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Where is the Any Key?
ricembr noted that compaq has finally provided a FAQ to the world to ask that long standing question where is the any key? Pray that this was added to the FAQ as a joke, and not in response to legitimate need ;)
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Slow news-tastic.
This idea was invented by Shampoo.
Any key? Where's the any key? I think I'll order a tab. *click* Oh, no time for that, time to work!
503 Sig Unavailable
The Signature could not be accessed. Please try again later or contact the administrator
Any key is just between the esc key and the enter numpad key. see it's so easy to find ;)
not in response to legitimate need ;)
You've never worked in a call center before, have you?
I had a caller who borrowed the DSL installation disk from her friend and was trying to install "The Internet" on her DVD player.
Yes, this FAQ was needed. Desperately.
--saint
Oh, wow, they're right... there isn't any "any" key anywhere on my keyboard. I never noticed that - whenever I saw that message on my screen before, I just called my housecat who knows everything about computers and she jumped up on the keyboard and fixed it for me.
political_news.c: warning: comparison is always true due to limited range of data type
Uhh, 'teh' is a deliberate mis-spelling of 'the'.
:P
Mainly used by AOLers.
teh w4r3z 4r3 \/1ru53d
From the page:
Created: 10/8/2001 2:13:42 AM
Modified: 10/25/2002 11:07:05 AM
So not only did some people not know where the "any" key was, they felt the first explanation was too complicated!! Hopefully this Oct 25, 2002 answer will last another year or so before it needs to be dumbed down some more...
Do not anger the worm.
Homer: [reading screen] "To Start Press Any Key". Where's the ANY key? I see Esk ["ESC"], Catarl ["CTRL"], and Pig-Up ["PGUP"]. There doesn't seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB. [presses TAB key] Awp...no time for that now, the computer's starting.
--
One by one the penguins steal my sanity...
If someone can't find the "Any" key then how did they connect to the internet, navigate to Compaq's website, determine what "FAQ" stands for, and then read it to find out that there is no "Any" key?
Sound waves should be free!
this was already posted to slashdot, that's why you all vaguely remember it
The term "any key"... particular key on the keyboard
That's fine. But, where's the "particular key" ?
getSexySig();
"Keyboard not present,
Press F1 to continue."
Zen engineering?
Taken from: http://home.ptd.net/~hjcotton/jokes/wptechsupport. htm
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations).
"Ridge Hall Computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappear."
"Hmmm. so what does you screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt of the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV."
"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know?"
"Well. then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of
it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is"
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach it."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No, why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power....... a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take
it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too @#!%ing stupid to own a computer."
Imagine if you will a new computer user...
k ey&ie= UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en&meta=
do doot da doo..
I'll just install this new screensaver/hotbar spyware application that uncle Neal recomended.
dum dee dee dum doodle do
EULA, next
INSTALL DIRECTORY, next
TO COMPLETE THIS INSTALLATION, Click ANY KEY
do doot da?????? WTF!
Where is the ANY Key?
Alt+Tab
Load IE,
Type www.google.com
Type "Where is Any Key"
http://www.google.ca/search?q=where+is+any+
I'll just look at the Compaq Support Doc's for this..
OOOhh it all makes sense now.
dum dum diddle dummm...
Alt+Tab
a
Created: 10/8/2001 2:13:42 AM
Modified: 10/25/2002 11:07:05 AM
Why do you think they had to modify it?
I wonder if someone complained over the fact they pressed the power "key".
Mouse powered Chips, Open source Processors and Lego
Problem solved!
"Under the spreading chestnut tree, I sold you and you sold me."
...many years ago a caller and a problem with their computer. I told her the only thing to do with that problem was to "reboot" the computer. She made me confirm that's what I wanted her to do, so she did it.
At this time I start hearing a "clunk, clunk" coming through the handset. Well, to say the least she was kicking her computer, since I told her to "boot" her computer.
That's not a computer question. That question is of philosophical nature. Alternatively, a psychoterapist could ask it...
Answer:
Space bar: Penile complex (too short penis)
Ctrl: Control Freak.
Enter: Vaginal mania.
Tab: Just a drunkard.
Esc: Depression.
F1: Leadership maniac.
Backspace: Anal tendencies.
Del: Will for destruction.
