian-American Hindu committed to non-violent thought/speech/action alarmed by the global explosion of radical Islam
"Burst Resistant ... balls are strongly recommended in all environments as staples or other sharp items may unexpectedly pierce your..." Oh, nevermind...
"Obviously, I'm not an IBM computer any more than I'm an ashtray" (Bob Dylan)
..redefine what 'in shape' means.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
Learn to type with one hand.../ keyboards /5e2b/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/input
and with the other lift weights!
I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
I'm not shy, I'm stalking my prey
The only thing worse than a computer geek is a sweaty computer geek.
Yes, for that svelte, thin you, I recommend vodka and heroin.
1. Quit drinking beer in the office. If you really must be inebriated while you're coding, try whiskey instead.
2. People won't look at you funny if you work in the office and work out out of the office.
3. Tell me what slack-ass place you work at so I can get a job there.
Proud member of the Weirdo-American community.
quick job during your lunch break
...
I hope this is a typo. Otherwise, I think I'll pass
I don't know about the rest of you but if I don't do something soon I'm going to go "Marlon Brando".
Appended to the end of comments you post. 120 chars.
Got it. No more carbs or exercise for me. Thanks a bunch!
I've also started to get a little belly.
Seen Fight Club ? Visit the liposuction clinic once a year, make soap of your own fat ass and wash yourself with it . Now that's recycling !
Why not just slit your wrists and be done with it?
Seriously, you can't get around the laws of thermodynamics. If you're putting on the pounds, it's because there's more energy going in than going out.
That's why I invented the Chocolate Chip diet. Bought 4-5 bags of Chunky Chololate Chip cookies twice a week, me and my dog would just sit there and eat 1, 2, sometimes three bags at a sitting.
So, how does this make you lose weight? Remember how your parents would tell you not to eat junk because it would spoil your supper? It works. Eating healthy still leaves you craving for a junk-food fix. Eating junk fills you up. After several months of this, not only did I not want to see another chocolate chip cookie, but I had also lost about 20 pounds. At that point, it was a pleasure to start eating regular-type meals, and the weight has stayed off (been about 2 years now, and I've gotten rid of another 30 pounds w/o dieting).Problem now is that I don't seem to be able to put any weight back on (metabolism sped up as a consequence of being lighter).
And, yes, you can have beer.
The only exercise I get is walking my dogs. Mind you, I bring them to the office, so when I get jammed on code, I can take a hike :-)
Eat a big breakfast, a small lunch, and junk out at night to take care of the cravings and you should be okay.
Post your email address online, or in newsgroups. I get about 30 emails a day with different products offering to help me lose weight.
Oh, you have to stop using email filters as well.
just cut off your leg.
"caffeine free"
YOU MONSTER!
Oh the humanity!
DJMD - The fourth man - Planetary
I think your wrong on both counts:
1) being clean
Seems that most true spring water is full of microbial and bacterial life that is generally excused from water purity laws that would have tap water turned off immediately.
2) containing nutritious minerals
Heavy metals, dissolved radioactive gases and other such nutritious minerals may be good for you but leave a nasty taste in my mouth.
Hard liquor is much better for you. In fact, if you drink enough right after a meal, you can actually get negative calories from it...
the jar has went into deficite a loooong time ago.
oh wait. you don't mean only take pennies out when you have sex with your wife, do you?
shucks! (dumps back 500 dollars in pennies)
My life in the land of the rising sun.
Caffeine free..... You mean free as in beer?
When you get home, hit the showers and you'll be ready to go.
But how do you convince yourself to get up instead of hitting snooze again?
Seriously, though, it is worth it once you hit the road. Find what gets you out of bed that much earlier, and do it.
I worked out a 1 mile route across three floors. Essentialy doing two laps per floor thru the cube farm. By not doing the same floor twice in a row I doubled the stair walking. Just carry a note pad with you and no one even sees you, much less stare. One mile walk should take between 15 and twenty minutes at a solid pace. A good break from the keyboard
Don't forget "The Atkins Shit."
A lot of people who try the Atkins diet report all that high protein meat (bacon dipped in mayonaise, mmm, that diet sounds appetising) rotting away in their intestine leads to "The Atkins Shit" about ten days to two weeks in.
As your body converts to processing all that fun stuff that digests differently, you too can enjoy catastrophic crapping and constant evil gasses eeking out of your ass. This ensures that, thin and gorgeous as you may now be, women will still want to be nowhere near you.
Every time you share on a P2P network, God kills a kitten.
Please think of the kittens.
Holy shit! We can break the copyright cartel and the cat overpopulation problem in one fell swoop! Sign me up!
It's exercise that'll tone your neck, with a high-protein diet.
--
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
BTW: Real cyclists don't wear underwear.
BTW: Real cyclists shave their legs.
Hmmm. Are real cyclists women?
Forget thrust, drag, lift and weight. Airplanes fly because of money.
Once all IT jobs are move offshore, losing weight and getting into shape will come quite naturally; it's difficult to eat when you have no income.
Man, I wonder if starting to smoke will make you lose weight cause I gained 30 pounds in a year just by quitting. And I'm not eating more than I used to or snacking more. Boohoo
"I used to have that really cool,funny sig