Slashdot Mirror
Microsoft Research Projects Showcased
prostoalex writes "Seattle Times reporter visited the Microsoft Research expo hosted by the company. The inventions of the future include a robot that could attend conferences in your behalf and allow you to communicate via video and audio applications, a software package that translates the sign language into readable English, e-mailable identification documents and some enhancements to Microsoft's operating systems."
Also displayed were the next generation of crashes in the Windows operating system, including those with up to a million shades of blue on a blue screen, those that can crash every computer on a network at the same time (Win, Linux, and MacOS), and a new feature that will cause your heart to stop when Word crashes. ....ok, it's a joke. laugh.
a robot that could attend conferences in your behalf
I thought we had prior art on this one - in the form of the US Senate.
Great way to save on air travel. Shipping has to be cheaper. But why stop at conferences? Some other ideas:
A programmer is a machine for converting coffee into code.
If you do, it's likely Microsoft will find out, and will claim you stole their ideas if you ever do any programming yourself. For the sake of Linux/BSD/whatever, don't look at the Microsoft innovations!
New from Redmond! It's MS Intern! He listens to speakers! He takes notes! He asks them your questions! He does all this while you go to the pub! Get yours today!
[Taxes, title, registration, licensing, support fees, food, water, shelter, companionship not included. Some parts sold separately. Batteries not included.]
Rule #1 -- Politics always trumps technology.
Wow! I cant wait - Imagine the incovenience of reaching out and pressing a button replaced with patting all your pockets down searching for a phone, pulling it out, typing in your pin code to unlock it and....still pressing a button.
Yup. Sounds like Microsoft style innovation to me.
Here is another link to the Microsoft campus
"I would say that 99 per cent of what my father has written about his own life is false." - L. Ron Hubbard Jr.
Such as security and stability? That would sure be nice.
Thank you for the useful link to this page detailing Microsoft's operating systems. Without your help I would be left wondering: "What operating systems does this Microsoft company make? Do they make the Lunix?"
Again, thank you.
Just to stay on-topic, the meeting robot reminds me of an anecdote by Richard Feynman I believe, where he was talking to a Danish princess after winning the Nobel Prize. Noticing all the people shaking hands at the event, he mused about a "hand-shaking robot" to save time and hand fatigue. He then further postulated that if one person had a hand-shaking robot, all the other hand-shakers would want one too, so at ceremonies such as the Nobel Prize Awarding, one dignitary would send his robot to go shake all the other robot hands waiting in a line.
I'm visualizing 10 robots sitting at a conference table, while the whole board of directors is sitting at home, naked, drinking their morning coffee, etc.
Working with Symantec, Microsoft is creating a new virus development platform.
It's believed that .VIRUS will surpass Outlook as a virus delivery mechanism.
Microsoft Reasearch saves the day!
A robot running a Microsoft OS? Is that safe?
Diz r0bot iz 0wn3d.
two-way audio and video technology
Runs around the board meeting or the expo shouting obscentities or just emitting a high pitched tone. Maybe if its got one of those r2d2 electro zappers on it...
a self-charging robot...
Oh wait, it does.
working to replace the remote controls lying around the home with one device
You mean like, a, universal remote?
It's Slashdot. No one reads the articles.
But what about clippy! that's a big innovation! it's so hard to think of keywords like "margins" and search for them, I like to type in "how do I change the margins?" instead. It's so much quicker!
Some of the more unusual projects were developed by students Microsoft invited to participate in the research fair. Students from the Delft University of Technology in the Netherlands presented the idea of parents keeping in touch with grown children through special bowls with digital cameras in them.
A child could come home and put his keys in the bowl, which would take a picture of the keys and send the image to the parents' bowl. Parents could look into their bowls and feel comforted that their child is home safe.
(Emphasis added)
I think the title says it all. I mean, BOWLS? Who the hell is on crack at MS (besides the MS Software Security and Ethics divisions, if they even exist)? Excuse me, but why would looking at a picture of keys make a parent feel more comfortable? Me, I'd prefer see the actual child. This is one invention destined to fail.
Can it pretend to listen while actually sleeping?
New year Resolution: Don't change sig this year
Well...that was reasonable analysis there, but it still comes down to the fact that if Clippy was a good idea, one has to explain why Microsoft is throwing it out.
Hence, the whole argument about "the only intuitive interface is the nipple".
I'm dubious as to whether the nipple is particularly intuitive at all. If someone shoves a big, fleshy thing into *your* mouth, is *your* first reaction "Hmm, I think I'll suck hard on this for a while"?
May we never see th
If I send a robot to attend a .NET conference, can I get it to cuss out the speaker whenever they mention Bill Gates while maintaining anonymity, or will it require passport to run?
Will Palladium keep it from booting up at Linux/Java conferences, where it will naturally use GPL? What if it hears a watermarked song that the RIAA keeps in its crotch?
automatically update your computer without even being asked. oh wait, too late.
My problem? I was perfectly gruntled, until some numbnuts came by and dissed me.
Simpsons did it!
. A program called Fabric would allow a user to drag windows to the side of the computer screen, where they would turn into small icons.
My god, this will revolutionize the world we live in!
autopr0n is like, down and stuff.
You know, I'm sick and tired of everyone on slashdot always jumping on the bandwagon and insulting Microsoft! Just kidding. What a bunch of useless shit.
My Blog
Attention Gort
please attend conference in Redmond..stop
Use any means necessary to stop software piracy by major software firm and individuals...stop
Clatu
OH THE SHAME I fell off the wagon and use sigs again!
Now, for real fun, get a list of elevator numbers in your financial district and have your computer dial those numbers. The challenge to you and every other hacker in the city is to get all of the elevators in the basement at the same time. You get extra points for every CEO who misses a meeting because he is stuck in the cabin next to the heating room...
Oh, to be young again...
Next thing you know they'll be designing beer mugs that tell you when they're empty.
"Microsoft Research" is the industry term more commonly known as the "Purchasing Department".
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
I can see it now. A robot that will automatically download updates to itself nightly. It'll be managing my conference call for me and suddenly the phone will go dead with an operating telling me "General Protection Fault. A fatal exception has occured in module robot.dll. You're fucked."
Wonder if it'll have gaping holes in its structure to signify the gapin holes in its underlying OS.
"It compiles, SHIP IT!" -Overheard at Microsoft's development lab