Shift: Double personality
ctrl-alt-del: They are out to get you!
The Windows key: They already got you!
45 5F E1 04 22 CA 29 C4 93 3F 95 05 2B 79 2A B2
After you explained SysRq, did his head explode or implode?
Its things like this that will hinder linux on the desktop. With sun, suse, mandrake, lindows and others marketing linux on the desktop expect a whole lot more (l)users. Here is an example tech support call.
User : How do I run the gimp
Tech support : click the k button, then select "The Gimp" from the graphics menu.
User : All I get it is a K appearing in my word processor
Tech support : Not the k key, the k button. Its a gear with a letter K engraved on it on the bottom left corner of the screen.
User : I don't see a gear, I see a G shaped foot.
Tech support : *sigh* Click the G shaped foot then, and look for the icon that has a moster with big eyes.
User : I have two big eyes looking at my mouse cursor.
And so on.
I have a Sun Type 6 (non-usb) keyboard that has the any key right betwen the help and the F1 keys. It's just above Esc.
Mind you it's a completely blank key that I have never found a use for so I wrote 'any' on it (figuring it must be the any key).
My other hypothesis is that this key has a tie-in to solaris and it monitors user gruntle level. As a user begins to lose their gruntles (and become disgruntled) they bash on the keyboard, tripping this key. Once a user reaches a certain level their account should be locked. Unfortunitly all of my sun training and years as admin never demonistrated how to incorporate this with the business plan. *sigh* I guess it's just the any key.
Wheeeee
"It said any key."
"When programmers say any key they mean the space bar!"
At this point the other programmer on the team piped in with, "We do? I thought we meant Enter."
Duane
"Build a classroom of computers for which all keyboards have one key, and tell your class to press that key. To a person, each will look at you, look at the keyboard, poise their finger over the keyboard, look at you and say, 'This one?'"
www.HearMySoulSpeak.com
I had a friend call me up about a web site. "Which one do I press if I want to download? Do I press 'download' or 'register'?"
"Oppression and harassment is a small price to pay to live in the land of the free." -- Montgomery Burns.
I work for a school district. The week before last, I got a voicemail from a kindergarten teacher complaining that I had brought here a PC, when the software she had was all written for the Mac. Her message was about three minutes long, but overall it went something like this (just repeated a couple of times):I had a talk with the principal at the elemtary school, and between tears we managed to figure out how to get the PCP out of that teacher's classroom and replace it with a much more useful (and safer!) Macintosh instead. I'm thinking of petitioning to have my job title changed - surely I'd qualify for hazard pay as a PCP Support Specialist!
political_news.c: warning: comparison is always true due to limited range of data type
How true!
A recent example...
Bank of America recently updated the software on their ATMs in Southern California. Now when you first put your card in, insted of asking for your PIN, it says something to the effect of (in all caps mind you):
"BANK OF AMERICA HAS RECENTLY UPDATED THIS ATM TO MAKE IT EASIER TO USE. SOME OF THE BUTTONS THAT YOU MAY BE USED TO PRESSING NOW ARE IN DIFFERENT LOCATIONS. PRESS ANY BUTTON TO CONTINUE."
So I go and press the biggest button on there, which happens to be the "cancel" button, and it spits out my card forcing me to start over again.
I'll admit, I laughed when I first heard the joke about clueless users who couldn't find the "any" key.
And that might have been 8 years ago.
Stop it, it's nowhere near funny anymore. And if you refer to the CDROM tray as a cupholder again, I'll strangle you.
-3Suns
~~~~
The Revolution will be Slashdotted
There are no less than FOUR posts like the above, and they keep getting modded funny. Stop it.
Not surprised myself, I mean they tell people to call 9-1-1 in an emergency situation so that they dont look for an 11 button on their phones.
Must. Not. Make. Fun. Of. Wrestling.Coaches...
...it's that bar on the keyboard. It has no letter assigned to it, so it can be any key.
Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein
The funny part? He had a slight pronunciation problem and kept referring to it as a "Catheter" Light.
"I've had this machine for only a month, and my cather stopped working."
"Excuse me?"
"My blue catheter light. My cold catheter. It burned out."
"Um, err, yeah... Let me transfer you to the RMA department. Hopefully they can relieve the extreme discomfort you must be experiencing."
--All your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson