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Where is the Any Key?
ricembr noted that compaq has finally provided a FAQ to the world to ask that long standing question where is the any key? Pray that this was added to the FAQ as a joke, and not in response to legitimate need ;)
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Any key? Where's the any key? I think I'll order a tab. *click* Oh, no time for that, time to work!
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Read the bloody thing! It was added in 2001!
not in response to legitimate need ;)
You've never worked in a call center before, have you?
I had a caller who borrowed the DSL installation disk from her friend and was trying to install "The Internet" on her DVD player.
Yes, this FAQ was needed. Desperately.
--saint
Oh, wow, they're right... there isn't any "any" key anywhere on my keyboard. I never noticed that - whenever I saw that message on my screen before, I just called my housecat who knows everything about computers and she jumped up on the keyboard and fixed it for me.
political_news.c: warning: comparison is always true due to limited range of data type
Unfortunately, the FAQ probably is a legitimate point. I've done too much desktop support where things just as stupid have come up.
There was the time (many, many years ago) I sent a 3.5" floppy to someone with both a 3.5" and 5.25" drive. She calls me up and asks which one to put it in, claiming the big one looks ike it can hold both sizes.
Of course, the any key one is a bit of a mystery. Not so much because I don't think people would ask that question, but rather becuase it's been years since I've seen that asked (usually it's the "click OK to continue").
I was teaching the father of a friend of mine how to use computers, in our first day, he looked at me and then looked at the keyboard and said "I want you to explain to me what every key does"
he was thinking that the keyboard is like a giant remote control with every key doing one specialized job.
few years later windows keyboards with "email", "web", and "support" buttons emerged, I guess he was a visionary in his own way.
If someone can't find the "Any" key then how did they connect to the internet, navigate to Compaq's website, determine what "FAQ" stands for, and then read it to find out that there is no "Any" key?
Sound waves should be free!
The term "any key"... particular key on the keyboard
That's fine. But, where's the "particular key" ?
getSexySig();
Why shouldn't the bigger one be able to hold either? You just happen to know it doesn't.
Unfortunately, I have discovered that the FAQ is wrong.
As I am lazy, I often pick a key near the edge of the keyboard, and I have found that ctrl, caps lock, alt, and shift are not any key at all.
The FAQ should be updated to reflect that some keys just are not any key.
"Keyboard not present,
Press F1 to continue."
Zen engineering?
I have always considered "Press any key to continue" a bug for two reasons.
1) not any key will work (i.e Shift, Control etc.)
2) there is much easier answer.
The proper message is "Press a key to continue" because the worst they will do is press "a"
Taken from: http://home.ptd.net/~hjcotton/jokes/wptechsupport. htm
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations).
"Ridge Hall Computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappear."
"Hmmm. so what does you screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt of the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV."
"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know?"
"Well. then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of
it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is"
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach it."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No, why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power....... a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take
it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too @#!%ing stupid to own a computer."
That's not a computer question. That question is of philosophical nature. Alternatively, a psychoterapist could ask it...
Answer:
Space bar: Penile complex (too short penis)
Ctrl: Control Freak.
Enter: Vaginal mania.
Tab: Just a drunkard.
Esc: Depression.
F1: Leadership maniac.
Backspace: Anal tendencies.
Del: Will for destruction.
Shift: Double personality
ctrl-alt-del: They are out to get you!
The Windows key: They already got you!
45 5F E1 04 22 CA 29 C4 93 3F 95 05 2B 79 2A B2
If anyone ever actually asks you that question it is vital to give the simplest answer possible. Compaq's FAQ answer is still "too complicated" and may cause the loss of your own sanity when they still get confused.
Better answer:
"Any key" is another name for the space bar.
At this point they will inevitably make a second second assault on your sanity. It is vital to be prepared for this devious one-two combo attack. The deady follow-up question is generally some varient of 'why', such as "why didn't they just say to press the space bar?" or "why isn't the spacebar propery labeled?"
No matter what the exact question is, the only safe answer is:
"I don't know."
If they keep asking about it just keep repeating "I don't know" until the psych-assault ends. Trying to give any other answer will result in severe pain and possible loss of sanity.
-
- - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.
I have a Sun Type 6 (non-usb) keyboard that has the any key right betwen the help and the F1 keys. It's just above Esc.
Mind you it's a completely blank key that I have never found a use for so I wrote 'any' on it (figuring it must be the any key).
My other hypothesis is that this key has a tie-in to solaris and it monitors user gruntle level. As a user begins to lose their gruntles (and become disgruntled) they bash on the keyboard, tripping this key. Once a user reaches a certain level their account should be locked. Unfortunitly all of my sun training and years as admin never demonistrated how to incorporate this with the business plan. *sigh* I guess it's just the any key.
Wheeeee
"It said any key."
"When programmers say any key they mean the space bar!"
At this point the other programmer on the team piped in with, "We do? I thought we meant Enter."
Duane
"Build a classroom of computers for which all keyboards have one key, and tell your class to press that key. To a person, each will look at you, look at the keyboard, poise their finger over the keyboard, look at you and say, 'This one?'"
www.HearMySoulSpeak.com
* QED, need to know where the any key is
* think the internet is operated by Microsoft or AOL
* believe the internet is solely comprised of HTTP (my brother could be once quoted as saying "that's not the internet I use", when he spotted me using a prompt based FTP client; he's since become more clueful)
* don't understand that not everybody runs Microsoft products
* don't realize that an "illegal operation" is not going to get you into legal trouble
* buy from spammers
* think the "hard drive" is the case in which the components of their computer resides in, rather than a small box the size of two decks of cards
* must call the local BOFH to turn on their computer daily
In other words, users are idiots.
This sig no verb.
When I had a product out in the field, I had seen the "any" key problem enough that I decided not to do that. In every prompt, I specify exactly which key to depress. The documentation made it clear that a specific key was to be depressed (pressed firmly and then released quickly).
We never got a service call on that point. EVER.
We DID get one call from a technician who said that he pressed the wrong key and it seemed to work anyway. I assured him that he was just fine and to continue working with the product.
As you can guess, the CODE didn't require a specific key, but the documentation and prompt specified one. I also didn't allow type-ahead on those prompts so that there wasn't a problem with astonishing results to clueless users who didn't release the key fast enough. I also had code to wait until the keyboard stopped sending characters before putting up the prompt "Depress the C key to continue."
nobody thought of this link? or did somebody already post it?
Computer stupidities.